How OCD are you?

So, I have never been to a shrink. I would love to go and get evaluated. I would also love to go to get tested for allergies. I have a feeling both would have interesting results.

So, if you read one of my other blogs, you know that I determined on my own that my dad has Borderline Personality Disorder. There is debate about this diagnosis, because some think it was a thrown together profile that doesn't exist, that they just combined a bunch of generalized symptoms, etc. Well, whether it was made up or not (and aren't all psychiatric disorders "made up") it fits. So, I could have that. I definitely fit the descriptions. Of course, children of those with BPD could have it, or they could just feel unstable from the reaction to dealing with someone with BPD.
Anyway, I have been aware of things that I do in keeping with BPD - like having overly strong emotional responses to situations, or having that feeling of abandonment. So, it's that Catch 22. Are you crazy if you know you are crazy?

I know I'm crazy, but it still makes me crazy. I definitely get OCD with things. Like locking the door. If I don't remember the action of locking the door, I wonder if I did lock it. Even though it's an automatic response. As far as locking the car door, I almost always double check, especially if the FP has the keys. We often arm the car alarm in silent mode, so if I didn't hear the horn, or the silent mode click then I doubt whether it was locked. And sometimes the FP might not lock it if he's carrying a bunch of stuff out, which he usually is - catering bins, groceries or musical equipment, or sometimes all three.

When I'm in the middle of some task and another unrelated task has to be dealt with, I always need to finish the first thing, or come to what I see as a certified stopping point. This is bad when it comes to working in a restaurant, because really, if you need a recook or something like that, it should be urgent. But, I tend to have an attitude when I'm cooking the line, which usually just has to do with control issues and doing things my way and me putting out unsatisfactory food.

When I set an alarm, I have to set it for what I call a "soft number". That just means an even number. I usually will set it for 5:48 instead of 5:45. I will use 0,2,6, and 8. I'm not sure what I have against 4, but I think it's too close to 5. 5 is way too hard for an alarm. 5 means that I will probably turn off the alarm and oversleep. I think the FP has this issue too. Weird.

The FP has his own mental things going on. The one interesting OCD thing that he used to have was 7s and stars. His conversations would have to be in syllables of 3 or 5. So if he was carrying a conversation with someone on the phone, he would draw a 7 (with a hook for 3 segments) or a star for 5 segments. If the other person finished his or her thought without finishing a 7 or a star, then he would say something with the correct amount of syllables to complete it. Weird huh?

Another interesting thing I used to do was obsessively monitor my food intake. I would count items as servings or units. So, say I ate an ice cream sundae with 2 scoops of ice cream, whipped cream, fudge and nuts. That would be 5 units. Or maybe 6 if I had a lot of whipped cream. My daily intake might be 12. But if I ate a regular sized sandwich, that might only use up 1 unit. But I also used to count individual things, like skittles or M&Ms or nuts. So maybe 20 skittles was one unit. I know this is similar to an anorexic way of thinking, but I have always loved to eat too much to become anorexic.

One habit I have trouble shaking is waiting until I get home to eat something. Say, if I buy a bag of chips, salt & vinegar (which make my mouth water just thinking about them), I will try not to eat any until I get into the house. I'm not sure what this accomplishes, because either way, I'm probably going to devour the whole bag. But, I guess, if I wait until I get home and I can sit and eat them in front of the TV, I can savor them more. Eating in the car is more of a mindless compulsion for me.

So, anyway, that's a little more insight into my psyche. Fascinating, huh?