Hollow Weenie!

What's the Halloween equivalent of the Grinch?

Whatever it is... that's me.  I'm the grumpy old lady with the barking dog that doesn't open the door.  Ok, well, only one person tried to knock on the door around 9 pm, but still, I didn't open it.  And no, my porch light was not on.

It's ironic.  I used to have trouble going out on Halloween because I was working.  Now, I have nights off, and I can't go out because we have to work tomorrow morning.  The FP is in bed.  Sure, I could have gone out by myself to a coworker's party.  But I don't have the balls to go alone.  I don't hang out with my coworkers socially.  And I feel uncomfortable at parties if I'm not drinking.  And I can't drive to a party alone and drink more than a drink or two.  And that would not be enough to alleviate my social anxiety.

So, I'm staying in tonight and blogging instead.  I'm not really tired right now, so I'm not going to bed.  I kind of have a sleeping pill habit.  I took a half a sleeping pill tonight.  But I've been taking a half or a whole almost every night the past week or so.  The one night that I didn't take anything, I was pretty much up half of the night.  So, I got scared the next night and I took a sleeping pill again.  I am developing a tolerance of sleeping pills now, because I should be sleepy by now, but I'm not.

So, here we are.  I'm writing this, and you're reading it.  Yeah, I know.  Actually, I have already written it, and you are reading it.

I've had this tightness in my chest, and I feel like I've had fluid in my lungs since after those few days when I seemed to have a cold or sinus irritation or whatever.  It's getting to be annoying, but I don't really feel like going to a doctor and being told that it's nothing, or just allergies, and do I smoke and how much do I exercise.  Plus, I would have to find a clinic to go to, as I don't have one that I go to.  And I don't really know what my health insurance covers.

So, that's that.  Here I am.  Safe and dry, and with electricity.  And I'm going on about trivial things, when there are millions of people with much bigger problems than me, like a burnt down house, or no electricity, or a flooded house, or no public transportation to work.

But I guess that's life.

Noisy, Aggressive, Smelly, Greedy, Entitled, Rude, Unapologetic

Frat Boys.....

Oh, no, I mean Rudy.

He is so obnoxious.  He's loud and clumsy - he's a bull in a china shop.  And he's jealous and possessive, yet he growls a lot when we try to pet him.  When he's cranky or anxious and wants to play, he follows me around and bites me.  He knows he isn't supposed to eat our food or the cats' food, but he tries to every chance he gets.  He makes lots of loud noises that sound like old men sleeping, or teamsters, or passed out frat boys.  His farts are horribly offensive.  I mean they permeate the whole room and literally smell like shit.  Tonight, I smelled one all of a sudden, and I had to check the rug he was lying on to make sure he hadn't shat on it.  He hadn't.  It was just a fart.

Oh the joys of dog parenting that I've waited so long for.  I think the problem is, I should have gotten a dog a long ass time ago.  A long ass time ago, I wasn't as much of a germaphobe, or as OCD about certain things, and I was more patient and tolerant, I wasn't as much as a grumpy old person as I am now.

But, he's funny.  And he's goofy.  And he's Rudy.

But I'm thinking I need to get beano for dogs.  I mean really. It smelled like shit.

First try blogging with the iPhone

My biggest reason for holding out on getting an iPhone was always not having a tactile qwerty keyboard. I have clumsy thumbs. This is taking forever to type. Hopefully I will get better at this as I communicate through texting a lot. Although with texting I can use the phone sideways. And there isn't this annoying drop down menu that covers up the last word of every line. It's maddening!!!! I am going to have to email blogger about that. They need to update this app ASAP.

What I did most of the day

I ordered an iphone 5 on like 9/23, and it finally arrived today 10/27.  I got the case for it long before I got the phone.  I neglected to get a adapter so I can use the old iphone connectors/chargers, so I might have to go to the mall and go to the apple store to get one.  That sucks.

I should be more excited about finally getting an iphone, an iphone 5.  But, it kind of sucks setting up a new phone and setting up email and contacts and stuff.  And then the phone bill is going to go up too.  To upgrade from a little chunky blue tween dumbphone to this is like skipping junior high and going straight to grad school at MIT.  Well, actually, I had some stuff already set up because I set up my ipod with apps and stuff.  If I upgraded my laptop OS and I could use icloud, it would be a lot easier.  But I'm just scared that things won't work properly if I do, like the apogee Duet interface.  So, I'm just going to stick with snow leopard.

Dog Farts

What's up with dog farts?  They are so stinky.  And this guy, Rudy, seems to be mostly gassy when sleeping.  When he's snoozing in the car on the way home from daycare, or when he's laying on the floor in front of the couch, he really lets loose.  But they are always silent.

And then yesterday, he was being rambunctious or something.  One of us asked him to sit.  And he sat. And then we heard a "squeak"!  And he looked at the FP when the noise came out.  But it wasn't from the FP.  It was Rudy's fart.

So, dog farts can make noises!

And sometimes it's difficult to distinguish a dog fart from a human fart - especially when one has a gaseous family like mine.  One day, I swore the FP had farted in the car.  But he swore it was Rudy.  But it was weird, because it smelled meaty, and the FP had been eating the chili I cooked the night before... Weird.  Unless Rudy had licked a bowl with chili on it or something....

Dog farts.  Those are funny.

erghhhhhhh

blahhhhhhhhhhhurrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlllaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhh


yeah.  That's about all I have to say

To Do Lists

I had to start putting to do lists on my ipod and in my datebook.  But I can't see to finish them when I list them in my datebook, and my reminders list on the ipod is so slowly being checked off, that I think I'm adding more than finishing.

So what do I do on my days off when I'm not ticking off lines off my to do list?  I spend quality time with Rudy so he won't be an asshole.  I catch up on shows that I recorded.  I spend more quality time with Rudy.  I eat cupcakes.  And I watch more TV.

And then I blog about it.

One More Glass Of Sake

and then what?  Do I drink a beer?  Or do we stop for the night and get on the PJs and watch TV?

Oh, I don't know.  I'm weary.  Life is exhausting.  My life isn't really all that bad.  But others around me are having fucked up things happen to them.

Anyway, what to talk about?  I posted last night's blog on facebook like 10 times because it kept showing that it wasn't published....

Which reminds me about what I want to vent about tonight!

The iphone 5!!!!

I ordered one... oh, on 9/28/12.  And it is... oh, 10/22/12.  And when I checked the status on the AT&T website, it said back ordered.  Then I did what I always do first when I have questions.  I googled iphone 5 back order.  I saw two threads about AT&T.  Basically, everyone who ordered iphone 5s a few weeks after the release got back ordered.  And a lot of them said that they asked to cancel the order, and AT&T said it couldn't be cancelled until the phone was delivered, but some were persistent and finally found someone to cancel, and then they ordered one from Apple and got it within a week.  But I looked at the apple store online, and they are shipping 2 - 3 weeks, so it might not be any faster.

So, here I am with my blue tween phone that every once in a while crashes.  And I'm still waiting for my bank account to be charged for the iphone at any minute.  They said that it would not be debited until it ships.  So that could be now or any time in the next several months.  So I just have to act like that money is not in my account at all.

Fuck you AT&T!!!!

ROTFLAPIMP

So.... you all know what my biggest fear is, right?  Like what would be my most embarrassing moment.  If you've been following this blog, you should know.  If not......

It's shitting myself in public.  Like sharting or diarrhea.  I have all these digestive/bowel issues which seem to be IBS.  Even though I think IBS is a name they came up with for varying digestive issues that couldn't fit into a specific diagnosis.  You know, I've been taking probiotics, and let's just say that I've had to ease off on those because, well... they are having the reverse effect now...

Anyhoo, that is neither here, nor at work.  I guess I'm just self centered and I need to talk about myself before I talk about someone else.

So, do you want to hear the very embarrassing moment my coworker had today?

Oh, no.  Ok.  I guess I will stop here then.




Ha ha ha.  You wish.  But, I have to tell this story.  So, as you know, because you follow this blog, Sundays are horrible for me.  Ok, that's an exaggeration.  Sunday is my most unfavorite day of work.  It's long and grueling and I have to work in cramped close quarters with my two male coworkers, who give me about 3 square feet of space on the hot line.

So, anyway, when we had a break in the tickets, the one of them, let's call him Fish Drop, because he dropped the last piece of salmon the other day, had to go to the bathroom.  He was gone for a little while.  When he came back, the other cook, Air Jordan (he has this like Air Jordan tattoo on his arm), asked if he had gone to smoke, because Air Jordan wanted his smoke break.  Fish Drop told him that he didn't get a chance to smoke because he had to take a shit, which he had said he had to take since 9 am.

Fast forward to, oh, maybe an hour later.  So, Fish Drop walks by me, and I see something flapping from the back of his pants.  It was like 8 inches long.  I thought it was a kitchen towel, but it was too flimsy.  Then I thought it was paper towel, because the FP sometimes puts paper towels in his back pants pocket.  See, cooks hold towels folded over their apron strings, so the FP, in lieu of apron strings will stick a paper towel back there when like cleaning or something.  Yeah, it's kind of weird.

But getting back to Fish Drop, and the thing in his back of his pants.  You know where I'm going with this.  So, I was looking at it to figure what it was.  And then I did.  So, I took a split second to not laugh but figure out how to tell him.  So I said, put your hand on your pants...on the back of your pants.  So he grabbed the toilet paper hanging out of his pants and looked at it and looked at me and grabbed it and stuffed it into the slim jim garbage can next to him.  Right as that happened I started laughing hysterically.  And right as I started laughing hysterically, our chef turned the corner and asked what's so funny.  I just looked at him and continued my involuntary convulsive giggles.  Fish Drop just said, oh nothing.  I guess I looked at the garbage or Chef saw Fish Drop throw the toilet paper in the garbage, because Chef went over to the garbage can to look in.

He saw the toilet paper and he began to crack up too.  The two of us were like giggling fools.  I was laughing so hard my face hurt.  Fish Drop's explanation was that he had gone to the bathroom a half an hour ago (but I'm pretty sure it was longer than that).  I don't know how no one had noticed that whole time.  His pants tend to fall, so he probably had them pulled up, and then as they slowly fell the TP came out of his bung hole.  I'm glad I didn't see the TP in the garbage.  Because there had to be shit on it, right?!

Even now, as I sit on the couch alone, with the Steeler game on, and the FP already in bed.  I chuckle to myself.

And my butt feels tingly.     

Slacking

I kind of feel under the weather.  The other day, I felt like total shit.  Then I got a neti pot and used it.  I felt much better.  But, I can feel congestion in my lungs sometimes, and my sinuses feel kind of yucky several hours after the neti pot.  So, I spent more time than usual on the couch catching up on TV and stuff.  And I finally folded most of the laundry.

Most of it.

It's the little things

I didn't blog yesterday.  In case you don't follow Reuters new service.

Anyhoo, I didn't feel like blogging.  It's not a job.  So, if I don't feel like blogging, then most of the time I don't.  Yesterday was a bad day.  I was feeling like I had caught the cold from my boss.  Don't even think about making sexual innuendo jokes, because he's a big ass danish man.  And that's weird.  I also found out a good friend got laid off due to some bullshit corporate restructuring or something.  Oh, and then there's the whole sordid tale with the FP's dad and his frequent stay card in the hospitals of the United States.  He's been in more hospitals that states that I've visited.

So, we were not a happy household last night.

So, I just wanted to take this time to shed some light on some positive things.

Not like me, is it?  Well, when times are tough, the sarcastic ones make jokes.  When times are really tough, they start trying to find the bright side of things.

So, let's not focus on how many paragraphs I've started with "So" because we are focusing on positive light.

So, let's list the little things in life that make me happy, in no specific order.

1. The Fuzz - she's so damn adorable, that every time I see her little pointy face and that fluffy tail, I gasp.  Ok, not every time, but some times.

2.  Stinksy - let's focus on the good... He loves the big flower pot of catnip that's in the lanai, and he loves to curl up in it and squarsh the catnip plant.

3.  When the FP has a day off - I'm so happy for him.  (Not when I have a day off because, it's the little things we're talking about here)

4.When I prep something and it works out just right.  Like say, I make a dressing, and there is just enough to fit into a squeeze bottle or some other container.

5. When I wake up in the morning and realize that I had the foresight to brew a pot of coffee the night before, and get another pot ready to brew.  Because, yeah, we're pretty much going on one pot each in the morning now.  That's 6 servings a pot.

6.  When I find an episode of The Big Bang Theory that I've never seen.  Sometimes, sometimes, it happens.

7.  When Rudy wants to play fetch.  He never does, so it's exciting when he's up for it.

8. When I have a good night's sleep without sleep aids.  Which is rare.  Or maybe that is a big thing, not a little thing, but, I'm going to keep it here.

9. dog shaming - if you don't know this website, then look it up

10. i can has cheezburger? - I know you've seen this lolcats website, an oldie but goodie!

11. and then cuteoverload.com

g'night all - especially you, Reuters reporters out there in newslandia!

Isn't it a shame

That I need gas for my car, and that I have flatulence, and that I can't just fart into my gas tank?

What a day!

Whew!!  Sometimes a day at work is easier than a day off.  Today was a roller coaster.

But, here's the real disturbing news about the day.  Sometime in the day, I walked into the living room and I noticed that the front door was open.  When I went to investigate, I noticed that The Fuzz was standing out on the porch.  And so I went out to herd her in, and that's when I saw Stinksy, of course.  Stinksy was more difficult to get in than The Fuzz.

What makes it even more disturbing, is that there microchips expired, and I need to renew their plan in case they run away.  And they both are currently not wearing tags of any sort.

If that weren't disturbing enough, later today, they kept running out back into the backyard.  The screen door to the lanai is ripped, and it needs to be repaired.  So there's an open hole for them to go in and out.  So we kept chasing them in, but they kept sneaking out in front of us.

Here's what is the most disturbing.  Tonight, when it was time to get everyone in from the lanai and lock the back door, The Fuzz wasn't having it.  She stood by the back door and meowed her head off to be let outside for like half an hour.  She was trying to open the door.  If you know The Fuzz, you know this is very uncharacteristic of her.

So, yeah, I do need to renew their microchip registration, and I need to fix the screen door.  And we need to fix the front door handle so the door stays closed even if it's not locked.  So, yeah, I know it's my fault.

Express Blog Tonight

All I can say is that The Fuzz stepped all across my keyboard, and now the settings are all weird.  The browser size is strange and the font is different... And when I tried to type in the title of the blog, the g kept moving a space over....

Weird.  I didn't know Fuzz was so technologically sophisticated!  You'd never know to look at her.

Woo Hoo For Wine!

I got a coupon for $20 off purchase of $100 at the wine store. We spend close to that every week, if you say $11 a six pack every night... So it made sense.

Anyhoi, I came home and thought that white wine sounded refreshing. And it was. And it helped me shake off the day of work. And maybe if I try, I can begin to enjoy alcohol more often again like I used to. Let's just admit it I'm more fun when I drink.

OMG, I'm like Schmidt!

Do I watch too much TV and read too much into sitcoms maybe?

Do I overanalyse stuff too much....

Yes and yes!

Anyhoo, I just finished catching up on the latest episode of New Girl.  Love that show.  I love all the characters, really.  So, if you haven't seen the latest episode, there are new young neighbors, and Jess and Schmidt try to hang with them.  They end up loving Jess and hating Schmidt.  But Schmidt wants them to like him and tries too hard.

Ok.  I don't usually try too hard to get people to like me.  But, I know what it's like to be older and not have the younger kids want to hang out with me.  That's what I feel like at work.  I am even older than my chef!  So, all the cool servers always ask the other cooks what they are doing and if they want to go for drinks later, but they never really ask me.

Ok, a long time ago when we first started doing brunch, that crew asked me once or twice, and I said I couldn't because I had to pick up my dog and spend quality time with him.

But, it's kind of weird to be one of the people who don't get invited to go out.

I did get invited to go to a party on a Sunday night, but I was so dead tired, and the FP was watching the Steeler game, that there was no way we were going.

But, I just have to find a new way to make friends.  I can't always only have friends that I work with.  That gets fucked up anyway, when you want to do something and everyone wants to take off for it.

So, whatever.  I've always been an introverted nerd.

It's just that, I'm not used to being invisible anymore.

Out of sorts

I have a horrible memory... and this has partially led to my OCDness.  I have to do things in a certain way to make sure I don't fuck them up.  It's all about preparing ahead for what I will surely forget.  Have you seen that movie Memento, where the guy leaves himself notes and tattoos stuff on himself? I can totally relate to that.  I sometimes basically don't know how I got to where I ended up.  

Anyhoo, long intro.  So, what happened this morning was, I had my street clothes already packed in my bag for work.  Usually, I have to root through the laundry pile that lives in the sink to come up with something.  Then I throw it all in a plastic grocery bag in my work bag.  

But, on Wednesday, I drove straight home with my work clothes on because I just wanted to get home to my family.

So, this morning, my routine was all out of whack, on account on not having to pack my bag.  So I thought.  I got to work, and I went into the bathroom to put on my work shirt, when I realized that I didn't pack it.  I had my work shirt sitting on top of my work pants, but I never put it in my bag with the other clothes.

Doh!!!

So, all I had were two small v neck T shirts and a wife beater.  So, I put on the wife beater underneath my purple v neck, so I would have a longer shirt under.

Then I went into the dry storage area to check the T shirt box for a T Shirt.  There was one 2XL shirt. Man's 2XL, of course.  It would be a dress on me.  And while I used to wear gigantic shirts in college, I don't think my employers would appreciate a gigantic shirt at work.  So, I figured, I would wait for them to get in, and see if they had a shirt or really wanted me to go home and change.

Being OCD, this made me edgy.  I kept doing my prep, but I kept looking at the clock, thinking if I would have time to go home if I were asked to.

I seemed to be ok on time when I started to make the biscuit dough for the weekend.  I hate making it, because it doesn't feel great using my hands to cut the butter into the flour.  I did get a cheap pastry blender, but it didn't really help, so unless I break down and get a nice pastry blended, I have to use my hands and not worry about how it makes my hands feel like claws after.  I was cutting in the butter, when I noticed the dough was awful white.  And then, I noticed, it was grainy.

I was using rice flour instead of AP flour.  I had done this once before, a long time ago, and I didn't notice until I baked the biscuits and they came out weird - dry and crumbly.  

So, I had wasted my time, and the ingredients.  We have been short on rice flour because the flour we had been getting from the supplier kept coming in with weevils in them.  So, I killed all this rice flour that we needed for the weekend.  And I ended up taking almost an hour just to make biscuit dough.

Stupid stupid stupid!!!

Anyway, the owner, the cult leader, my boss, walked and saw that I didn't have a work shirt on, but he didn't say anything.  

Later on, I asked him if he had a T shirt in his car, and he said, "Why, you look fine?"  

To which I responded, "I'm not in the uniform."

He said, "I figured you had a good reason for not wearing it.  It's fine.  You have bigger arm muscles than Manny over here."  

It still made me feel weird.  Like I was too comfortable in my T shirt.  The sleeves were shorter, exposing my tattoos and my said guns... which must have been distracting for all my coworkers.  One server asked, was it casual Friday?

Anyway, if you want to fuck with me, take away one of my pillows, put my eyeglasses case on a different shelf, change the order of my cooler mise en place, change the time I have to go into work, any little deviation in my routine totally throws my day or life out of whack.  

So, now you know.  You might observe a habit and see me as being anal.  Really, I'm just trying to keep my shit together.  It's always ready to spin out of control at the slightest movement.

postscript -

LMAO!!! Here is a prime example.  I just went to tag and publish this post, when I realized that I almost posted it on The Pork Porn Pages instead of Unnecessary Supplement!  I haven't written on the Pork Porn Pages in so long, that I automatically thought I was on the Unnecessary Supplement page... silly me... DOH!

Pricks

I was walking Rudy at the beach this morning.  He was jerking on the leash, so I jerked him a little, and I stabbed myself in the thumb with a cactus.  It's kind of funny, because when we first passed by the cacti, I told Rudy that those were prickers and he didn't want to get stabbed by them.  I guess he showed me.

Then, later, I was trimming the nonflowering bougainvillea.  I had Rudy hooked to the house with the three leashes.  That was just enough lead so he could go a little onto the grass if he wanted or needed.

So, when I was trimming the bougainvillea, of course he wanted to "help".  He was all in it.  Once again, I tried to pull the trimmings away from Rudy, so he wouldn't get pricked, and I pricked my hand.

Figures.

Rudy is a prick.

Not really, he's just a puppy.  Just a puppy who kept challenging Stinksy's right to lay on the bed.  Rudy kept jumping on the bed and barking at Stinksy, but Stinksy held his ground.

In other happenings of the day, I put my bra on backwards.  How is that possible?  I wear mostly sports bras.  They are easier for work, and you can get a 3 pack for cheap at Walmart or Target.  And, my bra size is always sold out when I'm looking for the more traditional cup bra.  So, also, I swear my tits are shrinking.  Like, if it weren't for my pointy nipples, I wouldn't ever bother with a bra.  Anyway, I had my swimsuit on this afternoon.  And I needed to go to the store, so I had to change.  I just threw some clothes on.  Later, I went to change for the evening walk with Rudy, I noticed that the bra was on backwards when I looked in the mirror.  So, obviously, it didn't even feel weird.  Why even bother with a bra?

I know why kids get fat

because they were annoying their parent(s), so it's easier to distract and entertain with food.

My babysitter was the TV and food.  Luckily for me and my doctor mom, I had the hyperactive skinny gene as a kid.

Anyway... I used food to stop Rudy from annoying me tonight.  We were trying to watch Breaking Bad.  The FP was eating popcorn right after Rudy ate his dinner.  So, Rudy was trying to eat the FP's popcorn.  So, it was my job to distract him with the laser light game.  But, the FP was taking forever to eat the popcorn.  And Rudy kept coming back to him to try to get the popcorn.  So, finally, I got out the deer antler.  And he went away and he stopped jumping on the couch and stuff.  He was just scraping his teeth on that antler.

It's kind of gross and weird when you think about it - a dog chewing on a deer antler.  Do hunting dogs see antlered game and think, "yum, I can't wait to chew on one of those antlers!"

Why is that not as weird as chewing on, say, a cow bone?  I guess because I don't eat antlers.

Anyhoo, it seems like a lot of dog toys are really about getting them entertained by themselves without human interaction.  Not all of them, but a lot.  And they make a disclaimer on the package by saying that the dog should be supervised when chewing on the plastic bone or whatever.  Right.  A plastic bone is so a dog will sit quietly while mommy or daddy is at work or busy.

So, I'm glad I don't have kids.  They would be fat and have all kinds of behavioral and social issues.  And The Fuzz probably wouldn't like all the disturbance all the time.

Did you know?

That there's a new ipod touch?

I didn't.  It seems to have come out sometime recently, I think.  And it's cooler looking than the new iphone.  Well, it's smaller of course, and it's thinner and rounder, and it comes in fun colors.  And it has a detachable strap.

Is there not a strap for the iphone?  It seems like there should be, right?

And why doesn't the new iphone5 to 30 pin adapter support video output?  That kind of blows.

And what's the deal with the ipad mini anyway?  Why would you want it to be smaller?  I don't really get it.  Unless its cheaper.  But it would have to be cheaper than an iphone... because why have an iphone and something a little bigger than an iphone too?

And why don't they just make the macbook pros with touchscreens anyway?

I don't get it.

And Rudy needs to wind it down already.  It's bedtime for fuck's sake.

I can't even begin to explain my day to you

But here goes....

One coworker has been out of town since Thursday, so I worked 6 days this week.  I worked yesterday instead of being off, which almost seemed like a waste because we were pretty slow.

So, today, even though I knew there wasn't too much prep, I went left to go to work early, like I always do on Sundays.  I had to drop Rudy off at Petropolis Park, which means I had to drive down 26th street.  Which means I had to go through the roundabout on Hollywood Blvd.  At the circle, I had a red light, so I waited for it to turn green.  As I went around the circle, I looked for other cars.  I saw one car as I was turning the corner, a cop car, but it was still a little far, so I kept going.  And then I went all the way to the right to make the turn.

And then the cop car lights turned on.  I stopped at the first driveway after the turn.  I turned off the music.  And the few seconds before the police woman approached the car, I thought about what I did wrong and how much Rudy was going to bark.

He barked a lot.  I rolled the window down a crack as he barked.  The police woman asked me if I knew what yield meant.  I said yes.  She said, then why didn't you yield.  I said that I didn't see her until I was already turning.  To this she replied, then when I saw her I should have yielded.  Then she kept yelling at me about how I just could have cost myself a $200 ticket, and some other stuff.  I couldn't really hear everything she said, because Rudy was barking his head off.

Fair enough.  I guess I fucked up.  My judgement was off.  She pulled away.  And then I started to cry.  This week had been enough of an emotional roller coaster, and this incident was the icing, the colored jimmies, and the cherry on top of my cake.

Peachy.  And then I had to put the car in drive, drop off Rudy, and then go into work for a day that was sure to be stressful as fuck.

So, I got to work and started doing my stuff.  The chef showed up right around 8.  About 5 minutes later, he said, "I bet this will be the day that ____ (the other cook) sleeps in.  So, a couple more minutes pass, and he says, "should I call him now?"  I told him to give it a few more minutes.  He gave it 10 - 15 minutes, and then he went outside to try to call.

Meanwhile, I was taking my biscuits out of the oven.  I went to transfer them to a smaller pan, and then I was going to put them on the shelf where they go for service.  This is the shelf next to the hot line where all the plates, metal and plastic pans and utensils go.  There was a lot of shit on the shelf, so I was pushing everything over, when something fell, and poked my eye.  I was unsure what had happened - I was stunned.  I reached out, and felt the pasta basket hanging.  I grabbed it, but it was stuck.  I reached up to my eye, and realized it was hooked somehow into my top eyelid.  I tried to unhook it as calmly as possible, and it came out.  I looked at the hook.  One of the wires on the bottom of the basket had broken and formed a little hook.

A little hook that had caught my eye!

I realized that I couldn't see properly out of this eye - my right eye.  I didn't want to feel around for the contact without a mirror.  I looked down on the ground and happened to miraculously spot my contact right where I had been standing.  So, I picked it up and ran for my bag.  I was pretty sure I had saline solution in my bag.  As I was grabbing the saline, one of the owners walked in the back door.  He said a cheery "Hi!".  I said "Hi" and then I pretty much ran to the bathroom.

I ran to the mirror.  Besides the artery that is permanently showing across my eye from wearing disposable contacts longer than I'm supposed to, I didn't see anything weird.  No blood, no bump on my eyelid, no scratch or open wound.  My eyelid was slightly tender, but nothing I would even notice if I didn't notice that I had just had a wire hook in my eye!

I rinsed my contact out very well, and then I put it back in my eye.  And I could see.

So, I went back into the kitchen and continued my work.  The chef said that the other cook had not answered his phone.  He asked if I was ok.  I said yes, and I think I said that I couldn't talk about it right then.

I mean, I was majorly freaked out!!! As I tell this story again, I still feel weak from reliving the ordeal.

After a while, the other cook called the chef and told him that he was on his way.

We were busy as hell.  But there were 4 of us working on the line, so everyone was all up in my business.  At one point they were all crowding me, putting english muffins on the plates, and putting shit on the english muffins that were on the orders that were supposed to go out later, not sooner.  So, I had to wait on my poached eggs and english muffins for the orders that needed to go out first, since they had already assembled the others, and I couldn't take an english muffin out from under short rib meat and put a crab cake or spinach on it....

Anyway, we got through the day, and my eye, besides the lid being a little tender, and my vision being slightly foggy at times, seems fine.  I use America's Best, so if my eye feels weird later, I suppose I can go in and have someone look at it without having to pay extra.  But we'll just see how I feel.

I need a fucking staycation!!!!!!!!!!

LOL... the chef just called me to ask what had happened.  The owner had told him that when he walked in I ran off crying.

What a fucking day.  I need a drink!!!!!

Phrases That Can Be Said By Your Angry Boss

You dump all this shit on me now!

Go ahead, just shit all over me like that!

Are you taking a piss or what?

I'm all backed up and you're not helping.

What are you, yanking my chain?

You just unload all your shit all on me, and I'm supposed to take care of it?

I don't care if you're on your period, it still gives you no right to take out all your bleeding problems on me!

Ok, you've been leaning on me long enough!

Are you ignoring me? Are you falling asleep on me?

Please wipe my seat after you've had your nasty ass on it!

You are not worthy to grace my throne!

I'm so sick of your shit!

I know your work, it stinks like a cesspool!


These are also phrases that could be said by your angry toilet!

Relax

Man, I forgot what one alcohol I can drink and drink more of than probably any other alcohol, and actually feel myself unwind -

SAKE!

Ahhhh, sake.  The alcoholic beverage that was developed specifically for me!

So, we went for sushi tonight - at the late time of 5:45pm!  And we really don't have money, so we shouldn't have been going for sushi.  But we went.  And the FP had a Sapporo.  I decided that Sake sounded good.  I could kind of see the beverage cooler from our table, so I said, "I'll have a water and the pink sake."

The pink sake wasn't the one I thought it was.  I thought it was Hakutsuru Sayuri Nigori.  Instead, it was Ozeki Hana Awaka.  It was a sweet sparkling sake.  Not quite what I was in the mood for, but I drank pretty much all of it.  It was kind of like sprite or something.  I mentioned how I thought that kids would love it!  I know, it's only got a ABV of 7%, but still, I'm such a lightweight nowadays.

Anyway, about 2/3 through my bottle, the FP asked me if I was feeling the sake.  I stopped to think about it.  I said, well, I'm happy and relaxed, and not stressed out about anything, so, yes, I am feeling it.  So, he said that he better drive home.

Man, I love sake.  Really, I do.  Now you know what to get me for my birthday!

Time Sensitive Material

I feel like I'm too sensitive.

Ok, I know that I'm too sensitive.  I'm sure that I would have gotten farther in life if I had tougher skin.  But that's part of the genetics that I involuntarily inherited from my father.

I feel like going into work every day, working in that small kitchen, in my little nook, like I'm going to erupt.

I know I've bitched about this stuff before, but you also don't have to read every single blog I write.  If you do, you're nuts!

I work with a big huge fat kid who doesn't move out of the way, throws hot pans across the room into the soapy water, bosses everyone around, throws tantrums, and he's the teacher's pet.  He's the chef's protege, and the chef is always concerned about if his pet is going to be in a good mood or not, and he's always trying to placate this big bully.

I'm almost twice this kid's age, and years more experience than him.  Yet, I'm trapped on pantry.  Everyone treats me like I just started working in a kitchen, which in turn drains any confidence I have, which makes me probably look like I just started working in a kitchen. 

I feel like I've regressed skillwise.  I can't make a simple lousy dessert without the chef saying how it just isn't right or needs something else, or whatever.  I try to make desserts based on what stuff we have that we need to get rid of.  And I try to do it between keeping up with my regular work.  And I end up making something that isn't acceptable or isn't what I would like to make.

What it really all comes down to, is that I didn't go into this business 14 or so years ago, to be in exactly the same position I was in my first kitchen job.  I'm not saying that pantry is really only an entry level position, like people like to classify it, but this job, with other cooks who I can't relate to, it is not the right job for me.  I feel so alienated from this place.  And that makes the paranoia creep in, like they are always evaluating me and are going to axe me at any minute.

Which, I would like to think is not true.  As far as I know, they give people several chances, and they let them know if they aren't happy with someone's performance... but I know that I'm not the best version of myself there.  I try to do what I can, but it's not enough.  I should know how to cook everything on the menu by now.  But sadly, I only know maybe half, or maybe even a third of the menu.  I tried to learn other stuff in the beginning, but I wasn't really given the opportunity to work the line, and I didn't push my way in.

So, here I am.  I've pretty much gotten to the end of my road at that job, because of which road I've decided to take.  So, I'm just going to camp out at the dead end of the road.  Hole up in my tent.  Sustain.  Build myself an outdoor latrine.  Try to keep a low profile, until the cops come and evict me.

Or, until that secret path out of the subdivision opens up for me.

I'm hoping for the secret path.

frustrated

I don't know why things have to be complicated like this.  Our friend is in West Palm Beach for the week, doing a nanny job for some rich family.  So, it's less than an hour away.  But I have to work until 4.  And the FP feels like his boss will call in sick or something will happen, and he will have to work.

And then there's Rudy.  He can go to daycare, but the one in Fort Lauderdale closes at 6:30.  The one in Hollywood closes at 9:30 for members, so we would have to purchase a pass to be members... and we would still have to watch the clock to make sure we made it back in time...

It's just ridiculous.  We're only an hour away, and it's awfully complicated to try to get away and see our friend!  Meanwhile, she's trying to plan it with her bosses, and I can't give her an exact time...

I'm sorry I don't have anything more interesting to blab on about, but I'm frustrated with Rudy, and I don't want to give him too much airtime as punishment.  Even though I've already written too much about him already.

But, I enjoy having the Fuzz hanging out next to me.  She's so quiet and sweet and nice to pet.  Even though she does usually smell like litter.....

There's been a fly

buzzing around the house all day.  It's so annoying.  Plus, a fly always gives me the willies that it might be the start of several flies, and that I will find maggots somewhere.

Or, it's just a lone fly.  I hope that gecko that Stinksy chased into the house catches it.

Do you know the fable about why flies buzz in your ear?  I remember there was a children's book about it.  Something about how the fly did something annoying, and then after he was buzzing in everyone's ear to ask them if they were still pissed at him.  Well, the story didn't use the word pissed, of course.

Anyway, there have been thoughts buzzing around in my head for days, months, years, decades... maybe even in a previous life.  The only way to let them out of my head is to actually cultivate them, let them come to fruition, or kill them.

The problem is, I have to sort out which ones to keep and which ones to throw out.  I get so ADD/OCD, that I have trouble focusing on one thing.

And what the hell is Rudy chomping on now!!!!1

Hope/Change

Well, the Fuzz is waving her tail in front of the computer screen, making it a little difficult to blog.  But, since I'm surely infected with toxoplasma gondii, I just think she's the cutest, and I don't mind.  In fact, I know I've not been giving her enough quality time because of a certain younger problem child who takes most of my attention away from his feline siblings.

Oh no, a damn moth is now trying to mate with the computer screen.  Unfortunately, rather than help me and eat the moth, Fuzz has chosen to move away from the situation.  I guess she's only into geckos now.

Anyway, I can't tell you much right now in the way of humorous happenings or good news or what have you.  But I'm trying to keep a positive outlook.  I want to move on.  I want my life to be lived to the full potential.  I can't just sit in the back seat while the car is just cruising in neutral.

But things must change.  There must be hope for the future.

No, I'm not running for president.  But I want to be positive.  I must be positive.  I can't worry that I only have one day off this week.  I should just enjoy the one day off and do what I can when I can to not feel like a spineless loser piece of shit, right?

Anyway... why is apple stock going down?  And can I see that viral video of the dog with the lemon, without Whoopie Goldberg's commentary?  I mean, I loved her in Burglar, and the only thing I remember about her in Ghost was that scene where she kissed Demi Moore, but I think the dog video would have been funnier if I could have watched it unadulterated.

And, I'm so sad about the mama duck who lost all her babies by the FP's work.  It's really all too sad to tell you about the whole story.  

Wait, wait, snap out of it.... hope and change.  Maybe the mama duck with have a heartier batch of ducklings next time, right?