Approaching the Eiffel Tower

Notre Dame....

I couldn't capture the colors of the trees, but I'll post the photos anyway

Philippine flag in a window down the street from the Eiffel Tower

This is as close as we got.  We didn't even try to go up to the Eiffel Tower.

oui... non

So, we are here in Paris.  🇫🇷  We have been here about 28 hours.  We have not had any food that has blown our minds yet.  Somehow that has happened.  But I will show you what we have done since we got here... anyway.

This is at the hotel we are staying at... The Hoxton Hotel.  Modern, hipster (when I say hipster... I generally don't think of it in a derogatory way as some people do.  I generally agree with hipster philosophy besides the over the top pretentiousness that sometimes involved) small, clean.  They left us such a nice note & a bottle of (French!) champagne in our room for our anniversary.

The restaurant is called Rivié.  Nothing special, but there are a lot of little seating spaces in and around the courtyard.

Sea bream "ceviche"

octopus "tartare"

grilled cuttlefish with goat cheese & artichoke... sounds weird, but this was the best of the 3.  Everything was under seasoned, and not very exciting flavor wise.  They sure do a good job on the presentations though.

It was hot when we got to Paris.  The long long cab ride was hot, and herky jerky.  Not great for my motion sickness.  But I just stayed off my phone & didn't look out the side windows.  When we got there, of course our room wasn't ready.  We were 2 hours early, so we checked our bags and had lunch at the hotel.  It was not very crowded yet when we first sat.  But it got busier.  Our server had a little armpit smell, which honestly wasn't the best thing for my stomach after the hot long cab ride.  But, I thought, how very French!  A big party went & sat behind us.  They had a set menu of appetizers. The guy sitting next to us either seemed to be connected to the party or the hotel.  He was having small plates of the same food as the party - sushi rolls,  chicken skewers, samosas or phyllo things.  It was all a very interesting spread.  I guess some of our food at the restaurant would be compose a strange menu if it were all on the table at the same time... to each his own.

Here's the bar where we sat for a drink.. TFP had a cocktail, I had a good ginger beer.  We left, then found out our room wasn't ready yet... so we went back to the bar and I drank a carafe of tap water, while TFP had a pilsner.  The water here, I must say, is really good.  I read that it might be too mineral heavy for the American palate.  But I am quite enjoying it.  They just don't give big enough carafes all the time.

The best thing we had from this restaurant, I didn't take a photo of!  Later that night (after dinner) we ordered room service.  The room service menu is very small.... so we got a cheese plate & a cheeseburger.  Both were really good!  The fries were disappointing of course... although one's expectations of room service fries must be lower than ordering at the restaurant.  They did taste good, however.  The cheeses... I don't know what they were.  The blue... something like bleu d'auvergne, and the ashed goat cheese were my favorites.  The dates were so good... not so sweet as the dried ones we get, and very honey tasting.  Well, I'm not going to pile too much on because I want to nap!

Lunch for one, please

So, don't judge me.   Ok, you can because it's kinda an involuntary thing, to judge people.  I don't know why we all don't walk around with robes, gavels and maybe even wigs.  Anyway, Rudy had a quick bite, floor service (instead of table service, get it).  And yes, that is the same plate I would eat off of after being washed.

To preface this video, I might still be having residual feelings of guilt.  I almost killed this dog of mine.  

Rudy.  RuBear.  Rudy Roo.  Rudy Ruettiger.  Rudy Rudebaker.  Rudy Rutabaga.  Roodles Canoodles.  It's a Ru.  

I fuckin love this dog.  Every dog or cat or pet owner can relate.  I'm not gonna say, no, I love him more than you love your dog.  I might, or I might not.  

Anyway, yesterday morning, we drove to Flagler Drive in Flagler Village for a walk.  We met Steamboat, a pitbull of a friend who has a brewery right in the area, Invasive Species.  Big surprise, Rudy didn't like Steamboat.  So, we had a good walk.  Then we went back to the car.  I put Rudy in the back seat, & I filled the cup holder with water for him.  

Then I closed the door.  And the keys were on the passenger seat.  And the doors were locked.  And my phone was in the car.

But the door was cracked.  I tried to wedge my hand in, but it was just a crack.  

These landscapers just pulled up behind me, so I asked if I could use someone's phone.  The one guy that handed me a phone gave me an android.  And of course I didn't know how to use it.  I called TFP (my husband) and it went straight to voicemail.  He was out running.  I left a panicky message relaying the situation.  And I called again, and again, and again.  I probably called him 15 times.  I panicked even more after about 10-15 minutes, so I called 911.  They were sending the fire department.  Rudy was fine... but I was not.  He didn't really seem anxious until about 15 - 20 minutes in.  Then the phone I was using stopped working.  I think I made the data reach the limit, so I couldn't call anymore.  And I couldn't answer the phone when TFP tried to call back.  But, luckily, the firemen showed up.  They were able to open the door really quickly since it was cracked.  Of course, Rudy went ballistic.  So they got the door open, but were holding it closed until I got around to the door.  They didn't want him to lunge out and bite him, which he probably would have done.....I opened the door, and I poured more water in the cup holder.  He drank it all.  Then I refilled.  He drank that.  He drank all the water I had in the car.  It was about 25 - 30 minutes by the time the door was unlocked.  Luckily, he wasn't in direct sunlight.  I was fucking freaking out anyway.  In 6 years since we've had that car, I don't think I've ever locked the keys in the car.  Ever.

After they left, TFP called my phone, and I answered.  He came to give me $20.  So, I put the landscaper's phone back in their truck with some cash to pay for the phone bill.  And that was that.  We went home.  I gave Rudy a ton of treats and hugs.  I don't know if he really understood why.  

So, go ahead judge me all you want, if it makes you feel better.  I totally judged myself.  I ruled Guilty!

Tony Bourdain Is Dead

That's what my husband said that got me out of bed yesterday morning.  I'm sure you have all posted your opinion, your feelings on the subject.  Some may already have Tony Bourdain fatigue, while others may still be in shock and trying to understand.  The weird thing is, we had just finished watching season 2 of "13 Reasons Why" the night before.  Coupled with the suicide by hanging of Kate Spade just a few days before, it was a suicide themed week.

I won't go on a diatribe (I feel like he used that word often) about how Tony Bourdain let me down.  Or about how he was a coward, or about how it's bullshit that a hero who influenced my life could do this to me.  I'm not going to say how selfish he was.  His life was still his life to share or not to share. There seems to be an element of being a public figure that is very unselfish.

I don't understand.  No one can understand.  But maybe some can empathize.  I think about death all the time.  Maybe I think about death even more since both of my parents are gone.  When I think about death, I don't fear the end of my life.  I fear how that might come about.  I don't want a hideous horrible violent death. Most people don't.  I talk about death a lot.  For some it's a heavy topics, but for me, I don't find the topic disturbing.

I've thought about suicide.

I've had dark nights where I felt like my emotions were weighing me down so much that I would never be able to climb out of my emotional pit.  Sometimes I didn't want to climb out of that pit.  I just wanted to wallow in my ugly emotion. Sometimes I didn't want that pain to end... I wanted to hold on to it.

Sometimes, I wanted the pain to end.

I've contemplated how I would want to end my life at my own hand.  I never came up with a solution I was "happy" with.  Which way would be the least painless, the least messy, the least shocking for someone to find?  I never organized my thoughts to write a suicide note.  Surely if I were to kill myself, I would have to write a NOTE, since writing is kinda my thing, right?  I also knew that no matter how awful I felt that night, it would always be better the next day.  I knew that it might not be ok in the morning, but it would be at least incrementally better.  But it's not easy to make it to morning.  Sometimes we don't want to make it through the night.  Sometimes we don't want that human contact, that one gesture that will bring us back to society.  Maybe sometimes its the luck of the draw - having just enough time alone with our awful thoughts.  I really don't know.

I know that famous people carry a burden that non famous people can't understand and often envy.  Non famous people can also carry a burden that others can't understand.  I've been told I'm lucky, or I've had it easy, I have my shit together, I seem so stable and even keeled.  Sometimes it is true.  Sometimes it couldn't be farther than the truth.  Just because I've built an almost impenetrable wall around my deepest secrets, doesn't mean they don't exist, or that they don't affect my everyday life.  I don't have any deep revelations.  We just have to remember that in the words of Michael Stipe... everybody hurts And in the words of Elliot Wolf... be nice.  LOL - its good for you. 😘