Site Development

So, my new website idea will be called: Cutify.  Wait, does that sound like {cut-i -fy} or {cute - i -fy}?   Cute-ify?  Hm... I will have to work on it.  Anyway, it will be a name generator to turn words into cute words.

Simple enough.  Any word can turn cute.

Let's name some of Rudy's (that's a cute name) toys and see if the names are cute:

Racoonie - check
Skunkie - check
Lil Lion - check
Duckie - check
Peppergator - check

Okay, so I shouldn't give away the cuteness generator formula, but here it is:

2 syllables or more - cute
ending in ie or y - cute
starting with lil or little - cute
unique multisyllable name - might be cute
and ending in bear - cute

So, let's use...
the inmate list from Benton County, Arkansas - wherever that is.

Original Not Cute                                       Cute-ified


Nicklas Bates Adair                                       Lil Nicky BA
failure to appear, commercial burglary, lottery fraud

Fred Randall Allen                                        Freddie Randy Allen
failure to appear, harrassing communications, terroristic threatening in the 1st degree

Jorge Tyler Amaral                                       Jorgie TyTy Amaraly
Driving while license suspended, parole violations, possession of firearms by certain person

Heriberto Ambriz-Carranza                            Little Heribear Amrbiz-Carranza
delivery of a controlled substance schedule I, II narcotic or methamphetamine, fleeing

Anthony Timothy Barnes                              Lil Antony Timmy Barnsey
aggravated robbery, theft, failure to appear

Thomas Preston Barrett                                 Wil Tommy Preston Barrett Bear
aggravated assault, obstructing governmental operations, public intoxication, resisting arrest

Zachary Kahlid-Tyler Beaver                         Wittle Zachie Kahlid-TyTy Beaver Bear!
auto theft

Christopher Don Blount                                Chrisie Donny Blountycuntbear
rape





See how well it works!  And you can use it for anything really.

Original Not Cute                                     Cute-ified


You want a piece of me?                             You wants a wittle little piecey wiecey?

You're under arrest.                                     Yousy Woosy handcuffy muffy jailie wailie.

I'm having an abortion.                               Mesie Weesie lil sucky fetus weetus.

Your husband is paralyzed for life.              Hubby no leggy workie no fuckie.

Your house is foreclosed upon.                   Housie wousie foreclosie wosie.

I'm going to chop off your penis                 Wittle willy choppy wop, ainy painy, swally penie bear
and rape you in the anus with it
and then choke you to death with it.



Yep...... I think it's way past bedtime.  And yes......... it is only 9:17pm.

The Gas Chamber

So, as you know if you are a serial Unnecessary Supplement reader, I read a book that delves into the Holocaust and the occurrence yet lack of evidence of human skin lampshades.  So I got Nazi on the brain.  And then we went to the El Cajon Oktoberfest today.

So, when we were walking into the fest, there was a gate at the entrance, and there was a sign that said "Wilkommen" or something similar.  I made an "Arbeit Macht Frei" joke in reference to the entrance of Auschwitz of course.

So, we had to stand in lines to get stuff.  Stand in line for a food ticket, then stand in line for food.  Stand in line for a beer ticket, then stand in line for a beer.

So, we stood in four lines, then we sat at a checkered tablecloth covered table and ate our "ox on a spit" and "bratwurst".  So good, but I'm not going to go into it here, since I should save it for the food blog.

So, we just sat there and watched.  I asked if there were any Nazis there.  Anyone with a human skin lampshade.  Couldn't get the Nazi off the brain.  This guy seemed suspicious.

The FP wanted to have a cigarette, so we went to the smoking area, which happened to be this tiny fenced off area behind the port o potties.  It was like a small concentration camp.  And doesn't it seem a little dangerous to put the smokers near the port o potties that might start to fill up with dangerous explosive gases?

Later on, the place was pretty busy.  We were lucky to find two seats at the end of a table.  We were across from the ox on a spit ferris wheel of 4 hunks of spinning cow quarter.  Around the corner was the port o johns.  We were by an area of high traffic - people coming and going to the john, and people leaving the food line with their brats and ox.  Did I mention that it was rather warm out there in El Cajon?  The FP mentioned, right as I noticed, that it smelled like sewage or farts or burps or food.  It was probably a mix of all the above, as all four came from the same sources.  You eat the meaty food, and then you burp and it smells like the meaty food, and then you fart and it smells like meaty shit, and then you shit and it smells like shit with meat nuances.  And it all wafts around under the mesh tent, mixing assaulting the nose, really overtaking the olfactory system.  If the tent were more enclosed, it would have been like a deadly gas chamber.

I gotta say, as we drove home, our own flatulence started up, and it smelled just like it did in the tent.  Meaty gas.  We had to turn the air up and roll down the windows so we wouldn't die of gas poisoning.

Anyway, I can't talk about bratwurst fart the whole blog entry, can I?  So, we're going to explore the creative cursing book that Canine Cologne gave me the other day.  It's got two columns of notecards that you just mix and match.  Let's randomly do a few, shall we?

ass bagger
ass flaps
ass waffle (std?)
ass eater (extra dressing on the side please)
ass bucket (for when you're in a 3rd world country I guess)
ass dangler
fuck hole (like a glory hole)
fuck beater
fuck twister
fuck junkie
fuck jammer
fuck packer
cock nugget ( get it checked!)
cock boner (no duh)
cock basket (like a basket of cocks or a cock with the skin pulled into the shape of a basket?)
cock biscuit (like a cat making biscuits?)
cock jockey
cock pooper (hm....)
'gina monkey
'gina pincher (pap smear I guess)
'gina glob
'gina slime (yum)
'gina muncher
'gina gargler (yeah, clean it out gooood)
granny wrangler (round em up at the bingo)
granny wipe
granny lover
granny booger
granny jockey (ride er)
granny junkie
cooch donkey (they do that in Tijuana)
cooch dangler
cooch shitter (poopy Pedro)
cooch twister (sounds painful)
cooch clot (better go to the gynecologist)
cooch jammer
cooch fungus (again, the gynecologist, stat)
sack wanker (sounds painful)
sack muncher (painful again)
sack nugget (clean that shit)
sack biter (again, painful)
sack chomper (really?)
sack pooper (are you shitting on my balls?)
pube monster


G'night all!