Hmmm.....

You know how stupid I am?

How stupid are you?!?


I'm so stupid that I remembered that blog topic at some point, and I failed to write it down, and now I can't remember it again!!!!

dumbass
dumbfuck
dipshit
dipwad
dodobrain
doodoobrain
dunce

shit for brains


Anyhoo.  Let's see.  What can I talk about.  Christmas?  Nah.  I don't feel like it.

Okay.  Inspiration has struck.  I haven't rambled on about the cats in a while have I?  Well, even if I have, I am going to again.

So, we have this screened in patio, or a LANAI, if you will, and please do.  So, we will open the apartment door sometimes, since the screen door to the lanai can still be closed.  So, then, Stinky or Stinksy, whichever you prefer, will go out there and sit on the chair next to the screen and stare outside.  There's birds and cars and cats, and people.  Although, when someone walks by, he runs back in the apartment.  Too close for comfort.

So, the FP will often go outside to... have a chat on the phone.  Nothing else.  Nothing that is known to cause cancer.  So, often, when he comes back in, he will close the apartment door.

So, you know how this goes.  Stinky is fine at first.  And then after a while, he wants in.  So he cries at the door.  But he has this small high pitched meow.  So, if he's not desperate, it's not that loud, and it's difficult to catch it over the TV.  So, sometimes he has to raise his voice to finally be heard.  And then we realize, and we let him in.  He will meow at as for a minute or two, like, you assholes keep shutting me out!  And then he will eat, and then he will go to the FP and just up on the couch and stick his tail in the FP's face, then he will sit right next to him and stare at him.  He has this creepy habit of staring at us directly in our eyes, for long stretches of time.  Sometimes he used to do it when I was sleeping.  I was convinced he was plotting to kill me so he could get more of the FP's attention.

Anyhoo, Stinky was just outside.  I heard a very faint, high pitched, eeeooow.  So, I checked, and there he was.

The other night, we went to bed around 1 or 1:30 am.  At about 3:30 am, I was awoken by a high pitched sound.  So, after I realized that something made me wake up, I went looking for Stinky.  I didn't go right for the front door, as would seem logical.  Why?  Because I wanted to see if I could find  Stinksy first in the apartment.  Okay, really it was because I was scared to open the front door and startle the FP awake.  When he is startled awake by the front door opening, he screams really loud.  It's scary.  It's loud and it makes me scream back, just like in the movies when two people are screaming at each other.

So, I looked for Stinky in the apartment first.  He would either be under the bed laying on the luggage, or under the wing chairs or coffee tables.  He wasn't there.  So, I opened the front door as quietly as possible, and there he was patiently waiting.  He was only a little hurt that we had forgotten him outside.

He's so good about not holding grudges.  We can do all kinds of "mean" things to him - take him to the vet, make him endure long car rides, spray his teeth with plaque blast once a day -  and he forgives us in a matter of minutes.  I know.  I should learn from him.  I hold grudges from when I was a little kid!  I can't help it.  It was my upbringing that caused this, and I can't afford therapy, so there's nothing that can be done, I guess.

Anyway, guess where Stinky is now?  On the lanai, of course.