Search This Blog

Saturday, December 31, 2011

See Ya Later 2011

So.... countdown?  Nah... how about random moments from 2011 that I remember?  Maybe?!

Well, I have such a bad memory but I'll try to remember stuff:

-Our epic February roadtrip highlights:
 
     Driving on I-8 through the mountains after a freak heavy snowstorm.  The FP drove, and he was white knuckling it all the way.  Luckily, we were behind the snowplow as we didn't have snow tires or anything.  When we stopped at the Golden Acorn Casino to pee, I was calf deep in snow.

     Driving into Sedona.  One of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen.  The FP was rubbernecking as we drove around this narrow mountain pass, we could have easily driven off the side of the road.

     The Grand Canyon.  My first time seeing it, maybe my last.

     Going on my BFFs sailboat "Soulmate" in Lake Meade.  And then going to Freemont Street at night, and then eating a terrible dinner at Terrible's Casino.




-The annual LSU Crawfish Boil.  Always a great time.  Good friends, good crawfish, all you can drink beer... battling through the Mormon convention at Qualcomm to get to the front to get cabs.  True North for some delicious cocktails.

-The anniversary weekend of my mom's passing away.  My one sis came out to SD.  My BFF came out for 24 hours and we got tattoos.  Unfortunately, we couldn't be with my other sis, but we had some drinks for her. ;)

-Meeting my sisters in Lakeland, FL.  I got to meet my adorable new nephew, and spend quality time with my sisters. We were there for several days, but we only checked on my dad once.  Maybe that was wrong, but I'm not as strong as I wish I was.  Not when it comes to my dad.

-Several trips to LA/Anaheim:

     The Echo & the Bunnymen flop of a last US show.  The trip up there was great.  The show sucked.

     The House of Blues show when Native Vibes was in the battle of the bands.  They didn't win, but they sure sounded amazing.

      The  Kindest Lines at the Echoplex.  Our friend's band.  Great show.  Weird trip to LA.

      The trip up to LA when the FP's band played at Mr. T's.  Weird venue.  Short set.  Great thai food the next day.  The best papaya salad I think I've ever had.

      The trip with my BFF when we got another tattoo and saw the Tim Burton exhibit.


-The birth of my little nephew

-Getting told by my boss that I was being replaced, but not demoted.

- Being jobless for most of the year.

-Getting told by the vet that our cat has a heart murmur.

-Getting told by a doctor that I probably have hypothyroid, and that the symptoms are not in my head.

-Getting told by a pet cardiologist that our cat has cardiomyopathy.

-Getting told by my dad that my mom didn't know how to work hard.

- Starting the blog "A Personal Story".

-Starting this blog "Unnecessary Supplement".

-Starting the cats flipping birds painting series (which I need to start working on again!).

-Picking up again on the compilation of letters from the teen years that I've talked about transcribing for a year or two now.

-Finally releasing an album with our band, even though it was torturous to get it done and torturous getting the CD release party accomplished.  And yes, I know I still owe CanineCologne a cd!

-Forming the other short lived band that would have become something really good.

-Moving to South Florida.

-Buying a house.

-watching The Fuzz and Stinksy explore and be very happy with their new abode.

- kayaking and seeing manatees - 2 firsts for me.
   
   

I don't have anything deep or philosophical to say about the approach of another year.  But with all this talk about the world coming to an end, I feel like we should grab every chance to have beautiful moments in our lives, because that's what we live for, right?

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
 

Friday, December 30, 2011

Wasting Time

Sometimes I realize that having internets service can just hinder any real progress.  And I'm not just talking about being on facebook or IMing with people or stuff like that.  I mean, like spending an hour or more surfing the web for a plastic table.  Yes.  A - plastic - table.  

So, back in the day - my college years and in my 20s, one could furnish one's outdoor space relatively painlessly.  One went into Target or Walmart and bought all those Rubbermaid plastic chairs and a table, and there you go.

We've been looking at Target, Walmart, Kmart, Home Goods, Big Lots... nothing.  There's a lot of glass patio furniture out there.  Glass.  With our luck with glass, we tend to frown upon having a large piece sheet of glass outside, or inside for that matter.  We bought this one bookshelf that was on sale.  We took it home and realized the top shelf is glass.  Good luck to us with that one.

I looked on the IKEA website, and all the tables I like are not available in our Sunrise store, of course.

Nowadays, they have all these fancy trendy wicker sectionals that cost twice as much as my whole living room or more, and those wooden hand carved items and stuff like that.  So, now, you have to finance outdoor furniture.

I'm looking for a wooden spool and maybe some old crab crates instead.

I mean.  All I want is a plastic round, or even rectangle or square table that is big enough for like 4 to 6 people, that won't be dependent on my credit score.  Is that too much to ask?

Yes.  Apparently it is.  I guess we can just get a cheap IKEA indoor table and when that gets soggy and mushy, we can just buy another.  That doesn't sound very ecofriendly though, does it?  Not as ecofriendly as broken glass all over the back.

I did find some tables on the net, finally.  But now, I think I need to look in IKEA first.  It's always better to see what something looks like in real life, before having it shipped, putting it together, realizing one doesn't like it, breaking it down again without messing anything up, and then contacting the place where the item was purchased, paying for shipping, and months later getting the partial refund.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if we weren't planning on berling up some shimps tomorray!  We just want to be able to get some newspaper and spread it on our new lanai dining table and dump all the goodies out onto it....

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Happiness is....

Wifi
Cable
and a comfy couch.

Oh sure, the FP, The Fuzz and Stinksy to snuggle up to as well.

But, when one has done without for a while, the necessities seem sweeter.

Okay, I had wifi - in the temporary apartment.  But, we had started staying at the house on Christmas Eve.  So, when I needed to get on the internet, I would drive to the apartment.

It took us until Monday, though, to realize that we could bring our TV over and just watch local channels with the antenna...duh!  So, we brought the TV over and set it up in the living room.  But then, later that night, I wanted to go to bed, but I also wanted to watch TV... so I moved the TV into the bedroom.  I know most people have a TV in the bedroom too, but we have not for several years.  Like I said, when one has done without for a while....

The cable guy came today though, so we're all straight.  (I feel bad though for the Brazilian girls who live upstairs from the apartment.  They asked if they could use our wifi since they were only going to be here a few months.  I didn't see them before the cable was cut off to tell them.  Sucks for them!  How horrible to wake up, get on the computer, and the internet doesn't work!)

As for the couch.  We have had the couch since last Wednesday.  So, we've had it for a while.  But, we had been working on the house all last week, getting sweaty and dirty, with bleach or other cleaners or dirt all over us, so we didn't want to sit on the couch.
If you saw our last "couch" - our cheap dorm room futon that the Stinkmonster had carved a cave out of - you would understand why this couch is so very exciting!

My sis and her husband came down for Christmas, so they got to sleep on it.  And they said it was very comfy.  Unlike our new firm mattress.

The FP likes really firm beds, but maybe our bed is too firm as of right now.  But, if it were perfect from the getgo... it probably wouldn't be as comfortable several years later, right?  Anyway, I am way more excited about the couch than the bed.  Probably because I will spend more time on the couch than the bed, LOL!  No, really, I should start timing my daily use of both.  Well, not right now, because we are always doing stuff around the house.  But later, if we ever have a normal life again.

But for now... I'm going to sign out and go sprawl out on the couch and watch some HD TV!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Birthday Post

So, it's my birthday.  Getting old... yeah, yeah, I know, you're only as old as you feel, right?  True.  But I can tell I'm getting older when I don't have a definite idea of what I want to do for my birthday.

Well, I did know I wanted to go kayaking.  We were originally going to go to Biscayne Bay, but it was really windy last night and a "cold front" came through.  So, we thought it might be a little choppy for our first kayaking adventure.  Instead, we just went down the street to the Oleta River Park, or whatever it was called.

Let me tell you, there was ugly traffic getting there.  US 1 was just trafficky those 5 miles we were on it.  Then, once we turned into the park, it was so peaceful.  Sure, there was a little boat traffic getting in and out of the boat launch, but once all the boats spread out, it's pretty peaceful.  We just paddled around these little islands in the inlet.  I gotta say, it was scary though, crossing the open water with the slightly choppy water.  Especially when we saw all the other kayakers who fell out of their boats.

When we were kind of headed back towards the park, we finally got to see what in our heart of hearts we were both hoping to see... manatees.  They were about 20 feet to the left of us.  It looked like a mama and an adolescent.  They were just a little ahead of us, hugging this one island for about 15 minutes.  This was one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed.  I always loved manatees as a kid, but I had never seen one in it's natural habitat.  I got to see two today!

So, that was the highlight of the day.  I really don't care what we do for the rest of the day.  I got my present!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

We Just Can't Have Nice Things

So, having purchased a house that is 54 years old, it's old.  And, while some things have been repaired and/or remodeled over the years, some of the things in the house can use some maintenance.  Some of the things that need work are of course things that have been updated.  Like the one kitchen cabinet hinge.  The kitchen cabinets are fairly new, and they were repainted and new hardware was put on them, so they look very new.  But then, there's the one door that the hinge is falling off.  Of course, it's the cool corner cabinet that has a lazy susan, so we can't use it until we fix the hinge or replace it.

The hinge on one of the screen doors on the lanai is also coming off.  My sister thinks I just need a different screw (ha ha), so, I will try to see how that works before trying to replace it.  Also, the other two screen doors get stuck so that one cannot open them from outside.  Luckily there are three doors though.

The sink in one bathroom was maybe replaced sometime in the last ten years.  It had a leak which it looks like the previous owners tried to fix.  So, we tried to take it apart part by part to fix it.  It didn't work, so we decided to just take it all apart and buy a new assembly.  We haven't even touched that one again yet.

The other night the FP leaned on the towel bar, and it came off the wall.  Luckily, it was just the one part.

Then, there's the whole saga of the glass hanging light.  So, we had this IKEA light and cord assembly. So, one day in Lowe's I saw these hanging light shades that were really cool.  Only, they were glass.  But then I found a perfect silver one, so we got it.  So, we took it home, and I put it on the couch so it wouldn't break.  And it was there for a day or two.  Then, one day, the FP ran around and took a hook from the ceiling and moved it to the living room.  The hook was too small, so he took another hook out of the ceiling.  That hook left a big hole in the ceiling, so then he put the hook back in.  So, he put the first hook in the ceiling in the living room.  Then he went to get the light to hang it.  He was very excited.  He grabbed it by the cord, and the light shattered the glass shade.  It chipped a half moon in it. So, then he said, you wouldn't be able to see the chip from the bottom.  So, he grabbed the light again by the cord, and broke the shade even more.  The hole was too big to hang it anymore.

So, when we went to Lowe's again, I got another shade.  I babied it.  I held it in my lap on the way home.  I left it on the couch for a while.  Then, later on, I put it far in a closet on a shelf and didn't touch it.

So, today, I installed a new bigger hook in the ceiling.  And then I hung the naked light up, taping the cord together so it wouldn't slip from the hook.  Then I grabbed the light shade.  When I unwrapped it, it was shattered.  We just can't have nice things.  I'm glad we didn't get those glass lamps that the FP picked out in IKEA.  While they were very cool, they looked dangerous.

So, we then remembered last night in the middle of the night when we heard a noise that sounded like shattering glass.  It startled us awake, and our first assumption was that someone was breaking in.  But then we heard the pitter patter of little paws on the floor.  So, clearly, one of the cats must have jumped on the shelf and broke the light.

So, I'm going to look for a more... durable shade.  Maybe plastic, acrylic, hard rubber...

I should have known better, but I just really loved that lamp shade.  If I can't keep glasses as in glasses that you drink out of that are very thick without breaking, then why would I think I could have a glass lamp shade?

Monday, December 26, 2011

Har Har

So... I reread my blog post from last night.  Funny stuff.  I mean, funny spelling.  

Anyway, I'm kinda tired.  If I make more typos tonight I won't be surprised.  I was filling out these entry forms online for some $500 sweepstakes and I kept spelling my name and email address wrong.  

Do you have friends or family who cannot text for shit, and it's like decoding cuneiform reading that shit? The FP's sister is like that.  She kind of has diarrhea of the mouth and mind.  When she texts, it's like her fingers can't keep up with her brain.  It's always long long texts with lots of typos and misspellings and grammatical errors.  Sometimes it's just undecipherable. 

The FP hates posting or texting with any kind of misspelling or typo.  It pisses him off, probably after having to read his sister's confusing messages all the time.  So, tonight, he posted pictures of the home studio, but he wrote sudio.  As in Sussudio.... LOL.  

So, I don't really know what else to write about.  The server doesn't even want to save this blog - guess it's not publishworthy....

Yes, that is a word.  I majored in creative writing.

Shut up.  Yes, I did major in creative writing just so I could write this blog.  There are lots of less noble ambitions in life!

Speaking of less, amibitions, life... the FP asked me what I wanted to do for New Year's.  I told him, "I want to work."  I was serious.

There is something appealing about doing a prix fixe menu, plowing through all the orders, and drinking champagne, and doing a lousy job breaking down on New Year's Eve.  It's just one of those nights that I generally enjoy working in a kitchen.  Maybe that's weird to you?  But I really like it.  And, I'm not a huge fan of going out on New Year's anyway.  Sure, I've had some great New Year's Eves.  And I've had some shit ones.  I'm not a fan of amateurs all packing every place I like to go, just waiting to scream "Happy New Year" and blow into that horn thing.  I remember one night being in a cab at the stroke of midnight.  Another year, I was in my car driving around looking for a parking space.  

Anyway, I'm totally ready to work.  Well, I think so.  I am totally ready to make money.  And I am totally ready to interact with people other than the FP and Stinksy and The Fuzz.  And I'm totally ready to have a regular routine too.  Now, I just need to find the right job....

So here's an ad in craigslist:


Hot Line Cook (Pompano)


Date: 2011-12-26, 1:48PM EST
Reply to: job-rqncc-2769451344@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

We are looking for a hot production cook who is highly motivated and has vast knowledge working with sauces, soups, meat, fish and poulty. Please do not respond if you are not highly qualified in this type of work. Need to be very fast paced. Reliable transportation a must.

  • Location: Pompano
  • Compensation: Dependent on Experience
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.




I'm just wondering - isn't it discriminating to only want a good looking line cook?  What about EOE?



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's another:

short order cook (Hallandale Beach)


Date: 2011-12-26, 1:16PM EST
Reply to: frankt1952@bellsouth.net [Errors when replying to ads?]

Full and part time cooks START TODAY must have Exp. Neat and clean only need apply.Must speak english .Apply in person at 2805 East Hallandale Beach Bulv.. Hallandale,Florida
or Call Frank (954) 612-3676. Need help now.

  • Location: Hallandale Beach
  • Compensation: $300.00 to $700.00 per week
  • Telecommuting is ok.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 2769395881




Is it also discriminating to only want "short"  order cooks?  I am short, so maybe I should apply, but it doesn't seem right.  Maybe the kitchen ceiling is just really low?




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And then this one




NO Skills? OK. Don´t Drive? We will pick you up. Start Today (South Florida)


Date: 2011-12-24, 9:57AM EST
Reply to: dedecortonfe@hotmail.com [Errors when replying to ads?]


We are looking for Escorts. We are a licensed, very busy professional upscale Escort Agency, with over three thousand regular clients.

We are looking to hire a few attractive ladies must be of legal age.
Your safety is our number one concern.

No experience necessary we will train you. Start Today!!!

Cash today!!! $500 + daily.

Drive yourself or use our drivers
No car necessary, we have drivers that will pick you up from home and take you back at the end off your shift.

Make your own schedule. Full or Part time. We are open 24 Hours a day 7 days a week. Call NOW.
Or reply back by email to newmodel25@gmail.com with a description and pictures, for us to get a general idea of what you look like.

No habla Ingles? No hay problema

954-303-5027

  • Location: South Florida
  • Telecommuting is ok.
  • OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
  • Phone calls about this job are ok.
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 2767652807



I really don't know what more one can say about this one.   "No skills?  OK."  Classic.  Just classic.  And classy as well.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Happy Christmas

So, I've never written a blog on an iphone before. But you gotta neber, I mean never be scare of trying some daunting task before you've started, right? Well I've started, and its daunting.

Anyway. I will try to write for as long as the charge holds in this phone, unless I decide to get the charger in the other room.

Man, it feels like I wrote a whole thesis and it turns out I've only written a couple sentences.

So, here's what I will say. I had a good Christmas. A very nice Christmas. And guess how many presents I opened today?

Zero.

One thing my parents taught me that has stuck over the years, is that its not about getting lots of gifts. Those things really should just represent one person's show of affection for another person, more than getting the gift.



I'm not saying don't get someone what they want. But. Part of the sentiment from getting something should ne rememnering the person who gave it to you.ne wants, righ



I apologize. Clearly I'm not up to this task. So, anyway i had avery nice day with my family. Not all of them, but at least i got to hang out eith one of my two sisters. Its heen a long time since i had christmas with either of them.

So, we took a drive up thr coast. We had a nice meal at a waterfront restaurant. We went to the beach and took a walk, marvelling at all the jellyfish. And then we went home, finished cleaning the pool, and dangled our legs in. I coumt that as going in. I did walk around in the pool, so my whole body was standing in the pool area. After, we made yummy dinner. Then we watched the cats walk onto the lanai for the first ime, exploring.
Lol! I am about as good at this as people who can't spell. I am inputting th eords, but i can't see what i am writing in real time - only fake time. Sucks.

Can you even de hipher any of this? No, me either.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

LOL

So, I have the very bad habit of using LOL a lot as a joke, so much so now that it has become a part of my writing vocabulary.  LOL!!!

Anyway, let's discuss the meaning of LOL.  Laugh Out Loud.  It's more of an expression, right?  You might use it to express your reaction to something.  It's an expression.  You might laugh at a joke, but not necessarily laugh OUT LOUD, right?  Because if you actually laugh out loud, you might really post LMAO.

Well, this is the way I operate.  I realize my operations are not the norm of the general populace.  It's a form of exaggeration.  So, if I'm actually laughing my ass off over something, I might post ROTFL.  If I'm rolling on the floor laughing, I will probably post PIMP or PMP, pissing in my pants or pissing my pants.  If I'm actually pissing my pants, then I probably would use LMAOROTFLPMP.  There's not much though that can get me up to that level.  Watching my mom watch The Fuzz chase her tail for 10 minutes was one of them.  Listening to the FP's dad yawn in this weird way that sounded like a Peter Griffin laugh is another.  Part of that incident that made it so hilarious though, was that I had to be discreet and go in the bedroom, close the door and literally bury my head in a pillow until I was fairly laughed out.

Anyway, what brings me to this topic, you ask?  Oh, you didn't ask.  You were just skimming this blog because it's Christmas and you were just checking in without really absorbing the content?  Fair enough, carry on.

Anyhoo.  It's Christmas Eve Afternoon.  We are obviously at a dark sports bar, even though it is hot and sunny outside.  We are watching Sunday football, which was moved to Saturday on account of Christmas.  So, anyway, there's this lady at the table behind us.  The dolphins are playing the patriots and winning.  This lady seems to be rooting for the Dolphins.  We are in South Florida after all.  She isn't wearing a "Fins" or "Phins" jersey, so how do I know.  Oh because of the blood curdling eardrum shattering screams issuing from her lipsticked maw.  She has the highest pitched "woo" I have ever heard!  Her screams of delight and LOLs make me ROTFLHMEIP - roll on the floor laughing holding my ears in pain.  I'm such a wet blanket.  To want to deny any fan of any team their show of enthusiasm is so grinchish.  But, I believe I have been called the grinch before.  After all, I am the Grinches (Grinch's) own daughter.

MFCAYFHGLCABOCASC!!!!!

Whoever can decode that one, I will go to your house and cook you a fabulous dinner!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Backyard Oasis

So, our house (yes, the one that my relatives don't know about) has a pool.

I have never lived in a house with a pool.  I have lived in a couple apartments with pools.  One summer in college my BFF and lived in this townhouse right off campus.  Our apartment was right in back of the pool.  It was pretty sweet.  The guys next door though, hated us.  They had these two iguanas.  They would kind of take over the whole pool and let the iguanas swim around.  But, they hated us. HATED.

The last year at FSU, I lived in a complex, where the shared pool was at the building next door.  So, I didn't use it as much.  One night, we were hanging out in the apartment drinking with a friend.  The FP and the friend walked to the store to get more beer.  I think there was a tropical storm or something, but they walked because we were drunk.  On the way back, I don't know if they both jumped in the pool or what, but I seem to recall that the friend pooped in the pool.  Needless to say, I never went in that pool again.

And then our first apartment in New Orleans (Metairie)  had a pool.  We used it a lot.  Since then, no pool.  I love the beach, and I love pools.  We used to go to Palm Springs, a couple hours away, mainly to lay by the pool all day long.  We always went to the same hotel.  It was a nice big pool, and it was usually pretty quiet, unlike some of those boutique hotels with the music blaring by the pool and the people who dress at the pool like it's a fashion show.

Anyway, I know nothing about pool maintenance.  I just remember seeing our family friends take pool water and swish it around in test tubes and put chemicals in the pool and clean it.

So, I started reading forums on the internet a little when we were in San Diego looking at houses online.  A lot of people were of the hole in the ground that you throw money into consensus.  Others were like, it's easy - just check the level, get an automatic vacuum, it's so worth it!

Anyway, we have a pool.  We have owned a pool for four days now.  And we have not been in it.  Really.  We fantasized about going to the house on the first day and just jumping in.  But, it's dirty.  It's got a creepy crawly vacuum that's been in it all week, and it doesn't work.  I'm not sure why we haven't bothered to take it out.  Like it's going to start working all of a sudden!

So, the first couple days, we had no time to think about the pool  Finally, yesterday, we had time to buy chlorine and test strips.  So, the levels were all off - except for the water hardness.  So, we had to shock the pool.  So, it got chlorinated, but everything else was still fucked up.  So, today I had to go back to the store and buy more chemicals.  I dumped them in, and a few hours later, it seemed to be evened out. So, hopefully the chemistry will still be okay tomorrow, and then we can clean the damn thing and finally use it!

Ridiculous.  Something will probably happen though, to prevent us from actually using it.  That's how some things seem to be going.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Cats Are Suffering

So, the past several days we have been neglecting the kitties.  They are used to us being around all day, or at least coming back to the apartment every few hours.  Sometimes they don't really come out, but I think they still like knowing we are here.  Since I stopped working they really get used to lots of attention, and they act up when they don't get it.

So, where the fuck have we been?  Well, we closed on a house on Tuesday.  We have been shopping, doing stuff at the house, shopping again, doing more stuff at the house, staying there late, and then coming back here exhausted.

Now, this house was in way better condition than most of the places we saw in the same price range.  But, we've never owned a house, and there is so much about home improvement and maintenance and repairs that this will be a struggle for us.

The weird part, is that.... shhhh... it's kind of a secret.  Well, mostly from my family - as in my dad and all relatives on his side.  My sisters know.  So, please don't go blabbing on facebook, or call my dad and tell him.  

Yes, it may seem weird to you, but this is not the forum for discussing serious family matters.  My Personal Story is the blog for that kind of depressing dark shit!

Anyway, it is very exciting.  I spent a lot of my life not expecting to necessarily ever own a house.  We kind of have moved a lot over the years.  I think we got so used to living in apartments, that it was just our way of life.

I don't recommend moving to a new city that you know little to nothing about, and immediately looking for a house, and putting an offer on the first one you like.  There's a lot of things we might have done differently if we knew more about the area.  Okay, maybe not.  But, it's like, every little thing one needs to do to set up a house, we know nothing about.  Like, I had to google what the electric company here was.  I had to google a lot of stuff.  I found out on the very helpful and explanatory City of Hollywood website, that you need a permit for a shed.  I didn't know that.  I thought that people just go to Lowe's, load one in the back of their truck, assemble it at home and then they've got a shed.

You have to have a permit for almost EVERYTHING here.  It's ridiculous.  But on the other hand, when we were doing the inspection and stuff, we were given a record of permits on the house from as far back as they would go online... sometime in the late 80s.  This was very helpful, seeing as how the house is almost ready to receive social security!  It looks like the people who lived in the house loved it and took care of it.  And the realtors who bought it last, did some nice work on it.  It's not perfect, but it's cute and charming, and it is now ours.

We did a marathon painting session.  We bought some paint on Tuesday evening, after we closed on the house.  We painted the master bedroom that night.  There was a definite learning curve.  I have never painted textured walls, and let me tell you, it's not as fun as it sounds.  Let's just say, it's not the most precise job, but I'm happy enough with the results.

The next day, we painted the one wood panelled wall in the dining area.  Then the FP went out and got more paint, and we painted the Florida room, and then we did the studio last.  The studio by far looks the best.  Which is funny because we were so tired and over the whole painting process.  Today, we finished up the edges and blaring naked spots.  Like I said, it's not anywhere near perfect, but it's... charming.  I'm sure the FP's mom will hate it.  I love it already though.

I won't post pictures yet, because I want to kind of wait to unveil the finished product.  So, with that, I shall take my leave to catch up on some reading and maybe spend some quality time with the cats, if they will have it!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Oh man...

So, this is going to be short.  Sorry.  I don't have the energy.  How unprofessional of me.  Oh wait, I don't get paid at all for this because I was booted off of google adsense.  Anyhoo... I could ramble on and on about stuff if my mind were not mush.  But it is.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about my hair, again.  So, as some of you may remember, I had issues with my hair being a huge dreaded tangle.  I bought a new brush.... years and years after I needed one... and that made a huge difference.  The FP one day spent all this time untangling it.  Of course the next day there were still lots of tangles.  Yesterday I bought some nice hair defrizz stuff, and and that stuff is the shit!  It's from Organix, so it smells like coconut!

Anyhoo, I have also been trying to sell my hair for like 2 years now.  Only pervs and scammers really have been interested though.  I have renewed my ad on buyandsellhair.com or some website name like that, a couple times.  The other day I got a subscription cancellation notice, but I was busy and I didn't renew it.  Anyway, no normal person wants to buy it for more than $300... so it's not really worth it to me.

The other night, I went to bed, even though I wasn't tired.  So, I had to watch local broadcast TV!  Which is pretty limited if one is not bilingual, like I should be.  So, King of Queens was the best thing on.  Wouldn't you know it, it was an episode about the guy getting his wife to sell her hair for $3000 so they could go on a cruise.  Yeah right.  It was nice hair, but not that nice and not that long.....

as if.


Pisses me off.  Just as credible as reality TV.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Sorry,

No real blog tonight.  Too tired, long day.  Too tired to explain!   Hope everyone had a good day!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Public Works

You know what's gross.  How public restrooms and private business restrooms usually don't have hot water.  Either the hot water just runs cold, or no water comes out of the tap at all.  And then restrooms and beaches and sometimes at rest stops never have soap.  How gross.  So, the employees at these places - restaurants included - use the commode, "wash" their hands at the sink, then go back to work.

Now, I used to work at a place that didn't have hot water in the restroom.  So illegal.  But if the health inspector doesn't check, the health inspector doesn't know.  They make sure to check all the other sinks...

Anyway, back when I worked at said establishment, my crew was pretty "anal" about washing hands.  We all did a double wash.  Quick wash in the bathroom, and then we really did a thorough wash at the hand sink in the kitchen.  Just so you know.  And we used gloves a lot.  Not for every single thing.  Contrary to popular belief, the regulations for that depends on different variables.  It's not like everyone in the kitchen needs to use gloves all through the whole shift.

Sometimes wearing gloves all the time can be filthier than using bare hands.  Some people will not wash their hands or change gloves as often if that means they have to put on new gloves.  Also, say, gloves are scarce - the order didn't come in and everyone is allotted a finite number of gloves for the shift.  Of course, ideally, they would find a way to get some more gloves, right?  That doesn't always happen.

So, getting back to the hot water.  When we were traveling cross country, I had brought the hand sanitizer, but I kept forgetting to pull it out of the bottom our massive bathroom bin.  So, I often felt dirty.

It's weird, because I was such a dirty girl growing up - hygiene-wise.  Sometime in the past several years I became more cleanly than I used to be.  I'm not anal retentive all round, I'm more pick and choose obsessive compulsive.

I mean, when I was using the old keyboard cover, it started to bug mean that it was getting brown spots on certain keys.  It's a computer cover though, so it's job is to be a surface to grab the dirt so it doesn't transfer on or under the keys.  So, my problem was, how could I wash the keyboard cover and let it dry and use the computer.  I don't like to touch the bare keys without their condom.  Sure, I could clean the cover and wipe it and let it dry overnight.  But that would entail me remembering to do it, and taking the time to do all that before bed.  I already have enough trouble taking out my contacts, putting on my glasses, taking my vitamins, brushing my teeth without gagging, refilling my water for bed and refilling the brita container, cleaning out the litter box if it wasn't already done, locking the screen door and the apartment door, and turning off the TV and the lights.

And this new keyboard cover just is a dirt grabber, mostly on the wrong side.  The underside is very clingy, so somehow dust and dirt and cat hairs are managing to get under it!  It reminds me of those creepy crawly octopus clingy toys.  I feel like they came in the Wendy's kids meal, I don't know why.  I just remember having hours of fun, throwing them on the wall and watching them slowly crawl down.  Now, those were easy to wash, because I wasn't putting them on a water sensitive computer.

I really need to wash this new keyboard cover and clean the computer, but when I set it aside, I need to make sure when it dries it doesn't accumulate new dirt.  Or maybe I should just buy a new better one?!  Or maybe I can get a small bubble type device that I can put the computer in.  Then I can reach in the glove fixtures to type on the keyboard.  With those built in gloves, technically, I wouldn't have to wash my hands as much - with hot water or cold water!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Hmmm.....

You know how stupid I am?

How stupid are you?!?


I'm so stupid that I remembered that blog topic at some point, and I failed to write it down, and now I can't remember it again!!!!

dumbass
dumbfuck
dipshit
dipwad
dodobrain
doodoobrain
dunce

shit for brains


Anyhoo.  Let's see.  What can I talk about.  Christmas?  Nah.  I don't feel like it.

Okay.  Inspiration has struck.  I haven't rambled on about the cats in a while have I?  Well, even if I have, I am going to again.

So, we have this screened in patio, or a LANAI, if you will, and please do.  So, we will open the apartment door sometimes, since the screen door to the lanai can still be closed.  So, then, Stinky or Stinksy, whichever you prefer, will go out there and sit on the chair next to the screen and stare outside.  There's birds and cars and cats, and people.  Although, when someone walks by, he runs back in the apartment.  Too close for comfort.



So, the FP will often go outside to... have a chat on the phone.  Nothing else.  Nothing that is known to cause cancer.  So, often, when he comes back in, he will close the apartment door.

So, you know how this goes.  Stinky is fine at first.  And then after a while, he wants in.  So he cries at the door.  But he has this small high pitched meow.  So, if he's not desperate, it's not that loud, and it's difficult to catch it over the TV.  So, sometimes he has to raise his voice to finally be heard.  And then we realize, and we let him in.  He will meow at as for a minute or two, like, you assholes keep shutting me out!  And then he will eat, and then he will go to the FP and just up on the couch and stick his tail in the FP's face, then he will sit right next to him and stare at him.  He has this creepy habit of staring at us directly in our eyes, for long stretches of time.  Sometimes he used to do it when I was sleeping.  I was convinced he was plotting to kill me so he could get more of the FP's attention.

Anyhoo, Stinky was just outside.  I heard a very faint, high pitched, eeeooow.  So, I checked, and there he was.

The other night, we went to bed around 1 or 1:30 am.  At about 3:30 am, I was awoken by a high pitched sound.  So, after I realized that something made me wake up, I went looking for Stinky.  I didn't go right for the front door, as would seem logical.  Why?  Because I wanted to see if I could find  Stinksy first in the apartment.  Okay, really it was because I was scared to open the front door and startle the FP awake.  When he is startled awake by the front door opening, he screams really loud.  It's scary.  It's loud and it makes me scream back, just like in the movies when two people are screaming at each other.

So, I looked for Stinky in the apartment first.  He would either be under the bed laying on the luggage, or under the wing chairs or coffee tables.  He wasn't there.  So, I opened the front door as quietly as possible, and there he was patiently waiting.  He was only a little hurt that we had forgotten him outside.

He's so good about not holding grudges.  We can do all kinds of "mean" things to him - take him to the vet, make him endure long car rides, spray his teeth with plaque blast once a day -  and he forgives us in a matter of minutes.  I know.  I should learn from him.  I hold grudges from when I was a little kid!  I can't help it.  It was my upbringing that caused this, and I can't afford therapy, so there's nothing that can be done, I guess.

Anyway, guess where Stinky is now?  On the lanai, of course.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

More Reckless Riders

So, I got this new keyboard cover.  Actually, it was for the FP, but it isn't form fitting like the old keyboard cover, so he got the old one and I took the new one.  It's like, there is no way he could use this one.  It's big and loose.  The FP is the kind of person who can manage to kick around the heavy duty floor mats in the car and fold them up.  So there, no way he could type with this keyboard condom on...

Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand.  The other day I was talking about this lady who was running over the rosemary bushes with her shopping cart at Whole Foods.  If you haven't read it, it's here:  License To Push A Shopping Cart .   So if you need to read it, I will pause right here.  Those of you who have read it can ff.






So, this morning - actually, it was almost noon because we got up late - we were running at the beach.  Actually, the FP runs, I jog.  It's Saturday.  There are way more people out on the weekends, of course.  There was this one older couple who were cute.  They were gracefully rollerblading (yes, I guess that is possible) and holding hands!

Then there's the serious exercisers, the amateur ones, and the just for fun enjoying the day ones.

And then there's the bikes.  There is a wide bike lane, but of course, some choose to not use it because it a high traffic lane.  So, I was jogging back towards the car.  There were people biking on the left and the right.  I was trying to stay in the middle.  But then a car would come, so I would have to go over to the far side.  This older man - serious exerciser - was biking at a pretty good clip on the far side, not in the bike lane.  There was a man with the littlest kid in the bike seat behind him.  The second littlest kid was following behind on his little bike with the training wheels that weren't even touching the ground. The biggest kid was probably four or five.  He was ahead of the pack.  He was weaving all over the place, making circles, hogging up the entire paved space.  The dad didn't seem to mind.  So, I was going the same direction as the family of bikers.  I saw the serious exercise man coming from the other direction, so I was staying in the middle.  This oldest kid was still ahead of me, weaving, and he was headed diagonal, like he was planning on side swiping serious exerciser.  Serious exerciser kept edging away, and the kid almost hit him and me.  Serious exerciser called to the kid to stay in the bike lane, but he acted like he didn't hear.

And he kept weaving and making circles as they passed me.  The more I watched this kid, the more pissed I got.  The dad didn't even seem to care.  Finally, a bunch of people were coming in both directions, so he told the kid to stay in the bike lane.  The kid half listened.  He was weaving around the bike lane line.  Cars started coming, so the dad was a little more vocal about staying on the inside of the line.  Then the kid asked why the line was there.  Dad said, because it's the bike lane.  And the kid was like, what's the bike lane for.

Okay, I couldn't be pissed at the kid anymore, because, clearly, he was retarded, I mean mentally challenged.    I mean, there had been talk of the bike lane, and it took him that long to go, what's a bike lane?  So, that was the only acceptable explanation to me.  So, then, I thought I should be more pissed at the dad, because he was a little too cavalier.  He should have told the kid the rules and courtesies before they started biking, right?  And if the kid didn't understand he should have made him understand before biking.  I mean, you gotta be watchful of your mong...re...mentally challenged ward, yes?

So, the kid was kind of riding slightly more in the bike lane, it seemed, only because there was heavier traffic and he didn't have much choice.  But he was still weaving, which was still annoying.  This one man was running in the bike lane behind them (setting a confusing and bad example for the poor mentally challenged kid)  and was getting ready to pass them from the outside.  The kid started weaving even more, as if... once again, he was aiming to hit this guy.  And then the kid fell with the bike on top of him.

I didn't laugh out loud.  But that was because I stopped myself.  I was glad I was behind them so they couldn't see me though.  Karma, I tell ya.

There was a second or two of silence, and then he started crying.  The dad kind of quietly asked if he was okay.  The kid didn't answer.  So, the dad took this as an opportunity to tell him how it was important to stay in the bike lane in his own space.  So, I passed them.  And after a bit, the kid got back on his bike and started leading the pack again.  Just on the outside of the bike lane, but in a straight line.  As they passed me, the dad urged the kid to get back in the lane, again.

I mean, he had to have known I had been observing the whole scene, right?  And he had to know I was casting judgement on his parenting, even though I have never had a child.  I mean, that's part of the reason I don't have one.  That and the whole dealing with other people's poop.   Because I don't want to be bringing a little asshole around in public and having people judge me on my lack of parenting skills.

Later on, we were driving down the street by our apartment near where the speed humps are.  Yes, they are humps, not bumps.  These are longer than speed bumps.  So, this woman, who may or may not reside at the dumpy Motel Fredola on the corner, was riding down the middle of the road in her motorized wheelchair.  As I approached her, she started to angle towards the middle of the right side of the road, more directly in front of me.  And she was approaching the hump cautiously.  So, I didn't know if she intended for me to follow behind her like a two vehicle parade or she was having problems with her steering, or if she was trying to eventually get to the far right of the road, to not have to go over the humps.  I didn't know the rules when dealing with a wheelchair in the road.  Should I have honked at her like that guy the other day who honked at the biker in the road?  Should I have revved my engine as a joke to scare her?  Or maybe I should have slammed on the gas and stopped short of her?  What would the guy who honks at bikes in the bike lane have done? What would that rude beach biking kid have done if he had been driving the car?  So I ended up going around her.  It seemed the safest easiest choice.  No one was hurt, or nearly hurt, or fearful of getting hurt.

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Complex Life In The Complex

So, I really hate myself, because I had a great blog topic for today.  Lazy me, I didn't write it down.  Why?  Too busy?  No.  Dumb?  Yes.

Anyway, I'll just tell you about the people who live here in our temporary rental place.

So, when we first moved in, there was the blonde lady upstairs.  She looks eastern european.  It was a Sunday, and she was trying to get her big black truck fixed.  First some repair guy came out and looked at it, and then it got towed.  It was back the next day or two.  Honestly, I think I've seen it leave the parking lot once since then.  She has a Lexus that she uses on a daily basis, and then she also uses a nice beach cruiser bike too.  She always seems to not be at home, and always rushing off somewhere.

There's a senior couple next to us.  They seem to be on the go for old people.  I haven't talked to them much, but they're nice.

Second to last unit (lol) there is a Haitian man and his son.  The father seems to sit outside on the concrete patio furniture to talk on the phone, and to use his ipad.  They are friendly enough.  We always say hi when we see one another.

Next to them is some guy I don't see much.  Honestly, medium height, medium build, brown/sandy blonde haired guys generally look the same to me if I don't get to know them.

Upstairs, it gets a little murky.  One of the people already there when we moved in was a guy in a shiny black sedan with a dog.  He seemed to take his dog with him everywhere.  He has a UCF license plate and a UCF license plate frame - guess he's from Orlando.  And I know he goes to his friend's house to do laundry.  Must be nice to have friends here!

There was another guy who moved in upstairs a couple days after we moved in.  He seems to be the one with the Delaware plates.  I don't know much else about him.  I think another guy just moved in with him last week, though.  This guy kinda looks like trouble.  He sure has to do a lot of laundry.  He has done laundry all day long two or three days, and he's only been here like maybe a week and a half.  It's hard to tell, though, because a week seems like a month with both of us sitting around jobless.

This black family moved in upstairs a couple weeks ago too.  I haven't really talked to them.  I can't tell if they are caribbean, or just your garden variety african american (Um, is the NAACP going to shut down this blog?  What if I say that I'm a standard first generation {or is it second generation?} Flip Child of an immigrated physician).  The other morning at like 7:30, one of them, a woman, was yelling to someone on the phone about "WHY DID YOU TAKE ALL MY STUFF?  BRING ME BACK MY STUFF?  MY NEW STUFF I JUST BOUGHT IS GONE?  BRING IT BACK NOW!"

Then there's these Brazilian girls who moved in upstairs a couple days ago.  They were partying the first night.  But, all Brazilians party all the time, right?  So, they came down the other day and asked if they could share our internet.  They said they were only going to be here for 3 months - on vacation, working at Gulfstream across the street.  Gulfstream is this terrible looking racetrack/"entertainment" and shopping complex.  The FP's goal is to never go in there.  It has West Elm and Crate and Barrel... we probably can't afford those places, so there's not too much threat of us going there.  Anyway, I gave the girls our guest wifi password.  My BFF once said that wifi passwords are for douchbags.  In this case, I feel the password is useful.  If I have to pay for internet, then I don't want anyone stealing from me.  They can ask me to use it if they want, but I don't want them stealing it.  Although, for all I know, these girls are going to bring all their Brazilian friends over and start up a speakeasy internet cafe...

And then there's me and the FP.  We have crammed all our worldly and other wordly posessions in this teeny apartment with the yucky furniture.  And we have bought a coffee table and a driftwood end table since then.  The neighbors must wonder, why when we live in a furnished apartment are we buying and cramming more furniture in our place?  Well, honestly, it is starting to resemble my parents' old house.  They had way more furniture than they needed, and they refused to give any up to my sisters, who I think, asked for some from time to time.

I mean, I've lived in worse places... but I'm glad our time here is coming to an end, even though it will probably just be a really expensive storage space over the next two months....

Thursday, December 15, 2011

License to Push a Shopping Cart

Sometimes, I think in my ideal police state, where everyone does the right thing, uses common sense, has self awareness and is thoughtful of others.  You know... like in the town of Seahaven in the Truman Show.  Polite and repressed.  Sounds wonderful, right?

What the hell does this have to do with shopping carts, you ask?  Well, maybe just anyone shouldn't be allowed to use them in high traffic areas.  Like little kids that are too little to navigate properly, or don't have the attention span for it.  Or... old people.  Yeah, I said it.  Here in Hallandale,  there is always so much traffic, and all those cars are driving to the numerous shopping centers in the vicinity.  And the drivers and passengers of the cars pile out and pile into the crowded stores, behind the handle bar of a shopping cart.

The number one problem with cart pushers is no awareness of one's surroundings.

So, there's the groups of people who take up the whole aisle.  They don't even have to have a cart.  They are all spread out looking for a specific item, or even worse, they are idly chatting, and they have no idea you want to get around them.

Then there are the ones with the carts who push in the middle of the aisle at an escargot pace, so no one can pass on either side of the aisle.  And then they stop to analyze creamed corn brands and pricing, bending, sticking their... derrieres out as another obstacle.

Of course, there's the little kids who plow into anything, man, food, machine without discretion.

And then there is the lady who was in front of us walking into Whole Paycheck (well, when you aren't getting a paycheck... it's cheap right? And besides, I went into the Publix nearby one or two times - a lot of stuff cost more there than Whole Foods).  She was a skinny legged old pasty white lady, with rolled up skinny white capris and a clingy long sleeve t shirt that showed off her... it's not a muffin top.... not quite a roll... it was like a square... bullnose sitting atop her pants.  Anyway, I'm not one to make fun of others.  Okay, yes I am.  I think my anxious mood is only fueling it.  But, I'm not exactly going to be a hot topic of the TV show fashion police, unless they are criticizing my wardrobe.  

So, this lady was kinda doing the sidewalk block so we couldn't get around her.  No big deal.  Then she managed to grab a cart and still block us.  She side swiped every single rosemary christmas tree bush on the floor.  She edged them all and didn't even notice.  And then she was trying to maneuver around some other shoppers, and she hit another bank of rosemary trees.  And I had been contemplating getting one of those for the cats!

Anyhoo, I can't wait to become one of those crazy old devil may care ladies!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Peein on the Porch

So, we had a nice welcome into the new neighborhood today!  We were meeting the buyer and our realtor to do a pre-closing walk through.  The realtor was already there, in her car smoking and talking on her cell phone.  These two guys with... big dogs... I can't remember what kind - maybe boxers or boxer pit mixes - something scary looking when being walked by unsavory characters, were walking around the front looking in the window and peeking by the fence.  There were some papers stuck to the door and window also.  What the fuck was going on?

So, I was just going to sit in the car, like the realtor was doing.  For whatever reason, the FP got out.  So, I guess they asked him if we were looking to buy or something, and they asked how much it was going for.  I'm not sure what he answered, but then they walked away.

That was when the FP noticed that one of them let a dog piss on the porch.  Nice.  I guess they are the Hollywood equivalent to the welcome wagon?  Maybe they will give us some dip when we move in?

Really, the neighborhood isn't that bad.  It is a little annoying that there's that weird apartment building next door.  But hey, if I disappear, you've got the dog guys and the apartment next door to look at for suspects.  Anyway, I am scared of almost any neighborhood when I first move there.

So, I guess I will just have to get a chow, a pit bull, a rottweiler, a german shepard, a husky and an akita.  That's a joke, BTW.  These dogs raise insurance rates, and I don't need anything else to raise the premiums!  I do want to get a Shiba Inu though, and not to be snotty, but he or she will not be fraternizing with the pit boxer dogs!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

So Confusing!!!

So, I moved my "dock" -where my applications and folders are-  from the bottom of the screen to the left. I often try to click the bottom of a web page, and I end up opening Photo Booth or Adobe Illustrator.  Which is really annoying.

So, I'm not used to having the dock on the left side of course.  I keep trying to click on the dock at the bottom, and it's not there.  And the icons are smaller because there is no room.  So, do I leave the dock on the left and get used to it?  Or do I really confuse myself and change it back?  That would be fucked up.  I'll just keep it where it is....

What else is confusing is using lion.  We originally got a macbook pro with snow leopard.  It took a while, but we figured out the os.  So, today we got another refurbished one, with lion installed.  We "migrated" stuff from one computer to another.  But now we have to update software, install driver updates to work with lion, find files and all the fun stuff of getting a new computer with a different operation system.  It kinda diminishes the excitement of getting a new toy, you know?

Kinda like getting a bike that has to be assembled, and your dad just ends up yelling at you as you two struggle to piece the bazillion pieces together.  And then after the rickety thing is finally put together, you wonder if it's going to fall apart as soon as you get on it.

Anyway, it's frustrating.  Some of us aren't too good with teknowlogee, and we don't know how to learn new tings too good, ya know?

And for all you Apple bashers out there, no I don't regret using a Mac and no I won't go back to a PC ever... because, I remember spending days and days and days trying to figure out how to set up a new Gateway.  I love my pretty little Macbook Pro 13 inch.

Oh, and the cats are feeling jealous of not one, but 2 computers now.  Of course, they need to come up and walk around on the table and mark the computers, which is so annoying because there's a bunch of crap on the table.

Anyway,  I just need to find a job so I won't have time to fuck around with stuff like this!

Monday, December 12, 2011

I'm Alive!

So, I made it through the night!  I did see something scary last night, though.  The FP had already gone to bed, but he left the Sunday night game playing on TV.  I was on the computer, not paying attention.  At one point though, I noticed a hand reaching on the corner of the TV screen.  Like The Ring, like it was 3D and it was going to pop out of the screen and choke me.  But it was a really quick image - like half a second.  So, of course I had to mistrust my judgement, but I know I saw it!!!

Anyway, I still think this dream was really weird.  It definitely shook me.  I don't always take stock in the literal action of dreams, but as they say... it seemed so real!

So, my sister that was in the dream along with my mom was kind of spooked after reading the blog.  She has had dreams - bad dreams - that have come true.  I have definitely had this deja vu kind of feeling - when I have to remember whether something happened before exactly the same or if it was a dream.  But I don't remember the actual situation.  I kind of have a selective memory, and it's very poor. I probably won't remember this dream about my mom in a couple of years.

OMG... I almost had a heart attack.  I accidentally clicked on something and the browser went to another web page.  I thought I had lost part of the blog, but it's fine.  Not that it's a big deal to rewrite, just that I'm lazy.

Speaking of lazy, we've been looking for furniture.  I was looking at couches.  I clicked on the recliner section of a furniture store's website.  And, they're ugly.  I thought after years and years of being type of furniture, they would have gotten nicer looking.  Oh sure, they are comfortable, but they are dated!  They look the same!  We saw this little white leather chair that reclined.  So, it was a recliner.  And it was cute.  Why can't all recliners general go in this more updated cooler direction?  If I were a celebrity, I would work with a no name designer who had apprenticed with a big deal designer and put out a line of sexy recliner sofas.  I would call them..... On Your Back Sexy Sofas.  Okay, probably not, but that was the first stupid thing I could think of.

Anyhoo, I think I'm gonna go drink some more wine.  It's not that I can't drink and write, but I am kind of anal about not spilling liquids on the computer, and really, I don't have anything good to say any more.......

G'night!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Dream Interpretation

So, I know that life is uncertain.  Anything could happen at any time.  Life can throw you curve balls, turd balls, hairballs, male genital balls, meatballs, and vegan balls.  I want you to know that if anything happens to me, I really valued the time I spent with all of you, my voyeuristic readers!

What's all the blather about?  Well, I woke up this morning around 6:30 and then I fell back asleep.  So, of course, I had enough time to fall back asleep and have a vivid dream.  A very vivid dream.  So, I was at a warehouse store, like Sav-A-Lot or something that wasn't Sam's or Costco.  I was with my middle sister, and we both had shopping carts and were loading them up.  I remember stopping at the bakery section and trying to get some sort of bread, and an employee telling me they didn't have it, or they were baking it.  Anyway, my sister was shopping, and she checked out.  I was still loafing around by myself. At one point, I think my sis came back and told me that my mom was waiting for me.  And then my sis exited the dream.  So, somewhere in the store, I found my mom sitting in the middle of the Sav A Lot at this dining room table that I am using right now.  My mom was so vivid, like she was alive and it was not a dream, how dreams can be sometime.  She was kind of urging me to hurry, yet at the same time she seemed content to wait at the table and hum, like she used to do.  And I felt the need to hurry.

That's the dream.  I'm not going to look up dream interpretations, but I believe death can signal a rebirth or change in one's life.  It was just weird because it was so vivid.  I felt my mom with me.

So, just a little while ago, the FP got a message from our one friend.

"you still there?

I am in france and have been having horrible nightmares about you dying and now I can't sleep.

I hope you are doing good, I don't mean to freak you out.  It was just to real."


Weird, huh?  What's going on?  We need to get that fuse for the porch light fixed, asap - well, probably tomorrow - since I doubt our landlord is going to come over tonight.

So, I wish you all goodnight, and I hope to be awake the morrow!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Honk If You're Angry

So, people here sure like to honk their horns a lot.  I mean A LOT.  Especially here in Hallandale.  There are a lot of New Yorkers here.  They are kind of known to be a little aggressive when it comes to driving. They like to close in the gap, and as soon as the light turns green, they like to go.  Not a second later.  If you wait half a second before laying on the gas, you're gonna get honked at for sure.

I have gotten honked at here more than I have ever in my life.  Now, every time I drive, I make sure to hit the gas the millisecond the light turns green.

So, this morning, I was driving back from the beach.  I was turning from the road that runs along the beach - Ocean Drive - onto Hallandale Beach Boulevard.  This old guy was in front of me.  He was driving at a normal speed, and then he hit on the brakes when he got behind a bike.  He slowed way down and was tailing the bike.  The bike was staying as close to the curb as he could - in the bike lane.  The car wouldn't pass him, but he was hogging up both lanes.  And then he honked at the bike.  He Honked At A Bike In The Bike Lane!!!!  So, we swerved around him.  We were turning at the same time.  And this guy slowed down and started drifting into my lane.  Then he drifted back.  Then he was riding down the middle, right between the two lanes.  So, I honked.  And he kept driving in the middle.  So, I honked again, long and hard.

It felt good.  After having everyone else honk at me all these weeks.    And finally the guy got back in his lane.  So, I sped up to look at him.  He was oblivious.  He didn't even notice that he did something wrong.  He just kept driving.  Must have been a tourist.  But it doesn't excuse the driving like shit.  And who the hell honks at fucking bicyclists?  I mean, really.  Who the fuck honks at a bike in the bike lane?  Fucking asshole.  What the fuck is wrong with people.  C'mon man!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Mischievous Being?

So,  yesterday, we had the Steelers game on, and we were fixin to have dinner - which was a yummy salad with some leftover chicken from Boston Market!  When I microwaved the chicken, of course Stinksy started smelling it.  So, rather than bear him trying to get at our food and sticking his tail in our food like he usually does, I just put him in the bedroom before we even started eating.  So, we had our nice meal.  I went to have a little extra, but I felt bad for Stinksy, so I went to open the bedroom door.  But I couldn't.  I twisted and twisted.  It was locked.  I could hear Stinky's soft meow.

So, I was baffled.  We never lock that door.  We barely ever close it.  So, began our quest to rescue poor Stinky.  First, the credit card.  But the lock was the opposite way to even try that one.  We tried to pick the lock with paper clips.  But I don't know how to do that.  The paper clips weren't hitting anything.  The tool box was in the bedroom, of course.  So, we rooted around for stuff.  All different kinds of knives.  We tried the lock with every tool.  Nothing.  So, then we started to take the hinges off.  With a little help, the top one came out.  On to the bottom.  We needed a hammer.  It was in the bedroom.  So, we grabbed a 5 lb weight.  It was kinda big, and there wasn't much room to really pound anything under the hinge, but we tried.  And tried.  We tried hammering knives into the top of the hinge to loosen it.  But the hinge was painted over, so it was pretty stuck.

Meanwhile, all kinds of stuff was happening on TV.  Rothlisberger seemed to have gotten his ankle hurt, and he was out of the game.  The FP's phone was ringing off the hook.

So, the FP was hammering a knife into the hinge, when the tip broke off and flew into his face below his eye.  That was it.  He was out.

But you know me.  It's like a puzzle to me.  A compulsion to find a solution to an idiotic problem.  We tried for maybe an hour.  The FP pointed out how we couldn't keep hammering at 10 o'clock at night - which it was still 20 till at that point.  So, I messed around for about 10 more minutes, and I gave up.

The FP was contemplating just sleeping it off and calling the landlord in the morning.  So, we did have a half bathroom.  We didn't have our contact cases, and we only had one pillow.  And one cat.  There was no way.  Even if we got comfortable enough to bunk down on the yucky couch, Stinky would be meowing all night for us to let him out.

I called a locksmith.  The guy was really fast.  He was here in about 15 minutes.  He was wearing a yamaka and these cool blue adidas.  So, he took out his cat burglar tools and started picking around.  He stopped, and he told us, if I can pick the lock, it's X amount, if I can't pick it and I have to drill, it's XX amount.  Okay.  It was a lot.  We already brought the guy out.  We would at least have to pay a fee for coming out.  It's always pretty expensive - in my experience.  So, he began to pick.  Pick pick.  Different sizes, pick pick.  He worked on it for a while.  5 or 10 minutes.  No go.  It probably didn't work because of our digging around.  So, he was going to have to drill.  He took out the long drill bit, put it in his cordless drill.  He jammed it through the lock and pulled the handle off.  Then he took a big screwdriver and turned it, and popped it open.

Easy.  For a thief.  I couldn't help but think, if we had our cordless drill that the FP's dad gave us and then "borrowed" we could have done the same thing.  But, alas we didn't have the drill.  Although if we did, it would have been in the bedroom, anyway.  So, the locksmith asked if we wanted him to replace the lock.  We declined.  He asked if we were sure.  No, no, we really didn't want to spend any more money.  Plus, we didn't want another lock that could accidentally lock, again.

So, we just put the old lock handle back on the door, and it doesn't lock anymore.  Which is good.  But still, the question is, how did the door lock?  So the door opens out into the living room.  And it's always open.  So, either one of us bumped it and somehow accidentally turned the lock, Stinky jumped up and managed to lock himself in, or a ghost did it.  Tonight, the fuse that controls the porch light burnt out.  We will have to call the landlord tomorrow to replace it.  Dare I ask about the ghost?

BTW, Big Ben went back into the game during halftime - literally hobbling around on the field.  The Steelers ended up winning, but his ankle may be fucked up.  Things didn't turn out in the best way last night, but at least the outcomes were desirable, I guess.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Craigslist Classyfied Ads

So, of course I'm on craigslist a lot.  Looking for furniture, free stuff, a car, a second computer, oh, and jobs too of course.

So here's a doozie:


Cute Gay Bartender for Friday Cocktail Party Wanted (Ft. Lauderdale Beach)


Date: 2011-12-08, 8:51AM EST
Reply to: job-a4zpt-2742259448@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Looking for Cute gay shirtless bartender for cocktail party for 10-15 friends on Ft. Lauderdale Beach for Friday (December 9, 2011) from approximately 7pm - 10 pm

  • Location: Ft. Lauderdale Beach
  • Compensation: $130

So, I copied the reply email address in case anyone is interested.  It's kinda not much money, unless he gets "tipped" out, but I guess he doesn't have to set up or break down, just be cute, gay and shirtless.



Here's another listing for cuties:


adopt a puppy for Christmas (MIAMI DADE)


Date: 2011-12-08, 6:09PM EST
Reply to: comm-cb2vf-2743315065@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

mix puppys terrier looking a new home.please call 786-486-4313. small rehomining fee apply.perritos mix terrier buscan hogar.interesados llamen 786-48643-13.gracias

  • Location: MIAMI DADE
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

image 0image 1
image 2



Aw... what a cute and little Christmas gift!  The gift that keeps on giving!  Look at the little black one on the right that seems to be getting housebroken!  The one on the left looks like a guinea pig!  I just needed this one for a little dose of... innocence.




Okay, this one doesn't seem dangerous at all:


Fit white chick for gay guy? :) open me! - w4m - 20 (Down south)


Date: 2011-12-08, 5:56PM EST
Reply to:


ok so I'm a white fit cute blonde gal who is here to find an attractive gay guy to become close with. yes! I am not an idiot I do realize this add stuff is usually sex sex stuff on cl haha but everybody looks here so... a decent conversation get to know u and then later on be friends cuddling movies and all that good stuff. why?? cuz a gay guy can have fun be goofy cuddle and Jesus not try to get into my pants! give me a shot and write me an email send with a signature picture of u. please don't be old either. :) thanks!

by the way I would appreciate not being flagged. I'm not a bitch or a crazy and I have respect for other people's adds so have some consideration! :)

  • Location: Down south
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



I'm sure this one won't attract nongay serial killers or stalkers or just pervs.  Gay guys don't need to answer ads if they want a fag hag do they?  I thought they all had waiting lists.



Okay,  now, I've never looked at the "casual encounters" before.  Wouldn't you know, the first one I click on has a Brett Favre type sexting photo!  Is nudity allowed on Craigslist?  Or am I just very naive about this whole section of craigslist that I've never looked at before?  Here's a very sick one that makes me sad, though:

looking for oral - m4m - 51 (jupiter)


Date: 2011-12-08, 6:21PM EST
Reply to:



married white male, 5'7, 175 7" cut loking to give, receive or both. Send stats and a pic. 



So, I guess for some people knowing someone is married is a plus?



This one is under "missed connections"

we look at each other - m4m - 24 (Sears Coral gables)


Date: 2011-12-08, 8:46AM EST
Reply to:


hey would like toget in touch with you ariund 8pm yesterday i was walking around sear you work there what department you work for also ipaid in your register hope to hear from you...

  • Location: Sears Coral gables
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

It's not about me, but the post, the grammar and spelling is just so intriguing, a real turn on, I think I might be replying to that one....



This is under creative services offered:


Exotic Erotic Modeling (west palm)


Date: 2011-12-08, 4:20PM EST
Reply to: serv-rm6bv-2707898867@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

ABBY'S ALL GIRL STAFF
861 North Military Trail, Building B
West Palm Beach, Fl 33415
One block south of Belvedere Road on the West Side of Military Trail
PRIVATE ROOMS
LOW PRICES, Cash Only
FULL SATISFACTION
OPEN 24 HOURS 


FULL SATISFACTION -  so if the girl doesn't seem to be a very professional model, does that mean you get a refund?




This is under domestic gigs:

Houseboy Wanted (Oakland Park)


Date: 2011-12-05, 1:43PM EST
Reply to: gigs-fymht-2737244036@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Cleancut, professional young man wanted to assist with daily chores of cleaning, light garden work, laundry, cat sitting in exchange for Room and Board in Modern 3/2 home in Oakland Park. We are a male couple looking for gay friendly male who can spend about 2 hours per day, 5 days a week in exchange for free room and board. Room is fully furnished with Queen size Bed, Dresser, Comuter Desk, and very comfortable! Tropical yard with hot tub. Send us an email with some information about you and a recent photo. Please be a nonsmoker and no drugs or excessive alcohol and be able to pass a background check.

  • Location: Oakland Park
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: no pay

Maybe they should just get together with the cute shirtless gay bartender people and find one boy?



Now I feel dirty.  I already am all smokey from the bbq we ate today, so now I feel like I really need a shower!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Necessary/Unnecessary

It's kinda late.  And I have the hiccups.  And I'm tired.  So lame.  So here's my post for tonight.  What in my life is necessary and what is not?  Since it's getting to be the end of the year, people start to make countdowns and lists, so I will too.

Necessary

Food
Shelter
Clothing - in some regions of the world
Good Food
Delicious Food
Orgasmic Food
Desserts
Water
More Water
Squirt
Bustelo
Diet Coke
Vitamin & Mineral Supplements
The FP
The Fuzz
Stinksy
Cats/Kittens
Dogs/Puppies
All Other Cute Animals (some not so cute ones too)
Stuffed Animals Too
Alcohol (not in excess, of course)
Good Music
Beaches
Computers/Internet
TVs/Cable
Phone Texting
Love
Friends
Some Family
Humor



Unnecessary


Bad Food
Spoiled/Tainted Food
Tainted Water
Bad Coffee
Diet Pepsi
The Grapefruit Diet
Sugarbusters
Animal Cruelty
Animal Circuses
Donkeys Painted Like Zebras
Cigarettes & Dip (especially dip)
Cocaine
Crystal Meth
Crack
PCP
Bad Music
Polluted Bodies of Water
Slow Internet Connections
Square Tube TVs
Landlines
Prejudice
Some Family
Pedophiles
Rapists
Bad/No Sense of Humor
This Blog - Especially This Post in Particular




Feel free to add on to either list