Office Visits

So, we took Stinksy to his cardiologist appointment on Friday.  I've never been to a cardiologist, but my cat has.  So, it was confirmed that he has cardiomyopathy on the low end of the scale.  Just a bit above what is termed as normal.  So what this means is that one wall of his heart is slightly thickened.  The cardiologist did also see some fibrous formations, but he didn't know what that meant.  Anyway, this means that he needs to be monitored.  So, more expensive visits to the vet in his future.  And if it is determined that it's thickening, then he may have to take medication daily or twice a day!  Yikes!  I can't imagine having to give the poor guy something twice a day.  Sure, we would get used to it, but he is really good at holding a pill in his mouth forever and then spitting it back up when you assume he had to have swallowed it by then.  So, hopefully that will not happen.

Tomorrow I have a doctor visit of my own.  I decided to see if I can get tested for diabetes.  I've taken those online tests, and they end up with the suggestion that I should get checked by a physician right away!  So, here I am after feeling these symptoms for who knows how long, going to get it checked out.  Although I don't know if they are going to take a blood test tomorrow.  So, I will have to call when I wake up tomorrow and ask.  Because if I have to fast and not have any coffee beforehand, I guess I should know this.  I'm sure it will be nothing though - another case of my hypochondria.  I'm always saying something is wrong with me, and the FP is saying yeah, you have hypochondria.

So, is it sick that if the test comes back with something wrong with me I will feel ..... validated?  Yes, it is isn't.  I always make the joke how one day I will be diagnosed with cancer and I'll rub it in his face.  Ha ha.

But really, I don't want cancer or diabetes.  But what if I'm told nothing is wrong with me?  What if I am told that it is normal to be thirsty all day long and drink at least a gallon of water a day, be hungry all the time, get the shakes and feel faint if I haven't eaten 4 hours after my last meal, get dizzy randomly when I might just be sitting at the computer, get tingly arms when I jog, and almost gag every time I brush my teeth?  WHAT IF IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD? What if this blog is also all in my head and none of the events that I write about never happened?  What if I'm a crazy person in an insane asylum that thinks I'm writing a blog, but the reality is that I'm just carving gibberish on my arm, or even worse, writing gibberish on the walls with my blood and feces?

Speaking of feces, my cat shat on the bed the other night.  While I was laying on the bed.  Okay, she didn't shit on the bed, but she like had a soft lump of shit on the back of her long ass fur, and when she got on the bed she either licked it off or it just rubbed off onto the bed.  So, I moved on the bed, and then I felt something soft on my leg.  So I reached down to feel around, and then I brought my hand up to my face to look at it, and there was a piece of poop staring back at me from my finger.  It was like the size of a quarter.  Poop on my finger.  Cat poop.  There was now just a little brown smear on my leg, because it was all on my finger.  So I wiped the poop off my finger and I scrubbed my finger.  I scrubbed my leg.  Then I scrubbed my finger.  Leg, then long scrub of my whole hand, like an OCD scrub.  I was glad I had that bar of soap from a hotel that had sea salt in it.  The salt really helped buff the poop off.

So then I had to take the sheet and blanket off the bed.  And then I had to wipe The Fuzz's butt off as much as she would let me, because while there was no visible poop on it, her butt stank of shit.  So, then I tried to climb into bed again and relax and read my book.  I was hoping she wouldn't come up on the bed again.  Luckily, I think the butt cleaning pissed her off, so she didn't get back on the bed until I was asleep.  Which was fine.

Fortify

So, I'll be honest.  Okay, that's not anything new here.  I don't really crave alcohol lately, since I stopped working.  But I felt like I really needed it tonight.  The FP woke up on the wrong side of the planet today at 5 am or whatever unholy time he woke up.  He probably wakes up that early because it's his only alone time.  I do try to go to Target or grocery shopping once or twice a week, but frankly, I think spending a 4 day weekend with me was too much.  But I thought overall it was a great weekend!  I don't think most people would be able to spend that much time with me.  I'm a rotten person, and I don't take showers frequently enough.  So, I don't blame him.  But it was rough.  I wished we had two cars today.  Sure, I could have walked somewhere or taken the bus.  But I was exhausted, mostly emotionally.

The vet called this morning, and we played phone tag all day.  Wouldn't you know it, the blood work came back pretty much inconclusive.  It didn't look like hyperthyroidism to the vet, so she was recommending x rays and an ultrasound.  For my cat.  So, I asked how much this would cost, and she gave me the phone numbers of vet cardiologists so I could find out.  So, the vet we use can do the x ray for $145.  The first place I called is in Mission Valley and they charge $138 for the consult, $197 for the x ray and $394 for the ultrasound.  This is money that I would balk at for myself.  But I love my cat!  So the other cardiologist is in Sorrento Valley.  Much farther.  But, they quoted the consult for $110 and the ultrasound for $360.  The receptionist told me that the doctor would probably want to do an ultrasound first, and only an x ray after if necessary.  So, that's cheaper, but farther away.  So, do I go with the closer one that charges more and might needlessly radiate my cat?  Or do I pick the farther away clinic that's cheaper and may not do an x ray.  I'll probably pick the far one.  Because who knows how much more this is gonna cost after the tests.

So, after a moderately deep cleaning session of neglected parts of the apartment, I went to the store to get stuff for dinner and a $7 bottle of vino.  And I'm going to see how much of it I can drink.

(So here is an older video of Stinksy, the cat with the heart murmur.

So what do you think, should I shell out the mula?)

And then I need to call the pet cardiologist tomorrow and make an appointment.  I'm not going to get out of this town without spending a fortune.  On necessary stuff.  It's no fun to spend money on that stuff.  And yes, this bottle of wine falls under the category of necessary stuff.

So, I was on the computer late last night, trying to kill time until I was tired.  I have been reading in bed lately, but individual ants crawl on me in bed, so I have to be tired now when I go to sleep.  That way if they crawl on me I won't feel it.  I did clean around the bed and spray that nontoxic ant cleaner around the bed, but I don't think it will work.

Anyhoo, as I was saying, I was on the computer, and my friend from my, um, hometown, im'ed me on facebook.  We had this deep conversation about our separate upbringings - me with my BPD dad, and her with her alcoholic parents.  Our conversation was about finding out what it was we were growing up with, knowing that it was not so unique and almost feeling ambivalent about it.  Well, that's how I feel.  Anyway, it's funny how you (or me, or one) can have these old friends, and you can never see them, never talk to them on the phone, never even email them, every once in a while reply to their post on facebook, and it's just like talking to the person you knew back when.  Hopefully a more mature version, but still the same person.  It was good to have a back and forth conversation, rather than a back......and forth..................and back again.....and forth.  You know, like with emails.

This is interesting, because I'm not drinking fast, but I already feel warm presumably from the wine.  Although this apartment is stuffy.  I can't wait to live in a place with good fresh clean central air conditioning.  The vet thought that The Fuzz's seasonal itchies were probably allergic reactions to pollen or something.  So, I think she will appreciate and new climate and filtered air.  Not the drive though.  She will hate the drive and she will hate us.

I just noticed that I had headphones on and the speakers on and the music never started playing.... and then when I started the music, the speakers weren't connected to the computer.  LMAO

This music isn't quite right for my frame of mind.  I daydreamed today about killing myself.  I thought, I could just end it, and the FP could move or not move.  He could do whatever he wanted, which he probably feels like he doesn't get to do all the time.  Most people don't.  But he could if I died.  And the cats would probably become extra clingy to him, which would be nice for him.

I'm sorry.  I just feel like a useless being, with an oversized carbon footprint.  It took a dumb TV show for it to dawn on me that I should recycle all that junk mail rather than toss it in the trash.  I've been losing IQ points ever since... I graduated from FSU.  Sad, but true.

Okay, I'm at the point where I'm buzzing and making lots of comments on facebook.  Help me!  Stop me.  Oh wait, by the time you read this, the material contained herein will be out of date.  Never mind.

So, how to end this sloppy, fragmented, so not amusing blog entry?  Let's dig up more pictures of my expensive cat.  He bites.

    Cutest American Shorthair I've ever seen!