Moving Tetris

So, I completely overestimated how much stuff we had to move.  I  panicked and ordered 2 storage containers.  I was so worried about it all not fitting in the "relocube" (which is not a cube) but I was way way waaaaaaaaay off!  We had room to put way more stuff in the first one, and we didn't even open the second one.  So the dimensions were 6'/7'/8'.  So I had measured off the closet, and I figured 4/5 of the closet was the same size.... not quite accurate.  There is the hangar bar and shelf in the closet.  Plus, I stacked things a little different in the closet than in the relocube.  Luckily, I only pay for whatever I use, so they just take the second one back with no charge.

Needless to say, I'm pretty tired.  The FP is already passed out, 15 minutes after he hit the bed.  He did most of the bringing the stuff down to the front, and I did more of the rearranging.  So, if things get fucked up during the move, it's my fault!  Anyway, the relocubes are just sitting there on the street like two sentries.  We don't have the best neighborhood, so I'm hoping no one tries to fuck with them.  I had to put a lock on the empty cube, because I didn't want anyone going in there and leaving a dead body in it or anything like that.  The only thing is, I have to remember to take the lock off before the containers are picked up.

We have to meet with the FP's girlfriend (the landlady ... see numero ocho) at 8:30 tomorrow morning.  Kinda early, but we want to get on the road as early as we can.

We do have to drop the DVR box off at Cox, and we need to drop our desk off at our friend's house.  Hopefully she will be awake!

So, yeah.  Weird night.  We have the desk, the mattress and the TV on the TV stand.  That's all the furniture.  Tomorrow, we are going to get rid of everything except the TV.  We had Luigi's Pizza for one last time.  Stupid us, we didn't think that they delivered, but we found out tonight that they do deliver.  It's a little too late for that.  Anyway, one of the things about Luigi's is that it's cash only.  So, usually if we get delivery we don't have cash anyway, so that's probably part of why we never checked to see if they delivered.  Anyway, it was good pizza.

Right now, The Fuzz is using the litter box.  She doesn't know how to scratch to cover.  She just scratches the side of the box, not the litter.  So she will do this for a long time, and it's irritating, even though it's cute in a retarded (excuse me, mentally challenged) kind of way.  Anyway, we had moved the litter box into the bedroom.  There's nothing else in there, so it is really loud and echoey in there.  Needless to say, the scratching of the walls of the litter box is even more annoying when it's amplified.

We put collars with microchip ID info on the kitties tonight.  They fuzzed, I mean fussed a little, but then after, they seemed to not bother about the collars, almost like they like having the collars.  They look silly though, because the tags are so big.

So here's Stinky with his collar

And here's The Fuzz

The tag looks like a bib on her!  LOL!!!!!

Anyway, I have to eat my daily yogurt and watch TV and attempt to sleep at a reasonable hour.  The bullshit is, I'm really exhausted and have been suffering sleep deprivation, but it doesn't mean I will be able to sleep soundly!

Sad Day

Well, we just sold our lovely wooden dining room set.  Although we really used it more as a work table than as a dining table, it was our favorite piece of furniture.  Shhhh.... don't tell the guy who bought it, but we used it the last several months as the cats' table for their food and water.  And Pete the betta fish lived on the table too.

We also got rid of this last week

Which was mainly used to store wedding gifts that we rarely used, and as a table to put our change container, lighters, receipts, business cards, hairspray and hair goo, hairbrush and stuff like that.  These were our furniture that we got in New Orleans.  And once we get rid of our old ripped up bed, we won't have any furniture from New Orleans.  It's kinda sad.  But the little cash we got was helpful.

These physically are just objects.  I learned a lot about not getting so attached to "things".  But, these pieces of heavy wood hold a lot of memories.  We have memories here for sure, but even more so in New Orleans.  We rarely ever go back to our parents' for holidays, mainly because of work and the hassle of traveling during the holidays.  So, we've had a lot of Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at our place, sitting around this dining room table.  Getting loaded.  I rarely get loaded much anymore, but holidays still hold a special place in my liver, oh and in my heart too.

I don't think the fuss of bending over backwards and spending more money to be with family during Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day is necessarily worth it.  I mean, everyone gets stressed around the holidays, and you've seen the movies.  It's kind of better, in my opinion, to be able to hang out with family when it's not a national holiday.  I can't tell you how many times we've been visiting with family, and we've be deterred from doing things because it was the holidays.  You know, you don't do casual shopping the day after Thanksgiving.  And try to go to a popular restaurant that night without a reservation.

Okay, maybe I don't go to visit family nearly enough.  I realize this.  But I'm trying to get better at it.  Like for instance, we are going to be arriving in Florida with no jobs.  But, we really need to go visit the FP's mom.  She's going through some... trying times.  But, I want to go there and get a job asap.  But I know she will take it personally if I don't go.

Getting back to the furniture.  Every time we get rid of something or pack something, it's another step closer to leaving this little apartment here in Golden Hill, that we've been residing in for over 3 years.  It's sad.  But, it's promise of a new beginning.  New furniture around which to celebrate holidays with new friends.  And hopefully lighter furniture.  That shit was heavy.  I thought I was going to throw my back out helping this lady get that wooden cabinet to her car.

Although, I really think getting rid of the furniture affects the cats the most.  They have less and less higher places to hang out in their dwindling habitat.  The outside forces are entering into their environment and destroying the life that they knew and were comfortable in.  Every time we do cleaning and packing, it freaks them out.  Stinksy knows that a big move is in store.  The Fuzz doesn't know what to think, but anything different is scary for her anyway.  You know, I read these ads on craigslist, people putting their pets up for adoption because they are moving and can't keep them anymore.  I'm not going to judge these people.  They have their reasons.  But I can't imagine moving and just leaving my cats.

I gave up cats once.  When I was in college, I took these two little teeny kittens.  I didn't tell the property management, and I didn't pay a pet deposit.  These little guys would come to bed about 5 minutes after we went to bed.  They would settle on the pillows above our heads, and knead our hair until they fell asleep.  It was so sweet.  During the day, they would hide out in the crevice between the kitchen counters when we were gone.  As soon as I walked in, they would pop out to see me.  They were my little babies.  But, I was an irresponsible college kid.

The air conditioner needed to be fixed.  So I had put an order in.  I brought the cats to my friend's apartment for her to keep until the air was fixed, so the maintenance guy wouldn't see them.  It was several days, and the maintenance man had not shown.  I got tired of waiting for him, and I finally took the kitties back.  And then the maintenance guy showed up.  He made small talk and said something about the kittens.  The next day I got a notice that I needed to pay a pet deposit.  Fucking rat!  I didn't have the money, so I gave them away to these other college kids who seemed equally as irresponsible.  I felt like such a bad mom.  I had only had them for about 6 weeks, but I loved them.  After I dropped them off, I sat in my car and bawled my eyes out for a couple minutes, before I could drive.  That was a sad day.  I was a dumb college kid.

Anyway, I apologize for rambling on about sad things.  It's cold and windy and rainy outside, and that's kind of what my mood is like.  Maybe I just need another grilled cheese sandwich.  Or even better yet, a Nutella sandwich!!!

So, what can I leave you with? Something a little more cheery, perhaps.  I love miniature ponies and horses, so how about a miniature stallion video?!!!

Here's the website for this cute little frisky horse:
http://www.smalleststallion.com/

At The Corner Mexican Market,

This is what one might find behind the western union counter:

So, the guy that works behind the counter is friends with this bigtime graffiti artist.  So, the guy hasn't done much in years.  It took him several years to finish this one because of poor health.  But, he called the guy and told him to come pick it up.  The guy was going to give it to his cousin who is moving into a new condo, but he was having second thoughts, thinking about keeping it.  I would.  Well, no, I probably wouldn't keep it.  I would give it to my BFF, of course.


Anyway, some of you have seen this video already, but I'm going to post it here for the rest.  This is a video when the train was almost at the station in LA.

And here is some footage from the train ride back to San Diego.  It's very long and nothing happens, so feel free to not watch it.

I'm kind of drained, so I apologize for not putting forth as much effort into this blog post as I usually do.  I might also be trying to wrap this up before the magical hour of 8pm arrives - Community and Big Bang Theory are on at the same time.  Unless the system has been upgraded already, I think my DVR only records 2 shows at once, and you have to watch one of the channels.  So, it's always a tough decision, which one I want to watch "live".



Have I ever told you about my theory about the pervert mouth?  No upper lip.  Do you know someone creepy who you think seems like he (yes, I'm using a gender) could be a child molester, rapist, serial killer, or porn addict?  So, the one obvious feature is the serial killer glasses.  The wire rim jobs with the big lens or something with a coke bottle lens would suffice.  But one feature that I notice is a thin or almost nonexistent upper lip.  Perverts seem to need to lick their lips a lot.  Maybe it's from thirst because their elevated heart rate from being turned on a lot makes them hot and they sweat a lot and get dehydrated, so their lips get dry and chapped.  Or maybe they lick their lips a lot because they are thinking dirty thoughts.  But, it's gross when a creepy man with no upper lip licks his no upper lip.  It is.  And I'm not sure if a mustache makes this better or worse.  I think neither.

In my version of hell, one of the creatures tormenting me would be balding men between the age of 35 - 80 with wire rimmed glasses, a khaki button up shirt tucked in and khaki pants, comb over part with thinning hair, and most importantly, no upper lip.  They would be constantly licking their no upper lip and leering at me.

Look at these no upper lips

The guy in American Psycho.

Vaclav Mrazek, Czech serial killer.

Ted Bundy

Mack Ray Edwards - molested and murdered 6 kids in LA.


Just sayin.

Regression

So, I'm interested to see what the deal is with this new series called "Beavis and Butthead".  Sounds intriguing.  I'm intrigued.

Seriously, are they wearing the same clothes?  Are they still in the 90s, will this be addressed in the show or will they be even more anachronistic than they were back in the day?

I can't wait 3 hours!  This is one of those times that I envy those of you on the east coast, yet, I will be in that time zone soon enough.

I can't take it.  Big Bang Theory, Community, Jersey Shore and Beavis and Butthead all on the same night?  Too much amusement for a Thursday.  I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a hundred new laugh lines.

Can I tell you a secret?  Oh, it's not a secret, I think I've rambled on about this before.  I have a crush on Sheldon Cooper.  He's so fuckin funny!  Really.  And I love his wardrobe.  Quirky colorful t shirts over different colored long sleeve t shirts.  I am a big fan of solid print long sleeve t shirts.  So, anyway, I have 4 TV crushes that I can think of right at this moment.

Sheldon Cooper
Joel McHale
Jeff Winger
Abed Nadir

So, 2 of them are the same person, I realize this.  So, he's the pretty boy smart ass who just makes fun of everyone.  Those are entertaining qualities.  Even though really, am I really in love with the writers?  And why didn't I become a sitcom writer?

So, the other 2 have these robotlike qualities.  They have inability to relate to others, to feel empathy, yet at the same time they are brutally honest.  Hilarious.  I love when people blurt out funny mean things because they are tactless.

Don't worry, the FP is aware of this.  He has had his own girlfriends - Nancy Grace, Chelsea Handler, the landlady.  We have this kind of open relationship, I guess.  He can have his pretend celebrity girlfriends and I can have my TV character boy toys.  Is there a TV watchers anonymous?  Because I seriously think I need to go to that.  I am pretty sure I've seen every That 70s Show and Seinfeld.  I've almost seen all of the old Always Sunny In Philadelphia.  I am definitely on the way to seeing every episode of Big Bang Theory.  I think I will have accomplished that by the time I leave.  So, I guess, there are some things I have accomplished with my time off work!

It kind of reminds me of summers when I was in elementary school or junior high.  Whenever I did have chores or torture work or have a friend over, I just sprawled out on the carpet in front of the TV all day.  Sad, but true.  I needed TV to escape from my horrible childhood.  Also in college, my friend and I would watch soap operas and shit like that all day long.  And chain smoke.  And alternate eating at different fast food chains.  Gross.  I'm not quite that bad now.  Oh well, hopefully I'll be back in the working class again soon.  I gotta make the most of this time.  I don't really watch The Office that much, but it is a Halloween episode.....

Pubes

So, maybe about six weeks ago, I was reading a City Beat opinion article about getting grey pubes.  Gray Matters by Enrique Limon.  Hilarious fucking article.  Lo and behold, a week or two later, I notice this long ass grey pube.  On my body.  In my bush.  It was long.  I do clean up and shave so I'm not sporting untamed 70s bush, but I don't like trim the long stuff so it gets to be a few inches.  Now that you know too much about me, let me delve even deeper (into the bush).

So, in his article (you really should just read it, and this would be easier for both of us), Limon discusses how the one light hair turned into several overnight.  Guess what happened to me?  The next day I had three.  I was horrified.  It's one thing to read some article about it written by some guy I don't know.  It's another to experience this first hand.  The thing is, I don't have grey hairs on my head.  That day I noticed the pubes, I made the FP look through my hair (the hair on my head, that is) for greys.  None.  Weird.  Seemingly unfair.  I just feel like if I had grey hair on my head first, it would have softened the blow for the ones in my bush.  I guess this is normal timing though according to Limon's research.

Anyway, I got over that and don't really think about it that much.  Currently, I still only see like two to four down there.  I don't feel like digging around down there and separating them out to count.  I am typing on the computer, so that would mean I would have to stop and go wash my hands after I finish counting.  That makes me wonder though, do any of you masturbate while on the computer?  I'm just wondering, like if you're having internet sex or something, and you have to type and get yourself off at the same time, isn't that gross?  Just think of all the dirty germs on that keyboard.  Or maybe you have a computer condom that you use and then you take off after you've done the deed?

So, lately though, I've noticed something else going on with my pubes.  So, this will happen at home, but it seems to happen more when I'm in a public bathroom.  When I use the facilities, when I wipe, a pube will fall out and land on the toilet seat.  So, it happens more in the public facility because I don't sit on those toilets.  I kind of hover above it.  It's good exercise like doing squats.  It seems like every time in a public toilet there's a pubic hair on the toilet seat.  So, unless the bathroom is totally disgusting and there was piss on the seat before, I wipe my piss and my pube off the seat.

It just seems like I'm losing more pubes than usual.  Let's say one every other time I go.  And I do have to pee an average of 8 times a day.  Yeah, I know, that probably sounds like a lot.  I did mention this to the doctor, so don't worry, it's being looked into.  Anyway, my bush does seem a little thinner.  When I was younger, before I started landscaping, it was a big shrub.  I remember, I would have to try to smooth it down so it didn't protrude from my bathing suit.  Well, when that started being an issue, I realized that I was going to have to learn to garden.

Anyway, getting back to the present day, I mean, I guess I don't notice shedding them unless it's one that's left behind on the toilet or in the tub.  Anyway, I googled, "do you lose your pubic hair as you get older?"  So, I found the answers.com question, "do older women lose their pubic hair?"  The answer was that as women (and men) age the hair on their bodies gets thinner.  But then, it was mentioned that depending on age, this could be an indication of malnutrition or thyroid disorder. Ding ding ding... maybe I do have hyperthyroidism?  I guess we'll find out on Nov. 7.  I have been pulling small clumps of hair out of my head when I wash it, but that doesn't necessarily seem like anything out of the ordinary since I figured I'm just in the shedding stage instead of the growing stage.  I wish I would just shed more under my arms and on my legs instead of my head.  I guess as long as I don't go bald below like a Pamela Anderson thing, I don't care that much if it thins out some.

Man, even though this is more of a health & beauty issue, this blog is probably going to be banned from google adsense for life!

Men Are Funnier Than Women, Funnier Looking

So, I don't want to start getting all academic on you, but I think I was supposed to be some kind of teacher or professor, or a zoologist.  Anyhoo, I was driving to the tire store this morning to get two back tires.  So, I was listening to the 94.9 Mikey show, and they were talking about an article about a study done at UCSD.  The object was to find out if men were funnier than women.  Obviously, that is an objective subject, right?

  UCSD study  Here's the link.

Anyway, the test subjects were undergrads.  16 males and 16 females were told to write captions for New Yorker cartoons, and then other students rated which anonymous captions were funnier.  So men (are college boys really men though?) were found to be .11 more points funnier than women (whores, sorry, girls).  What does that even mean?

The radio personalities started exploring further the general assumption that men are thought to be funnier than women.  So, I think Mikey was saying how humor is like a muscle that needs to be exercised and men exercise their muscles more than women.  Well, men tend to exercise their genital muscles more, so it would be consistent that they exercise their comedic muscles more as well?   It sucked because I was driving in the car.  Being a resident of California means that talking on the phone and driving is illegal unless it's hands free.  So, I couldn't call 94.9 and weigh in my heavy opinion on the subject.

I personally think one component that makes someone funny more than their gender is the presence of pain or trauma in one's life.  I think I've blogged about this before: how many perfectly happy people with a wonderful childhood are hilarious?

So, men are generalized as not being as sensitive as women and sublimating their feelings rather than talking about it.  Women are generalized as being all open and always wanting to talk about feelings.  So, less open men who stuff their true feeling down probably let it spurt out in funny ways.  So people who have had a traumatic childhood and haven't reconciled themselves with their past may relieve the pressure by being hilarious.  The darker the underlying turmoil, the funnier the person.  Need I site any comedians who died of drug overdoses? Well, it doesn't matter.  This isn't a scientific journal, and I don't feel like citing my references.  Plus it's really late at night.

So let's bring this topic back to me.  After all, that's mostly what I blog about - myself.  I'm so full of myself.  Yet at the same time I despise myself.

I think I have blogged about the fact that I was born a female, but I was supposed to be born a male.  So, like, I don't like girls, but some of my traits are more boylike.  In my younger years I was in fact often mistaken for a boy, which was always upsetting.  I also was very hairy when I was puberty age.  My arms and knuckles were very hairy.  One time in junior high, in class, a boy pointed out how I had hairy knuckles.  That was embarrassing.  Now, my knuckles and arms are not as hairy, which is relieving.

Anyhoo,  I had a very horrible nightmarish childhood, and I've been dealing with (or not dealing with) family issues all my life.  These issues are so weighing on my personality that I had to start blogging about that shit too in my third blog.

So, here's my equation:

(male-like) tendency to hold emotions in  +  painful childhood  =  hilarious Food Ho

Okay, maybe "hilarious" is an overstatement.  But, I think I'm fairly witty and amusing at the very least.  I'm not necessarily known as being as funny as I really am because of one factor.  The Food Pimp.  My louder, larger personality, more charismatic other half.  He also tends to hold emotions in (until they come gushing out usually after the application of alcohol) and he is male.  So, I don't stand a chance when I'm next to him.  Often, when we're in a group and I crack a joke, no one hears it but the FP.  So, he will repeat it, and he will get gales of laughter.  Usually though, he will credit me with the joke, but that still diminishes my credentials for humor, because my delivery with my screechy voice was off.

Also, my humor is much more on the darker side, with lots of curse words, which I've noticed makes some people uncomfortable and totally offends others.  The FP's humor has totally evolved to have more of a mainstream appeal, due to all the cooking classes that he has "taught" over the years.

So, you want me to end with some joke or some funny statement, right?  Man, I feel a lot of pressure.  I will say I'm a lot funnier the more intoxicated you are.  So, go get some beer, liquor, wine, malt liquor, moonshine, medical marijuana or whatever.  I'll wait...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Okay, here's all I've got.  It's really late at night, as I mentioned before.  The only reason I'm up this late is because we have a minor crisis on our hands.  But I'm not going to talk about that right now.  I'm just going to stuff it down for now like some dirty wet cotton candy.

The FP's band had their cd release party tonight.  So the bass player and the drummer both had the diarrhea or loose stool or had to go poop a lot or something.  So, someone asked what happened that they both got it.  So the bass player said the last time he saw the drummer he drank from his water and next thing he knew he had the shits.  So everyone laughed a little.  So I waited until the laughter stopped and I said, I thought it was from all the anal sex.  Big laughs.  The guitar player pointed out how I had impeccable timing.

Score .2 points for the ladies!!!

Anyway, it fucking later than a booty call, and I got to get up relatively early tomorrow.....

LMFAO ROTMFFL!!!!!!!!!!!

So, you know how when you set up a new blog, and you add different design elements to the page.  Like an archive, links, search toolbar, etc?  Well, if you don't know, that's what happens when you set up a new blog.  One of the design elements is a google adsense html.  So, if you put this on your page and sign up, then you earn like $.01 per 1000 impressions or some kind of third world slave labor wage.

Well, you know, when I was setting up this blog, I added the adsense.  Why not?

Why not?  I'll tell you why.  Because I am the Food Ho, after all.  What are the chances that a blogger with an alias like The Food Ho would have adult content on her page.  Pretty high, I imagine.

This is the email I just received:
(Make sure to refer to the violating link)




       Google AdSense:  You have 3 working days to make changes to your site

This message was sent from a notification-only email address that does not
accept incoming email. Please do not reply to this message.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello,

During a recent review of your account we found that you are currently
displaying Google ads in a manner that is not compliant with our program
policies
(https://www.google.com/support/adsense/bin/answer.py?answer=48182&stc=aspe-1pp-en).

--------------------------------------------------
EXAMPLE PAGE:
http://unnecessarysupplement.blogspot.com/2011/10/gas-chamber.html

Please note that this URL is an example and that the same violations may
exist on other pages of this website or other sites in your network.

VIOLATION(S) FOUND:

ADULT/EXPLICIT TEXT: As stated in our program policies, AdSense publishers
are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature
content, including sexually explicit text. More information about this
policy can be found in our help center (
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/as/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=105957
).

REQUESTED ACTION: Please make all necessary changes in the next 72 hours.

If the violations are corrected within the aforementioned time period, ad
serving will not be affected. If changes are not made and/or other policy
violations are encountered during the review process, ad serving will be
disabled to your site.

ACCOUNT STATUS: ACTIVE

Your AdSense account remains active. However, if we continue to find
problems, we may disable your entire account. Therefore, we suggest that
you take the time to review the rest of your network to ensure that all of
your other pages are in compliance with our policies.



--------------------------------------------------
Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team
----------------
For more information regarding this email, please visit our Help Center:
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?answer=113058&stc=aspe-ai4-en.

So then, if you look up the link under adult/explicit text, it says:

Adult content

The AdSense network is considered family-safe, which means that publishers aren't permitted to place         Google ads on sites which contain adult content. In addition to photos and videos which contain nudity or sexual activities, here are some other examples of unacceptable content:

• Lewd or provocative images
• Crude or indecent language, including adult stories
• Sexual tips or advice
• Sexual fetish sites (e.g. foot fetish content)
• Adult toys or products
• Ads or links to external sites containing adult content

If your site has content which you wouldn't be comfortable viewing at work or with family members around, then it probably isn't an appropriate site to place Google ads upon.

LOFL!!!  Slap me with a wrinkled ball sack!!!!!! Fuck me gently underwater with a sea cucumber being attacked by an electric eel!!!!

Maybe I would be perfectly comfortable viewing my site at work or with family members around.  I guess I have poor judgment of these matters.

Obviously, I went to edit the design and deleted the Google AdSense HTML.  The Food Ho sells out to no one.  Okay, I would, but I might need to be paid more than a dollar a decade.

Oh, and thanks a lot Canine Cologne.  You led the innocent downy white lamb to the violent bloody slaughter.  When the Google AdSense police come knocking on my door, I am going to totally direct them to you as my accessory!!!!  It's like giving sex toys to your teenager!!!

I leave you with some parting sexually explicit adult content profanity:

wiener jammer
meat slime
sperm sandwich
pork muncher
beef stain
pecker fondler
snot lover
slut wad
fanny dangler
shit twister

New Post

So, to update from yesterday, I went to the clinic and saw the doctor.  I opted not to fast, because I could really use the coffee, and also needed to drink some Boathouse Farms Green Goodness juice to tie me over until we had lunch.  Anyway, I wouldn't have wanted to leave the exam and have to wait around in the lab to get blood drawn, so I'll just go tomorrow when they open.  So, that's that.  Getting tested for diabetes and hyperthyroid.  So, Stinksy didn't have hyperthyroid, but maybe I do!

So, moving on, once again, I had a topic in mind and I forgot it!

Well, I could talk about the radio spot that the FP's band had last night.  So, I can't reveal the name of the band, because then you might find out who he is and in turn find out who I am.  If you don't know who I am and you really want to find out, I'm not going to just tell you.  So, anyway, they were on the local radio station to promote their forthcoming album release and show for said album release.

So, this should be an exciting joyous occasion, but it was kind of not, leading up to it.  The band leader was kind of late in letting the band know what time to go there, so they were just in a holding pattern for several hours wondering if he was going to pull the plug or what.  They got the word first on facebook that it was a go, and then half an hour later he texted the FP to let him know.

Anyway, it worked out, they got there in time, and the DJ played 4 of their songs, and then they plugged the show and album.  So it was successful.  I really don't know if anyone we knew was listening, but either way, it was a great opportunity for them.  

I just realized that I will have only played 2 shows in 2011 by the time 2012 rolls around.  2 shows.  The first one was in January, and our female singer didn't make it.  The second one was our CD release show, which while people in the audience said it was good, we knew better.  It was kind of like a train wreck.  We didn't rehearse enough, and instead of it being a joyous exciting night, it was just kind of  night of hoping to get through each song without any major mistakes.  That's so sad.

I know I don't sit around all day with a guitar in my hand, but I do enjoy playing music.  I love playing live shows.  That's the best part of being in a band for me.  It's the most fun.  It boggles my mind when people say how they hate playing live shows because they have such high anxiety that it's not fun.  As long as there is no band drama, it's just fun to me.  The anxiousness or nervous energy I play before playing a show is good energy, it's like getting a energy drink filled with dopamine.

The more electronic influenced project that we started working on was really starting to take shape, but then I had to go and decide to move us across the country.  So, we'll see what direction our music takes when we land ourselves on the east coast.  It should be interesting, and it will most certainly be a wild ride, but I will definitely do my best to enjoy it.  

Office Visits

So, we took Stinksy to his cardiologist appointment on Friday.  I've never been to a cardiologist, but my cat has.  So, it was confirmed that he has cardiomyopathy on the low end of the scale.  Just a bit above what is termed as normal.  So what this means is that one wall of his heart is slightly thickened.  The cardiologist did also see some fibrous formations, but he didn't know what that meant.  Anyway, this means that he needs to be monitored.  So, more expensive visits to the vet in his future.  And if it is determined that it's thickening, then he may have to take medication daily or twice a day!  Yikes!  I can't imagine having to give the poor guy something twice a day.  Sure, we would get used to it, but he is really good at holding a pill in his mouth forever and then spitting it back up when you assume he had to have swallowed it by then.  So, hopefully that will not happen.

Tomorrow I have a doctor visit of my own.  I decided to see if I can get tested for diabetes.  I've taken those online tests, and they end up with the suggestion that I should get checked by a physician right away!  So, here I am after feeling these symptoms for who knows how long, going to get it checked out.  Although I don't know if they are going to take a blood test tomorrow.  So, I will have to call when I wake up tomorrow and ask.  Because if I have to fast and not have any coffee beforehand, I guess I should know this.  I'm sure it will be nothing though - another case of my hypochondria.  I'm always saying something is wrong with me, and the FP is saying yeah, you have hypochondria.

So, is it sick that if the test comes back with something wrong with me I will feel ..... validated?  Yes, it is isn't.  I always make the joke how one day I will be diagnosed with cancer and I'll rub it in his face.  Ha ha.

But really, I don't want cancer or diabetes.  But what if I'm told nothing is wrong with me?  What if I am told that it is normal to be thirsty all day long and drink at least a gallon of water a day, be hungry all the time, get the shakes and feel faint if I haven't eaten 4 hours after my last meal, get dizzy randomly when I might just be sitting at the computer, get tingly arms when I jog, and almost gag every time I brush my teeth?  WHAT IF IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD? What if this blog is also all in my head and none of the events that I write about never happened?  What if I'm a crazy person in an insane asylum that thinks I'm writing a blog, but the reality is that I'm just carving gibberish on my arm, or even worse, writing gibberish on the walls with my blood and feces?

Speaking of feces, my cat shat on the bed the other night.  While I was laying on the bed.  Okay, she didn't shit on the bed, but she like had a soft lump of shit on the back of her long ass fur, and when she got on the bed she either licked it off or it just rubbed off onto the bed.  So, I moved on the bed, and then I felt something soft on my leg.  So I reached down to feel around, and then I brought my hand up to my face to look at it, and there was a piece of poop staring back at me from my finger.  It was like the size of a quarter.  Poop on my finger.  Cat poop.  There was now just a little brown smear on my leg, because it was all on my finger.  So I wiped the poop off my finger and I scrubbed my finger.  I scrubbed my leg.  Then I scrubbed my finger.  Leg, then long scrub of my whole hand, like an OCD scrub.  I was glad I had that bar of soap from a hotel that had sea salt in it.  The salt really helped buff the poop off.

So then I had to take the sheet and blanket off the bed.  And then I had to wipe The Fuzz's butt off as much as she would let me, because while there was no visible poop on it, her butt stank of shit.  So, then I tried to climb into bed again and relax and read my book.  I was hoping she wouldn't come up on the bed again.  Luckily, I think the butt cleaning pissed her off, so she didn't get back on the bed until I was asleep.  Which was fine.

OCD Much?

So, the FP went to the bar without me for the first time in months.  It's a beautiful day, so he decided to go to the Ruby Room with his bandmate.  If you don't know the Ruby Room, it's a very dark dive bar that often has art shows and bands and goth nights.

So, you ask why didn't I go?  Well, here's why:

1.  I didn't feel like drinking.
2.  I didn't feel like hanging out in a dark dingy bar in the middle of the afternoon.
3.  I figure the FP could use some guy time at the bar, since I'm always around.
4.  I had this noxious strong and very diffusive gas, that no human should be subjected to.
5.  I wanted to look for a cat carrier.

So, as you know, unless you never read this blog, we are moving across the country.  Also, as you know, if you are an avid UnnecessarySupplement reader, we have two cats; Stinksy and The Fuzz.  So, we had to buy a second carrier on the fly the other day before going to the vet.  Have you ever tried to put two full grown cats in the same pet taxi?  It's difficult.  Once you get one in, and you're trying to push the other in, the first one is trying to make a break for it.  So, we got a carrier that was just too small.  And we used it, so we are stuck with this small carrier.  I suppose if we ever get that pomeranian that the FP wants, it will be perfect for it.

Anyway, we began a quest to find another carrier for The Fuzz.  Stinksy is actually pretty comfortable with his.  I have been putting cat treats in the carriers.  So, Stinksy will reach in the small one and take them out, as he can't even fit in that one.  But with his pet taxi, he will hang out in there after eating all the cat treats!

So, I googled pet stores today.  It seems like there are not any stores specializing in cat products.  I mean there might be, but I didn't find any.  It seems that all the independent pet stores are focused on fish or dogs.  So there's stores like Wag N Tails and Bow Wow Boutique.  I'm sure they also have cat stuff too, but I don't want to support a place that discriminates against cats.  Even though I feel like all pet stores do.  There's always way more aisles for dogs.  Not that I don't love dogs and want to get one soon.  But, what about the fancy cats?!  And I know, a pet carrier is a unibreed kind of contraption.  But it's the principle!  I'm going to start a protest movement.... Occupy Canine Diego.  Yeah.  I'm going to round up a bunch of cats and have them all gather in front of all the dogcentric pet stores.

Anyhoo, so, I got home and I started googling pet carriers.  And here, 4 hours later, I finished picking one out and I am blogging about it.  Is that too much time spent on research for something that will probably ultimately disappoint?  I'm kind of... OCD.  Like I have a few "specifications" as my dad would say, that were required for The Fuzz's pet limo.

1.  Couldn't be hideous and utilitarian looking.
2.  Had to be kind of girly, as she is a fluffy dainty short plump kitty.
3.  Had to have plenty of mesh windows so she could see what the fuck was going on.
4.  Had to have at least 2 ways of trying to cram her into the thing.
5.  Had to have soft sides so it wouldn't take up so much room in the car.
6.  Had to be longer, wider and taller than that little carrier that we bought.
7.  Could not be overly pricey.
8.  Should be as cute as possible. (We were hoping for Hello Kitty, but those are like $140 +)
9.  The Fuzz should be able to get used to it and be comfortable in the thing.

So, I looked.  And looked.  And looked.  There are a shitload of pet carriers out there in world wide webland.  There are a lot that have cute designs, but barely any mesh windows.  And most of the cute ones are small, because, really they are aimed at girls and ladies with teeny dogs.

So, there was a cool tote bag one that was pretty cheap, and each of the four panels was all mesh.  But when I looked up the dimensons, it was like tote bag dimension.  Which is fine for carrying your teeny teacup chihuahua around the Bebe store, but not so fine for your fussy cat to be hanging out in.  Although, since I already wasted money on one pet carrier I didn't need, I should have just bought it.  It could have been a step towards becoming a pet carrier hoarder.

So, then I saw this pink duffle bag type carrier that had lots of mesh all the way around.  It was light pink with a zebra stripe liner pillow inside.  So it wasn't the cutest, but I liked the mesh ratio.  Even though I figured, the more mesh, the more flimsy, right?  So, that one was a bookmarker, although I didn't bookmark it.

Then I found this basket.  It came in red, green or black, floral pattern.  It had an aluminum frame, and 3/4 of the fabric panels around it were mesh!  This was so Fuzz!  But there was no description about the size of the thing.  It said small.  So I searched and searched, and after a long as time, I found out that it was too small, but there was a large size as well.  But it had to be shipped from Australia and delivery time was like 10 - 20 business days.  So, it would be a nail biter as to whether or not we would get it in time.  So, after almost 4 hours, I decided on the pink and zebra print one.  Hopefully it will hold up long enough to make it through our trip to Florida!  When this thing arrives, The Fuzz won't even appreciate that it took me hours to research and pick out this damn carrier!

You Gotta Play The Part

So, on a rare occasion we are going out on a Friday night.  With friends.  No band gig.  So, even though I took a shower last night and didn't exert much effort today thus didn't perspire, I took a shower again tonight.  So, these friends of ours have been married just a year.  And they just moved into a new house.    We are going to meet them for "beer and cheap eats"  so I'm going to assume that they are not pregnant. Yet.  They plan things.  So, I'm sure they will shortly start trying to get pregnant.

Anyhoo, their names on the food blog were Mr. Interested In You (Mr. IIY) and Valley Girl (her condo was in Mission Valley).  So, they are great.  Mr. IIY is like the most genial guy.  He's like just a really nice guy who remembers conversations with people and he's a good conversation starter.  He looks like a younger Kurt Warner, the retired Arizona Cardinals quarterback.  One of our friends had a crush on him so much, that her boyfriend's mom warned the boyfriend to watch out for girlfriend and Mr. IIY.  It's fine now though.  That other couple are engaged and successful and doing very well together.

Valley Girl is like a great person too.  She looks kind of innocent.  Just like her face looks so sweet, and maybe the way she dresses.  But, she's fun and she does like to party.  And she looks like my dear friend from Nola, who used to be a party girl back in the day.  So, they are a great couple and it's always great to hang out with them on rare occasions.

So, this couple makes people question their appearance when going out with them.  Okay, it makes the FP and me question our appearance.  Like, if the two of us were just going for drinks, I would put the first going out compatible bottoms on, and any comfortable shirt.  I probably wouldn't do anything to my hair if it didn't look too fucked up.  But what did I do tonight?  I brushed my hair.  This is generally no easy task, as it's usually all knotted and dreaded up.  But luckily, I had washed and combed my hair yesterday, and put tons of frizz ease in it.  So It just needed about 5 more pumps of frizz ease and a fast brush through.  But then I looked at myself in the mirror, and I noticed my part.

So, I part my hair on the left.  I think I always have.  I know there have been times way back when, when a stylist has tried to part it on the right, and then quickly flipped it back.  So anyway, my part was about half an inch too far in the center.  It was more like an exercise, work or housecleaning part.  Yes, there is a difference.  If it's parted more to the side, then it is more likely to fall in my face, which is fine for socializing, bad for working.

And really, you say, does a part that much more to the side make that much of a difference?  Well, yeah.  One time, I don't recall if it was one of the FP's other band's show or one of our band's show, but, I had carefully washed my hair, combed and brushed it, and put the part in the appropriate location.  I mean, sometimes you have to redo your part, or move a couple hairs to this side, a couple to that side.  Sometimes if I'm feeling ambitious I'll do the crisscross part.  Anyway,  I didn't style it.  I just washed, combed and parted it.  I might have put the frizz ease in if we had some.  But, like, everyone commented on how nice my hair looked.  Like, it was like, what did you do different?  My answer was, I washed it.

So, I'm feeling pretty sassy, like I should be on a Garnier Fructis commercial.  I mean, I've used that shit long enough to be a damn spokesperson.

Reverting to Childhood; Fun With Paints

So, I was working on my newest piece de resistance yesterday and today.  So, last night, I was opening the bottle of red paint, when it splurted onto my thumb.  At first I was annoyed because it was kind of a lot of paint, and I do not like to waste shit.  Like I hate when I squirt out too much paint and I can't use it all, or it completely dries before I can use it all.

Anyhoo, this is the paint splurt.  Okay, I did modify it, as in add legs, but the main part of it was really by accident.

Go ahead.  Tell me that is not cool. It's so....trippy!  Like wow man.  It's like art made by the cosmos.  

It's a fucking salamander, for fuck sakes.  I guess it would have kind of looked like a red snake if I hadn't have added the leg blobs, but it totally have this thing for salamanders and geckos.  I have a purple salamander/gecko (it's very generic so it could be either) on my ankle that I got when I was in college.  So, I did some of the stereotypical things that one is supposed to do in college.

Anyway, here is the painting I did.  It sucks because I need a fancy camera to really show you the detail because it's so long.  Oh well.  If you really want to see the detail up close and in person you can just buy it!

The Last Kitties Flippin The Bird Supper

I should have put a couple balls of yarn on the table or the floor, but I don't have nice enough brushes for it to look more like a ball with a tail anyway...

Fortify

So, I'll be honest.  Okay, that's not anything new here.  I don't really crave alcohol lately, since I stopped working.  But I felt like I really needed it tonight.  The FP woke up on the wrong side of the planet today at 5 am or whatever unholy time he woke up.  He probably wakes up that early because it's his only alone time.  I do try to go to Target or grocery shopping once or twice a week, but frankly, I think spending a 4 day weekend with me was too much.  But I thought overall it was a great weekend!  I don't think most people would be able to spend that much time with me.  I'm a rotten person, and I don't take showers frequently enough.  So, I don't blame him.  But it was rough.  I wished we had two cars today.  Sure, I could have walked somewhere or taken the bus.  But I was exhausted, mostly emotionally.

The vet called this morning, and we played phone tag all day.  Wouldn't you know it, the blood work came back pretty much inconclusive.  It didn't look like hyperthyroidism to the vet, so she was recommending x rays and an ultrasound.  For my cat.  So, I asked how much this would cost, and she gave me the phone numbers of vet cardiologists so I could find out.  So, the vet we use can do the x ray for $145.  The first place I called is in Mission Valley and they charge $138 for the consult, $197 for the x ray and $394 for the ultrasound.  This is money that I would balk at for myself.  But I love my cat!  So the other cardiologist is in Sorrento Valley.  Much farther.  But, they quoted the consult for $110 and the ultrasound for $360.  The receptionist told me that the doctor would probably want to do an ultrasound first, and only an x ray after if necessary.  So, that's cheaper, but farther away.  So, do I go with the closer one that charges more and might needlessly radiate my cat?  Or do I pick the farther away clinic that's cheaper and may not do an x ray.  I'll probably pick the far one.  Because who knows how much more this is gonna cost after the tests.

So, after a moderately deep cleaning session of neglected parts of the apartment, I went to the store to get stuff for dinner and a $7 bottle of vino.  And I'm going to see how much of it I can drink.

(So here is an older video of Stinksy, the cat with the heart murmur.

So what do you think, should I shell out the mula?)

And then I need to call the pet cardiologist tomorrow and make an appointment.  I'm not going to get out of this town without spending a fortune.  On necessary stuff.  It's no fun to spend money on that stuff.  And yes, this bottle of wine falls under the category of necessary stuff.

So, I was on the computer late last night, trying to kill time until I was tired.  I have been reading in bed lately, but individual ants crawl on me in bed, so I have to be tired now when I go to sleep.  That way if they crawl on me I won't feel it.  I did clean around the bed and spray that nontoxic ant cleaner around the bed, but I don't think it will work.

Anyhoo, as I was saying, I was on the computer, and my friend from my, um, hometown, im'ed me on facebook.  We had this deep conversation about our separate upbringings - me with my BPD dad, and her with her alcoholic parents.  Our conversation was about finding out what it was we were growing up with, knowing that it was not so unique and almost feeling ambivalent about it.  Well, that's how I feel.  Anyway, it's funny how you (or me, or one) can have these old friends, and you can never see them, never talk to them on the phone, never even email them, every once in a while reply to their post on facebook, and it's just like talking to the person you knew back when.  Hopefully a more mature version, but still the same person.  It was good to have a back and forth conversation, rather than a back......and forth..................and back again.....and forth.  You know, like with emails.

This is interesting, because I'm not drinking fast, but I already feel warm presumably from the wine.  Although this apartment is stuffy.  I can't wait to live in a place with good fresh clean central air conditioning.  The vet thought that The Fuzz's seasonal itchies were probably allergic reactions to pollen or something.  So, I think she will appreciate and new climate and filtered air.  Not the drive though.  She will hate the drive and she will hate us.

I just noticed that I had headphones on and the speakers on and the music never started playing.... and then when I started the music, the speakers weren't connected to the computer.  LMAO

This music isn't quite right for my frame of mind.  I daydreamed today about killing myself.  I thought, I could just end it, and the FP could move or not move.  He could do whatever he wanted, which he probably feels like he doesn't get to do all the time.  Most people don't.  But he could if I died.  And the cats would probably become extra clingy to him, which would be nice for him.

I'm sorry.  I just feel like a useless being, with an oversized carbon footprint.  It took a dumb TV show for it to dawn on me that I should recycle all that junk mail rather than toss it in the trash.  I've been losing IQ points ever since... I graduated from FSU.  Sad, but true.

Okay, I'm at the point where I'm buzzing and making lots of comments on facebook.  Help me!  Stop me.  Oh wait, by the time you read this, the material contained herein will be out of date.  Never mind.

So, how to end this sloppy, fragmented, so not amusing blog entry?  Let's dig up more pictures of my expensive cat.  He bites.

    Cutest American Shorthair I've ever seen!

Perfect Day

So, we had an amazing day!  10 am South Park Abbey for Steelers vs Titans.  We were the first ones there, got a good spot at the bar with a TV with sound.  Interestingly enough, some Titans fans showed up and sat behind us at a table.  We saw an old Sunday Abbey football buddy.  He's a boisterous fellow with funny stories.  Steelers won.

Went home, I took a nap and the FP made shrimp ceviche.

We drove up to Encinitas for a BBQ with the FP's bandmates.  So the guitarist and his girlfriend live several blocks from the beach in a super cute house with a nice front deck.  We hung out, drank, had some great food, saw a possum trying to sneak into the house.  After it got dark, we walked down to the beach to see the bioluminescent waves.  It was misty and the moon was bright, but we could still see it some.  It was pretty spectacular.  Every once in a while a big wave would start to break, and the blue light would crackle through the wave like electricity, then for a second or two the whole wave would be blue, then it would break.  Pretty amazing stuff.  One of the coolest things I have ever seen in my life!  I hope I can see it again before it goes away!

Anyway, a great day with good people and good food and drink!

I will leave you with photos of my latest paintings.  Night and Day of the Dead Cats  I realize that cats don't have bones in their ears or whiskers wouldn't remain if the skin was gone, but whatever, it's representational, and I'm not an "artiste" so just take it for what it is!

The Gas Chamber

So, as you know if you are a serial Unnecessary Supplement reader, I read a book that delves into the Holocaust and the occurrence yet lack of evidence of human skin lampshades.  So I got Nazi on the brain.  And then we went to the El Cajon Oktoberfest today.

So, when we were walking into the fest, there was a gate at the entrance, and there was a sign that said "Wilkommen" or something similar.  I made an "Arbeit Macht Frei" joke in reference to the entrance of Auschwitz of course.

So, we had to stand in lines to get stuff.  Stand in line for a food ticket, then stand in line for food.  Stand in line for a beer ticket, then stand in line for a beer.

So, we stood in four lines, then we sat at a checkered tablecloth covered table and ate our "ox on a spit" and "bratwurst".  So good, but I'm not going to go into it here, since I should save it for the food blog.

So, we just sat there and watched.  I asked if there were any Nazis there.  Anyone with a human skin lampshade.  Couldn't get the Nazi off the brain.  This guy seemed suspicious.

The FP wanted to have a cigarette, so we went to the smoking area, which happened to be this tiny fenced off area behind the port o potties.  It was like a small concentration camp.  And doesn't it seem a little dangerous to put the smokers near the port o potties that might start to fill up with dangerous explosive gases?

Later on, the place was pretty busy.  We were lucky to find two seats at the end of a table.  We were across from the ox on a spit ferris wheel of 4 hunks of spinning cow quarter.  Around the corner was the port o johns.  We were by an area of high traffic - people coming and going to the john, and people leaving the food line with their brats and ox.  Did I mention that it was rather warm out there in El Cajon?  The FP mentioned, right as I noticed, that it smelled like sewage or farts or burps or food.  It was probably a mix of all the above, as all four came from the same sources.  You eat the meaty food, and then you burp and it smells like the meaty food, and then you fart and it smells like meaty shit, and then you shit and it smells like shit with meat nuances.  And it all wafts around under the mesh tent, mixing assaulting the nose, really overtaking the olfactory system.  If the tent were more enclosed, it would have been like a deadly gas chamber.

I gotta say, as we drove home, our own flatulence started up, and it smelled just like it did in the tent.  Meaty gas.  We had to turn the air up and roll down the windows so we wouldn't die of gas poisoning.

Anyway, I can't talk about bratwurst fart the whole blog entry, can I?  So, we're going to explore the creative cursing book that Canine Cologne gave me the other day.  It's got two columns of notecards that you just mix and match.  Let's randomly do a few, shall we?

ass bagger
ass flaps
ass waffle (std?)
ass eater (extra dressing on the side please)
ass bucket (for when you're in a 3rd world country I guess)
ass dangler
fuck hole (like a glory hole)
fuck beater
fuck twister
fuck junkie
fuck jammer
fuck packer
cock nugget ( get it checked!)
cock boner (no duh)
cock basket (like a basket of cocks or a cock with the skin pulled into the shape of a basket?)
cock biscuit (like a cat making biscuits?)
cock jockey
cock pooper (hm....)
'gina monkey
'gina pincher (pap smear I guess)
'gina glob
'gina slime (yum)
'gina muncher
'gina gargler (yeah, clean it out gooood)
granny wrangler (round em up at the bingo)
granny wipe
granny lover
granny booger
granny jockey (ride er)
granny junkie
cooch donkey (they do that in Tijuana)
cooch dangler
cooch shitter (poopy Pedro)
cooch twister (sounds painful)
cooch clot (better go to the gynecologist)
cooch jammer
cooch fungus (again, the gynecologist, stat)
sack wanker (sounds painful)
sack muncher (painful again)
sack nugget (clean that shit)
sack biter (again, painful)
sack chomper (really?)
sack pooper (are you shitting on my balls?)
pube monster


G'night all!

Sometimes I Feel Left Out

Sometimes I feel left out of Facebook.  I don't have a dog or a kid, and often posts of one's dog or kid dominate the news feed.  So, I feel like I should go out in public and ask to take pictures of other people's dogs and kids, and then post them on facebook like they are mine.  Do you think people will get creeped out if I do that?

Sometimes I feel left out of Twitter.  I don't have a personal account.  Well, I just took time to set up an account for this blog.  Not sure why.  Oh yeah, because I don't know what to write about here, so it was a 3 minute distraction setting up my account.

I just finished this book, "The Lampshade  A Holocaust Detective Story From Buchenwald to New Orleans".  I don't remember how I heard about the book, but I bought it on Amazon.com for like a buck.  Sad, because it came out last year.

Anyway, it's, as you can guess a book about a human skin lampshade.  The publisher very cleverly made the book cover out of this sheer white paper with the title on it, and the photo of the lamp in on the hardback cover of the book.  So, the photo is pretty stunning.  You can see the patterns really lit up on the shade.  Human skin lampshade.  I wonder if someone would do that for me?  Make my skin into a lamp, and I can make the FP use it as his bedside nightlight if he's still alive.

I know, I'm sick.  I'm always plotting what I want done with my body when I'm dead.  I mean, it's important.  The final disposal of one's body.  I still like the idea of my ashes being used to fertilize a plant or being scattered in the ocean.  But I also love the idea of being stuffed and the FP can keep me in the bed next to him, or sitting on the couch in front of the TV, with the stuffed The Fuzz on my lap. His two favorite girls!

Getting back to the lampshade.  Well, I don't want to spoil the book for you in case you go out and buy it or download it onto your kindle or your nook or ipad.  The thing about the lampshade was that the author was haunted by this inanimate object that was once an animate object.  And in creating this nonfictional narrative, the author wrote a haunting book about a haunting lampshade.

If you found what looked like a human skin lampshade, say in an antique shop for sale for $20, would you buy it?  And if you would, what would you do with it?  Would you use it?  Would you try to analyze it?  Most likely, one would regret taking possession of such a thing, but then the age old question, how to get rid of such a thing?  You don't just leave a human skin lampshade out on the curb for some unsuspecting dumpster diver to collect and unwittingly take possession of.  Yes, I choose to end that sentence with a preposition.  And it was an overly wordy sentence anyway.

I find it creepy that people collect Nazi memorabilia, yet I can understand the fascistnation.  To own something that a person so cruel owned, someone who could commit atrocities that most people couldn't dream.  A nazi gun or a uniform, objects that stand for the ultimate evil in human beings.  In that movie American Beauty, the weird neighbor is fascistnated by the Hitler plate (I think that's what it was) like he wanted to eat off it.  What would be more interesting to you - a plate of Hitler's or one of Roosevelt or Truman's plates?

The creepiest thing about reading a book like "The Lampshade" is that reading is a solitary task.  Unlike a movie, I can't turn to a fellow reader and say, that was crazy!  So, I did hand the book over to the FP, but he's so busy, not much chance of him reading it for a while.  So, I must carry these thoughts of this book and this lampshade in my head along with all the other uncomfortable thoughts stuff up in there.  Man, you don't want to know.  I think what I share with you on this blog is sometimes probably TMI already!

So, feel free to read this book and then add your two pfennigs here in my lonely recluse comment section.

The Lampshade
A Holocaust Detective Story From Buchenwald To New Orleans
by Mark Jacobson

No Offense But,

I love those three words.  It's like saying, "I'm sorry this is what I think of you...."  Is there any way you could start a sentence off with "no offense but" and not offend someone?  Let's explore this deeper.

No offense but, your derriere is unattractive.

No offense but, your shoes don't match your ugly dress.

No offense, but your makeup is trampy.

No offense, but that shirt accentuates your man boobs and love handles.

No offense, but your wife is a bitch.

No offense, but I hate you.

No offense, but this conversation does not interest me at all.

No offense, but I don't agree with your point of view and I think you are misinformed because you watch Fox News entirely too much.

No offense, but I think your mom drank and smoked when you were in the womb.

No offense, but your blog is not funny whatsoever.

No offense, but you are a terrible friend and all my friends want me to unfriend you.

No offense, but you were a horrible dad.

No offense, but I never talk to you because it's irritating to listen to you go on about stuff, and I know that anything I say will be twisted and used against me later on.

No offense, but you have no business being in the business you are in.

No offense, but you think you are such a foodie, but you're really just a pretentious asshole.

No offense, but your beats are boring, the sound quality sucks, you don't know how to EQ music, and I can't decipher your words that you're so passionately rapping.

No offense, but I don't see what all the fuss is about your hair that it's on the news all the time.

No offense, but I know you were a great quarterback in college and you are probably a nice guy and you love god, but it irritates me when they talk about you on TV.

No offense, but your new TV show sucks, and I've lost some respect for you, no matter how much they are paying you.

No offense, but your new TV show doesn't seem as funny as it should be, and I think it's mainly because you don't know how to act.

No offense, but you're not as fun to pet as the other cat because you try to bite and scratch me.

No offense, but I don't want to eat at your restaurant because it's too american.

No offense, but I don't want to eat at your restaurant because it's so focused on local organic sustainable that I don't taste the soul in your cooking.

No offense, but sometimes I don't feel like having a local beer.

No offense, but I'm not that interested in Comic Con.  I mean I'd go if someone gave me a free ticket.

No offense, but your family gives me a major headache and they make me need to drink a lot.

No offense, but you seem like a selfish cold heartless person, it's surprising that you like blues.

No offense, but you dress like you shop at Wal-Mart.

No offense, but I don't see what the big fuss is over your cat.  All she does is run away and hide.

No offense, but your dog really is not pretty or sweet, just ugly and slobbery with bad breath and he's always trying to hump everyone.

No offense, but I don't like the Christmas sweater you knitted for me and I'll never wear it.

No offense, but I don't believe in adultery and blow jobs do not equal love.

No offense, but I don't respect you at all or your opinions, in fact you don't exist to me at all.

No offense, but your blog is entirely too long.

No offense, but your farts smell like shit.  (There I found one that isn't offensive!)

Getting Rid of the Old

So, in our attempt to start our new life and shed the old, we are shedding materials.  We already went through all our clothes and gave 5 bags to Goodwill along with our stereo receiver.  I sold the Bose speakers to a nice Filipina.  I'm trying to sell our square bookshelf, but no bites.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of bookshelves on craigslist, so I'll probably have to lower the price or give it away.  As long as I don't have to physically carry it out of here, I'll be satisfied.

Right now I am wiping the hard drive of our old desktop computer.  We are giving it to our friend.  So, it's amazing how quick it is to erase all the data files, but it takes 3 times as long to reset it.  It's such a weird big old monster, but it still works, and it will run much faster with no data on it it start.

We also are getting rid of the "credenza".  It's not quite a credenza, but we like to call it that.  It's pretty cool, but the base got a little fucked up when we moved from New Orleans.  Still it's got this ornate carving in the doors.  We basically use it as a hall table to put stuff like change and pens and hairspray on, and in the cabinets was all our fancy wedding presents that we don't use much like lead crystal vases and platters.  Oh, and also envelopes and the apartment lease, which we refer to when writing the envelope for our rent check.  I used to have such a good memory about remembering phone numbers, addresses and account numbers, but my memory is shot.  I can never remember the landlady's address.

Sadly, we are also getting rid of our beloved World Market dining room table.  We barely ever actually dine at it, because it usually has a bunch of crap on it.  Oh, also it's where Pete "lives".  It's pretty heavy, and the top needs to be refinished, so we decided it's served us well, but it's time to move on.  I really don't even know if we actually need a dining room table....

The only piece of furniture we are keeping is this black and metal Ikea shelving unit.  It's kind of flimsy, but it's still nice and functional, and it's light and easy to break down too.  Everything else is going, but we can't get rid of most of it until later, or we will be sitting on the floor, putting our stuff on the floor, and laying on the floor too.  And with all the ants that we can't seem to get rid of, no thank you.  I mean, they can still climb up the furniture, but they tend to go solo on it, not in a single file trail that extends for a few feet.

We are keeping the cats, although, I don't want to think about what it will be like taking them on a 40 hour total road trip.  The Fuzz has never travelled any farther than from Del Mar to North Park.  And let me tell you, she did not handle that well at all.  She cried the whole way home.  The whole way.  That was like a 15 - 20 minute ride.

We are getting rid of Pete, the fish, probably just put him in a freshwater pond somewhere nearby, maybe at Balboa Park.

Obviously, I kid.  Our friends are going to take him, along with our sad plants that need some love.  I would like to take Pete, but I don't think he would like the feeling of being in a bowl full of vibrating water for 16 hours a day.  He is so spunky and full of personality, so we are sad to be leaving him.  I think Stinksy will miss him, and he will miss Stinksy as well.  They are like playmates now, ever since I built to protective lean to to put over Pete's tank.  Pete will swim up and down around the front of the tank and Stinksy will paw at the tank trying to catch him.  And then Stinksy will sometimes just sit or lie there in front of the tank, and they will stare at each other for hours.  I noticed that Pete naps a lot more during the day.  I think that Stinksy keeps him up at night.

I started packing our pictures that were hanging on the walls, so the spaces where there were things hanging look so bare.  But, I figure I should pack what I can.  I also packed most of the newer matching plates and a lot of the glasses.  It's weird because all of the plates that are left out are mismatching, and a lot of them were plates that were left in our last apartment, as is some of the silverware.

It's a strange transitional period, but it's leading us to an exciting new adventure.  At least that's what we keep trying to tell ourselves.  So if you live in the area and you want any of our furniture, let me know.

Who's Gonna Replace Andy Rooney?!?!

Why is it, when I open the computer to write this blog, there is always a smudge on the exact same place on the screen?  It's so annoying.  It's not anywhere where it would be accidentally touched, but there it is every time.

What else is annoying?  A lot of stuff.  Here's a list in no particular order, with no specific reference to anything or anyone in particular.  So don't worry, I wasn't specifically talking about you if one of these fits your own description.

Whenever someone says, "that's my pet peeve."

People who are driving shittily, and then I notice they are on the phone.  It's illegal to drive and use your phone in California, so don't do it.  Oh, and you can't drive properly when you are using your phone, so don't do it.

People who block you when going to the checkout line, and then they take forever at the register because they are disputing how something was rung up or are trying to use an expired coupon, or are trying to use all their food stamps and make everyone wait while they run to get one more thing.

People who aren't aware of their spatial presence and stand in the way until you have to push by them and say excuse me, and they still don't move.

People who take their sweet time walking across a crosswalk, even though they see that they are backing up traffic.

When an episode of "Locked Up Abroad" isn't very good because the narrator is not truthful or just doesn't do a good job of telling the story.

People who don't hold up their end of a bargain, and then turn around and blame it on others.

Tape that doesn't stay on the dispenser reel properly and keeps sticking back onto the roll.  Then I have to spend several minutes unpeeling it, and it rips and I end up wasting a lot of tape in the process.  Oh, and the same goes for plastic wrap.

Machines that take money, and the money gets stuck in the machine and doesn't process, or the machine won't take a perfectly new, crisp, unfolded dollar bill.

Websites that have links that are expired, go to a horrible pop up advertising website, or go to a website that informs you that the particular link is available.

These rubber ponytail holders that I've had for a few months.  They are supposed to be ouchless, but they are a little better than rubber bands that one would use in an office setting.  I have this thing though, that I don't feel like I can buy new ones until the old pack is finished.  Also, if I buy a new pack, then I'll probably get a buyer for my hair that day.  Hm, maybe I should buy a new pack.

Being awakened from a deep sleep.  It can be an afternoon nap or in the middle of the night, or even half an hour before I would normally wake up.  I do not sleep peacefully as a general rule, so any deep sleep is bliss.  If you want to see me at my absolute worst, go ahead and wake me up.

When the TV picture pixelates when I'm watching a riveting TV program.  That is the worst!  Even more annoying than when a video on the internet is slow in buffering, because that is expected.

The voices of the kids downstairs when they come home from the club at 1:15 am and feel the need to all congregate outside of the apartment and talk really loud.  I sound like a cranky old lady!  Just call me Annie Rooney.  I wonder if they are looking for a replacement for Andy Rooney.  I would love to have that job!!!

When I can't think of something funny to write about on the blog, which is unfortunately often.

When I don't win the lottery.

People who get away with committing felonious crimes and are proud of it.