birth & death

So, life and death happens simultaneously.  Joy, relief and grief.

Last night, February 15th, I became a great aunt.  I've always been an absent to passable aunt.  Last night, our niece and nephew's first child, Wrenley Jane, was born.  And I became great (aunt).  I don't know if I will be able to live up to the title, but I will try.  Mama and baby seem happy and healthy.  thanks to the internets & facebook, I have gotten to see lots of photos.  I love this little bundled swaddled in girly pink flowery print and a big pink bow on her little head.  I'm so happy for our young niece and nephew who are so excited to be new parents.  And I'm thrilled for my sister and our niece's mom to be grandmothers!




In other sad news....
This morning, on February 16, our feline buddy, Stinksy, finally passed on to the green meadows in the sky.  He was a strong little guy.  His mother was a little slut and his dad was the neighborhood tomcat.

In 2005, we had lost my soul cat, Tiki Tee, the week before Mardi Gras.



It was a pretty quick illness. He had kidney failure, and he passed away less than a week of getting sick.  After he died, his brother, Chester, just meowed all day.  Tiki was the alpha male, and Chester was like the big goofball omega male.  We thought he was slightly slow, and he just didn't know how to cat properly without his little smarter brother.



So, when our friend told us she needed to bring her kittens to the SPCA, we went up to her apartment to wrangle a companion for Chester.  They were fast little fuckers, and none of them wanted to go home with us.  We originally tried to catch the female nun cat, but she was spry and slippery.  At one point, they basically ran across the floor to hide under the bed, and Stinksy was the one that got caught.  So, we loaded him in the too big carrier and hauled him down the street to our house.  He instantly took to Chester to be his surrogate mom.  Chester wasn't having it.  He looked at us like, this is who you bring home when I tell you I'm lonely?

We had trouble naming the little kitty at first.  He was so cute, but really a little terror.  He didn't know common sense things.  Like, don't play with our eyeballs during REM sleep.  We had to sleep with the sheets over our heads.  And we were so allergic to him.  We seriously contemplated trying to give him away.  But, we didn't want him to end up at the shelter in the fireplace.  We knew that the bigger he got, the less appealing he was.  After all, he was just a bicolor tabby domestic shorthair.  So we kept him and just bought a lot of tissue.  We couldn't think of a name for him.  Damien, Beelzebub, Satan, Jaws... none of them stuck.  For some reason, TFP one day called him Stinksy, and it just stuck.  Although, we really called him Stinky most of the time.  He never really stunk.

He rode out Katrina on the 10th floor of the Marriott hotel on Canal Street.  He was still pretty young.  The staff made us all go to the ballroom, so we had to leave the cats in the room.  Stinksy pretty much just hid behind Chester the whole time.  Later that year, we moved to San Diego.  I got in a car accident a day or two before we were supposed to leave.  So I had to stay back and deal with insurance.  So, TFP travelled cross country with Chester and Stinksy in a 2 door Toyota Echo.  Also, Stinksy had a cone.  We had gotten him neutered, and the vet had dug into his stomach looking for one of the testicles that wasn't where it was supposed to be.  It wasn't anywhere.  And then she stitched him up weird and sent him home sans cone.  So, he chewed the stitches out.  So, he had to get stapled and then restitched later, and coned.

Several months after we moved, Chester got renal failure too and passed away under our dining room table.  Then it was Stinksy's turn to meow at us all day.  So, we found a grey kitty on craigslist.

The Fuzz.  She had medium length hair and toe tufts and ear tufts, and she was the cutest, if somewhat standoffish little cat.  And Stinksy looked at us, like, this is who you get to keep me company?  But, he grew to love her, and he showed her the ropes.

After 6 years in San Diego, we moved to Fort Lauderdale.  This time, it was all four of us in a Honda Element.  It was quite the adventure for them.  They loved all the dingy seedy pet friendly hotel rooms we stayed at.  So many scents and crannies to explore.  They always were unhappy the next morning when we packed them up and put them back in the car.  One particularly scary Economy Inn in Texas was their favorite.  It had two beds, and they spent a lot of time jumping from bed to bed, over and over.

Stinksy wanted to be an indoor/outdoor cat, but we just couldn't bring ourselves to allow this.  But, we did let him roam around out back when we were outside.  A little while after we moved to Florida, we got a puppy, Rudy, which of course, the cats hated.

And the puppy grew, and they hated him more.  But the puppy learned the command, "get Stinky" and he would chase him out of the bushes and back into the house.

In 2017, our dear little cat, The Fuzz, was dying from renal failure.  We were sent home with subcutaneous fluids, which we had to pump under her skin every day to keep her hydrated.  She hated it, but she wasn't a fighter, so she gave up easily and let us do it.  She was suffering slowly, so finally we had to euthanize her.  This was one of the most devastating days of my life.  I hope to never have to do it again.  But I know it was the right choice.  She was TFP's baby girl, and it hit him harder than I think he would have ever guessed.  He still grieves her today and has trouble looking at pictures of her.

Stinky was lonely after The Fuzz passed, but we knew it was not a good time to get another cat.  We were so busy at work, we were making moves to sell the restaurant, and we didn't know what our future held.  So, we were down to a one cat, one dog household.  Stinksy and Rudy didn't love each other, but they seemed to form an understanding.  Unless human food was involved.

Last summer, Stinksy stopped eating, and in a matter of days, he started showing signs of renal failure & he was alarmingly skinny.  So we took him to the vet.  They were worried about renal failure, but it looked like it was brought on by an infected tooth.  So, he was given antibiotics and B12, and we were sent home with subcutaneous fluids once again.  Stinksy wasn't nearly as cooperative as The Fuzz, so finally I had to get a zip bag that looks like a travel toiletry bag with zippers for the front paws & a velcro wrap for the neck.

Even with the bag on him, he sometimes found a way to slither across the table.  But we gave him the fluids, and after a few weeks, he was back to his old self.

And then, the infection came back right before we moved to New Orleans.  And the rest... you can read on previous blog posts...

stinksy's story

stinksy's story continued

Anyway, the last couple of weeks, we had him on Fentanyl.  They have patches that you can get at the pharmacy.  But, it's Fentanyl, so it's not like pharmacies have loads of it in stock.  So we had trouble getting it.  In between that, we gave him liquid buprenorphine.  We were drugging our cat with opioids.  No other vet had ever suggested opioids to us.  Of course, Stinksy had a rapidly growing tumor taking over his mouth.  So, I guess that is much different than renal failure.

Anyway, he ate 2 big cans of cat food a day or two before we applied the first Fentanyl patch to him.  And that was the last he ate.  I was still gave him cat food with a moat of chicken or beef stock around it for about 10 days after he stopped eating.  But, I don't even think he really drank the stock at that point.  Each patch was good for 5 days.  You could definitely tell the difference between the first and the fifth day.  We gave him 3 patches in a row, then we had to go five days with buprenorphine before we were able to get him another patch.  He died sometime in the night, or rather, early this morning.  So, he went like 22 or 23 days with virtually no food.  He only stopped drinking water 2 days ago.  He couldn't drink with his tongue, so he would stand on the kitchen sink divider and let the water from the tap drip into his mouth.  But he stopped drinking because I think it was difficult for him to stand there, and it was getting more difficult for him to lean his head just so, so the water would drip into his mouth.

these photos are maybe 3 weeks apart.

I know this is a graphic photo, but I want to help others who find themselves with a cat with oral squamous cell carcinoma.  I don't think there's enough information out there for people like me.

I googled "how long can a cat survive without food".  And all the websites said two weeks tops.  Stinksy was a fighter.  He just had to defy the google search results.  And he had always been clean.  We knew it was almost over when he started sleeping most of the time in his litter box.  He had stopped peeing, but still, he would wake up with litter caked all over him.  Last night, he was just laying on a cat scratcher.  We brought him into the bedroom with us, on the cat scratcher.  Sometime in the night, he dragged himself off the scratcher into the hallway, and he just died right there, stretched out.  Of course, he didn't have any pee or poo left in him, so it was just him, dry and rigid.  Even in death he tried to be as clean as he could be.  We imagine that he found The Fuzz and is leading the way for her.  Because she had probably gotten lost in the otherworld, not knowing how to get to heaven and having no help.  Tiki Tee wouldn't have helped her because he was a little bitch to other cats, and he definitely would have been very jealous of The Fuzz.  But now, all four of our beloved cats are together.

Now we just have Rudy.

We haven't had a cat-less household since Summer of 1995.  😿😿😿😿😿😿😿 This afternoon, when Rudy and I walked into the house, I thought how strange that I didn't have to go searching for Stinksy to see if he was still alive.  I already knew the answer.  I started writing this blog post to put off cleaning out the litter box and putting it away.  For now.


There couldn't be joy without grief,  life without death.  xoxoxoxo

Update on Stinksy

So, it's been almost 10 days that Stinksy has been on the fentanyl patch.  He's not eating.  We don't want to take him in to get a feeding tube, because he's been prodded and poked enough.  Every so often, I put out a bowl of Fancy Feast with chicken broth.  He doesn't even really smell it.  Although, he usually has a big crusty booger on one nostril.  He hates when I try to pick it out.  I don't know if it's worse when I do, because usually a big blood clot comes loose shortly after.  Then there's a trail of blood all over the place.  And he's just standing there looking at me.

He's a little weaker, but I feel like he's still got lots of energy for how little he's eaten.  He still tries to run out of the door every chance he gets.  He does drink a lot of water.  He tries to drink out of every glass, every water bowl (including Rudy's), every toilet, sink & the bathtub.  Which means he's going through kidney failure from not eating.  It's difficult to watch him.  We are hoping he will just pass away in the night, and soon.  We don't want to have to take him to get euthanized.  I just don't want him to hurt anymore. 😢 💔

Feline Oral Squamous Cell Carcinoma

So, I'm not writing this post to make anyone sad.  It's more to explain what is happening to our cat, so that other people who might have the same experience can compare this to what they are going through.  I feel like feline renal failure is highly covered on the internets, but I can't find as much info on oral cancer.  

So, this is our cat, Stinksy.  

He is getting on 14 years.  He never really stank before, so he had kind of a facetious name.  This summer, he pretty much stopped eating and lost a lot of weight in a week.  Our other cats had passed away from renal failure, so we pretty much figured that was what was happening with Stinksy.  We took him to the vet, and they did blood tests and looked at his mouth.  He had an infected tooth, which was causing him to lose his appetite, thus he was having trouble with his kidneys because he wasn't eating.  So, he was shot up with antibiotics and B12, and we were given subcutaneous fluids (Sub-Q for short) to give to him every day.  We would need to take him in to check his progress in a week or so.

So, for those of you unfamiliar with sub q fluids, it's like sugar water.  It's an IV type bag, and you pierce the needle under the skin and pump the fluids in by hand.  This will hydrate the cat.  We had to give our other cat, The Fuzz, sub q fluids before.  She hated it, but she wasn't a fighter, so once we got the needle under her skin she didn't really struggle anymore.  Stinksy, on the other hand, would try to escape before we even stuck him, and then he would try to break away before we got enough fluids in him.  So it was a 2 person job with Stinksy.  We tried the towel burrito, but he would always squeeze his front paw out and then try to escape.  Eventually, I had to buy a kitty straight jacket.  

It has zippers in the front for the legs and a zipper on the back.  Once he was in the straight jacket he calmed down, but after about 5 minutes he would start to squirm.  As soon as we unzipped the back a little he could escape, and if the needle wasn't out of him yet, he didn't care.  So, anyway, he did get better.  The infection cleared up, he was eating again, and we didn't have to give him the fluids every day.    

So, about 5 months later, he got bad breath and his cheek was swollen.  

You can't really tell from the photo, but it was definitely swollen.  We were moving from Fort Lauderdale to New Orleans, so I waited until we got to New Orleans to take him to the vet.  The vet gave him antibiotics again, and he also prescribed him Onsior, which is an anti inflammatory.  So, the infection cleared up, again, and his breath got better.  But his cheek was still swollen.  I took Stinksy back for a follow up visit.  The vet was concerned that Stinksy's cheek hadn't shrunk back to normal, and he discovered a hole in Stinksy's mouth.  So it was more than just an infected tooth.  He suspected cancer.  The one thing thing that made all this more tricky, was that Stinksy has cardiomyopathy (enlarged heart wall) which results in a heart murmur.  Whenever using anesthesia on a cat with a heart murmur, it's a little tricky because slowing down their pulse could cause blood clots.  So, the vet referred Stinksy to a vet who was a dental specialist.

So, we saw the dental specialist.  She explained that they alter the procedure for putting under pets with a heart murmur, so that it's not so risky. She put him under and took X rays & then did a biopsy.  So, he was pretty bad off.  His bone was deteriorating, and he had tooth resorption.  So, we waited around for them to finish digging around in his mouth, then he woke up.  

He was waking up when we got him home.  He was very wobbly, yet at the same time he was trying to run around the house.  It was a little scary.  The vet had given us some opioid painkiller, so we gave it to him after an hour as prescribed and he calmed down and went to sleep.  

So, we were giving him an anti-inflammatory and the opioid as well.  He definitely ate more and slept more with those meds.  He still was spunky and jumping on tables and counters, but the only obvious problem his mouth.  One Sunday, we ran out of meds, and he wasn't eating again.  So, I got him Temptations treats, because I knew it was the one thing that he liked to eat.  So I gave them to him.  And he scarfed them down.  And then there was blood.  It was all in his mouth, and he shook his head and ran around freaked out, so the blood spattered everywhere.  I came to the realization that Stinksy could no longer ingest solid food.  So, I would have to grind the treats with chicken stock for him to eat them.

Yesterday, we took him back to the dental vet.  The biopsy had confirmed that he did indeed have oral cancer.  So, because it was so widespread and he is a small cat, treatment was not advised.  Not only would treatment probably cost as much as a car, but it would involve either chemotherapy, or surgery to take away a huge part of his jaw & his eye.  And Stinksy might still not survive more than a few more years at best.  He had lost about half a pound of weight in 2 weeks.  The tumor had not grown much, which was a little bit of a relief.  The vet gave us more of the liquid opioid, buprenorphine.  She thought about it some more, and she went to see if she could get us a fentynal patch.  This would last for 5 days and would give Stinksy continual relief.  She would have to shave some of his hair and put the patch on him.  Then after 5 days, we would have to take the patch off and flush it down the toilet.  So, we went to the CVS that the vet called.  The pharmacist who helped us looked at the prescription and said, "We don't have that in stock."  So we told her that the doctor had just called and verified that they had it.  So she asked around and found out that the patches had been put aside, so it was not listed in the inventory.  We waited while they filled the prescription.  Then we were called back up to the drop off desk, and we were told that the doctor's license was listed as expired in July.  So we went back to the vet and collected Stinksy and his buprenorphine and took him home.  

He has been pretty chill for the past 24 hours.  He has been sleeping either on his little green blankie that I put on the couch, on the bed, or upstairs in the carpeted bedroom floor.  The blood is leaking from his mouth more frequently.  He will have blood on his paws or legs, and his nose is crusted with blood and mucus.  But he still gets around fine, and he uses his litter box.  I've been buying different canned cat food and canned fish, and blending them with stock to see if Stinksy likes any one more than the others.  I want to put together a bucket list of foods he might like, because it really doesn't matter what he eats - as long as he is eating something.  So, we just have to watch him closely and decide when quality of life is not good enough for him to keep going.  The vet did suggest tube feeding - the vet would put a hole in Stinksy's trachea and we would push the food through with a syringe.  I think we both agree that we don't want to get to that point.  So, it's just a waiting game now.  

Stinksy probably doesn't have much more than a few weeks, or maybe a couple months.  It's such a difficult truth to deal with.  I've been openly talking about it for a while to prepare myself for the inevitable.  But, it's still hard to accept.  Choosing to end your pet's life is so much worse than having him pass away peacefully in his sleep.  Yet, at the same time, I feel like it's a pet parent's responsibility to do what is in the best interest of the pet - above the parent's wishes.  How do you decide when is the right time?  How do you know when a pet's suffering is greater than his will to live?  How do you willingly agree to let someone kill your pet.  Because you love him and you want his to not hurt.  

About a year and a half ago, we euthanized our other cat, The Fuzz.  It was one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my whole life.  I didn't want to ever experience it again.  Yet here we are, facing the prospect of euthanasia.  As difficult as it was to watch our other two cats - Tiki Tee and Chester - both pass away, euthanasia is worse on the soul.  But, I wouldn't trade this feeling for not having pets.  With great love comes great responsibility.  

Youtube revealed

So... I think this poor old blog is falling by the wayside.  I don't really think it's important to be semi-anonymous anymore.

So, with that, I am going to share my youtube username so you can watch all our videos:  music, cooking, cats, dog, etc.... For those of you who have never seen any of this shit - beware-  some of it is a little risque.  Also, you might consider wearing a diaper if you sometimes tinkle when you laugh real hard....

perfectbleu


Enjoy!

Look! A post!

Ok, so it's just a video of the cats eating... but I felt the need to post something!  If you have feline friends, this is the best canned wet cat food ever.  Ok, I'm a little biased because my dead soul cat was named Tiki.... 

Oh, and please ignore the mess on the kitchen table... I just cleaned it off a few days ago, but it just piles up!

Off to clean the table now....

What a day!

Whew!!  Sometimes a day at work is easier than a day off.  Today was a roller coaster.

But, here's the real disturbing news about the day.  Sometime in the day, I walked into the living room and I noticed that the front door was open.  When I went to investigate, I noticed that The Fuzz was standing out on the porch.  And so I went out to herd her in, and that's when I saw Stinksy, of course.  Stinksy was more difficult to get in than The Fuzz.

What makes it even more disturbing, is that there microchips expired, and I need to renew their plan in case they run away.  And they both are currently not wearing tags of any sort.

If that weren't disturbing enough, later today, they kept running out back into the backyard.  The screen door to the lanai is ripped, and it needs to be repaired.  So there's an open hole for them to go in and out.  So we kept chasing them in, but they kept sneaking out in front of us.

Here's what is the most disturbing.  Tonight, when it was time to get everyone in from the lanai and lock the back door, The Fuzz wasn't having it.  She stood by the back door and meowed her head off to be let outside for like half an hour.  She was trying to open the door.  If you know The Fuzz, you know this is very uncharacteristic of her.

So, yeah, I do need to renew their microchip registration, and I need to fix the screen door.  And we need to fix the front door handle so the door stays closed even if it's not locked.  So, yeah, I know it's my fault.

PITA!!!

This guy is one of the reasons I didn't sleep well last night:

I know, you can hardly focus on the mischievous cat because you are busy counting cups and bottles.  From where I am, I see 4 bottles and 4 cups.  And this fella has drank out of every cup, and he probably tried to drink out of the bottles that don't have caps on them.

He usually hangs out in the living room/dining room.  But the past week or so, he has decided to spend the nights in the bedroom with us.  When he walks in, Rudy barks or whines.  He doesn't like Stinky in here with us, especially because he feels helpless to control it, because he is in his crate while Stinky can roam freely.

That's annoying.

And then Stinky has to lie down right on top of the covers on top of and right next to me.  He essentially traps me so I cannot move.  I hate that.  Just ask the FP about how I hate being trapped in the blankets.  That and having itches I can't scratch and being so thirsty that I feel like I'm going to hurl will probably be aspects of my own personal hell when I die.  That just sounds terrible.

Getting back to Stinky.  When he gets bored lying on top of me, he will go to the windows and part the blinds, making an obnoxious... blinds hitting each other noise.  Then he will either whine or climb the window screen.  Then he will go to the other window and do the same routine.  Then he will try to drink water and knock a glass off.  Then he will come back and lay down on top of me, purring really loud and trying to get my attention.  At some point in the night, he will move to the foot of the bed, by my feet.  If I accidentally kick him in my sleep, he will bite and scratch and latch onto my feet until he full well knows I'm remorseful.  Then he will go back to sleep.

I sure hope he gets tired of this routine very soon.

Big Yellow House

So, before we moved here, we finally took the cats to the vet and got them microchipped.  The vet gave us these big rubber yellow house ID tags with their microchip numbers on them.  We decided to get the cats collars and put the tags on them when traveling and after moving until they were familiar in their surroundings.  We didn't want them to run away and not have a collar.

So, the tags were silly, but we just never took them off.  Until my BFF came to visit.  She thought that Stinksy's collar was too tight, which it might have been, but he never minded it.  So, after that, we never put it back on.

But The Fuzz still has hers on.  I have tried to take hers off a few times, but it is impossible for me to unsnap with my nonexistent nails.  So, she still wears hers.  It really doesn't bother her.  And I think she likes bling anyway - she's a girly cat.

So, here's a video of her sporting her big yellow house.

And yes, that is a beer I'm moving.  I'm not offering it to her, I'm just trying to get her to look at the camera.  And then later in the video, I yell "off" when of course, Rudy is trying to jump on the counter....


In other pet news, I recorded part of the movie "Rudy" the other night.  Coincidentally, I was watching "Rudy" when my old friend from junior high called.  She went to Notre Dame, so I took it as a sign to answer the phone.  She didn't think I would answer, but surprise surprise, I did!

Anyhow, the FP noticed tonight that I had recorded "Rudy".  So he started watching it.  I told him it wasn't the whole movie, but it didn't really matter because we've seen the movie several times before anyway.  I had recorded it because I wanted to see if Rudy would respond to the end of the movie when the whole football stadium chants, "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy!"  When that part of the movie came on, he was snoozing.  But after a little while, he raised his head and his ears perked up.  He looked at us, like, oh, they're chanting my name!  It was cute.  After all, that was the moment that inspired his name years before we even met him!

Bad Call

Those sleeping pills last night were a bad call.  I took one and a half generic Tylenol PM last night.  And the drugs were thwarted mainly by my cat, The Fuzz.  I guess she felt better after we scrubbed her stinky poo butt clean and shaved off her big tangled clump of fur.  So, she came to bed and stood right next to me and meowed loudly in my face - at 12 am.  It startled me awake from a deep sleep.  And then she kept doing it every couple hours.  

Also, Rudy made his normal restless dog noises.  He is so loud, it sounds like a grumpy old man or some kind of monster or something.  

And then, some of the FP's friends called at 3:30 am!!!!  His phone was on vibrate, but when I heard the buzz, it woke me up (again from a deep sleep)  and I thought it was my phone alarm clock going off.  I jumped out of bed to turn it off, when I realized it was the FP's phone next to the bed.  

Anyway, I want to go to sleep early tonight, but I don't want a repeat of last night.  So, I'm thinking I should just go au naturale - and hope that I can get a good night's sleep for once!!!!

Bathing Day

So, I woke up to the smell of shit.  The Fuzz had jumped into bed, and her ass stank.  But she ran under the bed and stayed there.  Later on, she came out from other the bed, and I saw that her butt area was just smeared with shit.

So, in the bath she went.  After I had to chase her around a bit.  The bathtub has not been draining, so there was a few inches of standing water in the tub.  The FP put her in, and she was not happy.  But some of the shit came off in the water.  The water that the FP was standing in.  Gross.  She was not very cooperative, and the water was already nasty, so we let her jump out and meow at the door. I tried to plunge the drain, but it was draining really slowly, and the shit in the tub would have to be cleaned up, and then the tub would have to be cleaned, otherwise, what would the point be of washing her in her own shit?

So, our our toiletries were taken off the sink and put away, and in the sink she went.  I took toilet paper and tried to pull the rest of the poop from her fur, but there was a lot, and it was really caked into her fur.  So, I got the scissors and some gloves.  I was very happy to have gloves.  So, I had to cut a little bald spot in her fur directly underneath her sphincter.  Can I say, her ass smelled horrible.  For such a cute little cat, she had one of the stinkiest asses I have ever had to smell.

Look at how innocent she looks.  It's just that the tail fur, and the fur around her ass is really long.  If she has any kind of soft poo, it just clings to her fur back there.  It doesn't help that she doesn't really know how to use the litter box.  She knows to scratch in the litter, but she scratches it before she goes.  She digs a hole in the litter until the pan is exposed.  Then she goes in the hole.  And then she scratches at the side of the litter box.  As in the walls.  It's silly.  And she will scratch the sides for minutes until we tell her to stop.  Then she will stop immediately and run away like she's embarrassed.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture of her wet ass.  She was so dejected and humiliated that I felt it would have been wrong to take a picture of her in that state.  She's been pretty sleepy all day.

On a more positive note, it finally rained this morning.  So all our plants got a bath also.  They looked so happy and refreshed!

Here is the catnip, aloe plant and the purple carrots on the lanai.  We bought the carrots Saturday in Lakeland at the farmers market downtown.  We haven't had a chance to plant them.

Here is our avocado tree.  This guy has been plagued by ants.  The little clump next to it is mint.  I planted it there because I read that ants don't like mint.  But these ants just set up house right around the mint.  I'm still going to try to plant more mint around the tree and see if they back off.

 Here is our herb planter.  It's got oregano, parsley, jalapeno, basil, thai basil, and I just put some wheat berries there to see how they would grow, and they are already sprouting.

 The big mass on the left are two tomato plants that have grown at least four times the size they were went we got them.  There's a little more wheat grass in the back, an onion in the middle, and butter lettuce on the right.  I hope the onion doesn't make everything taste oniony.

And here is the mango tree.  I'm too impatient to wait a few years for mangoes, but I guess I will have to!

Here is the succulent whose name eludes me.  We just call it the San Diego plant because it reminds us of SD.

And then this is the other catnip that we hung so it can proliferate undisturbed.


Boy, we needed the rain, though!

I Got Nuttin (Honey)

So, it seems like every night I get one hour less sleep.  So I'm hoping it stops at 6 though.  I can't function on 5 hours.  Sure, I don't work.  But I feel like such a useless blob if I just lie around when there is still lots and lots of stuff to do around the house.

Anyway, I got jack shit to write about.  And I really should write a food blog.  It's been a while on that one.  I'm not apologizing, I'm just sayin.

Really, I just want to get my PJs on this fine Saturday night at 8:25 pm.  Hey, I often had my PJs on at this time on a Saturday in San Diego too.

So, let's just talk about the cats.  That's always a goto topic when I don't have anything else....

So, we had to go get Stinksy's expensive cat food that they both eat.  Obviously, it would be way too hard to make them both eat their own individual food.  We don't have a vet here yet.  So, we have the prescription in at the Petsmart in...dun dun dun.... AVENTURA!!!! NOOOOONO!!!!!!

So, that's where we went.  Actually, when the parking lot is full most days, it can't get any worse than being full, unless it's line around the street waiting for parking, I guess.  Anyway, we got a few things, got the cat food and went to check out.  So, that's when I went to look for the prescription card.  And I couldn't find it in my wallet.

So, we decided that maybe we didn't need the card.  So we asked the cashier.  And she said, no we had to have the card.  So we went to the clinic and waited at the counter.  And waited.  And waited.  There was only one person helping people of course, because this is how it always is.  I waited at the far end.

So, this lady went up to the counter on the other side, and she was helped first.  And of course she took a long time.  She wanted to know how long was the wait for a walk in for her chihuahua (I had to google how to spell chihuahua - I might say the word a lot, but I don't spell it much).  She couldn't decide if she should wait.  Then she also wanted a prescription card for her doggie because she didn't have it with her.  The one little plus about her butting in front of me, was that she had like a South American accent, a little like Gloria on Modern Family.  And, well, now, that accent reminds me of funny foreign translations of american things - like "I have to put on my sugar jacket" or "squeaky wiener".

Finally, she was done.  So, we asked to get a prescription card.  The woman asked for my number.  No record.  Then my name, no record.  Then we remembered it might be in the Food Pimp's name.  So we gave his last name.  Then we gave the cat's name, Stinksy.  She didn't see it, it sounded like all she could find was Stacy Hampton.  So, we tried again with the FP's phone number, and she found it.  She thought we said Stacy, not Stinksy.  So, we got the card, and we checked out.

When we went home, we bombarded Stinksy with all the new stuff we got him.  Which is weird, because we are always sperling The Fuzz.  But, this time it was all about the other cat.  Mainly because we didn't think Fuzz would care about the stuff so much.

Like we bought a furry cat bed with leopard print on it.  The FP wanted something nice that he could lay on when he was hanging out in the lanai.  So I put it on this lawn chair that just sits on the corner.  Then I brought Stinksy out to test it.  He was kind of scared of it.  He sniffed it a lot, and then he jumped down.  He would walk around, and then go back and inspect it.

We also got them wheatgrass, which he loves more than The Fuzz.  But, he wasn't really interested in it.  And The Fuzz at one point was eating at the food bowl, and it looked like the wheatgrass spooked her.

We also got them a new cardboard refill for the small scratchy box, since they didn't have one for the big one.  But, they haven't even looked at it.  It probably doesn't help that I can't find the dried catnip to sprinkle on it.  That would also help with the cat bed too, of course.  I suppose I can try to use the fresh stuff, but, it's not quite the same for stuff like this.

Oh well,  I guess it was all too much for them.  Overstimulation.  And all they really seemed to want was the cat food.

Hmmm.....

You know how stupid I am?

How stupid are you?!?


I'm so stupid that I remembered that blog topic at some point, and I failed to write it down, and now I can't remember it again!!!!

dumbass
dumbfuck
dipshit
dipwad
dodobrain
doodoobrain
dunce

shit for brains


Anyhoo.  Let's see.  What can I talk about.  Christmas?  Nah.  I don't feel like it.

Okay.  Inspiration has struck.  I haven't rambled on about the cats in a while have I?  Well, even if I have, I am going to again.

So, we have this screened in patio, or a LANAI, if you will, and please do.  So, we will open the apartment door sometimes, since the screen door to the lanai can still be closed.  So, then, Stinky or Stinksy, whichever you prefer, will go out there and sit on the chair next to the screen and stare outside.  There's birds and cars and cats, and people.  Although, when someone walks by, he runs back in the apartment.  Too close for comfort.

So, the FP will often go outside to... have a chat on the phone.  Nothing else.  Nothing that is known to cause cancer.  So, often, when he comes back in, he will close the apartment door.

So, you know how this goes.  Stinky is fine at first.  And then after a while, he wants in.  So he cries at the door.  But he has this small high pitched meow.  So, if he's not desperate, it's not that loud, and it's difficult to catch it over the TV.  So, sometimes he has to raise his voice to finally be heard.  And then we realize, and we let him in.  He will meow at as for a minute or two, like, you assholes keep shutting me out!  And then he will eat, and then he will go to the FP and just up on the couch and stick his tail in the FP's face, then he will sit right next to him and stare at him.  He has this creepy habit of staring at us directly in our eyes, for long stretches of time.  Sometimes he used to do it when I was sleeping.  I was convinced he was plotting to kill me so he could get more of the FP's attention.

Anyhoo, Stinky was just outside.  I heard a very faint, high pitched, eeeooow.  So, I checked, and there he was.

The other night, we went to bed around 1 or 1:30 am.  At about 3:30 am, I was awoken by a high pitched sound.  So, after I realized that something made me wake up, I went looking for Stinky.  I didn't go right for the front door, as would seem logical.  Why?  Because I wanted to see if I could find  Stinksy first in the apartment.  Okay, really it was because I was scared to open the front door and startle the FP awake.  When he is startled awake by the front door opening, he screams really loud.  It's scary.  It's loud and it makes me scream back, just like in the movies when two people are screaming at each other.

So, I looked for Stinky in the apartment first.  He would either be under the bed laying on the luggage, or under the wing chairs or coffee tables.  He wasn't there.  So, I opened the front door as quietly as possible, and there he was patiently waiting.  He was only a little hurt that we had forgotten him outside.

He's so good about not holding grudges.  We can do all kinds of "mean" things to him - take him to the vet, make him endure long car rides, spray his teeth with plaque blast once a day -  and he forgives us in a matter of minutes.  I know.  I should learn from him.  I hold grudges from when I was a little kid!  I can't help it.  It was my upbringing that caused this, and I can't afford therapy, so there's nothing that can be done, I guess.

Anyway, guess where Stinky is now?  On the lanai, of course.

If Someone Had Told Me Sooner

that there were kitties and chickens at the beach, I would have moved here sooner!!!!

For realsies!!!

So, at North Hollywood Beach, there is lots of vegetation, and there's all these cats that live there.  And they are well fed, and they look pretty healthy.  They just lounge in the brush, or on this one driveway, or under the fence partially in the bike lane.  And then there were chickens freely roaming by the bush in this one corner.  Chickens!!!  There are lots of signs around there about no pets allowed and it is unlawful to abandon pets there.  So here's the website about them:  cats So, actually when you read about them it's very sad.  The first one or two cats were dumped there, started reproducing, and then others were dumped there too.  I'm not sure if that's the same case with the chickens, as they aren't mentioned.

Cats and chickens at the beach.  Now I've seen everything.

I wonder if Stinksy would rather live at the beach.  I know The Fuzz wouldn't do well there.  But Stinksy, he really loves us, but he does like to interact with some cats.  Like in the old apartment in San Diego.  The cats next door looked like norwegian forest cats, or some fancy long haired cat.  The neighbor got a security gate, and she took to leaving the inside door open during the day.  The cats just stood there looking outside.  Stinky would sometimes sneak out when we opened our door.  Once he discovered the other cats, all he wanted to do was go sit on the landing sniffing them through the door.  The big male cat first would hiss at him, and then got used to him.  The other cat, a pretty girl cat, came to be Stinky's girlfriend.  Well, we didn't tell the neighbor that.  But he really just wanted to go into that apartment and be with them instead of our apartment.  I don't think the neighbor liked him sitting there at the door looking in.  But she never said anything, so we let him.  He rarely tried to go down the stairs.  He was very content to just sit looking at his girlfriend.

Kitty love.  Isn't it sweet?

Here's the page if you feel like donating to the kitties on the beach cause:  donate
No, I'm not affiliated with the group.  But it's definitely one of the groups that I would like to be a part of.  Who would just dump their cat off somewhere?

Moving Tetris

So, I completely overestimated how much stuff we had to move.  I  panicked and ordered 2 storage containers.  I was so worried about it all not fitting in the "relocube" (which is not a cube) but I was way way waaaaaaaaay off!  We had room to put way more stuff in the first one, and we didn't even open the second one.  So the dimensions were 6'/7'/8'.  So I had measured off the closet, and I figured 4/5 of the closet was the same size.... not quite accurate.  There is the hangar bar and shelf in the closet.  Plus, I stacked things a little different in the closet than in the relocube.  Luckily, I only pay for whatever I use, so they just take the second one back with no charge.

Needless to say, I'm pretty tired.  The FP is already passed out, 15 minutes after he hit the bed.  He did most of the bringing the stuff down to the front, and I did more of the rearranging.  So, if things get fucked up during the move, it's my fault!  Anyway, the relocubes are just sitting there on the street like two sentries.  We don't have the best neighborhood, so I'm hoping no one tries to fuck with them.  I had to put a lock on the empty cube, because I didn't want anyone going in there and leaving a dead body in it or anything like that.  The only thing is, I have to remember to take the lock off before the containers are picked up.

We have to meet with the FP's girlfriend (the landlady ... see numero ocho) at 8:30 tomorrow morning.  Kinda early, but we want to get on the road as early as we can.

We do have to drop the DVR box off at Cox, and we need to drop our desk off at our friend's house.  Hopefully she will be awake!

So, yeah.  Weird night.  We have the desk, the mattress and the TV on the TV stand.  That's all the furniture.  Tomorrow, we are going to get rid of everything except the TV.  We had Luigi's Pizza for one last time.  Stupid us, we didn't think that they delivered, but we found out tonight that they do deliver.  It's a little too late for that.  Anyway, one of the things about Luigi's is that it's cash only.  So, usually if we get delivery we don't have cash anyway, so that's probably part of why we never checked to see if they delivered.  Anyway, it was good pizza.

Right now, The Fuzz is using the litter box.  She doesn't know how to scratch to cover.  She just scratches the side of the box, not the litter.  So she will do this for a long time, and it's irritating, even though it's cute in a retarded (excuse me, mentally challenged) kind of way.  Anyway, we had moved the litter box into the bedroom.  There's nothing else in there, so it is really loud and echoey in there.  Needless to say, the scratching of the walls of the litter box is even more annoying when it's amplified.

We put collars with microchip ID info on the kitties tonight.  They fuzzed, I mean fussed a little, but then after, they seemed to not bother about the collars, almost like they like having the collars.  They look silly though, because the tags are so big.

So here's Stinky with his collar

And here's The Fuzz

The tag looks like a bib on her!  LOL!!!!!

Anyway, I have to eat my daily yogurt and watch TV and attempt to sleep at a reasonable hour.  The bullshit is, I'm really exhausted and have been suffering sleep deprivation, but it doesn't mean I will be able to sleep soundly!

No Turning Back

So, like every time we do something that has to do with moving, the FP says, "Well, I guess there's no turning back now."  Needless to say, he's said that about 20 times.  But it's kinda now just a thing he does - like how he says, "That was the best lunch I've ever had" after every lunch.  People, one of the keys to staying young is to become a live caricature of yourself!

Anyway, in the way of furniture, we are down to the desk that this computer is on, the 2 IKEA end tables that we will get rid of when we leave, 2 more little IKEA tables that we will also dispose of, and our mattress, which we moved onto the living room floor.  The futon is hanging out outside, waiting for someone, ANYONE to take it.  I put an ad on craigslist, for the futon, for free, and a lot of people have responded.  But then, no one seems to follow through.  It is free, so just take the damn thing already!  Ok, it's very fucked up, but it's perfect for the front porch, the back porch, the den, the game room, the dingy guest room, the frat house rape room, the play room, the cat room, hell, somewhere where transient people stay.

So, less furniture than a college dorm room.  Needless to say, the cats are FREAKED OUT!!!!!
Like, every time today when they would be walking around, one of us would happen to be going where the cat was going.  So, it would seem one of us was chasing a cat with a box or a hammer or something scary.  And then, the FP kept knocking shit over.  Mainly the mop and/or broom.  Now I understand how some parents use food to comfort kids.  Shaking the treat bag was the only way to get the cats to come out and relax, even if only for a couple minutes.

But, I have to tell you about something very special that The Fuzz did last night, when the futon was still in the living room.  So, we were on the futon.  I was watching TV, but the FP was already snoring. Stinky came up and sprawled out on the futon next to my head in the corner.  That is where the Fuzz has taken to sleeping lately.  So, at one point, The Fuzz jumped up on the futon and padded right up to Stinksy (we actually call him Stinky on a day to day basis) and started licking him.  Then she chomped him on the neck.  He attacked back, and they jumped down and chased each other for about 15 seconds.  Then The Fuzz jumped back on the futon and took her rightful place on the corner of the futon by my head.

Do you understand how, uncharacteristically ballsy that was of her?  This is the girl cat who gets scared of... of the feather wand toy!  It's amazing!  It was such a breakthrough, and then today just knocked her back down the ladder of progress..... *sigh*

So, I had this idea like years ago to transcribe all the high school notes and college letters I could find that my friends wrote to me.  Unfortunately, I threw a lot away.  But I asked my friends if they had any. Almost everyone did not.  Except for BFF.  Her mom was always going through her stuff and reading it and throwing things away, so, I think whatever BFF could salvage was very precious to her.  As I think any old personal correspondence is.  So, BFF had sent me these letters a long time ago, but I had never transcribed them.  So, I figured, I should get it done before I moved, so I could send them back.  I didn't want to be responsible for them getting lost in the move.

That was weird.  Reading all that old stuff.  I think, that it might be publishable.  There are letters from one person about some piece of gossip, and then there will be another letter from another party involved in the gossip.  So you get different points of view.  Really cool.  And so.... youthful.  It totally brought me back in time to places that I would not want to go back to, but that I appreciate.  Interesting stuff.  Hopefully, one day,  you will be able to read this shit.  Maybe you will find it trite and boring.  Or maybe it will seem universal to you.  I don't know.  But, I think these people we were friends with were such talented letter writers.  And yes, that is totally a talent.  I really don't know if it's a skill that kids today have not learned... just the act of writing on paper seems so much more personal, and sensual than texting a text or posting on someone's facebook wall... you know?  I'm sure that's what the old people said about the way we communicated when we were young.

Anyway, that's all for tonight.  I think I will do a "remember when" post tomorrow.  So please feel free to remind me of that... comment on my blog, on my facebook wall, send me a text, send me an email, or just flash it on the big screen at any major sporting event!

Stinksy Live

So, in light of my revealing post yesterday (oh, and I'm not feeling a good topic) I'm going to do a fluff piece.  I have a bunch of video of Stinksy that I took, that didn't amount to much.  He will do things when I'm not recording, and then later I try to catch him in action, and it's like he's camera shy.

So, here he is, looking at Pete.  Usually, he will bat at the walls of the fish tank, trying to swipe at Pete.  And Pete seems to play along with him, swimming around the tank.  Of course this time, Stinksy decides not to perform.

Here he is, not interested at all in this crab.

Here he is with catnip.  Usually he will sit in the planter, but not this time.

Then here he is hanging out inside the futon.  He has ripped the thing up!  Anyone want a futon?

Bear of a day

Bears everywhere.  I'm sure you've seen this one by now.  I just don't understand how this little guy got all the way in the store into the produce cooler before anyone noticed or stopped him.  Although, I guess if I saw a cute little bear gallop into my local grocery store, I would just follow it with a video camera and then post it on youtube.  Of course this is adorable, but one can't help but wonder where his mama bear is.  And then at the end of the video, they just take him out.  From what was reported, he was just left outside somewhere?  It's a baby bear!  You can't just kick it out to fend for itself!!!!


And then the guy in Ohio.  On to more serious disturbing news.  The guy with the exotic animal menagerie.  He had about 50 animals.  So, he only had licenses for like 4 bears.  He let all the animals out of their cages and then killed himself.  So, where was his wife?  Why didn't he just kill himself and leave someone to find the animals and rescue them?  Didn't he love them?  I guess he wanted to commit a murder suicide but couldn't kill the animals, so he left the local cops to kill them.  The pictures of all the dead animals laid out is so sad.  The guy had 18 bengal tigers.  All dead.  They could have been taken somewhere and taken proper care of.  What kind of person would do this?  And these cops.  I'm sure some of them will carry with them tremendous guilt for having to kill these beautiful creatures.


And then my poor Stinksy.  We put the pet carriers out so that the cats would get used to them.  The Fuzz doesn't like her carrier of course.  She has been known to go into Stinksy's for a bit, though, as seen here.

Stinksy, on the other hand, has been spending half the day in the thing.

I put a paw stocking with cat nip in there for him, but he wasn't really interested in it.  Anyway, even though he looks really cute in it, I'm a little worried.  Now that I know he has cardiomyopathy, everything he does out of the ordinary is going to worry me.  I mean, I put a soft Padres blanket down in there, and it's been cooler, so why wouldn't he want to hang out in there?  It's like his own little cave.  Cats are always trying to find enclosed spaces to nap in, so should I worry, right?

But it's like we feel like we don't want him to get too excited, like he's going to fall down dead.  I guess the vet didn't help any.  I went in to get his expensive pet food, so I talked to the regular vet when I was there.  She has a very stoical demeanor.  So it's kind of scary when someone like that is telling you that it could be degenerative and shorten his life............................ or some cats are known to live a full life with no complications.  Anyway, I am a real pessimist, but in this one case, I really want to try to take the optimistic route.

I mean, this fucking cat huddled in a hotel room behind our other cat while Katrina rattled around outside and shook the windows.  Talk about having a heart attack.  What the hell did these cats think was going on?  We brought them to a strange hotel room, and then in the middle of the night strangers banged on the door and took us away.  Shortly after, the hotel gets throttled with a crazy storm.  And then we took the cats back home and left them there alone.  Well, we gave the key to strangers who filled huge bowls of food and water for them.  But they were not happy with us.

Then later on, I picked up a puppy on the side of a busy street.  We fostered him for about a week.  Needless to say, the cats didn't take too kindly to having him in their house.

Right around then, Stinksy got neutered by a butcher, who carved his stomach looking for his other testicle, which she didn't find.  Then she, or whoever stitched him up did a poor job, and he chewed them out.  So, a series of vet visits followed, accompanied by the dreaded cone, and daily antibiotics.

And then, the FP took the cats on a cross country trip in an overstuffed 2 door Toyota Echo.  While having to give him antibiotics and keep his cone on.

Poor guy.  That earlier experience makes me think his heart is stronger than it looks on an echocardiogram.  At least that's what I hope.  I also want to get my money's worth out of this little guy.  He's one pricey American Shorthair.

OCD Much?

So, the FP went to the bar without me for the first time in months.  It's a beautiful day, so he decided to go to the Ruby Room with his bandmate.  If you don't know the Ruby Room, it's a very dark dive bar that often has art shows and bands and goth nights.

So, you ask why didn't I go?  Well, here's why:

1.  I didn't feel like drinking.
2.  I didn't feel like hanging out in a dark dingy bar in the middle of the afternoon.
3.  I figure the FP could use some guy time at the bar, since I'm always around.
4.  I had this noxious strong and very diffusive gas, that no human should be subjected to.
5.  I wanted to look for a cat carrier.

So, as you know, unless you never read this blog, we are moving across the country.  Also, as you know, if you are an avid UnnecessarySupplement reader, we have two cats; Stinksy and The Fuzz.  So, we had to buy a second carrier on the fly the other day before going to the vet.  Have you ever tried to put two full grown cats in the same pet taxi?  It's difficult.  Once you get one in, and you're trying to push the other in, the first one is trying to make a break for it.  So, we got a carrier that was just too small.  And we used it, so we are stuck with this small carrier.  I suppose if we ever get that pomeranian that the FP wants, it will be perfect for it.

Anyway, we began a quest to find another carrier for The Fuzz.  Stinksy is actually pretty comfortable with his.  I have been putting cat treats in the carriers.  So, Stinksy will reach in the small one and take them out, as he can't even fit in that one.  But with his pet taxi, he will hang out in there after eating all the cat treats!

So, I googled pet stores today.  It seems like there are not any stores specializing in cat products.  I mean there might be, but I didn't find any.  It seems that all the independent pet stores are focused on fish or dogs.  So there's stores like Wag N Tails and Bow Wow Boutique.  I'm sure they also have cat stuff too, but I don't want to support a place that discriminates against cats.  Even though I feel like all pet stores do.  There's always way more aisles for dogs.  Not that I don't love dogs and want to get one soon.  But, what about the fancy cats?!  And I know, a pet carrier is a unibreed kind of contraption.  But it's the principle!  I'm going to start a protest movement.... Occupy Canine Diego.  Yeah.  I'm going to round up a bunch of cats and have them all gather in front of all the dogcentric pet stores.

Anyhoo, so, I got home and I started googling pet carriers.  And here, 4 hours later, I finished picking one out and I am blogging about it.  Is that too much time spent on research for something that will probably ultimately disappoint?  I'm kind of... OCD.  Like I have a few "specifications" as my dad would say, that were required for The Fuzz's pet limo.

1.  Couldn't be hideous and utilitarian looking.
2.  Had to be kind of girly, as she is a fluffy dainty short plump kitty.
3.  Had to have plenty of mesh windows so she could see what the fuck was going on.
4.  Had to have at least 2 ways of trying to cram her into the thing.
5.  Had to have soft sides so it wouldn't take up so much room in the car.
6.  Had to be longer, wider and taller than that little carrier that we bought.
7.  Could not be overly pricey.
8.  Should be as cute as possible. (We were hoping for Hello Kitty, but those are like $140 +)
9.  The Fuzz should be able to get used to it and be comfortable in the thing.

So, I looked.  And looked.  And looked.  There are a shitload of pet carriers out there in world wide webland.  There are a lot that have cute designs, but barely any mesh windows.  And most of the cute ones are small, because, really they are aimed at girls and ladies with teeny dogs.

So, there was a cool tote bag one that was pretty cheap, and each of the four panels was all mesh.  But when I looked up the dimensons, it was like tote bag dimension.  Which is fine for carrying your teeny teacup chihuahua around the Bebe store, but not so fine for your fussy cat to be hanging out in.  Although, since I already wasted money on one pet carrier I didn't need, I should have just bought it.  It could have been a step towards becoming a pet carrier hoarder.

So, then I saw this pink duffle bag type carrier that had lots of mesh all the way around.  It was light pink with a zebra stripe liner pillow inside.  So it wasn't the cutest, but I liked the mesh ratio.  Even though I figured, the more mesh, the more flimsy, right?  So, that one was a bookmarker, although I didn't bookmark it.

Then I found this basket.  It came in red, green or black, floral pattern.  It had an aluminum frame, and 3/4 of the fabric panels around it were mesh!  This was so Fuzz!  But there was no description about the size of the thing.  It said small.  So I searched and searched, and after a long as time, I found out that it was too small, but there was a large size as well.  But it had to be shipped from Australia and delivery time was like 10 - 20 business days.  So, it would be a nail biter as to whether or not we would get it in time.  So, after almost 4 hours, I decided on the pink and zebra print one.  Hopefully it will hold up long enough to make it through our trip to Florida!  When this thing arrives, The Fuzz won't even appreciate that it took me hours to research and pick out this damn carrier!

Fortify

So, I'll be honest.  Okay, that's not anything new here.  I don't really crave alcohol lately, since I stopped working.  But I felt like I really needed it tonight.  The FP woke up on the wrong side of the planet today at 5 am or whatever unholy time he woke up.  He probably wakes up that early because it's his only alone time.  I do try to go to Target or grocery shopping once or twice a week, but frankly, I think spending a 4 day weekend with me was too much.  But I thought overall it was a great weekend!  I don't think most people would be able to spend that much time with me.  I'm a rotten person, and I don't take showers frequently enough.  So, I don't blame him.  But it was rough.  I wished we had two cars today.  Sure, I could have walked somewhere or taken the bus.  But I was exhausted, mostly emotionally.

The vet called this morning, and we played phone tag all day.  Wouldn't you know it, the blood work came back pretty much inconclusive.  It didn't look like hyperthyroidism to the vet, so she was recommending x rays and an ultrasound.  For my cat.  So, I asked how much this would cost, and she gave me the phone numbers of vet cardiologists so I could find out.  So, the vet we use can do the x ray for $145.  The first place I called is in Mission Valley and they charge $138 for the consult, $197 for the x ray and $394 for the ultrasound.  This is money that I would balk at for myself.  But I love my cat!  So the other cardiologist is in Sorrento Valley.  Much farther.  But, they quoted the consult for $110 and the ultrasound for $360.  The receptionist told me that the doctor would probably want to do an ultrasound first, and only an x ray after if necessary.  So, that's cheaper, but farther away.  So, do I go with the closer one that charges more and might needlessly radiate my cat?  Or do I pick the farther away clinic that's cheaper and may not do an x ray.  I'll probably pick the far one.  Because who knows how much more this is gonna cost after the tests.

So, after a moderately deep cleaning session of neglected parts of the apartment, I went to the store to get stuff for dinner and a $7 bottle of vino.  And I'm going to see how much of it I can drink.

(So here is an older video of Stinksy, the cat with the heart murmur.

So what do you think, should I shell out the mula?)

And then I need to call the pet cardiologist tomorrow and make an appointment.  I'm not going to get out of this town without spending a fortune.  On necessary stuff.  It's no fun to spend money on that stuff.  And yes, this bottle of wine falls under the category of necessary stuff.

So, I was on the computer late last night, trying to kill time until I was tired.  I have been reading in bed lately, but individual ants crawl on me in bed, so I have to be tired now when I go to sleep.  That way if they crawl on me I won't feel it.  I did clean around the bed and spray that nontoxic ant cleaner around the bed, but I don't think it will work.

Anyhoo, as I was saying, I was on the computer, and my friend from my, um, hometown, im'ed me on facebook.  We had this deep conversation about our separate upbringings - me with my BPD dad, and her with her alcoholic parents.  Our conversation was about finding out what it was we were growing up with, knowing that it was not so unique and almost feeling ambivalent about it.  Well, that's how I feel.  Anyway, it's funny how you (or me, or one) can have these old friends, and you can never see them, never talk to them on the phone, never even email them, every once in a while reply to their post on facebook, and it's just like talking to the person you knew back when.  Hopefully a more mature version, but still the same person.  It was good to have a back and forth conversation, rather than a back......and forth..................and back again.....and forth.  You know, like with emails.

This is interesting, because I'm not drinking fast, but I already feel warm presumably from the wine.  Although this apartment is stuffy.  I can't wait to live in a place with good fresh clean central air conditioning.  The vet thought that The Fuzz's seasonal itchies were probably allergic reactions to pollen or something.  So, I think she will appreciate and new climate and filtered air.  Not the drive though.  She will hate the drive and she will hate us.

I just noticed that I had headphones on and the speakers on and the music never started playing.... and then when I started the music, the speakers weren't connected to the computer.  LMAO

This music isn't quite right for my frame of mind.  I daydreamed today about killing myself.  I thought, I could just end it, and the FP could move or not move.  He could do whatever he wanted, which he probably feels like he doesn't get to do all the time.  Most people don't.  But he could if I died.  And the cats would probably become extra clingy to him, which would be nice for him.

I'm sorry.  I just feel like a useless being, with an oversized carbon footprint.  It took a dumb TV show for it to dawn on me that I should recycle all that junk mail rather than toss it in the trash.  I've been losing IQ points ever since... I graduated from FSU.  Sad, but true.

Okay, I'm at the point where I'm buzzing and making lots of comments on facebook.  Help me!  Stop me.  Oh wait, by the time you read this, the material contained herein will be out of date.  Never mind.

So, how to end this sloppy, fragmented, so not amusing blog entry?  Let's dig up more pictures of my expensive cat.  He bites.

    Cutest American Shorthair I've ever seen!