Welcome back insomnia, my old friend

So, I didn't think I was going to blog tonight.  I didn't feel like I had anything compelling to write about.

And here I am, in the studio, the room in which I never hang out in.  (look at that, 2 dangling prepositions)  It's 11:34, way past my bedtime.

And I'm obsessing about cake.

I tried to make a layer cake today out of leftover pancake batter.  The theory was delicious.  But my pancake layers were too thick.  And there wasn't enough of the yummy filling.  But I'm off tomorrow.  So, I will have to try to doctor it on Wednesday.

I feel so unsettled, anxious, and sad like all the time.

I'm sad that I don't pay enough attention to Rudy to properly train him.

I'm sad that I don't spend any quality time with the cats.

I'm sad that I don't get to "hang out" more with the FP.  We spend lots of time together, but, a lot of it is him on his internet device and me on mine.  Or me trying to get the pool cleaners operating properly while he is on the lanai on his internet device.

I'm sad that I don't paint all the time like I should.

I'm sad that I'm almost scared to pick up an instrument, even though I want to.  That seems really silly.

I'm sad that today I cut my pinky finger really bad, and I thought sadly, at least I don't have a gig coming up.

I'm sad that I have no friends here.

I'm sad that I don't read more.

I'm sad that I don't feel like I fit in at work, even though I generally like my job.

I'm sad that one person's mood at work could so hugely influence my mood, even though I try to not let that happen.

I'm sad that we don't have our own restaurant.  All these other friends of ours have opened their own places, and here we are, cooking for other people, when the main reason we started cooking was to have our own place one day.  That one day, I thought would be long before now.

But, with all those things I'm sad about, there's so much more to be happy about.
Health, love, friendship, home, food, employment, transportation, mobility, quality of life, lots of great TV programs to watch.

But you never hear of anyone having insomnia over thinking about their blessings, do you?

I'm going to try to go to bed for the second time tonight.

Goodnight.  I love you all.