I'm not a huge fan of Saturdays

I think working in the service industry for so long has ruined me for Saturdays.

Sure, there's lots of stuff going on on any given Saturday.  But that means there are a lot of people going to this stuff going on.  A lot.  Like take for instance, this Saturday.  We decided to go to the tiki bar that we went to on the FP's birthday.  So, we went to park in the public parking lot across from the tiki bar, and it was full.  And there was traffic.  So, we had to drive to the other bigger parking garage down the street.  And we had to drive up to the fifth floor to find an open space.

But, I've gotta say, the view from the parking garage was spectacular.  It looked out onto the beach and the ocean.  It didn't look like the weekday mornings Hollywood Beach that I was used to seeing from the ground.  That was the most amazing parking garage that I didn't have to pay for.  Well, I paid for a yearly parking pass, I guess.

Anyway, one of the things that always bothered me about going to the beach was the effort it took to get to the beach through traffic, then to park, then to walk across the parking lot to the beach.  The nice thing about living here is that we can just go to the beach, park and we're there.  Except for today.  Not that it was anything like trying to find a space at Mission Beach at the same time of day, which would have taken maybe half an hour.

There have been so many times in the last year, when we have been deciding what to do, and everything is shot down because... "it's Saturday though, it'll be packed."

I like all the things that are going on during the weekend, but I don't want to deal with all the people that are doing all those things.  Unless they were all likeminded people, of course.  So, like, if it's seeing live music or going to an Oktoberfest, then there's probably likeminded people.  In both cases there will be drinking.  In one case, hopefully good music.  In the other case, hopefully good food.

So, we just came back from hanging out at a dive bar in South Beach.  Our friend is in town for the weekend.  He used to live there, so we went to his old local.  So, there were a lot of people driving into town along with us.  But, somehow, we ended up with a pretty sweet parking spot.  And then, the bar was almost empty.  Until the Dirty 30 bar crawl came it.  Then it was loud and packed with drunk people.  What one would expect at any decent bar on a Saturday night.  Not the TV and movie South Beach scene, mind you, more of a normal people kind of crowd.  But, they were getting a little annoying.  They were crowding in from all sides.  I hate when someone comes and stands at the bar next to my chair, but they lean against the side.  So, then, I can't fully sit back in my chair, unless I want to be touching their butt with my hip.  Which, I did not.

It was funny though.  There was one guy at the corner of the bar by himself.  He had come in before the crowd.  The crowd had taken over and left him no personal space of his own.  Yet he just sat there, seemingly unbothered.

There was also a guy who walked in after the crowd started gathering at the bar.  This guy sat at a table by himself.  He appeared to be writing in a little journal.  He also seemed unflustered by the crowd.  Interesting.  I guess I'm just like a cranky old person.  I don't like loud noise and crowds unless I'm in the middle of the action taking part in it.

Some People Must Think I'm a Transvestite

So, I think I just mentioned recently how people use to mistake me for a boy when I was younger.  With long hair, I don't get that, of course.  With short hair, sometimes.  Or of course, with short hair, they think I'm a lesbian.  And while I don't have much hair on other areas of my body, I do have a mustache which I keep forgetting to depilatorize (?).

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I wonder if people think I have a penis.

Wait, let me finish my thought.  So, I don't sit on the toilet when I use public restrooms.  It's gross.  And while a lot of places here have the seat covers, how much does that really protect you from.

So, yeah.  I hover above the toilet.  I apologize if you have a mental picture of that.  I apologize if you didn't have a mental picture of that until I apologized for if you have a mental picture of that, because if you didn't have a mental picture, you probably did when I apologized for you having a mental picture, and then you got a mental picture.

Anyway, it's good for strengthening the thighs, especially if you have to No. 2.  I usually can't No. 2 in public though unless it's urgent, so no long hover time there.

So, I went to el bano at a restaurant tonight.  It was a unisex bathroom.  The toilet seat was up.  So I left it up.  I don't like to touch the toilet seat, even with several layers of toilet paper.  So, if the seat is up, I pee with it up.  Doesn't matter since as I mentioned before, I don't sit.

So, anyway, my theory is, that I wonder if people have walked into the bathroom after me, saw the toilet seat up, and wondered.  They probably went back to their friends, and mentioned how when I walked out of the stall, the toilet seat was up.  Like when a guy pees standing up.  There may be hundreds of people out there in the world who think I am a dude.  Who think I have a dick.

Think about it.

Pubes

So, maybe about six weeks ago, I was reading a City Beat opinion article about getting grey pubes.  Gray Matters by Enrique Limon.  Hilarious fucking article.  Lo and behold, a week or two later, I notice this long ass grey pube.  On my body.  In my bush.  It was long.  I do clean up and shave so I'm not sporting untamed 70s bush, but I don't like trim the long stuff so it gets to be a few inches.  Now that you know too much about me, let me delve even deeper (into the bush).

So, in his article (you really should just read it, and this would be easier for both of us), Limon discusses how the one light hair turned into several overnight.  Guess what happened to me?  The next day I had three.  I was horrified.  It's one thing to read some article about it written by some guy I don't know.  It's another to experience this first hand.  The thing is, I don't have grey hairs on my head.  That day I noticed the pubes, I made the FP look through my hair (the hair on my head, that is) for greys.  None.  Weird.  Seemingly unfair.  I just feel like if I had grey hair on my head first, it would have softened the blow for the ones in my bush.  I guess this is normal timing though according to Limon's research.

Anyway, I got over that and don't really think about it that much.  Currently, I still only see like two to four down there.  I don't feel like digging around down there and separating them out to count.  I am typing on the computer, so that would mean I would have to stop and go wash my hands after I finish counting.  That makes me wonder though, do any of you masturbate while on the computer?  I'm just wondering, like if you're having internet sex or something, and you have to type and get yourself off at the same time, isn't that gross?  Just think of all the dirty germs on that keyboard.  Or maybe you have a computer condom that you use and then you take off after you've done the deed?

So, lately though, I've noticed something else going on with my pubes.  So, this will happen at home, but it seems to happen more when I'm in a public bathroom.  When I use the facilities, when I wipe, a pube will fall out and land on the toilet seat.  So, it happens more in the public facility because I don't sit on those toilets.  I kind of hover above it.  It's good exercise like doing squats.  It seems like every time in a public toilet there's a pubic hair on the toilet seat.  So, unless the bathroom is totally disgusting and there was piss on the seat before, I wipe my piss and my pube off the seat.

It just seems like I'm losing more pubes than usual.  Let's say one every other time I go.  And I do have to pee an average of 8 times a day.  Yeah, I know, that probably sounds like a lot.  I did mention this to the doctor, so don't worry, it's being looked into.  Anyway, my bush does seem a little thinner.  When I was younger, before I started landscaping, it was a big shrub.  I remember, I would have to try to smooth it down so it didn't protrude from my bathing suit.  Well, when that started being an issue, I realized that I was going to have to learn to garden.

Anyway, getting back to the present day, I mean, I guess I don't notice shedding them unless it's one that's left behind on the toilet or in the tub.  Anyway, I googled, "do you lose your pubic hair as you get older?"  So, I found the answers.com question, "do older women lose their pubic hair?"  The answer was that as women (and men) age the hair on their bodies gets thinner.  But then, it was mentioned that depending on age, this could be an indication of malnutrition or thyroid disorder. Ding ding ding... maybe I do have hyperthyroidism?  I guess we'll find out on Nov. 7.  I have been pulling small clumps of hair out of my head when I wash it, but that doesn't necessarily seem like anything out of the ordinary since I figured I'm just in the shedding stage instead of the growing stage.  I wish I would just shed more under my arms and on my legs instead of my head.  I guess as long as I don't go bald below like a Pamela Anderson thing, I don't care that much if it thins out some.

Man, even though this is more of a health & beauty issue, this blog is probably going to be banned from google adsense for life!

LMFAO ROTMFFL!!!!!!!!!!!

So, you know how when you set up a new blog, and you add different design elements to the page.  Like an archive, links, search toolbar, etc?  Well, if you don't know, that's what happens when you set up a new blog.  One of the design elements is a google adsense html.  So, if you put this on your page and sign up, then you earn like $.01 per 1000 impressions or some kind of third world slave labor wage.

Well, you know, when I was setting up this blog, I added the adsense.  Why not?

Why not?  I'll tell you why.  Because I am the Food Ho, after all.  What are the chances that a blogger with an alias like The Food Ho would have adult content on her page.  Pretty high, I imagine.

This is the email I just received:
(Make sure to refer to the violating link)




       Google AdSense:  You have 3 working days to make changes to your site

This message was sent from a notification-only email address that does not
accept incoming email. Please do not reply to this message.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello,

During a recent review of your account we found that you are currently
displaying Google ads in a manner that is not compliant with our program
policies
(https://www.google.com/support/adsense/bin/answer.py?answer=48182&stc=aspe-1pp-en).

--------------------------------------------------
EXAMPLE PAGE:
http://unnecessarysupplement.blogspot.com/2011/10/gas-chamber.html

Please note that this URL is an example and that the same violations may
exist on other pages of this website or other sites in your network.

VIOLATION(S) FOUND:

ADULT/EXPLICIT TEXT: As stated in our program policies, AdSense publishers
are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature
content, including sexually explicit text. More information about this
policy can be found in our help center (
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/as/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=105957
).

REQUESTED ACTION: Please make all necessary changes in the next 72 hours.

If the violations are corrected within the aforementioned time period, ad
serving will not be affected. If changes are not made and/or other policy
violations are encountered during the review process, ad serving will be
disabled to your site.

ACCOUNT STATUS: ACTIVE

Your AdSense account remains active. However, if we continue to find
problems, we may disable your entire account. Therefore, we suggest that
you take the time to review the rest of your network to ensure that all of
your other pages are in compliance with our policies.



--------------------------------------------------
Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team
----------------
For more information regarding this email, please visit our Help Center:
https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?answer=113058&stc=aspe-ai4-en.

So then, if you look up the link under adult/explicit text, it says:

Adult content

The AdSense network is considered family-safe, which means that publishers aren't permitted to place         Google ads on sites which contain adult content. In addition to photos and videos which contain nudity or sexual activities, here are some other examples of unacceptable content:

• Lewd or provocative images
• Crude or indecent language, including adult stories
• Sexual tips or advice
• Sexual fetish sites (e.g. foot fetish content)
• Adult toys or products
• Ads or links to external sites containing adult content

If your site has content which you wouldn't be comfortable viewing at work or with family members around, then it probably isn't an appropriate site to place Google ads upon.

LOFL!!!  Slap me with a wrinkled ball sack!!!!!! Fuck me gently underwater with a sea cucumber being attacked by an electric eel!!!!

Maybe I would be perfectly comfortable viewing my site at work or with family members around.  I guess I have poor judgment of these matters.

Obviously, I went to edit the design and deleted the Google AdSense HTML.  The Food Ho sells out to no one.  Okay, I would, but I might need to be paid more than a dollar a decade.

Oh, and thanks a lot Canine Cologne.  You led the innocent downy white lamb to the violent bloody slaughter.  When the Google AdSense police come knocking on my door, I am going to totally direct them to you as my accessory!!!!  It's like giving sex toys to your teenager!!!

I leave you with some parting sexually explicit adult content profanity:

wiener jammer
meat slime
sperm sandwich
pork muncher
beef stain
pecker fondler
snot lover
slut wad
fanny dangler
shit twister