Cathroom

So, a catio is too advanced for me.  So, instead, I focused my efforts on a much simpler cathroom (cat bathroom).  Or rather, I just made a short divider.

Sounds easy, right?  Yeah, if you are a good painter, which I am not.  My first mistake was that I bought this cheaper panel board instead of the nicer pine.  The price, and the fact that I didn't feel like waiting in line for the helpful Home Depot guy to saw the boards in half swayed my decision.  So, the boards were a little big, and easily splintered.

The second mistake was that I didn't sand it nearly enough.  The wood grain was really difficult to paint over.  I really only realized it after I had already painted the first coat.

The third mistake was trying to paint without sketching it out first.  It's kind of weird and disjointed as a complete work.  There's some weird things in it that make no sense.  Hopefully, the museum curators won't judge me on this one piece, when almost all the others are better.  Anyway, here it is in all it's glory.

Don't ask me what the graffiti says.  I just made some shit up.... Anyway, there is it.  Sick and twisted, but better than looking at the litter box all the time.  Sure, if you're standing over it you can see the litter box, but it's way better than just the litter box, right?

A Whole Foods

So, if you didn't know, news flash, I'm looking for a job.  There's a new Whole Foods opening in Pembroke Pines in six weeks.  So I applied to four different jobs, I think.  The job listings seem to be disappearing, which makes me think that they have already reviewed applications and have interviewed and are hiring team members already.  Or I can try to think positive and tell myself that they are just reviewing applications and are getting ready to interview people, right?

I don't know.  I guess we'll see.  If I don't get a call or email in the next week or so, then I know I'm not getting one at all.  I googled something about getting hired at Whole Foods.  There was a very long thread about it with some people saying they keep applying but never get the call back.

Why do I want to work there?  Well, the hours are either start in the morning and get out in the early afternoon, or start in the afternoon and get out at a reasonable hour.  Also, there's the surplus bonuses. Every month after inventory is done, each department analyzes the food cost, and if it comes out at a certain level, the whole department gets a bonus.  It's a nice little bump in the paycheck.  Of course, the place has benefits too.  One of them is a nice team member discount.

I worked at the Whole Foods in New Orleans for a while, so I thought that might give me a little boost. But maybe not.  Maybe I'm too old, I'm thinking.  Maybe they are looking for young, vivacious, nubile team members.  One look at my resume, and you know I ain't no spring chicken.  This is one of those instances where maybe attaching a photo might be helpful.  That way they would know I don't look quite as old as my resume might have one assume.

So, I'll just keep checking craigslist and indeed several times a day.  All the while hoping that I'll get that call ...
 

Waiting

So, you know how you hear people say, "we need the rain."  Well, "we need the rain."  We've been waiting for this system that was supposed to move in yesterday and last for three days.  It got pushed back to today.  It looks like the south is getting it, and the west is getting it too.  But not here.  Our lawn is singed.  It hasn't rained since we moved from Hallandale.  And we've been wanting the rain, especially since we planted stuff.

It is starting to feel the way it feels before a storm.  It's breezy.  The air is heavy.  There's that quiet in the plants and trees swaying in the wind.  I'm sure there will be a point several months down the road when I'm blogging about the complete opposite.

I was searching the internets looking at rain barrels.  Then someone pointed out the fact that during the rainy season, more water comes off the downspouts then their big barrels can hold.  Also, when it rains that much, one doesn't need all that water for the plants, trees and lawn, and one can only wash the car so many times.

I was also looking at composters.  I was wondering about using worms or no worms.  I don't want to get into a big project, just maybe using lawn clippings and plant and tree trimmings at first.  Maybe raw vegetables.

Nothing like the compost we had going at my last place of employment.  We used big five gallon buckets for compost, then the various farm programs around the area would pick up the buckets from out back.  Those buckets were abused.  It was so much easier to just throw stuff into the bucket, rather than into the garbage bag that we would have to lug out at night.  For a long time, we were using these shitty biodegradable garbage bags that were made from corn and other plants.  These bags were so thin that they broke as soon as you put something in it.  We complained to the "management" about the garbage bags, and we were told that the bags were just a liner for the garbage can.

You know how difficult it is for short women to hoist a garbage can over a dumpster and not drop the garbage can into the dumpster?  It was not fun climbing into the dumpster at the end of the night to get a dirty trashcan out.

You know, there are rules for things that one should and shouldn't throw into the compost bucket.  While pretty much any food can be compostable, as well as latex gloves and paper, there are definitely things that you don't want to compost if you want to avoid certain scavengers.  Like meat and prepared food with oil in it.  Basically, any food we needed to throw out ended up in the compost buckets.

We got lists from the farms.  They would scold us and send us a list of everything we put in there that we weren't supposed to.  Including skewers.  We were supposed to break them up if we were going to put them in the bucket.  You can put fish in compost, but they didn't want them because it attracts rats and stuff.  Whenever we had old skewered sardines that we had to dispose of, one cook, Harley Chick, made a point to put them in the compost bucket.  She took pleasure in putting them in and waiting to see if we would get any flak for it.  After the very first list though, no one ever said anything about the sardines, just the bamboo skewers.

Waiting for rain for my yard and researching backyard composting and rain barrels.  Things I thought I would never do.

LOL

Found at Pubix (Homestead)

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Date: 2012-01-28, 3:22PM EST
Reply to: comm-tj9yr-2822949767@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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This beautiful puppy was found in the Publix parking lot in Homestead. He looks to be about a year old, very friendly. He looks like a cross between a presacanario and/or pitbull/American bulldog.

• Location: Homestead
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

It's funny because when I was a kid we used to call  Publix - Pubics because it was funny.  You know, like the way we say Tar-shjay instead of Target. So.... hm... I don't really have anything planned to write about.  Surprise surprise. So, Thursday night, we got to see the final dress rehearsal for the opera Rigoletto.  If you don't know the opera, you at least know one song from it, "la donna e mobile."  If that name doesn't sound familiar, just google it and listen to it.  Everyone knows that song, or the tune, rather, to the song. Anyhoo, we have decided to become high society down here in South Florida.  We became friends of the Florida Grand Opera. Yeah, right.  My BFF used to work there.  But now she has a much cooler job working for the Blue Man Group in Las Vegas.  But, her proteges are still there.  So, one of them posted on facebook (yes, facebook again) that she had some tickets if anyone wanted to go.  So, we wanted to go. Before we went in to the theater, we had an expensive cocktail in the lobby.  Then it was about time to go in, so we scrambled to find seats.  It was general admission, so we kind of screwed ourselves by lollygagging in the lobby, and we had to go way high up to the third or fourth tier.  Which is fine if you have bionic hearing and eyesight.  For you kids who who didn't live in the 70s, and who didn't see the 2007 "reimagining" of the series (I don't think anyone saw that, though), bionic hearing and eyesight mean superhuman hearing and eyesight.  Why didn't I just use the word superhuman in the first place?  Maybe I got a hankering for old 70s TV shows.  They were my friends.  The Bionic Woman, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Jeffersons, The Waltons, What's Happening, Little House on The Prairie, Mash, Happy Days, Three's Company... I'm sure there's more. Anywoy,  raht, raht, where were we?  Oh, at the opera.  So, you know, we were in the nosebleed section.  And it wasn't loud enough and the characters were just tiny people far away, so we couldn't glean their expressions, although we could imagine them.  But we really enjoyed it.  Good sets, good sets of pipes, good musicians and a good conductor too. It was a very dark and self defeating kind of story.  Just the kind of stuff I'm into.  You know, (spoiler alert!) "I've been cursed by the man that I humiliated, and now my daughter is in love with my horrible boss, and I must kill him to rectify the situation, and woe is me, because of the curse, I paid a man who murdered my daughter instead of her lover.  Woe is me."  It's kind of like watching an episode of Frasier, when the whole time, you're screaming, "Don't do it!"  or "Just tell her the truth!"  or "Just suck it up already and do it!"  Am I putting an opera on the same level as a TV sitcom?  Yes, I am.  They both have a lengthy planning process, varying budget, lots of people behind the scenes, and big ego prima donna actors who play the leading roles. Anyway, if you ever get a chance to go see an opera, do it.

New Company Name

So, I got a name idea for a company that organizes your life, or hires out personal assistants.  Pro Crastinate.  Get it? "We're pros at getting rid of procrastination!"

Anyway, never mind.  I thought it was a good idea.

Sometimes, there's things I don't do that in a sense hold me back.  Like take the nail clippers.  For years, we didn't have a properly sharpened pair of nail clippers.  The only ones we had were these toenail clippers.  The blades weren't smooth.  It looked like we tried to cut guitar strings or some kind of wire with them.  So, when you cut your nails with them, there would be a jagged cut.

Why didn't we just get some new nail clippers?  The primary reason was I have a terrible memory, and I would never remember to buy them when I was at the store.  The other reason was, I didn't want to make a trip to the store, just for nail clippers.  It seemed ridiculous.

So, finally, one day, after being unemployed for a couple months, I really needed the nail clippers.  I wasn't cooking anymore, so my nails were growing to a length that wasn't practical for me.  The longer my nails, the more shit gets caught under them that I can't scrape out.

So, the FP was at work, so I had to walk to a store.  I was thinking the local little grocery store, Jaycees Market would have them.  But they didn't.  Or at least, after all my looking, I didn't see them.  So, on my way home, I stopped at the corner market.  They didn't have much in the way of household items or grooming supplies.  So, I was looking around.  The guy at the counter asked me what I was looking for.  "Nail clippers?"  I asked.  "Like these?"  He pointed to a plastic tub on the counter full of nail clippers.  So I grabbed a pair.  "99 cents".  That was it.  I walked around the corner back home, and cut my nails.

All that time, cutting our nails with inefficient clippers, for a 99 cent solution, that was 3 blocks away.  Duh.  Que estupido.

Anyway, I'm trying to cut stupid shit like that out of my life.  Which is difficult.  Especially when I have a long laundry list of things to do, things to buy, things to fix,  including a lot of laundry.

Take the towel bar in the bathroom.  Every day, or I should say, every time one of us takes a shower (since as you know, I don't take a shower every day), when grabbing a towel from the towel rack, the bar would fall off and rattle on the floor and cause a big ruckus.  So, the other day, after hearing the towel bar fall again, I went to fix it right away, while it was fresh in my mind.  I had this sealing putty that I thought I would try.  It's the stuff that comes in a tube, and you knead it until the two compounds have mixed uniformly, then it's ready to use.  So, this isn't exactly the application it was intended for, as it's more for sealing leaks and stuff.  But I figured, it might work.  So, I broke a piece off.  And kneaded.  And kneaded.  And kneaded.  And then I jammed some into each of the towel bar holder brackets.  Then I jammed the towel bars into them.  So, it's hardened (LOL) and hopefully it will work.  So far so good.

Okay, so maybe it's not the proper solution, but it works, for now anyway.  Before I owned a house, I always wondered why people who own houses don't fix stuff or do a temporary fix, or jerry rig.  Now I know why.  Because there are always things to be fixed.  And so, things get fixed in the easiest and cheapest way possible.  Well, the way I fix things are not always the easiest, and definitely not necessarily the cheapest, because of my inexperience.  But I'm trying to be better.  I can't afford to hire my own Pro Crastinate pro....

One handed blogging

So, this is probably gonna bet short.  It's late and I'm sleepy. and I want to eat another hot dog before bed,  Thus. the one handed typing.  Wiener in one hand, keyboard in the other.  But I'm sure there are a lot of internet stalkers, I mean surfers who are way better at that task than me,

Anyhoo,  I'ze tird, can I has a chezeburger?

http://dogs.icanhascheezburger.com/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Whenever I can't write a blog I will just post links to other people's blogs.  So much easier.

New Year New You!

So, in keeping with resolutions, I'm going to do a soul searching.  You are invited to come along with me and journey deep into my soul.  Okay, not deep, because we don't want to go that far in, for fear of getting lost.  But, let's go under the skin, anyway.

So, I hope I haven't written about this before.  I often feel like I write about the same thing over and over again.  Did I ever write about my cats?  The Fuzz and Stinksy?  No?  The Fuzz is our sweet little mildly mentally challenged cat, and Stinksy is our cardiomyopathic cat.  Let me take this time to write about them.  Oh, wait I have written about them once or twice?!

Back to the topic of the day.  Some or most of this may seem trite, but I'm not trying to break new ground here, just baring my soul.



Things I hate about myself:


I hate that I'm awkward in unfamiliar situations

I hate that I'm not assertive enough sometimes when I need to be

I hate that there are times when I should have helped someone in some way, and I didn't

I hate that I care so much about what people think of me

I hate that I can be very slow in completing tasks

I hate that I play favorites

I hate that I am quick to judge, and I hate when later on I am wrong

I hate being wrong

I hate admitting fault

I hate giving false compliments

I hate being polite to someone I dislike

I hate taking orders from someone I don't respect

I hate that I either don't care enough about the way I look, or that I care too much

I hate that the TV and the couch are some of my closest friends

I hate that I don't know how to hang out with most people without drinking

I hate that I feel like a loser

I hate that I can't write for a living, even though I'm not disciplined enough to write as much as I should and honestly pursue it.

I hate that I don't entertain the cats enough

I hate that I don't say I love you enough

I hate that I'm OCD

I hate that I'm ADD

I hate that I have trouble letting go

I hate that I can't snap my fingers and fix all the FP's problems

I hate that I can't snap my fingers and fix everyone's problems

I hate that I'm only starting to care about important things in life later in my life than I should

I hate that I don't pick up the phone more often and call people, or even email or text them

I hate that no matter what is going on in my life, I always have moments when I feel so lonely and empty

I hate that I have an awful memory

I hate that I have an awful memory

I hate that I'm not funnier

I hate that I'm not piss your pants hilarious

I hate that I care about money as much as I do

I hate that I never talk to my in laws

I hate that I always seem to have some weird kind of physical problems

I hate that I didn't keep up playing piano

I hate that I didn't keep up playing all instruments, and that I haven't really played music in several months

I hate that I've only written one unpublished novel and never bothered to try to write another

I hate that I don't visit with friends and family more often

I hate my annoying voice

I hate the way I leave rambling voicemails, rather than just getting to the point and hanging up



Holy shit!  I could go on and on all night, especially with the insomnia I've been having!  But I guess I need to stop somewhere!

To Friend or Not To Friend?

So, this is for those of you on facebook.  I don't like to discriminate or leave people out, but I guess that's what I'm going to do today.  So, you can just stop reading here and I won't be offended.  Or you can relate this to your myspace account.  Ha ha, just kidding.  Is myspace even still operating?  Boy, they really fucked up when they tried to be more like facebook!

Anyway, so, you know how you're on facebook, and you comment on like a high school friend's status.  And then someone else you went to high school with also comments.  So, you are both aware that you have mutual facebook friends, but you don't friend each other, even though you often find yourselves on the same comment thread.  And then the friend finder keeps telling you that you should friend them because you have 34 mutual friends.  But, you don't friend the person.  And months or years later, facebook is still trying to get you to friend this person.  But now it's been too long and it's just weird.

So, have you ever finally friended this person?  And if so, what is the protocol?  Well, you definitely have to send them a message or post on their wall.  And then the question comes up, do you bring up the fact that you only friended them years later?  And then, also, do you bring up the past and apologize for being an asshole to them?

Or do you just keep ignoring the suggestion that you should be friends.

And what about when you friend people, and then later on they come up as a friend suggestion.  I think this happened to me with one person in particular a couple times, so when I noticed this, I stopped trying to friend him again.  Weird.  There is no reason for him to have defriended me that I can think of.    But you know, often we say or do things to offend people that we never even knew.

And then of course, there are the people that you friend request and they never accept it.  It's like what's up with that?

So, I think I'm going to go onto facebook now and friend one of these people.  And maybe even write them a personal message.  Hey, it's a new year, the dragon new year.  So, let's take the dragon by the horns and fly with it.

Okay, so I requested a few people.  I got one acceptance, and I posted on her wall.  It's a start, right?

Man I Could Use An Easel

So, I got this project going on.  I am building a kitty litter box divider.  So, it will be like a cat bathroom cubicle.  Don't ask me if I will be able to hinge the boards together properly.  I haven't gotten that far.  I'm still just working on getting the boards painted.

So, I have them on the tarp in the lanai, which is a bad idea.  All kinds of "shit" is blowing on them.  Although, at some point, they will probably get real shit on them, I don't want it to get fucked up before I even finish it!  Also, these damn Argentine ants have all of a sudden become interested in the lanai and the boards, and they are walking around on them.  Not to mention my hair sticking as well.  Big mess.

Oh well, I'm not Picasso, and this is not a thousands of dollars project for a wealthy client.  It's for beings who not only do not make any money whatsoever, they cost (some more than others) lots of money to keep alive.

But, boy could I use an easel.  It's not exactly a high priority though, of things to buy for the house.  Every once a week or two, I write a new list of things we need for the house.  The list never gets smaller.  Maybe larger, if anything.

So, I'll just occasionally check craigslist until I can get a major deal nearby on one.  It is weird though, and hurts my back leaning on the floor trying to paint.  And of course I lean my arms on the wet paint and stuff.  Also, I have a very unsteady hand, it's as if I'm showing signs of DTs or early stage Parkinson's.

I feel like an old lady!  I couple hours leaning over the floor and my aching back is all I can think of.  I should slather Ben Gay on my back, head up to the old folks home and sit with the folks and watch late night (it's 7:27) reruns of Sanford and Son or Wheel of Fortune.  If I'm tired from this, I'm going to be hurting bad if I ever get a job again.  Maybe I should apply for a job as a toll booth clerk.  Then I won't have to move at all, except for leaning out, leaning in, leaning out again.  Although, I could see that giving me problems from repetitive motion.  And sitting on a stool all day would kill me too.  It would probably cause me problems just as bad as standing on my big flat feet cause me.

If only I had an easel.  I wouldn't be complaining about my aches and pains.  I'd be complaining about something else.  Possibly something more hilarious, like my bowel movements.  If you want, we can talk about my bowel movements as well, anyway.  I did have this one shit the other day.....

Kodak Moment

So, as you all know, I'm jobless and I have been for quite some time now.  I scan craigslist and indeed every day, and sometimes monster, the local classifieds and a couple other job search websites.  I apply to jobs I know won't pay enough, and also to jobs that are way above my head.

And, it always comes back to this.  How the hell can I open up my own place?  That's all I want to do.  I wouldn't mind making just enough to scrape by (in the beginning) as a tradeoff to working for someone else, like "the man".

So, you know, the internets is a veritable breeding ground for daydreaming.  It's so easy to go, I want to own my own island, let me see how much they're going for these days.  Or there's the less pricey but seemingly as unobtainable, I want to own my own restaurant, let me see how much they're going for these days.

So, I looked on craigslist.  It's kind of difficult to search "restaurant" in the office/commercial section because if a listing says it's near a restaurant, then craigslist selects it for the search.  Of sometimes people will put a hundred tags at the end of the list and only 4 really apply to the ad. Anyway, it was late last night and I was not sleepy, of course, even though I was pretty tired from not getting enough sleep the night before.

Anyway, I found an interesting looking ad.  It was for a deli inside a convenience store.  The little deli space was already set up, and all one had to do was pay rent and buy food and supplies.  So, here's the ad:

$500 Deli for Rent. All Equipment and Licenses Included. Start Selling..... (Hollywood, FL)

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Date: 2011-12-29, 10:05PM EST
Reply to: hous-xvxhu-2774931689@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

Deli located with in a Convenience Store ( Food Store) is up for rent.

Deli includes all equipment need -- Freezer, Meat Slicer, Signs..etc.

Just order Bread and Meat and get started from tomorrow. Totally turn key.

Very good location on US-1. School, Auto repair and other businesses on US-1 as well as Dixie highway. Great upside potential for person willing to work hard and also start deliveries to businesses.
Business from customers visiting the store. Delivering to businesses will give you more upside potential.

Rent: 500 / Month
Electricity: $125 / Month
No Extra Charges for water, Sewer, Licenses,...etc

See attached pictures and reply to this ad if interested.
Call: 954.494.4447 or e-mail to: hollywoodmarket [at] gmail [dot] com to setup an appointment to come take a look
Address: 1620 N Federal Hwy, Hollywood, FL 33020 (Intersection of US-1 and TAFT)

• Location: Hollywood, FL
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 2774931689


Definitely not my ideal situation, but I'll look into any offer before turning it down.  So, I know where this convenience store is.  It's like maybe a mile and a half away from our house.  Yeah, it's in a shady area, in a convenience store, but let's look at it on google maps, just for shits and giggles.

So, go to google maps:

http://maps.google.com/

And copy and paste the address:

1620 N Federal Hwy, Hollywood, FL 33020

And then go to street view.  What do you see?  Do you see what I see?  Or did the photo change already?  Because if you are seeing what I see, you would be LMAOing and telling me not to look into this business opportunity!

Oh, well.  I'll just keep looking!

I Got Nuttin (Honey)

So, it seems like every night I get one hour less sleep.  So I'm hoping it stops at 6 though.  I can't function on 5 hours.  Sure, I don't work.  But I feel like such a useless blob if I just lie around when there is still lots and lots of stuff to do around the house.

Anyway, I got jack shit to write about.  And I really should write a food blog.  It's been a while on that one.  I'm not apologizing, I'm just sayin.

Really, I just want to get my PJs on this fine Saturday night at 8:25 pm.  Hey, I often had my PJs on at this time on a Saturday in San Diego too.

So, let's just talk about the cats.  That's always a goto topic when I don't have anything else....

So, we had to go get Stinksy's expensive cat food that they both eat.  Obviously, it would be way too hard to make them both eat their own individual food.  We don't have a vet here yet.  So, we have the prescription in at the Petsmart in...dun dun dun.... AVENTURA!!!! NOOOOONO!!!!!!

So, that's where we went.  Actually, when the parking lot is full most days, it can't get any worse than being full, unless it's line around the street waiting for parking, I guess.  Anyway, we got a few things, got the cat food and went to check out.  So, that's when I went to look for the prescription card.  And I couldn't find it in my wallet.

So, we decided that maybe we didn't need the card.  So we asked the cashier.  And she said, no we had to have the card.  So we went to the clinic and waited at the counter.  And waited.  And waited.  There was only one person helping people of course, because this is how it always is.  I waited at the far end.

So, this lady went up to the counter on the other side, and she was helped first.  And of course she took a long time.  She wanted to know how long was the wait for a walk in for her chihuahua (I had to google how to spell chihuahua - I might say the word a lot, but I don't spell it much).  She couldn't decide if she should wait.  Then she also wanted a prescription card for her doggie because she didn't have it with her.  The one little plus about her butting in front of me, was that she had like a South American accent, a little like Gloria on Modern Family.  And, well, now, that accent reminds me of funny foreign translations of american things - like "I have to put on my sugar jacket" or "squeaky wiener".

Finally, she was done.  So, we asked to get a prescription card.  The woman asked for my number.  No record.  Then my name, no record.  Then we remembered it might be in the Food Pimp's name.  So we gave his last name.  Then we gave the cat's name, Stinksy.  She didn't see it, it sounded like all she could find was Stacy Hampton.  So, we tried again with the FP's phone number, and she found it.  She thought we said Stacy, not Stinksy.  So, we got the card, and we checked out.

When we went home, we bombarded Stinksy with all the new stuff we got him.  Which is weird, because we are always sperling The Fuzz.  But, this time it was all about the other cat.  Mainly because we didn't think Fuzz would care about the stuff so much.

Like we bought a furry cat bed with leopard print on it.  The FP wanted something nice that he could lay on when he was hanging out in the lanai.  So I put it on this lawn chair that just sits on the corner.  Then I brought Stinksy out to test it.  He was kind of scared of it.  He sniffed it a lot, and then he jumped down.  He would walk around, and then go back and inspect it.

We also got them wheatgrass, which he loves more than The Fuzz.  But, he wasn't really interested in it.  And The Fuzz at one point was eating at the food bowl, and it looked like the wheatgrass spooked her.

We also got them a new cardboard refill for the small scratchy box, since they didn't have one for the big one.  But, they haven't even looked at it.  It probably doesn't help that I can't find the dried catnip to sprinkle on it.  That would also help with the cat bed too, of course.  I suppose I can try to use the fresh stuff, but, it's not quite the same for stuff like this.

Oh well,  I guess it was all too much for them.  Overstimulation.  And all they really seemed to want was the cat food.

At a Loss For Words

Mushbrain.  I went for a brisk walk this morning, while the FP went on his run.  Then I got lunch and bought a filter for the air conditioner, that was too big.  I was so pissed, because, the previous owner had   left several air filters that were mysteriously wet, so we had to buy a new one.  So, we purposely looked at the size, so I would get the right one.  

And guess what?  It was too big.  But I got the fancy more expensive one that's supposed to last for 3 months, so we just crammed it in there.  I guess I could trim it to fit better, but I probably won't remember to do it.

Anyway, I unpacked a bunch of shit, and did some other stuff around the house.  But I feel like I didn't do anything.  No wonder stay at home moms with big houses can feel overwhelmed.  I mean, we feel like it's a lot of work to keep this little house clean with only the four of us.  

So, I finished half a beer so far, and I'm exhausted.  Okay, maybe not exhausted, but pretty tired.  

And I can't think of a good topic to write about.  

So, I'll just watch Jurassic Park instead.  Good movie.  Makes me wish I had a big TV and surround sound though.  And no commercials.  

Those first human beings who lived with dinosaurs as pets were lucky.  I mean, thanks to creationism, The Flintstones wasn't just a fantastic and fantastical cartoon, it was a documentary.  I mean, if people back then could train dinosaurs, how come some people today can't train a simple dog, cat or rat?

So, maybe I'll just cut my losses and let you watch some videos on youtube:

http://youtu.be/3qjHtyKq3yc -  creationism

http://youtu.be/z3nP3JG4hAg -  The Happy Hollows

http://youtu.be/H1MJ4xfz_dM -  Anya Marina

http://youtu.be/7VSR4_tAYvw - scottish fold kitten

So, there you go.... watch those.

Now I've Seen It All

So, I've heard of people owning foxes, chimps, coyotes, snakes, spiders, buffalo, wolves, lions, and even a tiger in New York.  But I've never heard of people owning ring tailed lemurs.

Until today.  Now - I've seen it all.  And I don't have a picture to prove it.

I went to South Beach to turn in a resume.  It was the afternoon.  So, it took about 40 minutes to get there.  Not a very successful interview.  But, I was walking to the car, and I looked ahead of me, and there was a lemur.  A ring tailed lemur.  Sitting on a guy's shoulder.  A lemur in Miami.  Wearing a black panty.  And she (I think it was a she) seemed fine to sit and look around.

So, I guess it's legal to have a lemur.   Just look at all these ads.

http://www.hoobly.com/0/2602/0/ 



Here's an "objective" article about getting a lemur

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/lemurs-as-pets.html


I guess the question is, who are the bad people who stole the first lemurs and started breeding them to sell as pets?  I love lemurs.  But they are endangered, and I don't want to see them go extinct.

It was a cute lemur.  And maybe it's a happy lemur.  But it's not right, is it?

Okay, so, I did want a fox.  I mean two foxes.  Russian silver foxes.  But those are a little different.  A scientist started breeding them as a genetic experiment.  According to Wikipedia, after the red curtain came down, the experiment was underfunded, and they tried to keep the project going by selling the foxes.  So, I could talk myself into thinking that I was helping a science project, and rehoming foxes that can't be reintroduced into the wild.

But I'm pretty sure whoever is breeding the lemurs hasn't worked on 50 years of domestication.

Jokes

I'm not in a light happy mood today.  So, I can't write the usual hilarious jovial deep insightful life changing fluff piece.  Sorry!!! :) ;P

So, instead of writing about my life which is an error of comedy... let's just tell happy jokes.


Why did the chicken cross the road?

To commit suicide, of course.  You'd want to kill yourself too, if day after day, year after year, someone kept taking all your unborn babies away and selling them to people who ate them!








A priest, a rabbi and married businessman go into a brothel, and they hire hookers.

No, that's not a joke, that was just a story in the local newspaper.










What's black and white and red all over?

A black kid and a white kid at a high school who both got shot to death by a disturbed classmate.










What do a delicious piece of key lime pie and an abused wife have in common?

They're both lip smacking good.









Why did the cat run away from home?

Because he couldn't stand the favoritism - his owner always followed behind the dog with only bag in hand to pick up it's shit right after it came out of the poophole, but only cleaned the litterbox once a day, using a pooper scooper.
(wah, wah, waaaaahhhhhh......)(gong)






Why did I end this blog so abruptly?

Because it's not funny and I'm out of unfunny material - I only have hilarious jokes left to tell.

The Dread

The dread of getting a job - the whole process of applying, interviewing, staging (going in for free for one day to work with them), starting a job and familiarizing oneself with procedure and coworkers, it all is not a fun process for me.  I just like to interview for a job and get to work and hopefully it works out.  But who are we kidding.  I complain about all my jobs.  Doesn't everyone?  No?  Apparently some people like their jobs and get paid a fair amount.  Well, La - De - Da.

Really, I just want to run my own teeny restaurant.  Oh, have I said this before?  Sorry.  But that's all I want to do.  I just want to cook lots of yummy food and serve it to people.  No bullshit.  Okay, well, no bullshit from bosses.  Is that too much to ask?  Yes?  I know.  And yes, I realize that "so many restaurants open and close within the first year, it's the highest risk industry."  With a quick Google search, I came up with an article from 2007, http://www.businessweek.com/smallbiz/content/apr2007/sb20070416_296932.htm by Kerry Miller, who did his own research and determined that there is (or was back then) a 60% failure rate.  So, that's a 40% chance of succeeding.  I'm either a very careful person, or I like to play the odds.  With a restaurant, I would be willing to play the odds.  Because, besides my lack of self confidence and non existent self esteem, I know that I have the ability to cook and run a kitchen.

What I am not good at, is working with a boss who's motives, ethics or mode of operation do not jive with mine.  And I had a lot of that in San Diego.  A whole lot.  Like, all of my jobs.  I guess that's a big part of why I wanted to talk the FP into moving.  Selfish, yes.  But there were other reasons that I believed would benefit the FP.  And I still think the reasons still stand.

But anyway, I love the sense of adventure of moving to a new place and seeing how we thrive.  The FP never has any problem with thriving, even if he starts off with a rocky first year or two.   So, when he's in a bad mood (which happens almost every day), I have to remind myself to shed some of the catholic guilt and not blame myself for his bad mood.

Did I persuade him to move when he really didn't want to?  Yes.  But did I hold a gun to his head?  Not literally....  

While he holds on to everything good about the past and forgets the bad, and I only remember the more poignant moments from the past, he always makes out better than me.  He's more talented, he's more charismatic and charming, he's more pleasant to be around, and he's got the more overt mainstream crowd pleasing sense of humor.

So, maybe I should stop worrying about his well being (which is fine and dandy for the most part, given the move to a foreign land) and focus on getting my well being in order to get a job.  I've been carrying around this ghost of depression for the past almost year and a half, and I need to shake it.  And at the same time, I need to gain some self esteem, and remind myself, that just because I look like a small helpless lady doesn't mean that I am one.

Here's my job search summary so far, sorry if I've already talked about these previously:

1.  Got a call from a cheese shop in Fort Lauderdale the weekend before the closing of the house.  I planned to call the day after, and I forgot.  I planned to call the day after that, and I forgot again.  And then we were waist deep in house shit, and I didn't even think about it, until it was way too late.  It was for a part time job to work the cheese counter, so it probably wasn't the best of pay, anyway.  Well, that's what I tell myself.

2.  I got a call from a Midtown Miami wine bar that was soon to open.  The cooks were really not going to be cooks at all in the literal definition of "one who cooks food."  The kitchen was to be a bare minimum stripped down kitchen with cold tapas like cheese plates and charcuterie and things of that nature.  So, I don't know what the pay was going to be, but the job description wasn't the most exciting.  However, the company that was opening the bar is a multi outlet national company, so it never hurts to hook up with a company like that.  Well, I was supposed to go to a kind of open interview of people who were personally called by the Chef/Owner.  This was the first week that I had been sick.  I woke up, and my voice was very hoarse.  I was waiting to see if my voice would get better as the day went on, but not really.  A couple hours before the last possible time I could go down there, I informed the guy that I wouldn't make it because I was sick.  So, he hired cooks who started the next week.  Maybe I was being a pussy and should have gone.  But it didn't feel right.  I couldn't think straight, and I doubted my confidence in pulling off a great interview.  Consequently, while I probably could have sucked it up and gone in to start a job the next week, it would have been ugly.  And I don't think the other employees would have wanted me sniffling and coughing on them all day.

3. I applied to an ad about a cook position entailing prepping in the morning in an offsite kitchen, and then going to a cafe where the cook would prepare and sell and serve the food to customers.  Sounds handleable.  So, I got a call back to meet about the job at a Panera in Fort Lauderdale.  The woman who was doing the hiring was just kind of helping getting the cafe running.  So, she was the personal chef of the owner of the Ferrari dealer across the street.  So, he wanted to open a cafe in the dealership to offer healthy lunches to employees and to the customers, along with fancy espresso drinks.  I could totally do that job, but the woman interviewing me doubted my interest, I think, because the pay was a little lower than what I was hoping for.  So, she hired someone else.

4.  I got a call back for a grocery store similar to Whole Foods called The Fresh Market.  I had to go to a Hyatt in Fort Lauderdale where they were just interviewing one applicant after another.  So, I met the store manager and the human resources director.  We sat down, and they asked me the same questions they asked over the phone.  Then they asked me how much hourly I was looking for.  I told them, and I  also said, "that's probably somewhat higher than what you're offering, I'm sure."  I was told it was way more than what they were offering, and it was definitely only part time.  So, they asked if I was still interested, and I decided not, and we called it quits.

5.  I went to a "gourmet sandwich shop" in Miami to turn in my resume.  Of course, they made me fill out an application too, and I didn't have all the information, of course.  So, it took a while to fill it out, and I had to go to the car to look up phone numbers and addresses from my phone.  The chef seemed grumpy and didn't want to deal with me at the moment, so I got a not good impression of the place.  But, he called me for an interview today, so I guess I have to call back tomorrow.

6.  I went into a large fancy upscale restaurant down the street from the sandwich shop to turn in a resume.  It was Saturday morning a little before 11.  I didn't realize the place did such a busy brunch, so maybe that wasn't the best time to go.  Anyway, the manager/owner told me to wait while he got the guy I was supposed to talk to.  The catering chef was really busy, so I was led to the kitchen to briefly meet him.  He was busy, as his job is to make all the commissary food for that restaurant and the other two sister outlets which are even busier than that one.  And he's the only catering chef.  So, he was busy, and no one had informed him that they were going to be putting an ad in craigslist for help for him and that he was to take walk in interviews.  So, he took my resume and told me he would call me Monday.  He didn't call, and I don't think he will, because this is hardcore catering, and I don't have the experience for that!

So that's that.  The woman who interviewed me for the Ferrari job told me that she had been out for work for most of the year, and that she would put out 20 - 30 resumes every month and only get a call back once every several months.  I don't know what her resume is, or if she was exaggerating, or if it was the down season.  But, hey, comparing with her responses, mine are way better, right?

Cleaning Up

So, I finally made it back to the beach today.  But, while the FP went off on his run, I just went for a walk.  No taking chances after at least 2 weeks of no exercise.  It was nice to get out.  It was really windy and kind of cool though.  No one was laying out or anything.  There were a lot of people out though on the broadwalk, surprisingly.

One thing I noticed around the beach are all the conflicting signs.  Like at the Turtle Bay Cafe.  The sign on the railing says, "Please enjoy your beverage.  Be informed that alcoholic beverages are not allowed on the broadwalk or on the beach."  Or something like that.  It's a little confusing.  Should I enjoy my illegal beer or not.

And then the pet thing.  There was a bag dispenser (empty) on one fence by the broadwalk for picking up dog poop.  You know, it said please clean up after your pet.  Then another sign, across the broadwalk would say "no pets allowed."  So, I guess you are not allowed to bring your dog to the beach, but if you do, you better damn well pick up it's shit!

After my walk, I went and just stood on the beach.  Whenever it's windy, there's way more trash on the beach.  I went to pick up a Naked juice drink label, and it blew across the sand, past the garbage can.  Luckily, it got stuck on the sea oats.  Kind of ironic, no?

The car was kind of messy, so I figured there probably was a plastic bag in there.  So, I went back to look.  I found one, and when I was walking back to the beach with it, the wind picked up even worse.  It was like a wind sock, and I thought it was going to rip.  Anyway, I did my civic duty, and picked up trash along the beach and put it in the bag.  Of course, the wind was blowing the bottle caps back out of the bag, so I had to hold it closed.

Before I had gotten the back, I saw some flip flops or sandals washed up on shore.  When I came back with the bag, I didn't see them.  There was a plastic soda bottle that was full of layers of earth.  It looked like it was old, and I wondered if it was already part of the ecosystem that I should leave.  Anyway, it got washed out when I was thinking about it, so I didn't have to decide.  Yeah, I know it's plastic, but maybe lots of organisms had made it their home and depended on that bottle to be tossing around in the Atlantic Ocean.

Then the FP showed up, so it was time to go.  But not before I picked up an empty liquor pint.  And nearby it was a closed jar with clear yellow liquid in it.  The FP pointed out how it must be "urine".  There's something peculiar about him saying, "is that a jar of urine?"  For some reason, the use of the word urine instead of piss sounds uncharacteristic of the FP.  Anyway, he said how people on boats could piss on a jar, so that's probably what it was.  And then he looked in horror and asked, "You're not going to pick that up are you?"  And, I replied, "I'm going to pick it up with the bag, not my bare hands."  I reasoned to myself that people pick up poop with plastic bags (and these events took place  before I read the blog theicingonthecrazycake.wordpress.com which was about dog poop), so I could pick up a jar of "urine" with a plastic bag.  So I did, and then I threw the bag in the garbage.

And, yeah, it may seem pretty hopeless for one person to pick up a few bottle caps, a liquor bottle and a bottle of piss from the beach.  But, that's a little less trash that I have to look at on my beach.  That's how I look at it.  It's like saying, there's so many leaves in the bottom of the pool, and the leaves are going to keep falling, that there's no reason to skim the leaves off the top of the pool.  But, when I actually get the right connecter for the vacuum hose, that will be a few less leaves for me to clean up later.  I mean, life isn't about completing one project and moving on to another to never return to the first project again.  It's about maintenance.

I'm not lecturing you, I'm lecturing myself.  Whenever a job seems so overwhelming, it's easy to just give up and not do it.  But, you know, you gotta plow through, right.  You can't just be stuck buried under the snow until spring, can you?

How in the hell am I going to be able to work in a kitchen again, if I ever get a job?!?

Stuffy

So, I was slowly improving.  Slowly.  And now my nose is all stuffed up, and I still have yuck in my lungs too.  Okay, some of it could have to do with the drilling and inhaling sawdust, plaster and metal dust.  I definitely could have used a mask yesterday.  But I never thought of covering my nose and mouth until I would get a noseful or mouthful of something.

Oh, and it's cold.  It was cold this morning.  Then it was pretty warm when I was out back working on the screen door.  It was warm enough that I had to change into shorts.  But then later on, it got cold again, and I didn't change back into pants fast enough.  I was trying to make the shower run hotter, so I kept sticking my arm under the water.  So, when I was done with that, I was freezing.  So, I had to change back into sweats.  And that's what I'm wearing now.

And I went to Kmart in sweats.  You know, I just needed some Orajel for my damn mouth sore, so I was just going to "run to the store."  And it's Kmart.  You know - the place where that phrase came from , "Kmart feet"?  It means very very dirty filthy feet.  Because the poor families would go into Kmart and the kids wouldn't have shoes on but no one kicked them out, "Kmart feet".

So, here's my ensemble:
 

I don't know what's so funny?  Why are you laughing so much? I really dont' think it's that funny?  Oh, come on.  Really?  Are you peeing a little?

And you're going to tell me you were never just cleaning the house or sick or something and never just ran to the store with whatever you had on, without thinking or worrying about it?

This is the height of couture, FYI.  So, the shoes, I got at least a year ago, and they are my favorite leisure/exercise shoes ever.  They are black with like hot pink laces.  And I've logged in a lot of miles in these shoes.  I mean walking wise and in a car or plane.

And then the sweatpants.  I got these ages ago.  I bought them in the boys section at Wal-mart.  I didn't like the elastic legs, so I de-elastified them.  These pants have comforted me through many an illness, and many a depressed night at home watching dumb movies or lame TV and probably feeding my candida with junk food.

The T-shirt, I believe was from Urban Outfitters or Target - one or the other.  The FP got it, and he didn't like it.  So, it kind of sat around in danger of being thrown out or given to Goodwill. So, I started wearing it, mainly as a work shirt.  It was uncomfortable at first, I think.   But it's broken in, so it's fine now.

The hoodie was a Target purchase by the FP.  He loved this hoodie.  LUVED it.  But then it was washed and then dried in the dryer on high.  Probably by me, and it shrunk.  You can see how the zipper was all warped.  So, the FP went to Target and bought the same exact hoodie.  He threatened to throw the warped hoodie away, but once again, I adopted it.  And boy have I worn this thing.  I don't even know if the FP has his hoodie like it still.  But he's bought several since then.  Numerous.  A plethora.  A myriad.  A whole bunch.

Anyway, that's what I wore to the fashion show, I mean freak show, that is Kmart.  And, yeah, when I noticed what I was wearing under the bright fluorescent lights, I felt self conscious.  So, this woman glanced at me, and I looked at her, and she looked at me again.  So, I felt like she was looking at my outfit, like WTF.  Or like, is that girl homeless?  And if so, did she steal those shoes that look pretty clean for being over a year old?  It's Kmart for godsake!!!!!

Anyway, even if I won the lottery (which I need to start playing)  I would still wear these clothes and run to the store wearing them.  It's not like I would run out and get a Gucci leisure suit to wear while doing housework and to run to the store.  Ok, who am I kidding.  If I won the lottery, I wouldn't do housework, besides the stuff that I like to do, which isn't much.  But, I would still run to the store in all male clothes except for my very female looking shoes.  And if you had a problem with it, I would flash you a smile with all my platinum teetheses.  Then you'd be schooled, yo.

Let's add to the list of stuff I thought I'd never buy

Screen door hardware
 
So, our lanai has 3 screen doors.  Don't ask me why.  For a quick emergency exit if there's a party?  Anyway, of all three of the doors, all three of them are fucked up.  Two of them have issues with the handles.  If you walk out of them, you won't be able to get back in those two, as the locking mechanism is worn out.  The other door has hinge issues.  The screws in the top hinge were not really in tight.  They eventually fell out the back.  So, in frustration, I took the screws out.  And now, the bottom screws have come out.  So I took those out.  So, that door is out of commission.  And then all the screen doors slam. I tried to screw in the adjusting screw, and either the doors would stay open, or they would take forever to close, and then slam at the end.

So, I bought one repair kit to see how successful it would be before buying another.  I got home a little after 5, so I wanted to get the door handle installed before the sun went down.  Which would have been no problem, if I didn't have to cut the end off the spindle off.  I couldn't quite get it with the metal cutting pliers, so finally the FP got it with the pruning lopper.  So, we finally got the handle on, but of course the strike plate needed to be replaced.  So, that's for tomorrow.


Tree Pruning Lopper


You know, like, big pruning shears.  I didn't even know what they were called.  I do remember my dad had the same pair for all my life.  And I remember they were dull.

So, I mean, I started getting into gardening a couple years ago.  I took empty Bustelo cans and planted some herbs, a tomato plant and a serrano plant in them.  And I had catnip too.  My plan was to put them into a big planter on our apartment landing when they got bigger, but they all died except for the serrano.  Although it never grew any peppers after the first time.

But, to have a front yard with an oak tree, and a back yard with palm trees - I never necessarily expected that.  And I didn't expect to need the lopper.  But, the FP thought the palm trees needed some maintenance, so we bought a lopper.


Bricks


So, yesterday, after we ran errands, the FP discovered that we had a backyard visitor.  A dog had dug under the front of the fence and ran around in the yard, dug in the dirt next to our newly planted avocado tree, and then squeezed out the back gate.

So, today, when I was at Home Depot, I walked by the concrete blocks and bricks.  And I thought that bricks would be good to put in the gap between the fence and the ground.  So, I bought 8, knowing I probably needed at least twice as many.  Bricks.  Who buys them unless you're the third little pig?  I thought they were just things you find on the side of the road discarded from someone's home project.


Bathroom Sink Drain Pipes


So, the second bathroom needs some work.  I figured how to take the the faucet handle off the shower to make the water hotter, but I don't think I made it hot enough.  And it's a pain to take the handle off.  But the more daunting project is the sink.  It had a leak when we moved it, and the best idea seemed to be to just replace the whole assembly.  And we bought the stuff.  But, almost a month later, we haven't even made an attempt to replace it.  We don't exactly need the sink right now, so we haven't done it.  Although I'm hoping to get to it tomorrow, hopefully.  Although, I need to finish the one screen door first.  I hate starting a project and not being able to finish it all at once.  If I don't, then there's a threat that it will never be complete.  That's just how it is.......

Old Wives Tales

So, I've been thinking about my mysterious illness.  Which I believe might be candida.  But, I don't know if I currently have health insurance - as I'm between carriers - and I doubt all the tests and treatments would be included in my coverage anyway.  So, I'm only going by my laptop diagnosis.  I mean, maybe I have some horrible terminal illness, or one of my organs is shutting down and I don't even know it because I'm focusing on the wrong thing.

Anyway, one thing I was thinking about was the old cold and flu prevention my mom always told me to do.  Gargle with warm salt water.  Any time I said I was getting sick, she would say, "gargle with warm salt water."  Then she would go on to say that she did it regularly to prevent illness.  Well, she was a doctor and she rarely got sick, even though she dealt with sick people every day.  So, I was thinking about this whole bodily imbalance and well being and all that.  And I thought about how what I believe plagues me and might plague other countless unsuspecting people is candida, which is a yeast.  And one of the common places where it proliferates is in the mouth.  And, well, salt can kill yeast if added directly or in large quantities.  So, maybe there was more sense in my mom's home remedy advice than I thought.  Although, at the same time, anytime I was sick, she would tell me to take antibiotics.  I have taken antibiotics all my life.  I didn't even realize that the younger generations are terrified of antibiotics and only take them if it's dire.

So, the other thing I was thinking about was how my sister used to chug out of the apple cider vinegar jug when we were kids.  So, my mom usually kept a gallon jug in the cupboard under the counter along with cooking wine and other liquids.  And we would often see my middle sister squatting in front of the cupboard taking a swig of the old ACV.

Turns out, I was researching candida treatments, and one suggestion is to take a little apple cider vinegar every day.  My sister, like my mom, rarely ever got sick.  I guess there was something they both intuitively knew.  But while my mom was gargling warm salt water and my sister was drinking from the ACV jug, I was eating one of the many Entenmman's cakes or pies in the house, or ice cream, or chips, or cereal with extra sugar sprinkled on it.  All things that yeast loves.

Which reminds me.  I have these damn Italian cookies in the pantry that are calling to me.  "Please, eat us all.  Get rid of us so you can go on a fun and strict candida cleanse with a liquid diet.  You know you want to."

I don't think I could do a cleanse for any amount of time.  I don't have the discipline.  The first time I felt weak and hungry, I would probably run to the Wendy's down the street and get a double cheeseburger with large fries, chicken nuggets and a frosty.  Seriously, just saying that made me want a cheeseburger.  What the hell is wrong with me.  I think candida took over my brain long ago, and impregnated my mind with obsessive thoughts of food.  Damn you candida and my bastard brain baby!

Hair We Go Again.....

Yep, I renewed my hair ad on buyandsellhair.com .  A very sleazy skeezy website, where, I'm sure some people have the fortune of not getting propositioned by scammers or hair fetishists, but I am not one of those!  

I got one guy saying he works with a haircutting video website.  While those do exist, he has yet to send me a website for example, so we will see - even though he could bullshit that too.  But, a girl's gotta earn her living, and really, this big shaggy mop on my head is just another thing to maintain.  I have quite enough things to maintain without worrying about brushing my hair twice a day, and god forbid, washing it 3 times a week!

So, if I suddenly disappear, then someone internet stalked me on buyandsellhair.com and kidnapped me.  Hopefully no one will bother to kidnap an old 38 year old broad - usually, I think 30 something year olds just get murdered on the spot, right, without being held captive in a basement or a cave?  I don't know if I could survive being held captive, drugged, abuse, forced to live in some dirty squalid barracks of some sort, raped repeatedly by some gross guy, having to deal with mind games, probably being fed awful food if any at all, and having to be constantly thinking about how to escape, and wondering if the FP found all my passwords and links to pay all the bills on time.  Sounds horrible.

Speaking of links, we had to take his mac into the apple store, and they confiscated it.  Well, sort of.  The genius at the genius bar determined that the firewire wasn't registering on the computer because it had a bad logic board.  So, he took it to ship off to the central servicing center, which must be in Cupertino?  So, right now I'm hogging the one computer in the household.  Well, at least the FP has an iphone, right?

So, anyway, if anyone wants to bid on my hair, here's a photo.  I'm impersonating the girl in The Ring. Mwuahahahaha!!!!!!

Whine Wine

So, I thought I would try a little wine tonight.  Mainly because I am out of Nyquil, and I bought some generic Up and Up Target brand Mucinex.  This stuff doesn't make one drowsy, so hopefully the wine will help me sleep the night through.  I gotta tell you, I see why back in the day moms popped valium before bed, and now people take Lunesta and Ambien.  It's so much better to just sleep through the night not waking up every time there's a noise, or because there's a lot on my mind and my brain won't let me sleep the whole night through.

Of course, I'm still sick and when I briefly wake up in the middle of the night I always am soaked in cold sweat.

Last night though, the fridge was making a weird grinding motor noise every minute or so.  It was kind of loud and not normal.  I got up twice to look at the fridge like I would see something that explained the noise.  There's no reset button or anything, so I just had to let go.  It eventually stopped sometime during the night.  My guess is, it was the defrost mode?  The fridge was freezing herbs and stuff, so I adjusted the setting.  So, I'm going to go with defrost mode.

Anyhoo, yeah.  I poured like a couple inches of wine into a blue plastic tumbler, because that's how the cool people drink it nowadays.  And, about an hour and a half later, I think I've consumed half of it.

So, should I whine to go with my wine?  Why(ne) not.

I need a job.  It's bullshit that I've answered some ads on craigslist and no one's called me to offer me a stress free chef position with great pay, flexible hours and the freedom to run the kitchen the way I want without any interference from the owners.

Also, I need an endless supply of money to work on the house.  I need furniture, I need paint, I need more plants (even though we bought a few today), I need to redo the lanai, and I need new cute hurricane shutters that are code compliant.

I need local friends.  Like people who live in the neighborhood that are likeminded, and we could walk to each other's houses or jump into one car and go to a bar or restaurant together.

I need a local bar like the Bluefoot that we can walk to.  So, it needs to be a little of everything.  It needs a big patio that is facing the street.  It needs to be on a busy street corner.  It needs to have a good enough selection of booze, and not be too pricey.  It needs to have cool bartenders.  It needs to have a healthy mix of clientele - day to day older booze hounds, younger hipsters, late 20s and 30s happy hour goers, annoying college kids late at night, artists, musicians, writers, hairstylists and service industry people.

I need a puppy to take to this Bluefoot - like bar.

I need a good enough supermarket like Pancho Villa, which really good prices on nice produce, and meat and fresh made tortillas and salsas.

I need to find time to paint and play music and work on other artistic endeavours.

I need a bike and a kayak, and a bike and a kayak for the FP, and another car.

And I need everything that the FP needs as well.

Is that too much to ask for all at once?  I better start playing the lottery!

Life Is A

Strange, weird, bizarre, post-neo-modern-backlash-punk-goth-surrealist-cubist-adult-contemporary-anime-claymationist-nilist-pessimist-manic-depressive-schizophrenic-euphoric-cathartic-self-loathing-gluttonous- glutinous-gluteal-maximal-bulimic-anoretic-parasitic-viral-bacterial-fungul-mitochondrial trip.

I mowed the front and back lawns today.  This is like the first time I ever mowed a whole lawn.  Okay, they are both teeny tiny areas of space.  But, prior to this, the only time I recall mowing the lawn was when I was a kid.  My dad was either out of town, sick or mad at us, and my sisters, my mom and I had to take turns mowing the lawn.  We had a huge front and back lawn.  And it wasn't like we had a nice self propelled lawn mower, or a riding mower.  I mean, I didn't even know how to mow a lawn.  I remember I tried to use the lawn mower the way you would vacuum, back and forth.

Anyhoo, here is a picture of our new lawn mower.  I've named him (the FP thinks it's a she, and he may be right) Lil Cutie.

Our brand new baby!  We were going to get one from craigslist, but the guy kept putting it off, and by the time he was ready to meet, I had already purchased Lil Cutie.  He weighs in at 31 pounds, and he's 14 inches!  And, because we are making every effort to live a greener existence and lessen our dependence on oil, he is cordless battery operated.  Ok, that's not really the main reason.  The FP's main concern was having to buy gas cans full of gasoline and storing them.  My reasons were price, ease of use, the gas thing, maintenance, and big old heavy gas push mowers scare me.  They are just so loud and ... scary.

Even weirder.  The lawns are pretty messed up, so we had to weed them before mowing.  And there were a lot of weeds.  We pulled 2 lawn bags full, but that wasn't all the weeds.  There are some areas that are more weed and dirt than grass, so we probably are going to put mulch or something down on those areas.

And then I tried to skim the pool some.  The skimmer does not seem to be as effective as it was when I first turned it on.  So, I tried to take the cover off the cartridge to clean it, but it didn't come off easily, and I'm not sure how to do it, and I'm scared I won't be able to replace the O ring back correctly.  So, I will either watch more youtube videos about the subject, and procure the proper lube for the O ring, or maybe I'll just call in a professional to make sure there's nothing else wrong with the pool.

Is it weird to hear me talking about outdoor stuff?  Lawns and pools?  Well, it's weird to talk about it.

What's even weirder is that I've gone from drinking pretty much every night - at least one beer - to not having one alcoholic beverage in.... (I had to look it up) at least 11 days.  Of course, it's only because I'm sick.  Well, obviously, my condition has vastly improved, as I don't have to plaster myself to the couch and dose myself all day with Nyquil.  Although, I still take it at night.  Shit.   Nyquil has alcohol.  So I have actually been drinking alcohol maybe 8 or 9 out of the 11 days?  I can't remember when I started taking it.  I was miserable, and the FP thought it would be best for me to be out of comission instead of being fussy since I was sick but anxious to do stuff.   And, the stuff is almost killed too.  If I take one more dose tonight, it's 86ed.  I don't know if I can deal.  I still have this deep unproductive cough, and of course when I lay down it gets worse because I can't breath as well.

Anyway, everything surrounding me is weird too.  The FP is going stir crazy, because who in their right mind wouldn't be?  Well, I have been in captivity with brief intermittent field trips since May, so I'm kind of already beaten down.  I mean, I don't even know how to work or interact with local friends anymore.

We are hard on the trail though for some fresh jobs!  I had an interview yesterday for a lunchtime cafe.  The details in the ad said it was for a cook who would prep offsite, and then cook and serve at the cafe.  So, it turned out to be a new lunch counter that is set to open in a week or so at the Ferrari dealership of all places.  So, the owner's personal chef was conducting the interview.  Part of her job is also to help him set this cafe up.  So, the pay wasn't spectacular, the cafe would just have paninis, salads and a soup of the day, and stuff. The personal chef thought that there might not be enough customers to have much business, and at the proposed prices for the employee meals, the employees might not buy much food either.  Anyway, we had a nice chat.  But she doubted my willingness to really take the job at the rate that was offered.  I had to keep telling her, yes, I'm still interested.  Anyway, by 5 o'clock, she had emailed me to inform me that they had chosen someone else.  Damn... the company car was a red Ferrari too.......

Anyway, I have other business to attend to.... I have started filming cooking demos of the FP, and I need to work on that.  If you are my facebook friend, you have probably seen it already.  If you are not my facebook friend, then you will need to send me a message, and I will send you the youtube link.  You can find my email on my profile page, FYI.

How Far Would You Drive

To eat an In N Out Burger?     give me enough time not having one, and I would probably drive 100-140 miles for one.
    For those of you who eat meat and haven't had the pleasure - In N Out is a California based fast food burger joint that has THE BEST fast food burger I've ever had.  It's that good.  And it's bizarre because the employees act very friendly in a culty kind of way, no matter what time it is.

To Watch One Of Your Top 5 Favorite Musicians?     well if I have the time and resources I would probably drive cross country to see one, so, lets say 3000 miles.  I don't think I've driven more than a few hours to see a show.  Although we were going to drive 15 hours to see Depeche Mode, which doesn't quite count, because we would have also visited my sister, so it wouldn't have been just to see Sigur Ros.
   So, I'm not talking about flying.  Driving from your abode.

To Go To Disney?     having grown up about 1 hour from Disney World, I would say, no more than 200 miles.  Although, I haven't been in so many years that maybe I might drive 50 more...
      So, I guess, if you have kids or you've never been and it's a lifelong dream to go or something, then you would drive far.  But, if you've been and you hate it, then this question doesn't even apply to you.

To Get Cheap Gas?   I don't think I would go too far out of my way just to get gas.  I would put a few dollars of expensive gas in, and then when I am in the area where there is cheaper gas, fill it up.  So, I guess for the specific reason of getting gas, I would drive 5 miles.  When I was a kid, my dad would drive what seemed like 15 or 20 miles to get cheap gas.  Crazy huh?


To Not Have To Read This Blog?   It's not going very well.  But, I guess I'll continue anyway.   I would drive far far away to not have to read it.


To Bail A Friend Out of Jail?  Hm... I've never been in a position to do this, and I never hope to.  Anyway, I never have cash to bail anyone out of jail anyway!  If it were a very dear friend, I guess I would do what would be needed to be done.


To Buy A Coveted Item Of Value Or Adopt?   I would drive whatever it took, I think, if it were that valuable.  Say, like if I found a puppy I wanted to adopt.  I would drive days to go pick it up.
      So, I'm talking about like, a wedding dress, a one of a kind designer gown, maybe a guitar you always wanted, a work of art, maybe a you're adopting a kid.

To Get Away From Someone?   I would probably drive cross country to get away from someone.  Well, I have kind of moved cross country to not have to see someone as much, so, there's my answer.  


To Exact Revenge On Someone?   I kind of can impulsively get vengeful and I hold grudges, so I would probably drive as far as it took before coming to my senses, so in normal circumstances, let's say 300 miles.  If it were something like someone killed the FP and I was going to kill them in retaliation, I would probably drive to the end of the world.  So, don't murder him, okay.


To Buy Oysters?    Now, we come to the thing that sparked the idea for this lame blog topic.  I would at least go 60 miles.  That's how far we drove today for oysters.  I guess, next time we will just call first.  Ok, what happened was, we went to a near seafood market, and the oysters were small.  So, we drove to Fort Lauderdale to a place that was supposed to be good.  They had bigger bluepoints that were $4 or $5 more a dozen, but they weren't local.  So, from there, we googled places that were a few miles away.  They would be only wholesale, or the name changed, or not have oysters.  Next thing we knew, we had tried 6 places already.  So, then, we called this place that was 20 miles from where we were.  They had oysters.  So we drove there.  And they were big uns, and a good price point too.  So we got 3 dozen.  The whole trip starting from our house and back was probably almost 60 miles.  Have I mentioned that we love oysters?  Oh, and we needed them for the FP to do a cooking video.


Okay, this is so lame I have to stop now.  I probably won't even post the link to this on facebook.  But why even publish it then?  Well, I spent the time and tried it out, and I don't currently have any other topic to write about, so that's why.

Ironically, I tried to save the post, and an error occurred. Then I accidentally hit the wrong button and it navigated away from this page, so I thought I might have lost some of this.  But, it was all intact.  So, I guess I will post it.

Today

Is my mom's birthday.  But she passed away almost a year and a half ago.

Today is also Elvis' birthday.  He passed away way before my mom.

Today is the day that Steelers' chances for the Superbowl were smashed up on Mile High Stadium.

Today is the day that I fully back the Saints to go to the Superbowl.

Today is the day that my cold has mostly migrated to my chest, so now I just sometimes get those throaty, phlegmy coughs that sounds like either I've been smoking for 40 years, or the precursor to the death rattle.

Today is the day that I tried to save a rather large man of war jellyfish on the beach.  It was moving like it was breathing, like it was desperately trying to get back in the water.  While the dead ones have that seam down the length of them that look like stitches, this one had what looked like a long dorsal fin.  So, at the same moment, this balloon that was bobbing in the water rolled up onto shore next to me.  So I took the balloon and rolled the jellyfish a little down the shore until a wave hit it.  And it rolled it farther back.  I tried to roll it a little more, but then a wave pushed it back again.  So, then I had to give up.  I kept walking.  When I turned around and was walking back, at first, I had hope that it caught a wave back out.  But then I found it.  This time it was dead.

Today is the day that I saw a parrotfish dead on the beach.  A seagull had just pecked its eye out and ate it.  It looked kinda freshly dead.  It looked too big for a seagull to have snatched up, but it looked to high up for a wave to have brought it in.  When I turned around and walked back, there was no trace of the fish on the beach at all.  Except, the big seagull was swallowing up the tail.

Today is the day that the new TV season starts!  And the Cleveland Show is about to start in 2 minutes! My life won't seem as empty anymore!

So, this morning Stinky thought I was dying too

First thing this morning, after the FP got out of bed, Stinky came up to me, looked at me imploringly (yes, he does that), meowed, then sniffed my breath, looked at me again, then jumped onto the window sill.

I felt like hell, again, when I first woke up.  This is partially due to the fact that I might have ODed on Nyquil last night.  It's losing it's efficacy, but if I take too much then I get restless and shaky and paranoid, like I did last night.  When I did go to sleep I seemed to have a fever, because later on, I woke up drenched.

So, after I had a while to clear my sinuses and stuff, which is way harder without coffee, I decided to just, "plow through."  That's what I used to tell myself when I was sick at work, or I felt like I had a mountain of shit to get through.  Plow through.  It's not a fast process, but it's kind of taking the the that weighs me down the most and tackle that, then the next, and so on.

So, the first thing I had to do was take a shower.  Between the night sweats and the funk of a couple days sick, I needed it.  And I washed my hair too.  Then, the next was laundry.  It's so great to finally have a washer and dryer again after so many years of having to dig up quarters to go downstairs and find out someone has all the machines tied up for the morning.  So, in went the dirty clothes, all the towels I might have used, the bedsheets and the blankies that I had been so dependent on during my long hours on the couch.

And then I went out back.  The skimmer, which I finally figured out how to turn on, was not really...sucking.  So, I looked in the basket, and it had a bunch of leaves stuck to the bottom.  There were also some bugs, including one cricket/crawfish looking thing.  The water had gotten kind of low, so I had to unravel the hose and fill the pool with water too.

So, later on, the thing that really helped... was a Diet Coke.  I knew it might be too early to have one, but I wanted it.  And I wanted to go to the store with a clear mind.  So, we went to Lowe's.  The first thing we needed was a pool hose connector.  The only one in stock didn't seem like the right one.  But it was like $1.70, so I bought it just in case.  (It wasn't the right one, of course)  We looked at the patio tables.  There was one nice black woven one for $139.  After all the prices I had been seeing on the nets, this was not a bad price.  So, we looked at it.  And we put the chairs like ours around it.  And then the FP decided it wasn't practical.  Yes, he decided.  Because the top was woven, he wouldn't be able to just go out to the lanai with laptop and pen and paper and do work.  He would need a flat surface to write on.  So, we passed on the table.  And we needed WD 40.  So, after much walking around the store, I finally asked an employee.  He told me aisle 67 on the left.  One of the short aisles.  I never would have found it if I walked around for an hour without asking anyone.  So, when we checked out, we had one piece of pvc, one can of WD 40, and a bottle of water.  That's how Lowe's can be, though.

Wow, this is like a boring diary.




Dear Diary,

My cat thinks I'm dying.  First thing this morning, after the FP got out of bed, Stinky came up to me, looked at me imploringly (yes, he does that), meowed, then sniffed my breath, looked at me again, then jumped onto the window sill.

I felt like hell, again, when I first woke up.  This is partially due to the fact that I might have ODed on Nyquil last night.  It's losing it's efficacy, but if I take too much then I get restless and shaky and paranoid, like I did last night.  I noticed that the FP set the alarm, and then he disarmed it right away after.  I don't know why, and I was already in bed trying to sleep, so I didn't bother to ask.  Of course, though, whenever I heard some loud noise in the night, I was sure it was someone breaking in.  I also would wake up thinking the lack of a proper cover where the ceiling leads to the attic was another cause of me being sick.  I dreamt I was breathing in asbestos particles.  When I did go to sleep I seemed to have a fever, because later on, I woke up drenched.  

So, after I had a while to clear my sinuses and stuff, which is way harder without coffee, I decided to just, "plow through."  That's what I used to tell myself when I was sick at work, or I felt like I had a mountain of shit to get through.  Plow through.  It's not a fast process, but it's kind of taking the the that weighs me down the most and tackle that, then the next, and so on.  I used to tell myself over and over at work, plow through, come on, plow through.  Be a workhorse, maybe you'll win Mr. Howes' workhorse award.  Mr. Howes was our junior high band director.  At the year end there were awards like the workhorse award.  Not necessarily a flattering one to win, in my opinion.

So, the first thing I had to do was take a shower.  Between the night sweats and the funk of a couple days sick, I needed it.  I mean, I don't normally have any sense of smell, and it's even worse right now.  So, I could have reeked of sickness for all I know.  I have no idea.  I must have.  The FP would normally make a joke though.  Unless I smelled that bad that it was so serious it was beyond jokes.   I washed my hair too.  I just envisioned all the germs hanging out in the jungle of my tangled locks.  Yuck.  Then, the next was laundry.  It's so great to finally have a washer and dryer again after so many years of having to dig up quarters to go downstairs and find out someone has all the machines tied up for the morning.  So, in went the dirty clothes, all the towels I might have used, the bedsheets and the blankies that I had been so dependent on during my long hours on the couch.  

And then I went out back.  The skimmer, which I finally figured out how to turn on a couple days ago, was not really...sucking.  LOL!  So, I looked in the basket, and it had a bunch of leaves stuck to the bottom.  There were also some bugs, including one cricket/crawfish looking thing.  Weird little critter.  The water had gotten kind of low, so I had to unravel the hose and fill the pool with water too.  

shit.....sorry, that went on a little too long to be funny, huh?  Hm... I don't know how to end this.  So I guess I will just end here.