Who Walked Into The Bar?

I had a couple of glasses of sangria today, and we finished recording a song. Yes, we are like Sonny & Cher...

Anyhoo, I got loopy off that little amount of sangria due to my impaired tolerance of alcohol. And writing lyrics and trying to sing and record them for the first time is very taxing, because I can't sing too good. So, this is my excuse for an abbreviated blog tonight!

A "Fill In The Blank" walked into the bar jokes. You know these. I remember seeing an improv comedy troupe make up jokes on the fly, and it always left a lasting impression on me that they could just spout these out. So, some of these are mine, some are not. But, I did not google these jokes. That's probably a bad thing.

A portobello mushroom walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender replies, we don't serve your kind here. The portobello replies, Why not, I'm a fungi?

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender replies, sorry, we don't serve food here.

A wrench walks into a bar and orders a half and half. The bartender replies, don't be such a tool.

A tabby cat slinks into a bar and orders a coors light. The bartender replies, you're such a pussy.

An old dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. He laps it up and leaves. A three legged puppy walks in and asks, have you seen my paw?

A termite walks into a bar and asks, where is the bar tender?

A penis walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, we don't serve your kind here. The penis replies, oh blow me, you probably couldn't even give me one inch head anyway!

A vagina storms into a bar and yells at the bartender, you fingered me! The bartender replies, that's the only way I could tell it was you in the police lineup!

A beer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks, what are you, a cannibal? The beer replies, no, I'm lonely.

Got any better ones?