It's Not Me, It's My Lack Of Technology

So, here I am, sitting here in the living room on a breezy cool evening.  The FP and our houseguest are out by the pool.  I was sitting here, and I thought to myself, "If I had a smartphone I would hang out by the pool more often."

Sick.

Sick mind.  See, the FP sits out there for hours by himself, spending most of the time on his iphone.  Our friend also has a smartphone.  Sure, the FP and our friend make conversation out there.  But there are spaces of silence, when I know they are both on facebook or checking emails or whatever.

Yeah, I bring my Macbook Pro out on the lanai.  But I don't want to take it outside the screen door.  What if I am standing by the pool and I fling my Macbook Pro into the pool?  I mean, I did fling the FP's phone across the floor before, and I broke the glass.

Anyway, the reality is, that I'm multitasking right now.  I couldn't do that if I were outside.   In here, I can watch TV and be on the laptop.  Killing a swan and a toucan with one rock.

What am I watching, you ask?  I know how you are always clamoring for that bit of information.  I am watching Hoarding: Buried Alive.  This is the best show to watch before I need to clean the house.  So, I need to start cleaning the house tomorrow for our next visitor next weekend.  The house is not too dirty right now, but there still isn't enough storage space.  Anyway, after watching this show, I should be motivated to clean and organize every nook and cranny.  It's a natural alternative to crystal meth.  I mean I don't know that from experience, but my friend once told me that she knew someone who would take it and then clean their house.

Last night, I watched TV on the Macbook Pro in bed for the first time ever.  Our house guest was kind of crashed out on the couch, and the FP was going to bed.  So, I thought I would get on the Xfinity website and watch some TV.  I had been waiting for a chance to check it out.  I had thought about watching Twilight Eclipse, because I knew it was on demand and yesterday was the last day.  Unfortunately, it was only available to watch on an actual TV.  Well, I guess I could have googled how to watch it free online.  But, instead, I decided to check out the TV selections online.  Unfortunately, I had watched all the recent episodes of all my shows that I watch.

So, I delved into unfamiliar territory.  As I announced last night, I watched this show "The Middle" which is a new ABC show.  It's a sitcom about a family with 3 kids.  I guess the middle is the awkward dorky overzealous teenage girl.  The oldest is a high school boy and the youngest is a weird child emotionless child prodigy.  This is what I gathered from the one episode.  What did I think of it?  There were a few sparse entertaining moments... but none of the characters were endearing, and it has nothing over Modern Family.  Modern Family is so hilarious, that unfortunately, it is going to ruin my perspective of any family sitcom I watch after it.  The bar is raised very high, that a pole vaulter on stilts might have trouble clearing it.

The Week Of TV

Yes, I measure my life by what TV shows are on.  You know, instead of Taco Tuesday or Wednesday Ladies night, it's cartoon Sunday.

Here's my take.


Sunday:  Decompression.  Nursing the hangover.  Winding it down.  Dulling the dread of going back to work on Monday.  Adult content cartoons.  The Simpsons - which I used to love, but is barely hanging on.  Does anyone watch The Simpsons out of anything more than obligation anymore?  I don't even record it anymore?

Seth McFarlane shows.  I don't care what anyone else says.  I love him and his writers.  I still think Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland Show are hilarious.  Whatever that weird variety show was about, I was not a big fan.  But his cartoons, I love.

Napoleon Dynamite.  This is a new one, and I wanted to like it.  But, it's just not right.  Don't like it.  It's like the rotten durian of the Sunday night lineup.  You want it to be cool and edgy and something that you will like, but it just leaves the taste of infected ass in your mouth.


Monday:  Two and a Half Men.  I don't know if I set the DVR to record this show, but it doesn't record and I never bothered to try to fix it.  The DVR has a  mind of it's own, and it doesn't always record my stories.  I like this series, but I'm not heartbroken to not be watching it every week.

Being Human.  One of my new favorite shoes.  I mean shows.  I love it.  No sarcasm.  It's a drama about 3 roommates.  It sounds like Three's Company, right?  Well, sort of.  Except for instead of the airhead blond, the brunette and the goofy player guy, it's a vegetarian vampire, a do gooder werewolf and a restless ghost.  Although, I guess all ghosts are restless.  Anyway, it's about their trials and tribulations trying to just act human, which makes their lives all too human.  Deep, yes?

Lost Girl.  This is really just the extra thick and sweet icing on the cupcake.  It's laid on so thick and it's too much, but I eat it all up anyway.  So, this is about the world of the fae.   I don't know too much about the scifi creatures in this show, but I know that it's about these fairylike or magical creatures that live in a secret society among humans.  Just like humans, they have divided political affiliations.  The  main character - Bo - is an independent.  That makes her a rebel, and desired and feared by all.  Her type of fae is succubus.  Which means she feeds on others' sexual energy.  As far as humans go, she can suck out all the mojo out of them until they die.  As far as her kind, fucking other fae is a form of healing.  Sexy, huh?  Well, it's on late at night, and I guess they need something akin to TV junk food to keep people up at night.  I generally stay up kind of late anyway, so it's just something to watch after Being Human.  LOL. I almost typed Being Hyman.


Tuesday:  New Girl!  Love it!  Zoey Deschanel is too cute too cute and goofy.  And the douchebag character is awesome.  And everyone else is good too.  And it's just really funny.  Really really funny.  I even got the FP to watch it.



Wednesday:  Are You There Chelsea?  Also love it!  With the pilot, I was kind of lukewarm about it.  It was too much character introduction, and a little too by the book, literally.  But all the episodes after have been "looser".  I love that Laura Prepon plays Chelsea and Chelsea plays her older sister.  It's a great twist.  And you can tell Chelsea enjoys playing her sister.


Thursday:  Big Bang Theory!  Love love love love love love love it!  Funny, snide sarcastic geeky awkward.  Hilfuckinlarious.  I mean, I think I'm just going to go ahead and put it up there with Seinfeld.  Yeah, I did that.  Great characters.  Sharp witty banter.  Good sitcom situations.


Friday and Saturday are pretty much a wash for me.  In a while, Degrassi will be on again on Friday nights, and then my life will be whole again.  But it's pretty full right now.  Even with obsessive TV watching, one would like 2 days of rest from time to time.

Regression

So, I'm interested to see what the deal is with this new series called "Beavis and Butthead".  Sounds intriguing.  I'm intrigued.

Seriously, are they wearing the same clothes?  Are they still in the 90s, will this be addressed in the show or will they be even more anachronistic than they were back in the day?

I can't wait 3 hours!  This is one of those times that I envy those of you on the east coast, yet, I will be in that time zone soon enough.

I can't take it.  Big Bang Theory, Community, Jersey Shore and Beavis and Butthead all on the same night?  Too much amusement for a Thursday.  I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a hundred new laugh lines.

Can I tell you a secret?  Oh, it's not a secret, I think I've rambled on about this before.  I have a crush on Sheldon Cooper.  He's so fuckin funny!  Really.  And I love his wardrobe.  Quirky colorful t shirts over different colored long sleeve t shirts.  I am a big fan of solid print long sleeve t shirts.  So, anyway, I have 4 TV crushes that I can think of right at this moment.

Sheldon Cooper
Joel McHale
Jeff Winger
Abed Nadir

So, 2 of them are the same person, I realize this.  So, he's the pretty boy smart ass who just makes fun of everyone.  Those are entertaining qualities.  Even though really, am I really in love with the writers?  And why didn't I become a sitcom writer?

So, the other 2 have these robotlike qualities.  They have inability to relate to others, to feel empathy, yet at the same time they are brutally honest.  Hilarious.  I love when people blurt out funny mean things because they are tactless.

Don't worry, the FP is aware of this.  He has had his own girlfriends - Nancy Grace, Chelsea Handler, the landlady.  We have this kind of open relationship, I guess.  He can have his pretend celebrity girlfriends and I can have my TV character boy toys.  Is there a TV watchers anonymous?  Because I seriously think I need to go to that.  I am pretty sure I've seen every That 70s Show and Seinfeld.  I've almost seen all of the old Always Sunny In Philadelphia.  I am definitely on the way to seeing every episode of Big Bang Theory.  I think I will have accomplished that by the time I leave.  So, I guess, there are some things I have accomplished with my time off work!

It kind of reminds me of summers when I was in elementary school or junior high.  Whenever I did have chores or torture work or have a friend over, I just sprawled out on the carpet in front of the TV all day.  Sad, but true.  I needed TV to escape from my horrible childhood.  Also in college, my friend and I would watch soap operas and shit like that all day long.  And chain smoke.  And alternate eating at different fast food chains.  Gross.  I'm not quite that bad now.  Oh well, hopefully I'll be back in the working class again soon.  I gotta make the most of this time.  I don't really watch The Office that much, but it is a Halloween episode.....