not really feeling it....

Just feeling blah...

it's probably partially because of my mom's deathaversary - 2 years.

I have such a feeling of emptiness.  What do I do?  I go to work.  I'm not really my true self at work.  I go home and pay attention to the puppy all evening.  I pretty much have to ignore the cats.  I try to get on the internets when I get a chance.  Watching TV uninterrupted is a luxury.

I don't even really drink much.

And we don't have any friends that we hang out with.

I know that the puppy needs a lot of attention right now.  I know that he depends on us for everything.  I know that going to the dog park with him is fun and rewarding.  I know that at some point he will get better at fetch.

But for now, it's so much work.  I doubt whether we are up for it.

I don't want to have a dog that is kind of unruly sometimes, who will bite or chew up stuff or jump up on people or not play nicely with other dogs or always try to knock over the garbage or lay on the bed.

I know those can be normal things.  But I don't want that.

I want a nice, happy, clean dog that doesn't eat cat shit.

And I want to be able to do stuff again.  Like go out for some beers.  Or see bands play.  Or play music.  Or paint.  Or write.  Or go kayaking.  Or go exploring South Florida.  Or have meaningful work.  I know I will be able to do this stuff again.  But, I'm just feeling down.

Am I asking too much?