It's shitting myself in public. Like sharting or diarrhea. I have all these digestive/bowel issues which seem to be IBS. Even though I think IBS is a name they came up with for varying digestive issues that couldn't fit into a specific diagnosis. You know, I've been taking probiotics, and let's just say that I've had to ease off on those because, well... they are having the reverse effect now...
Anyhoo, that is neither here, nor at work. I guess I'm just self centered and I need to talk about myself before I talk about someone else.
So, do you want to hear the very embarrassing moment my coworker had today?
Oh, no. Ok. I guess I will stop here then.
Ha ha ha. You wish. But, I have to tell this story. So, as you know, because you follow this blog, Sundays are horrible for me. Ok, that's an exaggeration. Sunday is my most unfavorite day of work. It's long and grueling and I have to work in cramped close quarters with my two male coworkers, who give me about 3 square feet of space on the hot line.
So, anyway, when we had a break in the tickets, the one of them, let's call him Fish Drop, because he dropped the last piece of salmon the other day, had to go to the bathroom. He was gone for a little while. When he came back, the other cook, Air Jordan (he has this like Air Jordan tattoo on his arm), asked if he had gone to smoke, because Air Jordan wanted his smoke break. Fish Drop told him that he didn't get a chance to smoke because he had to take a shit, which he had said he had to take since 9 am.
Fast forward to, oh, maybe an hour later. So, Fish Drop walks by me, and I see something flapping from the back of his pants. It was like 8 inches long. I thought it was a kitchen towel, but it was too flimsy. Then I thought it was paper towel, because the FP sometimes puts paper towels in his back pants pocket. See, cooks hold towels folded over their apron strings, so the FP, in lieu of apron strings will stick a paper towel back there when like cleaning or something. Yeah, it's kind of weird.
But getting back to Fish Drop, and the thing in his back of his pants. You know where I'm going with this. So, I was looking at it to figure what it was. And then I did. So, I took a split second to not laugh but figure out how to tell him. So I said, put your hand on your pants...on the back of your pants. So he grabbed the toilet paper hanging out of his pants and looked at it and looked at me and grabbed it and stuffed it into the slim jim garbage can next to him. Right as that happened I started laughing hysterically. And right as I started laughing hysterically, our chef turned the corner and asked what's so funny. I just looked at him and continued my involuntary convulsive giggles. Fish Drop just said, oh nothing. I guess I looked at the garbage or Chef saw Fish Drop throw the toilet paper in the garbage, because Chef went over to the garbage can to look in.
He saw the toilet paper and he began to crack up too. The two of us were like giggling fools. I was laughing so hard my face hurt. Fish Drop's explanation was that he had gone to the bathroom a half an hour ago (but I'm pretty sure it was longer than that). I don't know how no one had noticed that whole time. His pants tend to fall, so he probably had them pulled up, and then as they slowly fell the TP came out of his bung hole. I'm glad I didn't see the TP in the garbage. Because there had to be shit on it, right?!
Even now, as I sit on the couch alone, with the Steeler game on, and the FP already in bed. I chuckle to myself.
And my butt feels tingly.
