Saying Goodbye

So, this morning was amazing, but truly sad.  Today was the last day of our zoo membership, so we had to go.  We typically went right when it opened, so it seemed fitting to go almost at 9 am.  The crowds are not around yet, and all the animals are alert and active.

This time, we drove there.

We passed by the orangutans, and there were only 3 of them.  One adolescent was swinging around, and putting on a show.  It swung up to mom, who was up in the poles eating, and mom gave it (I don't know if it was a boy or girl, so I call it it) a hug.  That was sweet.

I always liked the little siamangs, but they were hanging out in the back eating.  They remind me of those long armed hand puppets that I've only seen crazy people use.  I remember when we would go to the library in elementary school, sometimes the presenter would have one of those puppets.  Then in college we would go to this one club on Sunday nights, 80s night.  This one homeless guy would be there every week.  I wonder if he had to pay the cover?  He would go around to everyone with his long armed ape puppet and talk to people and tell jokes and I think he would ask for money.

We went to the gorilla enclosure, and there was only the silver back, sitting in the middle facing the glass.  He kept looking around.  I think he was waiting for his family to come back from wherever they were.  This one family was there, and the grandfather was tapping on the glass at him.  Tap tap tap.  Tap tap tap.  Tap tap.  And the signs are posted all over the glass.  Please do not tap on the glass.  Nice example for your granddaughter, grandpa.

We have been to the zoo countless times, but we still get turned around in that area by the gorillas and monkey tales.  We wanted to get to the panda while it was early.  We started walking down one way, when a volunteer asked us if we had seen the baby tigers yet.  No!!!  So, she told us we should go then because they were only out until 11:30, so she directed us back down the tiger trail and then we should go down the hippo trail to the new panda trek.  So that's what we did.  I have to say, the baby tigers and the mama were the best encounter ever with tigers.  They were amazing.

They were alert and playful and so sweet.  I took several minutes of video of them.  And they were using the whole space.  All the while, mama tiger was keeping her eye on them, yet from a distance.  They were amazing.  I'm so sad the first time I saw these little cuties was my last.


Then we went through Panda Trek.  It was nice.

The red panda was the first enclosure.  It was up in a tree asleep.  So cute.  I love their little faces and their striped tails.


This one family walked in behind us.  They looked at the red panda for two seconds, then the dad read the sign and said how it's not even a real panda anyway, more of a skunk.  Like the red panda wasn't worth their time.  So they went ahead of us to the panda.  There were several people standing there watching.  I guess the guy didn't like the line, so he didn't even really look at the panda, he just told them to turn around and go back through the entrance.  So he wasn't interested in an animal called panda because it wasn't actually a panda, nor was he interested in the panda itself.  So if he didn't give a shit about animals, why was he at the zoo?

Anyway, the panda, Yun Zi, the youngest, was all active and running around.  I mean, he was climbing up and down and all around, playing in the water and jumping into a bucket filled with bamboo.  He was a little goofy clown!  Best panda experience ever!  We stayed there for a long time, and he just kept doing cute stuff.  I could have watched him for another hour.

We went up Big Cat Trail.  The chinese snow leopard was gone!  So sad.  The mountain lions were pretty active, and one kept giving me dirty looks.  They were walking around up on the tree limbs, and I was scared they were going to spray on us.  The black jaguar was pacing, but he always paces.  He had gained weight over the months, so that was good.  The snow leopard was waiting for his keeper, so he was hiding between the rocks and bushes, waiting.  The lynxes were cute as usual.

They were also anxious, waiting for their keeper.

The jaguar in the elephant odyssey was taking a nap in the shade, and the lions were gone.

The  polar bears were frolicking, which was nice, but we really went to the polar bear plunge to see the arctic foxes.  They were all trimmed up except for their tails, but they were just laying around with no intention of getting up.  Unfortunately.  They were some of our favorites.

We took the skyfari cable car ride back across the park.  Luckily, we got a koala car, so the FP didn't have to get bent out of shape having a monitor lizard, cactus plant or bird on the side of the car.  No, we can't see the picture once we get in the car, but it really pisses him off if we don't get a good animal, like the panda or the polar bear.  It was a nice ride.  The sky was clear, and the zoo below looked so vibrant.

We went to the petting zoo to say bye to Akeela, the fennec fox.

She was napping on a rock.  The FP thought she got a bum deal being in the children's zoo instead of in another part of the zoo, as if she wasn't taken seriously because she was so tiny.  But I love her.

We went in the petting zoo one last time, and we said bye to the miniature pony and miniature donkey.

They were eating hay, as usual.  The little goats were chubby and cute.  They reminded me of my sister, who only recently told me that she has always wanted goats.

We didn't get to see everyone in the zoo, but we hit the highlights.  It was certainly one of our best visits to the zoo ever.  We walked through the exit and we were both sad.  We still have a whole month and a half left here, without being able to go to the zoo.  :(

Refresher Course

So, I don't really buy new clothes too often.  I just keep wearing the same old ones, and every once in a while I will rotate in a new cheap item that I generally feel guilty about buying.  So, I've finally stopped the old clothes hoarding and gotten rid of a lot of stuff that for whatever reason I felt the compulsion to keep previously.  

I did have this one dress that I bought in Boston.  I lived in Boston 1995 - 1997.  Yeah.  Loooong time ago.  Anyway, there was this Betsy Johnson store on Newbury Street.  So, usually, I would go in and look, but I generally didn't have $300 for some cool dress as thin and delicate as one ply TP.  But, one time I went in, and there was this fluorescent pink dress for like $94.  So, I bought it.  Relatively speaking, it was a good bargain. 

And I went out and got smashed in it over the years.  I would spill beer and cocktails on it.  Other people would spill their drinks on it.  I walked into people's drinks while wearing this dress.  I'm sure I must have fallen in this dress.  I don't think I threw up on it, however.  And there were all kinds of stains on it that became permadirt.  Dry cleaning didn't get the stains out.  And I haven't worn it in years.  But every once in a while when I'm cleaning out the closet, I'll come across it, and I can still wear it, since it was a little loose when I bought it.  So I can't ever bare to throw it away.  

So, I finally decided to draw on it.  You can still see the stains (which I might just draw all over the dress if I can find markers in the colors I want) but the eye definitely gets distracted from the stains.  So, I just did flipping maneki neko figures, and then I outlined some stuff with glow in the dark marker.  Then the damn glow in the dark pen dried out before I was done!  What a ripoff!  Anyway, here's what I've done so far.  I'm not sure where I'm going to go from here.

Silly, huh?

Extreme Waste

So, today, TLC is showing back to back episodes of Extreme Couponing all day.  Man.  I don't understand stockpiling to the level that some people do it.  So, people will keep enough inventory in their houses to last one or two years, maybe more.  Do they worry about if there's a storm, flooding, a tornado, a blackout?  This one lady has 6 freezers.  Six freezers!!!!  What kind of electric bill does she have every month?  I do not want to walk into that house after a Katrinalike storm....

And then, there are the health implications.  A lot of the food items that have coupons are not the healthiest.  Microwave dinners, frozen pizza, canned pasta, canned anything, frozen anything, junk food!  This one family wanted to save enough money so they could afford to go on vacation.  So they stocked up so that they would not have to go grocery shopping until vacation.  This means, not one fresh fruit or vegetable in the house.  Sure, they can get IQF frozen veggies and fruit.  But, it's not the same.  It's still processed and handled way more than a banana.  And this family had kids.  I understand the need to save money, having kids and all, but I also believe in offering healthy meals for kids as well.  

I mean, a lot of these people are overweight.  Not all of them, but the ones who eat yakisoba freeze dried meals and frozen pizzas usually are.  I mean seriously, if I have an endless supply of candy that I bought on sale, I'll probably eat way more of it in a short amount of time, then if I just buy a bag of it when I absolutely crave it and I break down and buy it.  This one woman just bought 93 bags of croutons.  So, do they use croutons every time they eat soup or salad.  And if they didn't have croutons would they really miss them?

And then think about the waste.  Individually packaged products.  One of the things I see a lot of on these shows is Vitamin Water.  They are always on sale at the store, and then there are also always coupons, so they get them for free.  Now, if they had to pay for them, would these couponers buy Vitamin Water at all?  And would they drink some other comparable drink, or would they just have water?  While it does have vitamins, it also has calories, unless you get the diet kind, which isn't as good.  And do they recycle all those bottles?  Some probably don't because they are busy clipping and organizing coupons.  And for that matter, do they recycle all that paper that they throw away from the flyers?

Here's my disclaimer.  Some of these people do donate a lot of their goods.  That's nice.  Some donate to food banks.  One guy uses a lot of his shopping sprees to send care packages to troops stationed abroad.  That's nice.

But, what are the implications of all this extreme couponing?  How does it affect the economy?  I mean, is Vitamin Water able to make back the money lost on all those free bottles of yummy refreshing (but good for you too) drink?

What I think, is that the hosts of the show Wa$ted should pay a visit to the people on Extreme Couponing.  So Wa$ted is a show where people go to a families home and show them how they can save money and reduce waste, and their carbon footprint in the process.  If they follow the instructions, they are awarded the money they saved, times a year.  So, these couponers would totally be into saving money.  It would be a great show.  They would probably figure out how to be green so well, that they would be awarded with thousands and thousands of dollars, bankrupting the show.  Let's do this!!!

Out of Shape

Man, I walked to the grocery store, and I'm tired.  It's like 2.4 miles round trip.  I did go up and down E street, which has two hills, and I did have to go up and down the Broadway Street overpass twice.  But still, I tried to call a friend on the walk home, and I was slightly breathless trying to talk and walk.  Yeah.  Since my walk to Balboa Park on Tuesday and then the walk to The Office last week, I feel like I've physically regressed!

Anyway, I've been distracted by The Big Bang Theory.  I hate that there's reruns of this show every day.  More TV to get wrapped up in.  Speaking of TV, did anyone watch the Emmys?  I did not.  I watch quite enough TV as it is.  So, it's a very exciting time for me, with the fall season series having started.  Big Bang Theory, as I mentioned is a favorite of mine.  I realize a lot of people don't like it, but having been a nerd growing up (I'm not intelligent enough anymore to qualify), I like shows with funny nerds.  I heart Sheldon.

I still love Community with my crush Joel McHale, but I am so bummed that there is no more Outsourced!  It was just as good, and every Thursday when I got home from work I would debate whether to watch Community or Outsourced first.  It's kind of an OCD thing, kinda like the way I eat Skittles by colors.

Then there's Two and A Half Men.  I really liked Charlie Sheen playing himself, but I think I will enjoy Ashton Kutcher playing himself...again, similarly to That 70s show.

Of course, there's Modern Family, which is hilarious.  And Jersey Shore is back in Italia!  Oh Shnookie.  I can't believe you got it on with Deena.  Gerross!  And The Situation, we know you just want to hookie up with Snookie because she's the most popular public figure of all the Jersey Shore girls.

But there are new shows to get hooked on as well.  New Girl seems to have potential.  I like goofy girl characters that have no shame.  Awkward. is pretty good.  I like teen shows with girls that have shame about everything.

So then Sunday I was excited but unhappy to realize that this past weekend was a free HBO weekend.  I could have been watching True Blood, which I've never seen, and old Sopranos episodes.

So, what was I talking about?  Oh, yeah.  I'm out of shape.  Why?  Damn I'm tired just thinking about all the TV show recordings that I have to manage....

Who won the Emmys anyway?

What I'll Miss

Hopefully, every time you leave somewhere, there is something you will miss about that place.  There are a lot of things I will miss about San Diego.  It is after all,  America's finest city.  Here's a couple in particular.

Weather -
Well, it's not perfect.  When one lives in a beautiful climate, the standard becomes higher.  Every day is not perfect - clear with a few clouds in the sky, 75 degrees, low humidity - some days it's overcast, 68 degrees, sometimes it's 85.  And maybe once every few months, it rains!  Actually, I have complained that the weather isn't above 70 degrees long enough.

Beer -
So, there are maybe 20 breweries in San Diego County.  Okay, lately, I've been cutting back on the local brews.  For one, I don't work, so I tend to drink the beers with the better price point.  For two, I have developed a lower tolerance for alcohol, so if I drink lower alcohol content beers then I can have slightly more.  Although local brews generally have a great flavor, they on average are usually pretty strong.  For three, we don't go out much, due to the constricted cash flow, so I don't have access as often to a wide selection of local drafts.  I will also miss the local pubs that we go to which serve these fine brews.

Beach -
Of course there will be plenty of beaches in Florida, but the Pacific has seeped its salt watery way into my heart.  The shockingly cold, rough, raging deep blue wild ocean sings to me.  But not like a pretty mermaid siren song, more like an orchestral wave, like The Cure's Plainsong.  Every time I go to the beach, the sight, the feel of the Pacific breeze are enough to put me at peace.  I like every beach I've ever gone to here, but my goto beaches are really the more obvious ones:
Coronado - it's the closest, easy to park, and it's got a long stretch of sand that one has to hike across to get to the water.
Ocean Beach - old school hippie beach town.  Everyone there feels like we outsiders think they are lucky to live there, and of course they are.  There's the fishing pier and the long stretch of sunset cliffs.  Beautiful.
Mission Beach - it's got the boardwalk that isn't on a boardwalk, and it's small, but still festive.  It's always busy on the beach if it's warm, but, it's just a nice place.  I dream of having a vacation home there one day....
La Jolla - it's just beautiful.  I love the cliffs.  I love the seals, hate the children's pool controversy.  The value of real estate there is so not overrated.  Who the hell wouldn't want to live there.  Well, I wouldn't because I don't think I would necessarily get along with my neighbors....

Ethnic Food -
I didn't know when we moved here we would get educated on more than just Mexican food.  Which, I have to say, I have a whole different perspective of since moving here.  But since being here, I've had the best Thai, Szechuan, Philippine (from a restaurant), Korean that I've had so far in my life.  I've also had some really good Caribbean, although I know I won't be missing that in South Florida!  The whole local organic movement is great, and I can appreciate it, and I love so much of the local products that are available nearby, but some fancified free range burger probably won't make me gush like I'm having an orgasm like a good selection of chinese cold dish will.

Music -
I don't know what the future will hold as far as playing in a band, but I hope I have not played my last note on stage.  We got to play here in local venues quite a bit, and I've enjoyed it immensely.  I've also got to hear a lot of great local music, and great national acts.  A lot of the venues here are smaller, thus more intimate settings.  I got to see Her Space Holiday at Che Cafe late at night when I had to be at work the next day at 6 am, but it was great.  We saw Peter Murphy at the House of Blues for half price, and the place was half empty.  A couple years later, his show was sold out like a month before the show.  We saw Explosions In The Sky at an all ages no alcohol venue.  But boy were they amazing.  Being able to go to LA is also great for music, of course.

Of course, the few friends we have here are very dear to us, even if we don't see them too often.  And the people we interact with, the Mexican girls at the grocery store, the crazy people who work the late shift at the 7-11, the neighbors with the yappy and barky dogs, even the mean lady at the szechuan restaurant, we'll miss her too.

But, we're moving on to such an amazing adventure, so many new place to explore.  Even though it's the state that I grew up in, it's an area of the state that is foreign to me.  Although, I'll have to get a job pretty fast.  If we're going to explore the area we're going to need some cash.

Still Infested

So, the other day we ate Jamaican food, and we brought the leftovers home.  So, last night the FP ate it for dinner.  We went to bed around 1 am, and I was reading.  There were several flies that had found their way into the apartment during the day, and they were all buzzing around my head.  So, finally, I decided to just go to sleep already.

We slept in today.  I mean, I think I got up at 10:30!  So, I got on the computer, and I was drinking my coffee, minding my own business. When I was done, I turned around and stood up, and I stepped in a mess of ants attacking a big oxtail bone.  I mean, they were in a frenzy, and there were so many.  So I sprayed them, and then a few minutes later, I found the rest of the ants trailing through the grout, who hadn't gotten the signal that there was no more breakfast.

So, we cleaned up the house a little, all the while the flies were taunting me.  In the kitchen there were a couple of roach carcasses, but that's a good thing, right?  Better than live ones.

What are we doing moving to a place that has even more insects and bigger roaches?!  I hate roaches and mosquitos, and now ants.  But I'm willingly moving to Florida.

I was just googling spiders in florida, and now I have the heebie jeebies.  I remember many a night battling big ass hairy... wolf spiders?  I think that's what they were.  They always seemed to end up in my bedroom, and I would spend several terrifying nights wondering if it would attack me in my sleep before finally getting rid of it.  I don't care if they aren't really harmful, they are terrifying looking.  I know, that's prejudice.  Just cause a person is terrifying looking would I hit him or her with a newspaper to try to kill him or her?  If he or she were in my bedroom running around on my walls, yes.  Yes I would.

Once, in college, I saw a huge huge one, that might have been a wolf, but it was the biggest spider I have ever seen, besides maybe something at a zoo.  The abdomen was huge!  The whole body was bigger than my hand.  It was in my roommate's room.  I tried to get something to kill it, and it ran into her closet.  I was leaving to go to the club, and I was kind of fucked up, so I wasn't quite sure what to do....  When I came back I told her about the thing, and it eventually came out like it was going to attack us.  We sprayed it with bug spray and it just kept coming at us.  It looked like it was dead and then it started coming for us again.  It took a lot of spray to kill the thing.  And then it shriveled up to a small exoskeleton.

Do I really want to move back to that hot, damp, humid, tropical weather where insects all seem to be bigger and more aggressive?

Saturday Night Mayhem

So, is it sadder to sit here in the apartment with my cats and fish sober, watching Finding Nemo, or to sit here and drink?  I'm not sure.  It wasn't meant to be a joke that I'm watching a fish movie with a fish, but do you think I should move the tank closer to the TV?  I would love to have a saltwater tank, how cool would that be?

I'm gonna have a wee nip of the sake.  Not bad.  Not the cheapest shit, but not the most expensive either.

Let me tell you, I'm ready to get the fuck out of here.  What I would like to do is fly to Florida and find an apartment and get it set up and then fly back and finish packing and then drive back to Florida.  But that's kind of pricey.  So, I'll slowly pack and write blogs and paint and maybe write music if the inspiration hits.  Well, I have to get more canvases first, and I probably am going to need more paint.

Anyway, it's funny how I feel like I can't imagine ever working again.  Like how am I going to get in shape again for standing at least 8 hours a day?  Of course, I should be working now, but I can't interview for a job and work a couple weeks and then give notice!  Maybe I should just stand all day when I'm home.  But I'm too lazy.  And, then, I don't want to work for another dumb boss.  But, sigh, I know, I won't have any choice.  Smart bosses don't want to hire me.

So, I went to take a sip of sake, and a fly was floating around on top.  So, I contemplated dumping the whole glass out, but that would be a waste.  So I got a spoon to scoop it out.  When I thought I had it in the spoon, it disappeared.  It wasn't in the spoon or the glass.  I looked on the counter, and it was there, but it flew away.  So it was just having a little nip of the sake as well.  But do you think it peed in my sake?

I've been wanting to get more tattoo work.  It's weird, because I just got one several months ago, but now I already want another.  I've been contemplating sampaguita flowers kind of around my mom's name.  I've also been liking day of the dead tattoos, but I don't feel like it's meaningful enough - after all I'm not latino, so it's kind of poserish.  Maybe I'll just get a picture or paint a day of the dead skull - maybe a day of the dead maneki neko instead.  Anyway, I'll have to use a tattoo as motivation to getting a job (along with being able to pay bills and buy food).

Hey, that fly keeps coming back to my glass!

Anyway, I admit this blog entry is kind of not very interesting.  What's interesting is if you go to my blog about my dad and read my latest installment.  It's interesting in a not funny way painful childhood horror kind of way, FYI.  Or if you are into food, you can read my food blog.  If you click on my profile, it will list my other blogs and you can read those.  I probably should have waited to write this after I finished the bottle of sake, not before I cracked it open, LOL!

Painted Pussies

So, I decided to go with the maneki neko theme and painted the other canvas.  This one is inspired by 

Rodrigue's Split Personality pictured below.  

I had planned on painting a white cat with a black mask face, so when I saw this painting I decided to do 3 cats instead of one (if you're really dirty insert beastiality joke here, you sicko).

He likes to do swirly backgrounds, so I thought it would be fitting...  I title this piece "Tres Gatos y Quatros Aves"  translation:  3 cats and 4 birds.

Walking Up 30th

So, yesterday, the FP's other band that he's in played at the Office.  So, this is a place that used to be a great dive bar called Scolari's Office, but it was taken over and turned into a fancy bar.  I mean, Scolari's Office sounds way cooler.  We had only been there one time since it was remodeled, and we were drunk and we hated it.

So, last night, I decided to walk to the bar.  So, it's 3 miles.  That's easy, right?  Well, for whatever reason walking 3 miles is more tiring than jogging 3 miles.  Especially when some of the streets are pitch black and you have to watch where you're walking to avoid dog shit and cracks in the sidewalk.  I'm still tired 24 hours later.  Maybe just because it takes longer to walk than jog?  Anyway, I haven't been up 30th street in a long time.

There were some changes along 30th street since I last walked up the street.  In South Park, there is that big warehouse that has been turned into storefronts.  The gym was open, and the big front door were open to the elements and the gawking of anyone walking by.  Seems kind of weird to me.

Next to that the Stone Company Store is open.  So, they sell bottled beer, kegs and growlers.  And there seemed to be a shitload of taps.  And of course lots of merch.  Stone has great logos for all the different beers.  I love gargoyles!

Next to the Stone Store is the wine bar.  So this wine bar took like maybe a year to open.  It was called Tinto.  We never went there, but a while ago it had a change of ownership alcohol license on the window.  So, now it's called Rose.  It looked nicer than before, but realistically we will never go there.

Sea Rocket Bistro looked...like Sea Rocket Bistro.  Except with this newer wooden sign with an anchor as the new logo.  I'm not one to judge, so I won't discuss what I think of restaurants changing their logos after only being open a couple years.

The Linkery looked as inviting as always.

Anyhoo, I also felt like there were coffee shops popped up where there weren't before.  So, 30th street was a little different than it used to be.  A little.  Well a lot different than several years ago.

Part of why I walked was because the FP was working, so he had to drive straight from work to the Office.  Get it?  From work to the office?  Ha ha?  Anyway, he beat me by about 15 minutes!  Of course.

So, I got there, and I had to get the FP to ask that I be "on the list".  Fancy.  Not really.  So the money guy asked if I was the FP's girlfriend.  The FP said, "she's my wife, but I girlfriend will also be coming."  Bah dump bump.

I got a "Mad men mule".  Which was a mule.  It was pretty yummy.   And I asked for a water, although I noticed right after that there were 2 big urns of water for self service.

The other guitarist's girlfriend, Lavender, gave me a blue feathery hair thing with little crystals in it, like a tasteful roach clip.  That was very sweet of her.  And then they showed me pictures of their cats on his fancy smartphone with amazing crystal clear photography.

The first band was like a country folk job with two female singers.  Their voices were great and the music wasn't offensive, but Lavender hated it.  She HATES country music and any derivative.  Like I asked her what she thought of REM.  Hates them.

The band I had walked 3 miles to see was on next.  They always "sound" good even when there are mistakes like wrong notes or out of tune guitars.  There was a little of that, but not really much at all.  The sound guy was good and they sounded great, which they usually do.  Anyway, there weren't many people in the bar (with a $8 cover and they played at 9 pm) and that kind of put a damper on the mood of the singer and thus put a damper on the performance.  When they were done playing, he said, "I'm as happy to be done playing as you are that we are done playing."  Or something like that.  Such a jokey happy go lucky guy!  This one guy in the audience really enjoyed them.  He asked, "where you guys from."  The singer answered, "From our parents."  Classic.  Nice attitude.

So, the band that went on next was not a band, but a woman with a guitarist and drummer accompanying her.  She introduced herself as whatever her name is, newly transplanted from the Cayman Islands, bringing her offshore bank account onshore.  She is what you call a singer/song writer.  Her voice sounded like Tori Amos with the disparate octave jumping, and she overplayed the digital piano.  I mean, she is a very talented musician, but it wasn't to my musical sense of aesthetics.  I like catchy melodies, whether they are dark or poppy.  She did have catchy song titles like, Coconuts, and A Whale, and Alien Love.  I really enjoyed the way she introduced each song.  It was very entertaining.

I guess it was all worth the long walk, but nonetheless I was very glad to be driving home.

 

Cattery Flattery

So, I've had these two canvases that I've wanted to paint on, but I didn't have any kind of subject.  Of course, after going to the museums yesterday, I was full of inspiration.  Well, kind of.  So I am not an artist, I just think it's fun to paint pictures.  So, I knew I wanted to paint some kind of maneki neko.  When I got home, it struck me.  I would do a spoof (not sure if that is quite the correct term) of Rodrigue's Blue Dog, one of my favorites.

So here's the Rodrigue

And here's Blue Cat

That is Hello Kitty duct tape on the bottom left corner.  I bought it a while ago because I just happened to see it and I knew I would need duct tape one day.  So, please don't give me a load of artistic criticism, as I am not an artist.  Okay, I did sign the corner which seems egotistical.  I should have done the signature in the top left like in the Rodrigue, but I didn't want my big name up there.  I think like other non artists, I'm going to start painting a bunch of these and sell them on the beach when I move to Florida.

How was your day dear?

That's great.  Now, can I tell you about mine?  It started at approximately 6 am (I went to sleep at 1am, and I really need 7 hours to be fully operational) when The Fuzz jumped up on the bed, meowed loudly in my face and nipped my arm.  I half heartedly pet her a little, which didn't suffice, so she meowed and nipped again.  Pet pet, meow nip, pet pet pet, meow nip, and so on.  Finally, I was too tired, and the nips were getting more aggressive, so the FP made the eye contact with her, and she went to the middies.  Yes, the middies.  That's what we call the middle of the bed when talking to our cats.  We created this new terminology sometime with the previous two cats.  So, The Fuzz doesn't like to feel trapped and usually will not venture in the middies, unless she wants to be pet very badly.  So, the FP took over, but of course I didn't really get to have any more useful sleep after that.

So, I got out of bed at 9.  And I felt like shit.  Whenever I don't get enough sleep my muscles all are tight.  Anyhoo, I did some "business", which included going back and forth via text with my bff about meeting up in LA before we move to FL, and messaging with another bf about meeting us there also.  Then I went to the mexican market for groceries.  I made caesar salad, because that's what the FP wanted for lunch.  He usually makes it, and it's really damn good.  But, since I wasn't going to go jogging he suggested I make it.  But he always makes the caesar.  He countered, that I knew how to make it too.  So, I said I would just look up one of his cooking class recipes on the mac.  (If you didn't know that I am a cook, this might not seem funny to you.)

So, I made the damn salad.  And it was really tangy, so I added more olive oil, and then the salad seemed too bland so I added more salt, and a little more, and a little more, and then it was too salty for my taste.  For the FP, it was fine, because he always dumps more salt onto his food anyway.   Anyway, I'm not going to give you the recipe or anything, after all, I have a separate food blog for that!

So, after lunch, we put the futon in the bed position and watched all the afternoon sports shows like always.  Well, I slept mostly, but I do like that new show, Dan Le Batard is Highly Questionable?  It's funny.  He's a sports writer in Miami (which happens to be in the area we are moving to), and the set is a pastel kitchen with flamingo wallpaper.  It's just DLB and his dad sitting at a table answering questions about sports news.  It's minimalistic.  I guess people don't like it, but there's something about it that we like.  It's not really overly funny or anything.  Maybe the fact that he clearly likes his dad and gets along with him is nice.  We both have awful dads.  I think they both have Borderline Personality Disorder.  But, I'm not going to get into that too much here, because I have another blog focused on my dad.

Anyhoo, on the way to work, the FP dropped me off at Balboa Park.  If you recall, I walked to the zoo and back in my horrible flip flops a few weeks ago.  That was murder on my feet and legs.  This time, I decided to take it easy.  I got a ride there.  And I went to a couple museums that are free on Tuesday, so way less walking.

So, I went to the Museum of Art first.  There was a show From El Greco to Dali.  I'm not really up on my art history like I was when I was young and in college and I loved taking Humanities classes.  Anyway, I liked the shit.  I realized that I'm still a goth at heart.  The paintings I loved the best were the dark ones.  El Greco's Head of Christ,  Jusepe de Ribera's Head of St. John the Baptist, and another portrait of a fisherman, titled something like  the old fisherman's head.  Guess I like head, LOL.  Of course, Picasso and Dali are always cool too.

After that, I tried to find the Mingei International Museum.  It took a bit, and the front entrance was being redone, so I had to walk around the back way.  And when I got there they told me it was closing in 10 minutes, but they let me in.  Which was cool, because there was just one exhibit I wanted to at least see.  The Maneki Neko!  The Japanese beckoning cats.  You know the ones.  They're usually at the entrance of Chinese restaurants.  Anyway, I love these.  There were all shapes and sizes from the 19th and 20th centuries.  One just wants to grab a couple and run!  I didn't.  There was a staff member hovering over all the cats anyway, telling us all we had a couple minutes left.

After that, I bought an expensive bottled water because I forgot my purple water bottle.  Then I walked home.  In my Nikes.  Much more pleasant of a walk home then last time from the zoo.  45 minutes.

Anyway.  When I got home, I did immediately put on these.

Wow, my feet are big and ugly.  And it looks like I have cankles.  And you can see the sock mark on my big elephant ankles too.  So, these slippers are what this blog post was originally going to be about, but as usual, I've blathered on and on about nothing instead of nothing.  Anyway, these slippers are hideous.  I realize this.  And they are 6 years old.  I got them when we moved to San Diego.  I had that whole broke almost severed middle toe thing going on, so I needed a shoe that would not touch my toe in any way, and that also had good cushioning.  I like that word, cushioning for the pushioning.  So, after my toe healed, I started using these as house slippers.  And they are still intact.  I hate spending loads of money on shoes, but these were like $25.  So I've spent $4.1666666667 or something like that per year on these shoes.  That's a fair deal.  And they are very comfortable.  The soft foamy rubber has cushiony support.  Are they not some of the most ugly slippers you've ever seen?  When my bff came to visit, she asked, why are you wearing your dad's slippers?  

Don't email when you're emotional

 So, this trying to find an apartment across the country without seeing it is weird.  We figure we will get a short term rental while we figure out the area, then we can move to something more...perfect.

Anyway, I went on Trulia to ask for help.  I gave my price range and said short term rental.  So, I got a bunch of responses from different realtors in the area.  I responded to some of them.  So, one guy, his profile picture was of him holding his doggie.  I liked that.  I looked at his profile, and there was something about volunteering with SPCA or something along those lines.  So I sent him a message along with a few other realtors.

First thing in the morning I get a reply from him.

            I don't have anything in that price range.   Sorry.


So, that was annoying.  I went for a jog.  When I got back, I was still thinking about that email.  I did my little weight routine with the 5 pounders.  I did a couple push ups (boy type, not girl).  And I was still obsessing over this email.  So, I wrote him back.  I said,

           Thanks for the quick response.  But I was wondering why you replied to my question if you
           don't have anything available when I listed my price range?

So, he responded

            Meaning there are no units avail. short term for that low of a price.





No fucking shit.  I understood the meaning asshole.  I gots a deegree in readin, bitch!!!!!!!!!!!  I am tempted to write back and be a bitch.  But, I will not.  Fuck him and his little dog.  I should get help from someone else in his realty, and then when I meet him I can say, oh, you're the dog guy.  You're the one who wastes your time, AND MINE, responding to people's questions on Trulia with some cut and paste fake phony answer.  Fuck that.

Poem Day

So, I posted an old poem on the other blog, "A Personal Story".  So, why don't I post one on here too?
Guess I feel lazy today, so why the hell not?


Grandfather's Dentures

My grandfather reaches
with moist fingers
to take out his teeth
and scare my sisters
and me.
Gums and all,
he puts his teeth
in the greasy glass
filled with cloudy water.
He chases us
begging for kisses.
My sisters are
disgusted and scared,
they run away
from the sucking
formless lips,
try to hide.
Not me,
I know those
teeth in the dirty
water aren't real.



Hmm..... I really have no idea what the end means.  Well, honestly, sometimes my meaning isn't what it seems.  Anyway, that was a poem from 10/12/95.  That would have been at Emerson.  I forget that old guy, the professor's name.  He was something else.  Bill....something or other.

Why Don't Cats Understand Pointing?

It gets frustrating when I'm trying to direct a cat to food or an insect, and the cat meows at me and looks at me like I'm stupid.  I can get the cat to smell my finger, but that's as far as it goes.

Also, while I'm talking about cats, again, why are my cats not interested in insects anymore?  Is it just because we have so many?

And another thing about cats.  So, we are moving across the country in a couple of months.  We've been slowly telling people about it.  Honestly, I think the only reason the FP is agreeing to move is because we get to stop one or two nights in New Orleans.  So, getting back to the cats.  Our friend offered us the spare bedroom when we go to New Orleans.  So, I asked the FP to make sure it was okay that our cats would be there too.  So, then, the friend says, I don't think Sassy will like that.  Obviously, Sassy is his cat.  So, now we can't stay with them, even though we would have just kept the cats in the bedroom.  But that is how this guy is.  Meanwhile, my friend who is highly allergic to cats would totally let us stay with her if we asked.

Another thing about cats, I think it's cool when single heterosexual men have cats.  One friend in Boston had this awesome big long haired grey cat named Smokes Butts.  He was a pothead cat.  He just laid around.  One day the roommates were walking into the front door, when they heard a scared meow.  They looked under a car and saw Smokes Butts cowering.  He had been chillin on the window sill and must have fallen three stories down in his sleep.  The vet said that he was fine - if it had been two stories it might have caused damage.  But he was freaked out and hid under the desk for weeks after.

One time, our two grey brother cats were fighting in the tiny studio apartment.  So we brought the bigger slower submissive guy over to stay with Smokes Butts and the roommate's other two cats.  Our cat, Chester, looked like a bigger short haired version of Smokes Butts.  They both had the white patch on their chest.  So, after a little bit, they were best pals.  They were always following each other around, playing, licking each other's asses.  It was cute.  But then it was time to bring Chester back to the studio.  He hated it.  Poor Chester.

One of the worst things about moving is taking the cats.  We've never drugged cats before traveling, but this may be one instance in which we will need to.  The Fuzz hates change.  She doesn't like anything that prevents her from napping around the apartment, with breaks in between to eat and drink.  I don't know if she can handle several long days in the car and several nights in strange hotels.  At the same time, drugs seem to affect her so strongly, I don't want her to be in a heavy sedative haze in the car, and then freak out when it wears off in a hotel room.

Oh cats.  I love them.  But, I can't wait to get a shiba inu dog and a miniature pony.

Whatever Happened to Anderson Cooper?

So, I remember back in the day, when Anderson Cooper was an on location reporter. He went to every violent war torn country, he was one of the first reporters at every natural disaster site. He was admirable, heroic, and good looking. When he started doing a lot of stories with Jeff Corwin, it appeared that the two of them had a special relationship, which made a lot of us admire him more.

The FP got the Anderson Cooper book, "Dispatches from the Edge".  He read it, and then I started reading it.  I read all the way to the Katrina section.  I didn't start it.  And then the FP's friend came to visit, and the FP gave the book to him.  So I never got to read the most important part of the book (to me personally).  I still want to read it, someday.

Now, as I write this blog, his show "Anderson" is on. He is interviewing the Housewives of Beverly Hills. The show seems to be very...Oprah. I know she's rich and is a do gooder and everyone loves her. But, Anderson following in her footsteps? What's going on? I don't even remember the last time I saw him reporting from somewhere other than a TV studio, besides doing the New York New Year's Eve broadcast with Kathy Griffin.

It's like he's gotten soft. It makes me sad. I've seen him giggle way too much in the past few years. Giggle. Uncontrollably. Do you think he's happy? I know that having a job like an international war correspondent can burn someone out, but to turn into a talk show host?

So sad. I miss him standing in the wind blowing around in a hurricane.

Now, when I google him, I find a clip from Anderson. Him going to get a spray tan with... Snooki helping out. Snooki. Don't get me wrong.  I luv Snooks.  She is great.  But, you know how you have friends who you really like, but you don't necessarily ever want them to hang out together or ever meet?  That's how I feel about Anderson Cooper and Snooki.

Oh Anderson! Say it ain't so!!!!!!

Anderson gets a spray tan

Shopping Spree

So, I don't know about you, but I've never been a huge online shopper. Sure, I research stuff online and if I see a better deal online than at the store I'll buy something if I don't need to see it in person. But, there's things that help if you do all the research beforehand. Like when buying a computer. Especially a Mac. Have you ever been to one of those Apple stores? They are horrific. There is always a ton of people there, even though you know that maybe a third are there to purchase or for a service. And they are all touching on the ipads and computers and stuff, spreading germs and being noisy. Meanwhile, there's like one employee for every 3 customers. And they all kind of direct you to someone else, because their job is to just be there chatting about the weekend. Anyway, I can't imagine walking in and just saying, I'd like to buy a computer can you show me options and upgrades? You'd probably walk out of there with a $10,000 computer!

Anyway, since I've been unemployed, I've spent a little more time on the computer. And sometimes I need to buy something, but I don't feel like getting on a bunch of buses to get that thing, and I just want to buy it right then and there. Okay, maybe not there. But, I've become an internet shopper. I've bought books on Amazon.com. That's a good one, because you can get the book you want for way cheaper than at Barnes and Noble if you're willing to wait a week or two for it. I have a hardcover book on order about a lamp. Sounds exciting, no? It's got a human skin lamp shade. Little more exciting, yes? Anyhoo, it cost me around $5.

Also, I bought a 3 pack of acoustic guitar strings from Amazon.com. They were cheaper than musicians friend and the guitar store where we usually buy guitar strings.

Our car remote was falling apart, so I needed to buy a new one. My sis told me about getting a used one online and programming it yourself. So, I got one for $20 - which is about $40 less than if you order it from the company and probably $100 - $150 less than getting it from the dealer. So, that was easy.

I don't know how I stumbled upon diamonds on ebay, buy I did. So, I saw black diamonds going for under $1. I didn't know how small it would be, but I thought it would be tiny. I won it for .72 - and it came in like two days. It was teeny tiny. Like, I probably already lost it. And the funny thing is, the FP laughed at me for buying it. He told me that if I wanted black diamonds there were a bunch at his parents' house. Well, they are used for drill bits so you have to take them off the bit, but the same thing. I asked him why he didn't buy me a black diamond engagement ring. No answer.

So, I also am selling stuff online too. Today, I sold our Bose speakers that I bought maybe 17 years ago. One of the dual cube speaker assemblies doesn't stand upright because the speakers have detached from each other, and the speaker covers are gone. This is totally from it falling so much. Something is wrong with the bass module input or output jacks, so that all three of the cube speakers don't work at once, only two at a time. The sound isn't as crisp as it used to be, although I feel like part of the reason is the location in this apartment. Anyway, I sold it for almost nothing, just to get rid of it. I figured if I couldn't sell it that I would donate it. But, this Filipina lady took it. I tried to get rid of the cheap receiver too, but she didn't want it since she already had one. I made a conscious effort not to clean the stuff up since I was selling it for cheap. The FP didn't even think anyone would actually want the stuff. And it was funny, because the Filipina said, it needs to be cleaned, in that distinct Filipina accent. I just said it's been in the closet for a while. What I didn't say is, yes, that is cat throw up on the one speaker wire. Oh well, another day, another dollar.

Loser - warning: not a funny one today

So, I was going through one of my purple bins today. It has a bunch of old papers. Actually, I need to finish that big mess still. Anyway, it was mostly bank statements. But there were other things too. I realized that when I was younger I had such a bright future.

Look at me now.

Unemployed.

No friends.

No car.

Depressed.

Gaining weight.

Lazy.

Indecisive about my future.


I thought I was going to be a writer. Then I thought I was going to be a great chef. I also dreamed of becoming a rockstar. I'm a mediocre amateur blogger and a mediocre cook, and I'm also a mediocre musician. All mediocre. I would trade all three to be amazing at one. But which one? Don't know. Or I could do something all together different.

I saw an article from when I worked at this bar in New Orleans, with a picture of me holding a plate of beef marrow bones. That was about 10 years ago. I looked so young. So energetic. So full of hope and promise.


I've worked at great restaurants and ran the kitchens.

I had my plays produced by my sis and my friend's boyfriend.

I had lots of great friends.

I've played in a band live on stage.

Look at me now. Where did it all go wrong? I don't know what the fuck to do with my life! Where is that spark I used to have? Why is it that the most interesting thing I can come up with to write about is my hygiene? How do I get that spark back? How do I get myself to care about shit again? Why do I suck so bad? Why can't I just think of a funny topic to write about? I guess this is what a midlife crisis is, right? How does it stop? Am I supposed to buy an expensive sports car and have an affair with a 20 year old bimbo?

So, I think I need to get wasted and make some decisions. It seems like I've made important decisions when I was drunk, and I stuck with it. So, what should I drink? Probably liquor. I'm thinking tequila or vodka. Rum hurts my muscles, I'm not a gin girl, and whiskey makes me angry.

Actually, sangria is good, as is sake. Sake is my alcoholic soulmate. It makes me feel...stellar. Sake. It is. I love sake. My BFF doesn't really like it, and she hates the unfiltered stuff, claiming it is like man juice. Guess I like man juice then.

So, who wants to have some sake with me? Fly on out and help me make decisions! I don't really have much on my plate besides the need to schedule my dental appointment that I bought on Groupon.
Maybe we can find a Groupon for a sushi place!

Hygiene Update

Boy, this blog probably focuses too much on my bodily smells and functions. But, you know, they say, write about what you know best! So, I have this thing that I don't necessarily feel the need to shower if I went swimming in a pool. I know, that's gross. I mean, if I were going to work, or a job interview, or going to play a gig or to a bar or dinner or something important, I would shower.

Once again, there's certain situations in which I don't feel the need to shower if I've been in a pool. And I know just because of the chlorine pools aren't necessarily clean, but they can be cleansing, yes? I mean, if I stink, the pool will rinse the stink off. Does your ass smell like ass? Nothing like a dip in the pool to really get in there and grab the smell. Just think about that next time you swallow pool water. So there. I think this is dia numero dos sin la ducha. Anyway, if you remember, I'm trying to be more green - literally. The one problem I run into though, is that I have dandruff. If I don't warsh my hair every few days (which I don't) then I get all winter wonderland coming out of my hair.

Anyhoo, I've been trying to sell my hair. This is not any easy task. Why don't I just donate it to locks of love, you ask? Because I'm greedy. And I don't quite like what they do. I believe They mainly provide wigs for kids with alopecia which is something that makes kids lose their hair. That's all well and good, but I know that they used to charge cancer patients for wigs. I don't know if the policy has changed. I do see that they make a point to say they "provide" wigs for kids who lost hair for any reasons and that they are not for profit. It's either free or on a sliding scale. But maybe I'm just saying that to make myself feel better because I clearly didn't research to see how the organization is run now.

Getting back to me. And my hair. It's pretty long. I am so over it. I hate having to wash it and comb the tangles out.

I sold it several years ago. And then I slowly grew it out again. I think I had one or two professional haircuts in the whole time since I grew it back out. Anyway. Last time I sold it online on this marketplace called buy and sell hair or something like that. The website became inundated with scammers, so the website was revamped.

I signed up again and posted my hair. I've been talking about selling my hair again for like a year. And people email me. A lot of them are scammers with the certified check deal. The others want to get off on shaving my head, or on watching a video of my head getting shaved. Really.

One guy's email handle is LoverBald. Get it. Creepy. So, we went back and forth on the price. I asked for a lot. He got snippy with me. He said, don't you think that you're asking for too much, especially for your type of hair. Yes, that is what he said. So I explained that I was asking for $200 more than what I thought was the least amount that my hair was worth. I thought that the video was extra. And I said that I didn't know if he was going to be selling the video and if so, I wouldn't be getting any of the royalties. So, he responded, saying that it would be for private use only. Gross. He offered $50 less than my asking price. He creeped me out so much that I said no. Too weird. He asked a week later if I changed my mind. I didn't respond. Then he asked the next week if we could still be friends. I didn't know we were friends to begin with.

So, last time I sold my hair, this one guy was willing to pay a shitload. I don't remember how much, but a lot. It turned out, he just got off on shaving girls heads! Yuck. I was very tempted to do it, but he was creepy. The FP did not want me to do it. So, then I decided I didn't quite want it shaved, I wanted to keep an inch or two. That was a deal breaker for the guy. He got pissed and that was it. About 4 years later, what do I get. An email asking if I would be willing to let a stranger shave my head. Same guy. Same email address. I didn't respond.

The guy I ended up selling my hair to that time gave me a lower offer, but he agreed to come and cut it and give me cash right there. That way, no scam. He didn't quite finish my haircut, so I had the FP snip off the little stray wisps and tails. It looked pretty good for an amateur haircut, actually. So, I dug up this guy's email address. He lives in Seattle, now, I think. He said he would be coming down to San Diego in the fall, and if I wanted, he would buy it at that time. I did get one other offer that seems like it might be legit, but it's easier dealing with someone face to face. So, we'll see what happens. I was going to give a portion of the sale to the Red Cross or some organization for Japan, but now I might just give that portion to my friend who has had a rough summer getting chemo therapy for CNS lymphoma.

weirdness

So, I hate the fact that I missed blogging two days this weekend. Hate it. You know when you get in an accident and you replay the incident in your mind? Maybe that's just me. But I have flashbacks of the feel, the crunch of the car, and how I could have avoided it. I replay the fact that I missed blogging, and the empty feeling I have for missing it, and think about how I could have taken time at some point in my day to blog. But I didn't.

Can, I tell you something personal, something weird? The past couple of days my pee has been smelling like fish sauce. Like Philippine patis. No, it's not like my junk is stinky, it's my pee. What have I been eating? Different stuff. Quite a lot of seafood. Hm.... that's so interesting.

What else can I tell you. Right now there's not much I can tell you. Let's just say, I've been looking into making a big life change. But you already knew that. No, not suicide! But big things are in the works. I saw this commercial on TV a few nights ago around 2 am. It changed my life. For just a mere $69.99, my life is going to be different. I'm going places. You'll see. My informational packet is in the mail 2-3 weeks. Okay, not really. But we were in Starbucks (yuck) the other day and this creepy guy actually started talking about an infomercial he had seen about how to buy houses for cheap, one of the schemes that is old news.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about my fish sauce pee. Oh, and generally my pee is light pale yellow or clear. The past few days it's been yellow. Weird.

Oh, and let me tell you about the FP. I feel like I don't talk about him enough on this blog. So, he has night terrors, and talks in his sleep, and snores and a couple of times he has elbowed me while he was having a violent dream. So, last night, he was night humming! Like hmm hmm hmm hh hm hh hmm. Just a couple of measures - a few seconds. Weird. But it was a happy humming. I wonder what he was dreaming about? Must have been a nice dream. Sleep humming.

sucks

I didn't write a blog yesterday. I didn't get a chance. I suck. Things are not as glamorous for me as they might seem right now. I'm so confused and my future feels so bleak. Calgon take me the fuck away!!!!! Anyway, I don't want to write when I'm not my usual chipper self. So, I'm sorry to all you fans out there for my absence yesterday. My humble apologies. You can always google dirty jokes .com or a similiar site for your daily dose of enlightenment or humor if I fail to do the job. Thank you and goodnight!




Okay, that was just a lame excuse. I was busy and I did not remember to write, and I got home too late to write at night. I suck.

Many Manly Men and Womany Womanly Women

So, it's the start of the second half of the opening NFL game of the season. Football. So manly. So, I thought I would talk about men and women.

There's all those commercials that focus on what's manly, and there's also those spoof DQ commercials, which are pretty good. Anyway, what's manly and how does sexual orientation figure into the definition? I don't think sexual orientation matters. Case in point, my buddy, we'll call him Tiger Clean. He loves football. He's very physically fit. He's a bouncer or barback a couple nights a week. He curses and he gets scary when he's pissed off. And he likes dick.

So, nonalcoholic beverages -
You go to a restaurant and get a Coke with a straw wrapped in paper.

Womanly reaction - unwrap the straw and put it in the cup. The type of woman who forgoes the straw and drinks from the rim of the cup that others have quaffed from are the type of women who wear some super oil based hot pink lipstick that doesn't rub off. Even when run through the dishwasher. I mean, that's the only shade of lipstick you ever see on a dirty glass, right?

Manly reaction - don't even touch the straw. Leave it where the "waitress" left it so there is no mistake that the "man" at the table wouldn't even think to use the straw unless to play that game where you twist the ends and snap it with your index finger. (That's such a satisfying feeling - that snap of the straw.) And this man will drink from the rim where the lipstick is and not even notice. And if someone were to point it out to the manly man, he would shrug his shoulders with a so what look. It's just like kissing a strange lady, right? What's manlier than that? But if the straw were to be preinserted into the glass, then the man would do the ultimate testosterone defining move - he would bend the tip of the straw against the side of the glass and hold it there every time he took a drink.

Mowing the Lawn

Womanly approach - call the hot young landscaper. Or dress all provocative and go out there and work up a sweat and cause a disturbance pushing the big bad lawnmower around - turn it into a burlesque show. Or use the riding mower and don't even break a sweat.

Manly approach - put on shorts - preferrably cut offs - and a T shirt. Make a big show of filling the tank with gas. Nod sternly to other men passing by, and say something manly, like time to mow the grass. Nod and wink to women passing by, and say something manly, like gotta keep the missus happy. Make a huge show of starting the engine. Get really physically in there, and make lots of noises, like lives depend on starting this thing. When it finally starts, stand back and wipe brow. As soon as four minutes pass, stop, take off t shirt and wipe brow. Stand there grunting until someone notices. Then nod and continue mowing.

Eating Nuts

Womanly reaction - pick through the pile, inspect carefully, and delicately insert into the mouth one at a time. Discreetly spit out any that taste funny into a tissue. Comment on how salty they are, and maybe wipe them off a little if it's that offensive. Wash it down with bottled water.

Manly reaction - grab a fistful, shake it around in closed palm, and shoot em into the mouth. Take a swig of beer - like a third of the bottle. Then grab another handful of nuts and knock em back. Chew them around making loud crunching noises, then swallow. Take another big gulp of beer and burp as loud and long as possible. Say, "man those are some tasty nuts." Then grin at companions.



I'm sure I could come up with more comparisons, but not tonight, dear, I've got a headache.

facebook Quotes

Here is the ultimate laziness in blog posting. It's too hot for me to think straight!!! So, I'm just going to quote facebook status updates and whatnot, anonymously of course, since I'm not going to like ask for permission or anything.


It feels like Christmas Eve

But I don't want to keep up with the Kardashians, except to bitch slap all of them at least once.

One melted Sisters of Mercy Floodland tape. 1987-2011. *raises fist at heat*

Piper the cocker spaniel is a morning person... or dog!

Is there ever a good answer to "I wonder what the dog is playing with that is making that unusual noise?"

You've got to be a special kind of stupid to slam your stethoscope in your car door and drag it to and from work at least twice without noticing. Thanks to the good Samaritan who flagged me down on the interstate. I'm sorry I thought you were a car jacker.

Apparently San Diego's weather is confused with Vegas in the summer weather today....Me no likey

Wife finds her husband up alone at night. As she watches him wipe a tear from his eye "What's the matter?" He says"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" The wife touched at his caring says "Yes, I do. "You remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car and shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years" "I remember" she replies softly,He cries "I would have gotten out today!"

Easy-E would have been 48 today.

Genetic improvement is constrained by the biological production cycle of the bovine so extreme makeovers are not typically recommended."

Someone asked what was my most embarrassing moment. I made something up, because I was too embarrassed to say.. Ever happen to you?

NPR did a little montage of right-wing comments on the new birth control no-copay policy. One chick said "If they're going to provide free birth control and free abuse counselling, why not a free mani-pedi?"
Are you serious?

I'm concept mapping the nervous system and want a really big set of Crayola colored
pencils. In other news, my nerdiness has reached an all time high.

Taught my first creative writing class, drank so much coffee I was shaking and got chalk all over my black dress. Mission: weird poet teacher, accomplished.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run....

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Funny Weather

So, here in the land of "perfect weather" it rained yesterday on Labor Day. Do you see the irony in that? People flock to the beach, flock to San Diego from out of town to go to the beach, to go to the beach for the last official beach day, and it rains! LOL! It's been so dry for so long, that the sound of rain was unfamiliar to me. It woke me up in the middle of the night. And it rained earlier today, and now it's hot and muggy. I feel like I'm in Florida, not California.

It's so hot that the fish tank temperature was just at the top of the green area of the thermometer. Pete the fish has been so hot that he's just been buried deep in his shell all day. The cats are snoozing on the dining room chairs that are pushed in under the dining room table.

There's fires in Texas, and there's remnants of storms in the east. And while it's not weather, I want to mention that there's earthquakes too.

According to wikipedia, because I couldn't find any other site, there have been 5(?) typhoons.

The economy of the world is not healthy.

I have no job.

It feels like the world is coming to an end. If so, we don't want everyone to know. If everyone decided that the world was indeed ending on December 21, 2012, then the next year and four months would suck. A lot of people would stop working. A lot of people would stop abiding laws even if law enforcement didn't up and quit. I mean, look at what happened in England a month ago. Rampant rioting and looting. Did you see that news clip of this kid who got hurt in the middle of a riot, and these guys acted like they were helping him stand, but they really just took the opportunity to take shit out of his backpack? That's fucked up.

If everyone knew that the world was coming to an end, I would just assume I was going to get mugged raped and beat up before that end of days, probably multiple times. But the pisser would be that no one would be decent enough to murder me. I always assume my car is going to be broken into every night, if the end of the world were coming for sure, I would KNOW my car would be gone one day.

I bet a lot of people would cheat on their significant others. Hell, a lot of people cheat on their significant others now.

People would also take risks they previously would not have taken. They would buy, or rather, steal more motorcycles and sports cars and drive recklessly. There wouldn't be any kind of insurance of any kind anymore, and medications and medical help would be limited, so if people got hurt, they would just die.

People would definitely not do their taxes, although federal employees who worked for the IRS would probably be some of the first people to quit.

I wonder if there would be an influx in the religious communities. Maybe some people would abandon religion while others would take it up with newfound zeal.

The drug business would be very profitable, for those who decided to continue to work, that is. And there would be way less risk with less law enforcement around.

Of course, the scientific community would still have those heroes still working. They would be working around the clock to end the end of the world. Although that would be very difficult, because they would need basic services to keep running, like electricity and water.

It sounds terrible. If it were hot, there would probably not be air conditioning or water, and pools would get nasty and stagnant. Then there would be a huge explosion of the mosquito population. So, then people would start dying off of mosquito transmitted diseases. There would most likely be a consequential explosion in the fly and maggot population as well, with all the dead bodies and garbage never being picked up. Of course rats, mice and roaches would also be rolling in all the shit all over the streets, which would also lead to more infection of the general population.

Maybe the whole human race would basically die off before the end of the world even came around.

Maybe I'm just too damn hot and dehydrated and I've watched that commercial for the Samsung Satellite laptop too many times.

Laboring Over the Labor Day Post

So, I've been pondering this post all day, as in what to write about. First of all, I hope everyone is enjoying their Labor Day, even if you are one of the several who have to labor on this day. As you may know if you have read this blog before, I have not labored for several months. (I will most likely never go into labor.) Anyway, there are a lot of you who have welcomed this weekend and needed the rest. Especially with this high unemployment rate, those of you who are working are most likely working harder to make up for the work that those of us would be doing if the economy weren't in the shitter and we were not unemployed.

Anyway, I think I will babble on about my employment history. That sounds exciting! I think I'll just write until I feel like stopping. If I write about every job it will be a pretty lengthy post.

So, my first job was cleaning my mom's office. That was a sweet job. It was a lot of money for a kid. I was urged to save most of it, which I dutifully did, with the exception of buying a cassette tape or two every week.

My next paid job was not until several years later, in Boston. I worked at Ben N Jerry's. The running joke at my university was that all us grad students worked at coffee shops and ice cream shops, although, I was the only one I knew who didn't have a professional job. This place was a great job! I mean, the boss pretty much worked in the morning, then the college kid took over around 12pm - 6pm, then another kid came in some time in the afternoon and closed. So, there was minimal supervision. The boss totally trusted one college kid to train another college kid to eventually leave on his or her own to handle money and close. I was writing the schedule after a couple months there. The girl who was writing the schedule had quit, and none of the guys who had been there longer wanted to write the schedule. So, it was the day before the next week, so I had to start writing it in order to know when I was working. And, we could eat all the product we wanted. I was eating a cone, a shake or a sundae every single day. Later on, when the FP started working there with me, we learned that we could make alcoholic shakes while closing, that way we could get a head start on the drinking before we hit the club.

Towards the end of my time in Boston, I got a part time job at the Sam Adams Brewery. That job really was very part time, but it was also a great job. I ran the gift shop. The brewery was only opened for scheduled tours, and the gift shop was positioned at the end of the tour. So I only had a few hours in which I had to sell things. The other hour or two was stocking and doing inventory. Most everyone there was laid back and they all loved beer. This was my introduction to real beer. And really the best part about it was that I got two cases of beer a month. If there was expired beer, which was still drinkable, I could take one or two cases of those as well. And of course, employees had pretty much unlimited access to the taps in the tasting room. My friends came to the brewery twice, and we hung out for hours after the place closed drinking the free flowing beer. What a fun job!

My first job in New Orleans was at a business on Metairie road with later was torn down and relocated. Coffee Cottage. It was a coffee shop which also served food. The vibe at this place was weird. I was originally impressed with the owner because he graduated from the CIA. He was creepy, though. And I guess they used cake mix for the cakes! Only college girls, mostly pretty ones, worked there. And he had cameras all over the place. He allegedly locked himself in the office all day long and viewed all the footage from the cameras. I believe he also made lots of dirty comments to the girls who had been there for a long time. Gross. But, I had some fun nights there. Like the one time this girl was talking about rough sex with her boyfriend. She didn't know there was this old couple in the restaurant, and she was talking very loudly. That was funny.

Next job, Spice Inc. Another beloved job, with an amazing chef owner. I got to work there when we opened. It was such a great concept, so ahead of it's time! Before we opened we had orientation and we tasted teas, olive oils, vinegar, and other stuff. This was my introduction to quality ingredients. And also to really good gourmet deli food and desserts. Unfortunately, this place didn't last as long as it should have. In the early days of the opening, it was like a big party. There were way too many employees on each shift, so we spent a lot of time getting to know each other. One of the best parts was closing, doling out the leftover sandwiches (these sandwiches were so delicious) and the leftover tortilla espanol. This was my first taste of tortilla espanol, and I wanted to eat it every day. On nights when there was none left I was always so bummed! Anyway, even if there were no leftovers to take home, the employee discount seemed to be pretty generous, so we always had that.

The job that I left Spice Inc for was the most influential job of my life, to this day. Vega. This was my first kitchen job. I started on pantry, and I must say, this is probably the most difficult pantry station I've encountered to date. There were so many items on pantry! I admit, I just didn't start the job and master it right away. It was difficult. And the place was so busy! I had lots of work related nightmares there! But, my boss was amazing. She encouraged me to develop as a chef. Over the years, I moved up, and when I left, my title was sous chef. Besides my boss, I met so many amazing coworkers over the years - people who have become lifelong friends. And the Christmas parties were always memorable. My boss always wanted one to be better than the last. So many memories there, good and bad.

Windsor Court. I did an externship there one summer in the pastry department. It was a good chance to work in an area I didn't have experience in. It was interesting to work in an upper echelon fine dining establishment. I kind of had an opportunity to stay on and move to the hotline, but I was kind of scared and I didn't stay.

Cafe Negril. Oh Chef Palmer. I miss your soulful food. I didn't cook there, though, I was a waitress. One of my first days there, I watched a fight between Palmer and the owner, because Palmer had left his weed in the freezer, and the owner had thrown it out or given it away - probably to be a dick. That was a fun job, but I made less and less money the more I worked there. Also, the owners, while entertaining, were scary. One owner told me I was going to have to eventually drop off the deposit, and that would mean I would have to learn to shoot a gun and carry one. In New Orleans. No fucking way. They would get shitfaced, and by the end of the night, the one owner would be accusing us of stealing money, all the while pushing drink after drink on us and trying to hit on one waitress or another.

Herbsaint. Amazing restaurant. I did horribly there. I couldn't hack it in that tiny testosterone filled kitchen.

Whole Foods. Fun fun job. Prepping shit all day, watching the customers walk by, answering their questions. Eating my discount yogurt on my lunch break. My sis worked there before me, so went I started, she got like a $100 referral bonus. And some people from different departments would often go to the bar across the street after work and have drinks. And somehow, we always got our surplus bonus every month. I got in trouble during Mardi Gras though. I didn't realize I was supposed to go in 2 hours early to open. I showed up wasted. I got in trouble. I had to make 150 pounds of different chicken salads, which made me want to throw up. The chef let all the boys go home early, and I had to stay til close all by myself.

The Delachaise. I loved getting to do whatever the fuck I wanted, foodwise. I'm sure some of it bombed, but it was like my own laboratory, to experiment with whatever ingredients I could get in small enough quantities. As far as budget and stuff, I reported to my bosses. My dramatic drinking bosses. But, I got to make anything I wanted. I had access to whatever I felt like drinking - on the clock. I didn't really get paid much, but what a fun job that was. Especially during Mardi Gras, watching all the parades go by.

And Mango House. Such great food. Caribbean yumminess. I loved almost everything on the menu. Fun place, cool people, great cocktails! Dirty little old shack though. My sis also worked with me here, although this time, I started first, without a referral bonus. But, I had a great boss who trusted me to run the place when she wasn't there - boy, what was she thinking?! Anyway, I worked there until Katrina. My one gripe was that we had to pay for Christmas party. My boss had hired her friend to cater it, kind of as a favor to him, and so that none of us had to cook. But I like cooking for parties. And I didn't want to pay someone to do it for me. And, his gumbo wasn't that good. He ended up working there for a while, and he was a cool guy, but I kinda always begrudged him that expensive gumbo!

I'm going to stop here. I kinda wrote a little about some jobs here in San Diego in a previous blog. Plus, I don't feel like writing anymore, as you probably don't feel like reading any more if you've actually read this whole thing! And anyway, how much can one go on about themselves anyway? Blah, blah blabbity blah.

Who Walked Into The Bar?

I had a couple of glasses of sangria today, and we finished recording a song. Yes, we are like Sonny & Cher...

Anyhoo, I got loopy off that little amount of sangria due to my impaired tolerance of alcohol. And writing lyrics and trying to sing and record them for the first time is very taxing, because I can't sing too good. So, this is my excuse for an abbreviated blog tonight!

A "Fill In The Blank" walked into the bar jokes. You know these. I remember seeing an improv comedy troupe make up jokes on the fly, and it always left a lasting impression on me that they could just spout these out. So, some of these are mine, some are not. But, I did not google these jokes. That's probably a bad thing.

A portobello mushroom walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender replies, we don't serve your kind here. The portobello replies, Why not, I'm a fungi?

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender replies, sorry, we don't serve food here.

A wrench walks into a bar and orders a half and half. The bartender replies, don't be such a tool.

A tabby cat slinks into a bar and orders a coors light. The bartender replies, you're such a pussy.

An old dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. He laps it up and leaves. A three legged puppy walks in and asks, have you seen my paw?

A termite walks into a bar and asks, where is the bar tender?

A penis walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, we don't serve your kind here. The penis replies, oh blow me, you probably couldn't even give me one inch head anyway!

A vagina storms into a bar and yells at the bartender, you fingered me! The bartender replies, that's the only way I could tell it was you in the police lineup!

A beer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks, what are you, a cannibal? The beer replies, no, I'm lonely.

Got any better ones?

Fruity Clean

So, as you might know, I don't always shower daily. I don't want to strip my aging skin of essential oils by over showering and drying out my skin. Nah, that's not really why. I just don't feel the need to shower to sit around the apartment all day long and alternate between blogging, going on facebook, craigslist and ebay, and watching That 70s show (which is always on).

However, when I do shower, I end up smelling like ambrosia salad. I have been using the same brand shampoo and conditioner for years. Why? Just because one day I was walking down the street, and a woman I was passing stopped me and said my hair smelled great. She asked what shampoo I used. Garnier Fructis, I replied. An unfamiliar female complimenting my hair is one of the ultimate compliments. Okay, I have tried other shampoos at around the same price point, but they're not as good. Anyway, it smells citrusy fresh.

So then, there's the soap. We've become a body wash family. The FP is so manly that he isn't afraid to also smell like a fruit salad. We don't have a go to brand of body wash, but I will say the cheapest ones are not a bargain. They are really too watery, and they leave one feeling not so fresh unless one uses way more product. Currently, we are using Clean and Clear mango papaya flavored soap with bursting beads filled with fruit extract. Personally, I would prefer to have a creamy relaxing moisturizing body wash, and an exfoliating energizing one as well. But, sadly, we are not a two body wash income family. One of the more memorable flavors is the suave coconut one with bits of coconut husk for scrubbing action. But, you know, there's like any flavor available, really, apricot, orange, tangerine, strawberry, raspberry, green tea, chamomile, lavender, passion fruit, kiwi, mango, cocoa, vanilla, acai berry, cucumber. You name it, there is probably a soap somewhere with that fragrance.

Of course, there's also the important hair serum for after. Currently, I'm using this coconut milk flavored stuff that smells like coconut cake. I love it. I'm like a walking dessert. I'm like tutti frutti gelato.

Not everyone is big on smelling like sweets, though. I really don't quite understand it, but that is the way it is. Especially guys. Those manly body washes are usually overbearing. They just smell like cheap cologne to me. If we stick with the food theme, body washes for men could be more...savory. Like, steak. How's that for a manly smell? Or fried chicken. I love the smell of fried chicken! Maybe even french fries. Spaghetti and meatballs, pizza, philly cheesesteak? There could be non edible scents as well, I guess. Fresh cut grass - nothing more manly than that. Brand new sneakers? For the rock stars - Fender Telecaster or Gibson Les Paul. Crisp hundred dollar bill. Gold jewelry. New luxury sports car smell? So, the guy wouldn't have to actually have the car, he could just smell like it, way cheaper. So, who wants to start a male body wash line of products? We will blow Axe away!