Graceful

I've always been regarded for my grace, my poise, my equanimity.

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Let's start with my hair.  It's basically it's own entity.   It's so soft and flowing and silky to the touch.  Ok, it's the exact opposite.  It's dry, and itchy, and always tangled, and it gets in my way a lot.  It is a nuisance, but I can't be bothered to get it cut, either.




This might be the first and only photo of myself that I post here.  I used to want to remain anonymous.  Before the days of Yelp, and even before #foodporn,  before smart phones, I used to take pictures of food with my little canon digital camera.  Or whatever brand it was.  Then I would go home and download the photos onto our home computer and write a blog.  I knew not many people read it, and I felt pretty anonymous, even though I didn't take any measures to be anonymous.  I think I had links to our band myspace & facebook pages.  But, I didn't worry about that too much.  Until one day when I saw that a restaurant had done a web search (I don't know if it was google back then yet) and came across my blog.  I was just trying to be entertaining, but they took my blog to heart, like a restaurant review.  As if I had influence.  So, one night we went there.  And they knew it was me - The Food Ho.  The owner served us, and then she stood there, behind the bar, in front of us, with a smile pasted to her face, watching us eat.

So, I did what any other anonymous blogger who is suddenly exposed by her subject would do.  I didn't write about the restaurant visit for a long long time.  They checked my blog a lot for the first few days, and then less, and less.  And then when I did write about them, I didn't name the restaurant or the exact location.   I am almost 100% sure that my writing about this restaurant did not influence anyone one way or another to go to the restaurant or not.  Most of my audience was my friends and family who did not live anywhere near San Diego.  And then a handful of my audience was other fellow food bloggers who didn't live in the immediate area, and they really focused more on Asian food.

So getting back to the story at hand...

This is the Dremel tool that I use to file Rudy's nails.  Rudy is our big 90 pound fluffy black terror, who whimpers like a puppy when he gets his nails clipped.  So, I did hours of internet research before I finally purchased this drill with little sanding attachments.  You can probably buy it for a little cheaper if you just get the regular drill that doesn't have the paw sticker on it.... 

Anyway, this drill is a life saver.  Rudy will withstand this thing on his nails for a second or so.  But, the other day I found out this little baby has another use that isn't in the manual.

It can give you instant dreads in 2 seconds!  So, in my case, it can make me look more like my sister.  (On a side note, the slide slippers in the photo are over 13 years old.  I have very much become my parents by wearing clothes that started out unfashionable when I got them, and continuing to wear them until they fall apart.  One of the soles came apart, but I just gorilla glued that shit back down)

Back to the insta dread.  I had my hair wrapped in the Dremel tool.  It took a while to get it dislodged.  And then I thought I was just going to have to cut that strand out.  But finally with patience, I was able to unravel it.  

The sad part about this little bungling comical episode, was that no one was there to witness it.  Besides Rudy.  He was just relieved that I was distracted with my hair that I couldn't keep filing his nails....

Worn out

Like that first clubbing outfit we get as young adults. You know what I mean...

I feel like I've been tired since I was a child. Am I just lazy and mentally telling myself I have chronic fatigue syndrome in order to justify not finishing the things I put on my to do list?

Maybe. What about the dizziness and the knee problems, though? I mean, at one point today I thought I was going to collapse.

Do I just have a low threshold for physical discomfort then?

And why couldn't I have just won the lottery?

Thanklessgiving

I could have gone traditional and written what I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving day.  But I was busy and didn't really have time to, and I'm sure I've done that before numerous times.

So, now that it's after Thanksgiving, let's take time to list the the things that I'm not thankful for!  In no specific order of course:

1.  Black Friday.  I don't like it.  Waiting in line to buy things other than concert tickets?  I don't get it!  And then, people kill each other over these sales?  Really?  No!  What material item is vaulable enough to constitute murdering someone for the chance to purchase it?

2.  Road Rage Drivers.  Scary.  Dangerous.  Cause fatal accidents that make me late for work.

3. Seasonal shopping traffic.  If I just need to go down the street a mile and a half to the shopping center, I don't want it to take fifteen minutes to get there, and then 20 minutes to get back.  Where are all these people the rest of the year?  Do they not go to the store the rest of the year?  And what about online shopping?  I thought that cut down on a lot of in store shopping?  So, it could be even worse?

4. Animal Abusers.  Why would you hurt and animal?

5. Rapists and sex slave traders.  They are just bad people.

6. Whoever decided to cancel Outsourced and then Community on NBC.  Bastard.

7. Brunch.  Who the fuck came up with this meal, and did they invent it to torture service industry people?

8. Pending transactions.  hate waiting to see if a transaction has gone through in my account, and seeing sometimes that it takes days.  Sometimes, it appears that deposits are purposely not put in right away, so that the charges can go through first and overdraft fees will apply.

9. Animosity between Stinky and Rudy.  It's been 8 months now.  Can't they just get along already?

10.  The debris - leaves, ants, sand and trash - that ends up in my pool.  And the fact that the pool skimmer seems to have stopped working.

11. The Animal Planet channel show Too Cute!  It is so damn cute that it wastes my time.  I will watch a whole episode and pretty much stop what I'm doing, even if I've seen it before.

Whelp!  I'm tired, and that's about all I can think of right now.  So, that ends the list of thanklessnessgiving, 2012.

Welcome back insomnia, my old friend

So, I didn't think I was going to blog tonight.  I didn't feel like I had anything compelling to write about.

And here I am, in the studio, the room in which I never hang out in.  (look at that, 2 dangling prepositions)  It's 11:34, way past my bedtime.

And I'm obsessing about cake.

I tried to make a layer cake today out of leftover pancake batter.  The theory was delicious.  But my pancake layers were too thick.  And there wasn't enough of the yummy filling.  But I'm off tomorrow.  So, I will have to try to doctor it on Wednesday.

I feel so unsettled, anxious, and sad like all the time.

I'm sad that I don't pay enough attention to Rudy to properly train him.

I'm sad that I don't spend any quality time with the cats.

I'm sad that I don't get to "hang out" more with the FP.  We spend lots of time together, but, a lot of it is him on his internet device and me on mine.  Or me trying to get the pool cleaners operating properly while he is on the lanai on his internet device.

I'm sad that I don't paint all the time like I should.

I'm sad that I'm almost scared to pick up an instrument, even though I want to.  That seems really silly.

I'm sad that today I cut my pinky finger really bad, and I thought sadly, at least I don't have a gig coming up.

I'm sad that I have no friends here.

I'm sad that I don't read more.

I'm sad that I don't feel like I fit in at work, even though I generally like my job.

I'm sad that one person's mood at work could so hugely influence my mood, even though I try to not let that happen.

I'm sad that we don't have our own restaurant.  All these other friends of ours have opened their own places, and here we are, cooking for other people, when the main reason we started cooking was to have our own place one day.  That one day, I thought would be long before now.

But, with all those things I'm sad about, there's so much more to be happy about.
Health, love, friendship, home, food, employment, transportation, mobility, quality of life, lots of great TV programs to watch.

But you never hear of anyone having insomnia over thinking about their blessings, do you?

I'm going to try to go to bed for the second time tonight.

Goodnight.  I love you all.

The Neverending To Do List

It's difficult to try to get all my tasks and errands packed into one day off.  But I try.  Because I have to.  I think I just used to not do tasks and errands.  But now I'm trying to be responsible in as many aspects of my life as possible.

Being responsible takes up a lot of time!

So, what did I do today?

1. Took Rudy to the park to walk.  He didn't really feel like walking, because at 8:30am, it was already hot and humid.  Whenever we got to a sunny spot, he would just sit in the middle of the walkway and whine.  I couldn't very well drag him against the asphalt, could I?
2. Went to the grocery store with the FP to get lunch and stuff for the FP to cook dinner.
3. Took Rudy all the way to the vet in Cutler Bay to get his stitches removed and his last round of puppy vaccinations.  It's like an hour away, so that's almost a 3 hour trip total.  We only used that vet because that is the vet that the rescue has a deal with to get pets neutered and spayed.  The good news was, they said that he could get his rabies shot also.  The bad news was, that being from Broward County, we couldn't get his rabies tag from the vet.
4.  Tried to take a nap with The Fuzz in the bedroom.  It was cut short by the jarring sound of Rudy in the lanai barking at Stinksy.
5.  Woke up and tried to figure out how to get Rudy's Broward county rabies tag.  So, I called a Pet Supermarket near by on the US 1, and they said they sell tags.  So, I went to get the tag.  I went the wrong way on the 1.  I realized this after several miles, and I had to turn around.  The store was like the next street over from our street.  I overshot it by like one block and had to drive for miles to get back to it.  Of course it started pouring when I got to the store.  And then of course, they couldn't give me the tag because I didn't have the original rabies registration paper - it was a pink triplicate.  So, I had to go to the County Animal Care Facility.  Of course, they didn't have the address or directions at the store, so I had to go home first to get directions.  I was pretty tired, and had a headache, and thirsty and nauseous.  But I knew I had to get this done today.  We needed this tag so this guy can go to the parks.  And we wouldn't have time tomorrow.  And I didn't know if we could do it on Saturday.  And I had no idea if or when we would be able to do it next week since we don't have the FP's schedule yet.

So, yeah, I was in a foul mood when I went home to get the directions.  The FP was like, why are you all mad, we don't have to get it done now.  And I was like, yes, I do, after the shit I had to deal with I have a right to be mad, you would be mad too.  So, he went with me to the Animal Care facility.  Probably because he thought I was going to get in a wreck from road rage or something.  It was rush hour, but luckily there was not much traffic at all, and I didn't get lost.  And we basically walked right in and got the tag.  Since the tag was listed in the FP's name, I guess it was a good idea that he went with me.  Although the Pet Supermarket was going to give it to me even though the FP's name was listed.

6.  Went home and put the tag on Rudy.
7.  Did some laundry.
8.  Picked up a little trashy clothes and stuff from the backyard.
9. Had to chill out and watch 2 episodes of Modern Family recorded on the DVR.
10. Ate a lovely dinner.  It started out crazy because I think I was talking when I shoved a forkful of food in my mouth, and I didn't notice that I had put a stick of thyme in my mouth.  Because I have this weird throat muscle weakness thing, It started to slide down my throat, but it got stuck in there, and it felt like I was choking on a rose stem.  I was stuck, but I was trying to cough it up.  But I couldn't, and it hurt.  So, I tried to throw it up, but thick mucus just came out of my mouth and nose.  So, finally, I drank lots of water and had to raise my head to try to help it go down.  Finally, it dislodged.  My throat was sore, but I ate the dinner.  And it was delicious.

11.  I started filling out my rebate form for the pool cleaner, and I realized that I needed to make a copy of the receipt.  So, I hopped in the car and went to Office Max to buy a black ink cartridge for the printer.  Then I came back and copied the receipt and got the rebate ready to mail tomorrow.  I thought I had lost the receipt and rebate form, so I was happy to find it.  Although, I have never gotten a rebate back, ever.  So, I doubt I will get this one, but I'm sure as hell gonna try!

12.  And now I'm writing the blog.

But I didn't finish all my chores.  And I got some to do tomorrow after work.

I guess the To Do List stops only when you die?

Still Sick

Fuck.  I hate being sick.  I feel so useless.  Especially now.  I'm not working, which is useless enough, but to be sick too?  The FP has been taking care of me, making lunch and dinner, getting me beverages and Nyquil (which I'm about to take again after I write this.)

It's like I want to do stuff, like work around the house, but I know that may just prolong my illness. Do you ever get sick and feel like it's never going to go away?  That's how I felt the one time I got the mysterious illness that the FP got a week after me.  The fullblown symptoms were with me for 2 weeks. It was like an awful flu, complete with these surging headaches that felt like... lightning.  I always wonder if that was something serious that should have been looked at by a doctor?

Anyway, I'm going to drink more Nyquil and hope to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow.  Speaking of bushy tail, I haven't brushed my hair in a couple of days.  It's going to be a nightmare to get all the knots out.  Between the knots and the heat rash, I'm so ready to get rid of this hair.

The only problem with chopping my hair off, is I don't know if I can pull it off this time.  You gotta have lots of confidence when going from long ass hair to really really short boycut.  People treat short haired girls different, some of it positive, some of it negative.

Anyhoo, I need to do stuff tomorrow, so I better be in the proper frame of mind to do it.  Like at one point today, I was filling out an online application for a job, but I got dizzy and I kept misspelling things and I couldn't focus.  So, I had to stop filling out the application.  It looks bad when one turns in an application with lots of retarded, sorry, mentally challenged, misspellings.

So, that's me, signing off.  I know, only two days into the new year and I'm already shirking on my resolution to keep the  blog humorous and less whiny!

So, I'm endorsing you to my friend's blog.  Here's the latest entry, but you should read all of them.  Really funny stuff.  I've always been jealous of her wonderful writing!

http://theicingonthecrazycake.wordpress.com/

Not Cool

It's 96 degrees according to my dashboard weather app.  Really.  It's air conditioning weather.  Go ahead, tell me how I have to get used to it.  It's hotter and humid in Florida.  I know this.  Doesn't mean I don't want to enjoy the "perfect" San Diego weather as much as I can before I leave.

Now, several hours later, at 10:04pm, it's still 71 degrees.  That's hot for here.  I can't complain too much, because I was painting one of my sophisticated critiques of society that I do, and the paint was drying lickety split.  Lickety split.  You don't hear that phrase much nowadays.  And speaking of nowadays, I don't think people say nowadays nowadays, do they?

I think I had a topic to write about today.  I should really write them down like I used to.  I'm such an unorganized person.  As often and desperately I try to turn over new leaves, new bushes, new redwoods sometimes, I can't keep it up.  It's like I'm unmotivated, like I have chronic fatigue syndrome, or I'm lazy.  Like currently, I have easily over 100 emails in one mailbox, and probably another 150 in another that simply need to be deleted.  But the past week or so, I've just been glancing at the emails, opening ones I need to read and disregarding the rest.  And I know this is how I tend to miss important emails.  But I simply don't want to do it.  Maybe I will let so many build up that it will take several hours to delete them all.  Then, the day that I finally delete them, that will have been my productive chore for the day.

Speaking of productive chores, this not working thing can make one very unproductive very fast.  I mean, before, I would feel like I had to do productive chores for 8 hours a day.  Then it became 6, then 3.  Now, I'm lucky if I did something that I feel is of worth for an hour.  Like I can justify writing this blog as being enough of a task for the whole day.

How the hell am I ever going to be able to work again?  Should I just try to get knocked up?  So trying to get knocked up would be one job.  Being pregnant would be another.  Raising a kid would be the next job.  And then I could force the FP to get a really good job with benefits and stuff.  While I fully realize this whole housewife thing.  There really is no need for a full time housewife when your living space is like 600 sq ft and you have no kids or dogs.  I think that would be confusing to people.  It would be like, what do you do all day?  Let's explore this further.

8:30 am  Get up, and pour myself an iced coffee from the coffee that the FP brewed 1 - 4 hours prior to my waking up.  If there is no brewed coffee, then I ask, "No coffee?"  and I make some.  Then I get on the computer if the FP is not on it anymore.

9:30 am  Maybe take a shit if I'm lucky.  I don't have a regular schedule like that.

9:45 am  Change clothes and go for a jog.

10:15 am  Come back from the jog, maybe do a few pushups, do some exercises with my little 5lb weights.

10:30 am  See if there is stuff for lunch.  If not, maybe go and make groceries for lunch.  Usually I don't plan far ahead enough to get something for dinner, so I come home and ask myself why I didn't get food for dinner too.

11 am  Depending on what we're having for lunch, I make it or the FP makes it.  He generally makes salads and heats up soups.  If we have french bread sandwiches, he makes them.  If we have sourdough bread sandwiches, I most likely make them.  Stir fry...generally speaking for lunch, the FP makes them.

11:30 am  Go back on the computer, to see if anything changed in the past hour.  The FP gets the pillows and puts the futon in bed mode and watches his sports shows.  If I am tired, then I might lay down also.  Yes, I get tired 3 hours after waking.  I should have grown up in one of those countries that have siesta.  I totally need that.  And it doesn't have to be a heavy meal that makes me sleepy.  Any meal will make me drowsy 15 - 45 minutes after consumption.

12 pm  Fall asleep for an hour.

1 pm  Wake up and watch Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionnable with the FP.  We laugh at it and say, "Well, I think this show is funny."

After this, my day gets more varied from the routine.  Either I stay on the futon until sometime after the FP goes to work, or I get up and get on the computer, do some packing, maybe do some cleaning if I feel energized.  Usually, sometime around 6 pm I tend to stop my chores and watch mindless TV while trying to write this blog.  If I'm not fully focused on the blog - like I don't know what to write about or it just isn't good - then I will totally just turn around in the computer chair and watch that episode of That 70s Show that I've seen countless times.  If there is dinner to be cooked, then I will start it anywhere between 5 pm and after the FP gets home from work.

If I had a kid or a dog, there would be lots of feeding, walking, entertaining, cleaning up poop and fun stuff like that.  But I don't have a kid or a dog.  So I'm just a lazy parasite sucking from the unemployment pool.  Well, I will be working soon enough, I'm sure.  Some crappy low paying job with horrible hours and a mean boss that doesn't know how to manage people or cook.

Man, I really really need to win the lottery!!!