Craigslist....again....

So, I know I do this quite often, but this is weird.  I was looking in the domestic help section, and there were even more shady ads than usual, it seemed.



I think this one is for a female superhero?

Your HIRED (Pompano/Boca)

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Date: 2012-02-12, 4:50PM EST
Reply to: 4prdq-2848220851@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Looking to hire someone for Monday night around 7:30.
Female
Ask for details

• Location: Pompano/Boca
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Ask

PostingID: 2848220851

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Is this one for sex or drugs, or both?

NEW SOBE BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY (Dade&Broward)

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Date: 2012-02-13, 5:38PM EST
Reply to: vsxrt-2850043549@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are starting a new and exciting business on beautiful south beach and we are looking for some outgoing, fun, quick learning, energetic, and money motivated people to help us grow a new market in this area. We are fun people who love to have a good time while making serious incomes. If you fit the above criteria please give us a call for more information. Please call 954 699 8467 and leave a detailed message with your name and number, and we will return your call asap. Serious inquiries only please. Thank you.

• Location: Dade&Broward
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Great pay

PostingID: 2850043549





Obviously escorts, but maybe some dumb girl would answer this and get roped into it.  Next thing she knows, she's got her face in the lap of some business man from Wisconsin who's talking about his wife and how he never does this, but he was just so tense....

Party Girls Make the Most (South Beach)

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Date: 2012-02-14, 1:17AM EST
Reply to: fjbqc-2850625026@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Want to make money? Are you a beautiful girl with a sunny side then email Anna for more information.

• Location: South Beach
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $300 to $1000 a day

PostingID: 2850625026




Maybe this one is totally legit, but the first sentence just sounds creepy to me.  Maybe it's me.  My mind must just be in the gutter.

House Assistant - $100-$200 CASH (Miami beach)

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Date: 2012-02-16, 6:12AM EST
Reply to: shgqx-2854080167@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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I'm in need of a woman to assist one night a week for a few hours. (Sunday or Monday evenings)
Prepare a nice meal.
Tidy up the place and do the dishes.
Maybe some Shopping.
Must be english speaking please.
Be trustworthy.
Reliable.
Clean and neat appearance.

NO RESUMES please, just a brief description and why you are the best candidate.
:

• Location: Miami beach
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $100+

PostingID: 2854080167

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Aren't there companies you can call for this instead of going on craigslist?!?

Erotic Massage Wanted (West Palm Beach)

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Date: 2012-02-16, 4:03PM EST
Reply to: 7rczf-2854971815@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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I would like to hire a beautiful female to give my wife and I a sensual massage at our hotel room over the weekend. We are both very attractive, athletic, and fun. Please send a picture if interested.

• Location: West Palm Beach
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Negotiable

PostingID: 2854971815






Here are some listings under "talent".  Seems like a loose definition to me.  I love the explanation of the pay.

Looking for Video Chicks (South Florida)

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Date: 2012-02-16, 4:29PM EST
Reply to: qq3nt-2855021072@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Looking for girls for party scene
This gig is not a paying one but food will be provided
Also the main video model has not been cast and one of you lucky ladies may be cast as her( she will be compensated)
The shoot will be held on February 25th from 10 to 3
If interested reply back with contact information and a picture of yourself

• Location: South Florida
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2855021072





Quick cash, right?

Model tonight for cash (Brwd)

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Date: 2012-02-16, 3:46PM EST
Reply to: 3gcnd-2854937957@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Modeling job available tonight. If you need to make a little cash tonight, have a good figure and not shy, write now with a photo to secure this gig. No modeling experience needed.

• Location: Brwd
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2854937957





This one is for the type a go getters... who like to "network".

VIP___ Bottle Servers (Miami )

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Date: 2012-02-16, 4:08PM EST
Reply to: d5rmt-2854980503@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Casting hardworking female models with outgoing personalities. There are 7 open positions to be filled.

The model's responsibilities include greeting, serving, and entertaining our guests.

We seek models who are not only attractive but have the fun personality to go with it.

This is also a great opportunity to network with a high end crowd.

If you're interested, respond with an email with the following info:

Earn $ 250 Per day


* NAME
* PHONE NUMBER
* EXPERIENCE
* AGE
* MIN 5 PHOTOS

Indicate . " VIP SERVER " . in the subject line.

This one is great.  How can you turn down the pay rate of $15.000 per month?!?  A whole 15 dollars????!!!!

Italian Company From Milan $15.000 Month Top Female Models no exp (Ftlauderdale Fla,)

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Date: 2012-02-16, 3:11PM EST
Reply to: zt49t-2828866026@gigs.craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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This Is A Top Escort Service Cliants From All Over The World. France,Germany,Dubai,Turkey,Saudi Arabia,Italy,And More.

Please We Are Looking For Sexy And Hot Girls For This GIG,

Are You A Open Minded And Love To Have Fun And Make Money?

Please Send Pictures They Don't Have To Be Model Pictures. You Can Take Pictures Front Of The Mirrow With Your Phono Camera,

• Location: Ftlauderdale Fla,
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $15.000

PostingID: 2828866026

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I sent in my resume and my photo to all of these.... waiting to hear back...... hopefully I'll be working tonight, or definitely by tomorrow night?  If lucky, I'll get the one that pays in food?

Har Har

So... I reread my blog post from last night.  Funny stuff.  I mean, funny spelling.  

Anyway, I'm kinda tired.  If I make more typos tonight I won't be surprised.  I was filling out these entry forms online for some $500 sweepstakes and I kept spelling my name and email address wrong.  

Do you have friends or family who cannot text for shit, and it's like decoding cuneiform reading that shit? The FP's sister is like that.  She kind of has diarrhea of the mouth and mind.  When she texts, it's like her fingers can't keep up with her brain.  It's always long long texts with lots of typos and misspellings and grammatical errors.  Sometimes it's just undecipherable. 

The FP hates posting or texting with any kind of misspelling or typo.  It pisses him off, probably after having to read his sister's confusing messages all the time.  So, tonight, he posted pictures of the home studio, but he wrote sudio.  As in Sussudio.... LOL.  

So, I don't really know what else to write about.  The server doesn't even want to save this blog - guess it's not publishworthy....

Yes, that is a word.  I majored in creative writing.

Shut up.  Yes, I did major in creative writing just so I could write this blog.  There are lots of less noble ambitions in life!

Speaking of less, amibitions, life... the FP asked me what I wanted to do for New Year's.  I told him, "I want to work."  I was serious.

There is something appealing about doing a prix fixe menu, plowing through all the orders, and drinking champagne, and doing a lousy job breaking down on New Year's Eve.  It's just one of those nights that I generally enjoy working in a kitchen.  Maybe that's weird to you?  But I really like it.  And, I'm not a huge fan of going out on New Year's anyway.  Sure, I've had some great New Year's Eves.  And I've had some shit ones.  I'm not a fan of amateurs all packing every place I like to go, just waiting to scream "Happy New Year" and blow into that horn thing.  I remember one night being in a cab at the stroke of midnight.  Another year, I was in my car driving around looking for a parking space.  

Anyway, I'm totally ready to work.  Well, I think so.  I am totally ready to make money.  And I am totally ready to interact with people other than the FP and Stinksy and The Fuzz.  And I'm totally ready to have a regular routine too.  Now, I just need to find the right job....

So here's an ad in craigslist:

Hot Line Cook (Pompano)

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Date: 2011-12-26, 1:48PM EST
Reply to: job-rqncc-2769451344@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are looking for a hot production cook who is highly motivated and has vast knowledge working with sauces, soups, meat, fish and poulty. Please do not respond if you are not highly qualified in this type of work. Need to be very fast paced. Reliable transportation a must.

• Location: Pompano
• Compensation: Dependent on Experience
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I'm just wondering - isn't it discriminating to only want a good looking line cook?  What about EOE?

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Here's another:

short order cook (Hallandale Beach)

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Date: 2011-12-26, 1:16PM EST
Reply to: frankt1952@bellsouth.net ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Full and part time cooks START TODAY must have Exp. Neat and clean only need apply.Must speak english .Apply in person at 2805 East Hallandale Beach Bulv.. Hallandale,Florida
or Call Frank (954) 612-3676. Need help now.

• Location: Hallandale Beach
• Compensation: $300.00 to $700.00 per week
• Telecommuting is ok.
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2769395881

Is it also discriminating to only want "short"  order cooks?  I am short, so maybe I should apply, but it doesn't seem right.  Maybe the kitchen ceiling is just really low?

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And then this one

NO Skills? OK. Don´t Drive? We will pick you up. Start Today (South Florida)

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Date: 2011-12-24, 9:57AM EST
Reply to: dedecortonfe@hotmail.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are looking for Escorts. We are a licensed, very busy professional upscale Escort Agency, with over three thousand regular clients.

We are looking to hire a few attractive ladies must be of legal age.
Your safety is our number one concern.

No experience necessary we will train you. Start Today!!!

Cash today!!! $500 + daily.

Drive yourself or use our drivers
No car necessary, we have drivers that will pick you up from home and take you back at the end off your shift.

Make your own schedule. Full or Part time. We are open 24 Hours a day 7 days a week. Call NOW.
Or reply back by email to newmodel25@gmail.com with a description and pictures, for us to get a general idea of what you look like.

No habla Ingles? No hay problema

954-303-5027

• Location: South Florida
• Telecommuting is ok.
• OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2767652807

I really don't know what more one can say about this one.   "No skills?  OK."  Classic.  Just classic.  And classy as well.

Email Karma

 So, do you ever get emails from strangers, and something about the whole interaction pisses you off?  Well, I do.  I was taught by my dad to fly off the handle at the first mention of any bad news.  I realize that I tend to do this, so, I try to take a step back and assess the situation.  Sometimes, I know I'm being irrational and I take no action before I calm down.  Sometimes, I am just mad and I want to rage, but I try to stop myself.  


So, a little after we had made our decision to move to Florida, I started searching the internets for real estate sites.  I found the site, Trulia, where one can ask questions and people (mainly realtors) can answer.  So, I asked about short term rentals and also about houses for sale as well.  I spelled out my general needs, price range, etc.  I got many responses from realtors wanting to help me.  I emailed them and asked for help finding a short term rental.  One woman answered right away.  She sent me some leads within a couple days.  Most though, said they would look and get back to me.  They never got back to me.  


One realtor in particular struck me with his answer to my question:

Hello, 

I'll be more than happy to assist you in locating the best rental property available for your money. However, the only way I can do this is by first discovering your individual needs. 

1) Do you have children? If so, the quality of the school district you move into may be of some importance. 

2) What criteria shall I include (and/or exclude) when conducting the search of the MLS for your rental? 

3) What is your price range? If I can't find another 2 bedroom, will a 3 bedroom do? Likewise, if there are no condos available, will you consider a single family home? Do you have a pet? 

4) ...and on and on and on. 

The choice is yours. You can work with a random agent who throws properties at you hoping one will stick...or you can work with a qualified Realtor with 8 years experience providing excellent Real Estate services designed specifically for your particular needs. 

I look forward to your call. My direct number is xxx-xxx-xxxx

So, the answer seemed so detailed for a short term rental.  The other thing that got me was his profile picture.  He was holding a little dog, like a rat terrier or something.  So, I figured, someone with a pet would be more understanding and helpful.  I looked at his profile, and this was on it:

Interests:

---------- is interested in seeing an end to animal cruelty, especially on the farm.

So, I'm a sucker for animals.  I wanted this guy to be my realtor.  So I emailed him.  He sent a short reply back, something like, "Sorry, I don't have any rentals at that price range."  It was just like he held the stinky diaper away from his nose as he disposed of it.  Can't be bothered.  So, I emailed him back and asked why he bothered to respond to my question if he couldn't help me.  He replied again, with something like, "what I mean is, I don't have any rentals for that low."  So, obviously, when he answered my question on Trulia, he hadn't actually read it.  He obviously just cut and pasted some generic response to reel suckers in like me!

Fast forward to last week.  At this point, I am really anxious to have a rental lined up before we get there.  I responded to any listing on craigslist that seemed kinda in the ballpark of what we needed.  So, honestly, I got a couple responses, some were not what we needed, so I didn't reply back.  A few days later, I got a very nasty email, regarding a previous one.  So, started the back and forth:

        

Hi, (10/17 - me)

Do you do month to month terms?  And do you allow cats?  I'm looking for a place starting Nov. 18.  

Hi  (10/18 - apt guy)

I will have one apartment available for one month from Nov 18Th, a cat will be OK

If you want a reservation or more information call me tomorrow

          Thanks

         Hi  (10/20 - apt guy)

Wat was the point of asking a Question if you don,t respond back?

         (10/23 - me)

         I apologize for not responding.  You wrote:

"If you want a reservation or more information call me tomorrow"

          I don't want a reservation, so I guess that's why I didn't respond.   I am so used to trying to              contact apartment managers and do not get a response, so I guess I'm doing the same thing, which I shouldn't.    Thanks for the information.  I would be apprehensive to rent from you now because of your belligerent response, we did not even meet yet and it's already started on bad terms.

         Excuses , Excuses, Excuses   (10/23 - apt guy)

            

Serious people call me , i give them the information and then they make the reservation if they want

90% send Emails without responding back like you, So what is the point of sending the Email if you don,t respond, I receive 50-60 Emails per day and 90% of them are like you don,t respond back

OK my Dear Mad Christine, I am sick of you people not responding back 

Thanks and Good Luck Finding your Dream place  

             (10/23 - me)

             Thanks!  I'm excited to find my dream place!  Sorry to waste your time.

So, to put things in perspective, the place looked great from the pictures and the website.  But, he didn't have what I needed, his grammar and spelling were not the best, and I was just following his instructions, as he said nothing about if I did not want to make a reservation!  I should have known from the craigslist ad though, that the guy was a cranky guy.  At the bottom of the listing, it read,

"EMAILS WITHOUT NAMES AND TEL NUMBERS WILL BE DELETED"

So, my bad for even bothering with this one!  I wonder if I had made a sob story about someone being in the hospital or something if he still would have been pissed....probably, his time is very valuable.  But, I think it's more of a case of email karma.

Shopping Spree

So, I don't know about you, but I've never been a huge online shopper. Sure, I research stuff online and if I see a better deal online than at the store I'll buy something if I don't need to see it in person. But, there's things that help if you do all the research beforehand. Like when buying a computer. Especially a Mac. Have you ever been to one of those Apple stores? They are horrific. There is always a ton of people there, even though you know that maybe a third are there to purchase or for a service. And they are all touching on the ipads and computers and stuff, spreading germs and being noisy. Meanwhile, there's like one employee for every 3 customers. And they all kind of direct you to someone else, because their job is to just be there chatting about the weekend. Anyway, I can't imagine walking in and just saying, I'd like to buy a computer can you show me options and upgrades? You'd probably walk out of there with a $10,000 computer!

Anyway, since I've been unemployed, I've spent a little more time on the computer. And sometimes I need to buy something, but I don't feel like getting on a bunch of buses to get that thing, and I just want to buy it right then and there. Okay, maybe not there. But, I've become an internet shopper. I've bought books on Amazon.com. That's a good one, because you can get the book you want for way cheaper than at Barnes and Noble if you're willing to wait a week or two for it. I have a hardcover book on order about a lamp. Sounds exciting, no? It's got a human skin lamp shade. Little more exciting, yes? Anyhoo, it cost me around $5.

Also, I bought a 3 pack of acoustic guitar strings from Amazon.com. They were cheaper than musicians friend and the guitar store where we usually buy guitar strings.

Our car remote was falling apart, so I needed to buy a new one. My sis told me about getting a used one online and programming it yourself. So, I got one for $20 - which is about $40 less than if you order it from the company and probably $100 - $150 less than getting it from the dealer. So, that was easy.

I don't know how I stumbled upon diamonds on ebay, buy I did. So, I saw black diamonds going for under $1. I didn't know how small it would be, but I thought it would be tiny. I won it for .72 - and it came in like two days. It was teeny tiny. Like, I probably already lost it. And the funny thing is, the FP laughed at me for buying it. He told me that if I wanted black diamonds there were a bunch at his parents' house. Well, they are used for drill bits so you have to take them off the bit, but the same thing. I asked him why he didn't buy me a black diamond engagement ring. No answer.

So, I also am selling stuff online too. Today, I sold our Bose speakers that I bought maybe 17 years ago. One of the dual cube speaker assemblies doesn't stand upright because the speakers have detached from each other, and the speaker covers are gone. This is totally from it falling so much. Something is wrong with the bass module input or output jacks, so that all three of the cube speakers don't work at once, only two at a time. The sound isn't as crisp as it used to be, although I feel like part of the reason is the location in this apartment. Anyway, I sold it for almost nothing, just to get rid of it. I figured if I couldn't sell it that I would donate it. But, this Filipina lady took it. I tried to get rid of the cheap receiver too, but she didn't want it since she already had one. I made a conscious effort not to clean the stuff up since I was selling it for cheap. The FP didn't even think anyone would actually want the stuff. And it was funny, because the Filipina said, it needs to be cleaned, in that distinct Filipina accent. I just said it's been in the closet for a while. What I didn't say is, yes, that is cat throw up on the one speaker wire. Oh well, another day, another dollar.