Unnecessary Commentary

So, yeah. Day 4.

I want to write about a couple different topics today.

FACEBOOK

So, a friend, as in my friend's ex-husband, posted on Facebook, or FB. There was a long thread of responses, which is always a score, right? Anyhoo, I posted a comment, and my friend's ex-husband's girlfriend "liked" it. I've never met her, but I can't help but feeling a bit like a traitor. Commiserating with the other woman. I realize I didn't directly reach out to her and say, like my comment, please, but maybe I did by posting on her boyfriend's wall?


TAMPONS

So, if you like to track women's "periods" I am sitting on a big globule of punctuation right now. TMI? Well, one friend I used to work with(a self proclaimed homosexual, although I think he's bi) liked to mentally track the ends of declarative statements (periods) of all his female coworkers. So, like, for instance, if I said I felt weak, he would say, "Are you on your period?" with a deadpan expression. He just wanted to know. Then he would say, "So and So's (identity obscured to protect privacy) period should be next week, so maybe you're PMSing. Really.

Anyway, this topic was about tampons, not the monthly bill. So, I don't like Tampax. BTW, to all you men that don't know the difference between brands and actual product names, Tampax is a brand of tampon, not a maxi pad. Kotex is a brand too. It's tampons or pads. Anyway, I got this box of Playtex sport tampons. They have inspirational saying on them, like fortune cookies. Really. No jokes, bro. Like because of this added bonus, I'm going to make sure to buy this brand again. So, here's my take on it. Instead of adding "in bed" at the end of the phrase, you say "when sticking this wad of cotton (and rayon and polyester and Polysorbate 20 ((isn't that in ice cream? (((no, I know it's polysorbate 80))) )) ) up your cunt.

Oh, I'm sorry, did the word cunt offend you? I'm not using it in a derogatory way. You should read this book - Cunt by Inga Muscio. It's very inspiring, and it's about owning the word cunt.

Anyhoo, getting back to the tampon phrases:

"Be passionate" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Care about efforts not outcomes" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Stay focused on what matters most" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Go play. I've got your back" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt. (whew! That's I relief!)

"Reach for the finish line" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"The sky's the limit" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Play by your own rules" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"What's your game plan" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Neither one of us are giver uppers" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Go, fight, win!" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Go with your gut" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"Sports builds character" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.

"The score doesn't tell the whole story" when sticking this wad of cotton up your cunt.


Okay, I had trouble writing this because I was laughing so hard. Yes, I was laughing at my own jokes. I need to quit while I'm ahead.